The Importance of Being Family

PG (occasional language)

So, Konoha doesn't have child protective services. They do have a chronically tardy jounin whose aggravating pug-dog conscience bullies him into tolerating a new room-mate. Or two. A/U.

Chapter 3: Foist- In which Iruka discovers that Kakashi is an idiot…and then reconsiders this epiphany as he realizes just how successfully Kakashi foisted his own responsibilities off onto Iruka.

Beta: A big thank you to Random Flyer for doing the beta work for this chapter.

A/N: Time-wise, this chapter occurs a few weeks after the previous chapter.

"You! Hey you! Hatake-san!"

Kakashi winced and dropped the turnips that he had been about to add to his shopping basket. "I got lost on the road of…Do I know you?" He blinked as he turned to find an average looking chūnin invading his personal bubble.

The chūnin looked vaguely familiar—he had a broad scar across his nose that tickled at the edge of Kakashi's memory, but he couldn't quite place the man. The weary jounin mentally shrugged off the inconvenience—if he didn't remember the younger man, then he obviously wasn't that important.

The invading ninja was rubbing at the back of his head and grinning up at him bashfully. "Um, well-err, I teach your kid—"

"My kid? I have dogs, but I don't have children." Kakashi understood the confusion, dogs and small children shared many similarities after all. He'd made the same mistake himself once or twice on prior occasions. He returned his attention back to the selection of vegetables and thoughtfully regarded a head of lettuce. "I think you have me confused—"

"Hatake-san, I'm talking about Naruto."

Oh that.

Kakashi suppressed an internal groan and was glad that the mask he wore hid the scowl he was currently giving the carrots. Like the ninja of Konoha needed any more ammunition to question his sanity. That's all he needed—rumors spreading in ANBU of Kakashi Hatake scowling at the vegetables in the market—frightening local store owners by emanating killing intent at the asparagus. He "hmm-d" and moved through the rows of produce. Really, the things he went through to make sure that brat didn't permanently stunt his growth by inhaling an almost endless diet of salt and wheat flour. He honestly didn't know how the kid managed to function on a daily basis when Kakashi wasn't there to do the shopping.

"Hey, Hey wait!"

The annoyed edge to the strange chūnin's voice didn't faze Kakashi in the slightest, but his solid stance in front of the eggplants was slightly more irritating. Kakashi felt an eyebrow twitch, he wanted some of those.

"Yes?"

The chūnin bravely swallowed and wisely took a step away from the eggplants. Stammering a little as Kakashi bent forward to examine his prey, he finally blurted out what Kakashi was pretty sure should have been a statement, in the form of question.

"I need to talk to you about Naruto-kun?"

On second thought, maybe Kakashi should start acting a bit crazier in public. After all, people stayed away from the crazy ones. It would be much more comforting if his eccentric reputation had beat the offender into submission—and retreat—a couple feet back at the broccoli bar. His future preference for isolation might be better served if he started playing target practice on the potatoes at opportune moments.

"Why? What has he done?"

The brisk answer seemed to catch the other off guard. The chūnin's brown eyes watched Kakashi curiously as the older man silently debated which vegetable had the better color.

"Well, he hasn't really done anything, its just…you know…"

The single raised eyebrow in response to the younger ninja's trailing voice caused the latter to wilt a bit…but he gathered his courage and puffed back up in a huff of self-righteous indignation.

"You just—You can't leave a six year old unattended for weeks!" The bellow was accompanied by an accusatory finger and was said in what Kakashi was sure was the other's finest 'Because I'm the sensei!' voice.

Kakashi crinkled his one visible eye, giving off the impression of a smile. "I think you're operating under a misconception, Sensei." He let his gaze float in an absent-minded fashion to some stalls further down the lane and hummed distractedly as he headed lazily in that direction.

His new companion trailed after him like a sulky puppy, partly confused at the deflection and partly disgruntled that he wasn't being taken seriously.

"Huh?"

In a rare moment of generosity, Kakashi decided to grace the simple declaration of bewilderment with a decent answer. "He's not my kid. Not my problem."

