Chapter Three: Those Angry Cries Pass Quickly By

Crouching down inside a deep ravine
those angry cries pass quickly by, he can't be seen
So many ways spent hiding in so many undone plans
forgetting what its like to fight when no one understands

Peter Benton had not thought about Cook County General Hospital in quite some time. And why should he? Life was going good for him now. He had his son Reese to take care of and his wife Cleo. He had a steady job working in a clinic. The place was decent and he didn't have to worry about dying everytime he walked through the front door. Perhaps that was one of the major reasons why he left County. At Cook County General Hospital, doctors were victimized just as much as patients were. Guns made their way into trauma rooms, psych patients stabbed doctors, cars ran right through the walls…the craziness never stops at County.

But not anymore. He was working for someone he could actually respect, and not for the likes of Robert Romano. When Peter heard about his death via helicopter he was genuinely shocked. He was always convinced that Cockroach Romano would outlive them all. It was always the things you'd least expect that happened at County. Peter stopped in his trail of thought. In all his attempts not to do so he found he was thinking about County. Perhaps it was just a random thought, but then again it could always be the letter in his hand that had that same address on it. Now who could possibly be sending me a letter from County? Benton had to wonder. There was only one way to find out.

Close call there in the shadows
Theres a fear in the dark
Theres one out there

When Peter ripped open the large envelope he found a small card and another envelope. The envelope was simply written with his name in cursive handwriting. Peter picked up the card and almost dropped it as soon as he saw the contents of it.

Dr. Peter Benton:

It brings us great distress to inform you of the passing of our dear son John Truman Carter III. It was told to us that John would want you to be at his funeral which is being held at nine a.m. on Saturday. We do hope that you would come as it has been made clear to us that you have made a huge difference in our son's life and we would hope you would be there when we lay him down to rest.

John Truman Carter II

Peter felt confusion take over all of his other emotions. Carter was dead? When did this happen? How did this happen? Was it an accident? Was he murdered? Peter closed his eyes and willed himself to focus. He still had yet to open the other letter that we enclosed in the envelope. He looked down at it, down at the simple cursive handwriting. The same cursive handwriting that would be scribbled all over the charts he used to have to sign, as he recalled. He only knew one person who wrote like that. With shaky hands he ripped open the envelope.

Benton,

I have spent half of my life afraid of you and the other half wishing I could be you. You were a great role model despite your sometimes unpleasant nature. Despite your tough guy routine you had my back. And you saved my ass more times then I can count. I respect you more then you will ever know and despite your denial of it, if I was a good doctor, it was because you taught me well. Even when I didn't want to listen, even when I was too busy feeling sorry for myself to learn, even when I hated you for all of the extra shifts, you taught me well.

When you left I gave you a token and told you to use it any time you wanted to come back. Clearly something has happened to me or else you would not be reading this letter and these words would still be buried under a pile of crap in my locker. Use that token now. Yeah, I know they don't use tokens anymore but you can still come. If I am dead, then I want you to be here.

I think you might have been my best friend through med school. No matter what I said all I ever wanted was your approval. I hope that in my lifetime that I have achieved this goal. I hope that somehow I have made you proud.

Your Friend,

Carter

All those memories, pain and anger, flood back one by one
They must be just around the bend, they always come
At night as I lay sleeping they come to me in herds
Their lies remain, the dreams the same, its only fleeting words

For the first time in awhile Peter felt tears well up in his eyes. Peter Benton was not a big crier. He held other people when they cried. His father had always taught him that it was unmanly to cry. He had been taught that crying made you look weak. So he never cried. Not until he thought his son was on the verge of dying. After that, however, not a single tear fell out of his eyes. But now, alone in the privacy of his home, he watched as the water rolled down his cheek and landed on the thin white paper clutched in his hands.

Carter had been like a brother to him. They always were at each others throats. Benton was always treating him like crap and never quite respected him as a doctor. He always thought it would help him learn not to depend on anyone but himself. But Carter had to deal with more than a lot of people. Peter was there with Carter when he was stabbed. He stayed with him until he was forced to leave. He was there when Carter grieved for Lucy. He was even there when Carter was going through a painful addiction. So where was he when he died? Why hadn't he been there to protect him, to help him through it?

Rising up, the night is done, and now the bright lights come
Held back in my pitied world where everything's undone
A cold wind blows right through me, I'm made a hollow shell
Theres nothing left, just ash remains, enrich the soil, no soul, no soul...

Carter had been knocking on Heaven's door before, but now he was dead. He was dead and Peter didn't know what to do with that. This wasn't like Romano there was no humor in the fact that Carter was gone. He didn't know whether to feel angry at whoever caused Carter's death or sadness at his loss or guilt that he hadn't been there.

I'm glad it's you

Peter shook off the haunting words that had been said to him six years before. What would Carter have said now? How would he feel when he found out that Peter hadn't been there? He certainly was not about to find out. He dropped the envelope numbly on the counter and slowly opened the drawer. There sitting in the same box it was wrapped in, was an old EL Train token. He pocketed the box and took a deep breath. He may not have been there for Carter when he was dying, but he sure as hell was going to be there when he was buried.

He owed him that much.

Close call there in the shadows
Theres an end to the dark
cause theres someone out there
Someone like me...

A/N: I don't know what happened I've been so riddled with writers block and then all of a sudden this chapter came to me. I hope to be writing more soon and have a total of eleven chapters vaguely planned out. Let's just hope the WB won't kick in again. The song used in this chapter is Out of the Shadows by Sarah McLachlan