Rayna rubbed her hands together for warmth as she stood in front of the fire Deacon had just started. She was still very quiet, taking in everything around her.
Looking at the pictures sitting on the mantel and the record player that still sat in the corner where it always had, nothing had changed since the last time Rayna had been there.
She knew coming up to the cabin would freeze time and that was exactly what it did. It always felt like a different world up there, nobody telling her what to do or when to do it. It was quiet and she could shut out the rest of the world which is exactly what she needed. Space. Her own space to clear her mind.
She closed her eyes trying to erase everything that had happened in the last 48 hours but the memories came flooding back. "The US attorney approached me and I was forbidden from telling you." Tandy had said. Just another lie from her own sister that she trusted for years. Then there was Teddy thinking he could smooth everything over by pretending nothing happened and move back in to the house. Like she could forget about his lies about sleeping with Peggy while they were still married and embezzling money. Then the most recent, burying her father just a few days after finding out he lied about her mother's death. She couldn't even breathe just thinking about it all.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and it startled her. Her eyes snapped open, looking at Deacon standing beside her. "Everything alright?" He asked. She let out a deep and shaky breath and nodded.
She could tell he was analyzing her every move like he thought she was fragile and if he took his watchful eyes off of her she was going to break. "Has that lamp always been there?" She asked trying to change the subject before he could speak.
He watched her walk over to the lamp like it was a new discovery. He stood back and watched her, letting out a soft laugh. "Come on Ray, not that much has changed up here other than we're older now." Her eyes had been fixated on the lamp but she quickly turned her attention back to him and raised her eyebrows. "Older huh?" She repeated. Her tone a little surprised.
Maybe logically they were older. After all it had been nearly fifteen years since she had last seen the inside of the cabin but she didn't feel older. In fact being back at the cabin made her feel younger, like she had gone back in time.
He smiled. "Older, wiser, you know what I mean." He said hanging up his jacket on the coat rack.
She continued to look around. "And apparently neater, I don't remember ever seeing the hard wood floor in this room, ever." She said noticing how clean the floor looked compared to how it looked years ago with his house cleaning skills or lack thereof. "Well that's because there's no trail of clothes because we're wearing them." He said before he could stop himself.
Her eyes that had been scanning the walls suddenly shot in his direction.
He had just let out the elephant in the room. He shoved his hands in his pocket, feeling like an idiot. He awkwardly cleared his throat trying to move passed the comment. "Speaking of which I noticed you haven't taken off your jacket yet. Have you changed your mind about staying?" He asked cupping his hands in front of his face and breathing on them to warm them up.
She shook her head. "No, just trying to get warm." She said inching closer to the fire place. He nodded. "Well I can fix some tea if you'd like. Maybe that would warm you up." He suggested. She gave him a small smile. "That sounds good. Thanks."
He disappeared to the kitchen. Eventually she made her way there too taking a seat at the small table for two. When the water was hot, he poured it into two mugs, making his way to the table and handed her one.
"You know if I had the choice I would love to just leave everything behind and start fresh." Rayna said out of the blue as held her mug tightly feeling the steam from the cup. He sat forward in his chair, leaning across the table. "What do you mean by everything?" He asked curiously, taking a sip of his tea. "Everything." She repeated blowing into the cup before taking a sip. "Everything back in Nashville. I would just walk away and never look back. There's nothing and nobody in that town worth sticking around for."
She set her mug down and stared into it with a faraway look on her face when his voice interrupted her thoughts. "What about Maddie and Daphne?"
Rayna sighed. Her lip quivered at bit. "They deserve better than me." She said still looking down as her eyes started to water. "Ray, you're a good Mama. Don't you dare doubt yourself. You give those girls the world and beyond. YOU do that." He said trying to comfort her with his words.
He ducked his head trying to meet her gaze. "You lost your mama when you were 12, is that what you want for them? To be raised without a mother because you're on the run?" Deacon asked raising his tone slightly. A tear trickled down her face. "No. God no. I'm just tired of them seeing me cry all the time and Daphne wondering why her mommy is so sad all the time. I don't want them to see me like this. I'm trying to protect them."
Deacon stood from his chair to console her as he placed his hand gently on her back. "It's going to be okay Ray. You're welcome to stay here as long as you need. Just know that you're not alone. There are people that care about you and love you back in Nashville." He said. She gave him a half smile as a token of thanks.
He circled the counter, where the bags of groceries lay untouched.
"I didn't pick up much at the store but I'm sure I could whip us up something to eat." Deacon said putting away the groceries. "You know I'm really not that hungry." She replied.
"Really? I'm starving. How about I fix you a piece of toast? Just something light." He offered pulling out the loaf of bread. "No thanks." She said. "How about my famous scrambled eggs?" He asked with a grin knowing she couldn't refuse them.
She returned the smile. "Mmm tempting but I'm good." She said.
He looked over at her and noticed she had shed her coat. Her pants hung low on her hips and her collarbone was starting to show more than it ever had. His eyes scanned her thin frame alarmed.
"Ray, come on. We left Nashville hours ago. There's gotta be something here I can fix for you." He offered again, returning his gaze back to the bags on the counter as he continued digging through them.
She slammed her fist on the table, startling Deacon and herself. "Just stop!" She yelled making him freeze in his tracks. "I said I wasn't hungry. Now would you just drop it?" Rayna said agitated.
Deacon looked over at her stunned.
"I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you." Deacon said more gently. Rayna threw her hands in the air. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm fine Deacon?"