Hmm—apparently that answer wasn't as clear as he'd thought it had been. The chūnin was back to stuttering with a vengeance, this time a pair of flailing arms joined their master in his fussing.

"But, he lives in your house! You feed him! You buy him clothes! You can't just say that you don't have anything to do with him—"

Kakashi shrugged and tossed some apples and other fruits into his basket before heading to the owner of the stall to pay for his items.

"Look, he's really not my problem."

He idly waved a hand at the flustered man next to him and handed some money to the heavyset farmer manning the stall, who was all too happy to see the copy-ninja on his way to other errands.

Obviously a short explanation wasn't going to cut it, so Kakashi graciously elaborated to the irritated man still trailing at his elbow. He entered the butcher's shop and nodded in recognition of a friendly wave given to him by a rather harried, bulky woman ordering people around behind the counter.

"My dog brought him home one day. Fed him. Can't get them to leave after that you know?"

Kakashi closed his eyes as he handed over the remainder of his latest paycheck to a timid, petite salesgirl. Keeping enough meat to feed a pack of nin-dogs, a child with ten stomachs, and a young adult with Kakashi's metabolism required more money than most realized.

"But, you enrolled him in the academy."

Kakashi gratefully took the large brown-paper packaged bundle and tucked it under his free arm.

"Of course I did, it got him out of my house."

He watched as the chūnin continued to splutter. He cocked his head in amusement and spared some of his attention to the salesgirl calling at them to wait by the door.

"You scared off his last teacher!" The boy-who-was-still-nameless rubbed at the scar bridging his nose in aggravation.

Kakashi half-heartedly listened to the comment as the salesgirl from earlier escaped from behind the counter and blushed as she pushed a package of what he presumed to be bones "for his boys" into his basket, and then retreated with a charming giggle.

Kakashi smiled with his eyes (a skill that was harder than it sounds to master) as he and the academy teacher ducked out of the crowded shop and once again joined the busy throng of people in the market streets.

They walked in silence for a minute—Kakashi had almost forgotten he had company until he glanced over to notice an odd sulky look on his companion's features.

"It was you who scared away Jiro-sempai, wasn't it?"

There was an odd bite to the chūnin's voice that Kakashi didn't appreciate.

"Hmm, oh that? Well, he was coming home and performing his kata all wrong. He wasn't being taught right. Hold this for a moment."

The younger ninja blinked, startled. "Oh, okay." He fumbled at the package of meat foisted into his hands and took a nervous step to the side as Kakashi bit his thumb and began forming hand seals.

A poof of smoke, a couple of coughs from the unsuspecting party, and a large shaggy dog sat in a corner, waffling happily and shaking up the dust with a fast-waving tail.

"You." Kakashi said with a calculated snap of his wrist. "Take that home. Don't eat it. Or else."

Kakashi was rewarded with a bit of eeping from the chūnin as the large creature snapped the package from his hands with powerful jaws and a muffled bark before trotting away toward the residential district.

"I mean it Atsushi, eat it and I'll douse your next meal in wasabi." Kakashi called out after the dog, who only gave a sassy wag of the tail in response.

"That teacher was going to get kids killed-can't have inept teaching at the academy." Kakashi hefted his basket to a more comfortable position and stuck his free hand in his pocket as he strolled toward the nearest store.

"Ohh, err, of course."

Kakashi paused, fingertips resting on the door handle. He regarded his companion of the past thirty minutes with a quirky wink. "So, you see. Not my kid."

And with that he disappeared into the store. Leaving a stammering Iruka Umino (not that Kakashi remembered the name, despite having led a team including the young boy not that long ago) flustered, dusty, and slightly bewildered at the bizarre conversation in the middle of the market street.

This lasted for approximately a minute and twenty eight seconds before the chūnin got his act together, reminded himself that he'd faced worse opponents in his short life, and (only briefly consoling himself that surely Hatake-san wouldn't kill him in the bounds of the village proper) set his shoulders and stormed the store.

Meanwhile, Kakashi was browsing the shop's inventory quite happily, keeping an eye out for what he hoped would be his favorite find of the day, when he was cornered by what could only be an enraged mutated pineapple—oh wait, no, it was just the chūnin from earlier.

"Hatake-san, stop right there! You are an adult! There is a six-year old child dependent upon you for guidance and—goodness knows I've tried-but I can't get him to leave your home. You may not consider him your kid, but he considers himself your kid, so man up and take responsibility. He's not just trash you can shake off when it suits you."

Well, that was startlingly informative. And it hit a couple of bad buttons to boot.

Kakashi pouted. "I don't like you."

The enraged pineapple deflated. "What are you, three?"

Kakashi just sulked and moodily eyed a spot above the chūnin's head.

An awkward silence settled over the pair which was finally broken by a flat-toned grunt of disbelief.

"Oh. My. Word. You have no idea how to care for children do you."

Now that was a statement which Kakashi was pretty sure was meant to be a question.

"…I had a goldfish once."

"That doesn't count!"

Kakashi rolled his eyes at the snappish response. "Look, Sensei, I work for a living. I let the kid stay at my place, I give him money for food, I make sure he's learning something in school, I dunk him in a bath every once in a while, I make sure he's not assassinated…do you see anyone else volunteering to do that? Point me to them, I'll gladly let them take care of things."

The jounin pushed past the younger boy and moved further into the store.

"Wait…"

Kakashi really was getting annoyed now…how thick was this kid that he couldn't get a hint to buzz off? He was fairly sure that he could have shaken Maito Gai off twenty minutes ago. He wouldn't have waited, except that the kid was now standing in front of the exact item Kakashi came here to buy—much like how they started this unnecessary conversation.

"What is it going to take to make you go away?" Kakashi asked, narrowing his visible eye.

The younger man shifted awkwardly. "Its just…you're right. I'm sorry. I hadn't been aware of the extent of ill feelings in the village toward Naruto-kun till just a few days ago, and I'm still a bit shocked at how strongly people can direct hate toward a six year old."

The teacher took a deep breath and fisted his hands at his sides. "It's just…you're doing a good job with Naruto, but he needs more attention you know? You can't just keep leaving him for weeks on end…I mean, all he's been eating is ramen!"

Kakashi regarded him wearily, "…The villagers don't sell him most groceries you know…"

The scarred teacher ducked his head in an odd sort of acknowledgment "…I know, or, well, I found that out recently…" The sentence trailed off into a murmur with a wince of remembrance.

Kakashi just watched…he wasn't sure where this conversation was going.

A deep inhale of air and the chūnin straightened to look solemnly at Kakashi. "I guess… I guess I'm just volunteering to help you with things—with Naruto." A fond smile graced the younger man's face. "Naruto adores you, you know, I really have tried to get him to come with me and he won't—won't leave your place. He thinks of it as home—as you of family, even if you don't."

Kakashi sighed. Well, this was getting progressively more awkward by the second. He eyed the door longingly, but the chūnin kept talking.

"But, he's six you know, and he can't be on his own that long, so, I'd like to help…when you're gone….that is, if you'll let me?"

The nervous lip-biting was getting on his nerves, but at least Kakashi now knew how to end the conversation.

"Fine."

The chūnin started with excitement, "Really? I mean you don't mind—"

"No," Kakashi interrupted, putting up a hand to keep the chūnin from acting on whatever impulse had his muscles bunching forward in preparation for what suspiciously looked like a handshake—or even worse, a hug. Kakashi moved his basket to put some protective distance between them. "I'm perfectly fine letting you, whoever-you-are, handle the tantrums that come with trying to get that kid to eat vegetables. What I do mind is that you're still standing in front of the display for the newest Icha-Icha."

Eyes widened and hasty apologies tumbled from the once-more nervous chūnin.

"Oh, er sorry…I'm Iruka Umino by the way, how rude of me to forget to introduce myself, but we have met—"

Kakashi tuned out the mindless babble as he happily reached for his favorite obsession. He picked up the brightly colored book and contentedly thumbed through its pages before heading to the counter.

"Umm…do you think you might give me a key, you really shouldn't keep making Naruto crawl through the dog…are you buying porn!?"