He shrugged still dumbfounded as to where this behavior was coming from. "I guess until I believe you." He said walking over to her. "You're turning away food, you've lost weight. So no I don't believe you're fine, Ray. Can you even remember the last time you had a good meal?" He asked. She stared at him blinking back tears.
He walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders, making her look at him. "You have a lot on your plate right now. You just lost your dad." Deacon said. Rayna pulled away from him abruptly, walking to the other side of the room. "My father was a cold blooded killer. He deserved to die." Rayna said angry.
"Is that what you told him when you two argued just before he died?" Deacon asked. Rayna stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. She shot Deacon a look, narrowing her eyes at him. "Where did you hear that?" She asked. Deacon dropped his head, feeling like he had just dug himself into a bigger hole. He rubbed his chin, mumbling his words. "Teddy told me."
Rayna put her hand on her hip, getting defensive again. "Since when are you and Teddy buddies?" She asked in a sharp tone bringing his attention back to her. Deacon threw his hands in the air defending himself. "We're not. He just mentioned it to me at the service today. Told me you had a fight, that's all." Deacon said hoping to calm her down a little. "Is that why you're pitying me? Because let me tell you something. I don't need your pity Deacon." Rayna shouted.
"Rayna." He said trying to reason with her. He took a step closer to her but she put her hands up to stop him. "I just want to be alone. I'm going to bed." He nodded taking the hint. "There are some old t-shirts and shorts in the dresser upstairs. I'll take the couch." He said. Without a word she turned on her heels and walked away.
Deacon sat down at the table for a moment wondering what just happened. He looked down at the loaf of bread sitting on the counter and suddenly he wasn't that hungry either.
Later that night, Deacon went upstairs to use the bathroom. He could see the light in Rayna's room was on and he heard her sobs all the way out in the hall. He wanted to check on her but he knew she wanted to be alone. He quickly brushed his teeth and headed downstairs to the couch.
He lay there awake wondering if she would eventually cry herself to sleep again. She had been through a lot and her body was paying the price. God knows she couldn't afford to lose another night of sleep. He willed her to come downstairs and indulge herself in a midnight snack like they used to go years ago when they stayed at the cabin. She'd dig into a bag of potato chips and grab her favorite dip out of the fridge and just eat until she had enough and she'd lick her fingers clean. Tonight that didn't happen. He knew she hadn't eaten or slept well in a while which would make anybody cranky. That person in the kitchen that snapped at him wasn't the Rayna he knew.
Neither one of them got much sleep that night.
The next morning, Deacon made himself some breakfast. Rayna hadn't come downstairs so he decided to give her her space. After eating breakfast, he decided to go out to the shed and hunt for his fishing pole.
Rayna came downstairs expecting to find him in the kitchen. "Deacon?" She said walking through the cabin looking for him. "Deacon?" She called out again. Nothing.
She walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a glass then walked to the sink. She turned the faucet on and poured herself a glass of water. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Deacon in the shed out the kitchen window. She watched him pull his fishing pole out and head down towards the pond. She quickly slipped on her shoes and followed him.
By the time she reached the pond, he had already set up to fish. She slowly snuck up behind him. After blowing up at him last night, she wasn't sure where he stood. "Hey." She said softly.
He turned to look at her and nodded then turned his gaze back out to the pond. She sighed as she stepped closer to him. He had every right to be mad at her. "You catchin' tonight's supper?" She asked fidgeting nervously with her hands.
He shrugged. "I don't know. Do you know how to cook trout Ray?" He asked not looking up at her. "Not really but if I remember correctly you do." She said hopeful. "Well I'm not going to be around for dinner." Deacon said coldly.
Her eyes fell to the ground, feeling guilty for pushing him away like she had. "Oh."
"I'm going to head back to Nashville. Give you your space." He said. Rayna was silent.
She walked over to the nearby bank and sat down, bringing her knees up to her chest. She looked out to the water then over at Deacon who just stared straight ahead, gripping his fishing pole. She knew he was mad. How could he help but be mad? She wondered.
She felt a tear escape her eye and she reached her hand up to wipe it away when another escaped. Before she knew it, she was sobbing. "De-Deac-Deacon." She sobbed as she looked over at him. He finally moved his gaze to her. "Yeah Ray?" He asked. "I'm sor-sorry." She sobbed.
Deacon stared at her for a moment. Watching her cry made his heart break. Not being able to sit there and watch her fall apart any longer he placed his fishing pole down and walked over to her. He wrapped his arm around her.
She rested her head on his chest and continued to sob. "I shouldn't have jumped down your throat like I did. You didn't deserve that. All you've been is nice to me. Bringing me up here and taking care of me. God, I'm such a mess." She said.
He looked down at her, hoping she would calm down. He hated to see her cry. "You're not a mess. You're grieving." He corrected her. "That's still not an excuse for my temper." She said looking up at him.
He shrugged. "I can take it. We'll just chalk it up to all those times my temper got out of hand." He said nudging her shoulder. She smiled. "You know you're the only person that hasn't lied to me." She said more serious. He chuckled. "Well I don't know about that. I did lie about staying sober all those years ago. Granted I have cleaned up my act since then."
She cocked her head as if that was nothing. "You've never murdered anyone or stole money." She said. He grinned. "Can't say I have." She nodded. "I'm not one of the bad guys you know? But you continue to push me away which is why I think if I leave this afternoon it'll be for the best." He said more serious. She looked away, keeping quiet. Tears formed in her eyes again. She turned back to look at him. "What if I didn't want you to leave?"