Chapter 3:

Chris and Jesse

Lightning flashed back at the home of Brian on Spooner Street, the portrait of Professor Weed still grinning. Brian was pacing around, smoking a pipe. He almost appeared to be the spitting image of Sherlock Holmes if he were a small white dog.

"This case is very intriguing with its many elements, and many twists and turns…" He turned to Meg. "Now, you're certain you told me everything? The slightest detail may be important!"

"It's just as I said," Meg finished her story, "and then my dad was gone!"

"What do you make of it?" Dr. Stewie asked.

"Hmm," Brian said. "Jonathan Weed is up to something… for all I know, it could be the crime of the century. The question is, what would he want with a toy maker? God, this is more confusing than the time I got that phone call from that drunk guy…"

CUTAWAY

The phone in the kitchen rang, and Brian answered it. "Hello?"

"Is this Brian Griffin Pizza?" the voice on the other end of the line asked.

"Pizza?! What the hell are you talking about?" Brian said.

"Yes, that's what I said. I'd like a large pizza with meatballs, pepperoni and extra cheese, but NO ANCHOVIES."

"This isn't a pizza parlor!" Brian tried to explain.

"You deliver the pizza, that's why!" the voice said.

Exasperated, Brian just said, "I'm sorry sir, but I think you have the wrong number!"

"And if I don't get that pizza in 30 minutes, it's free…" the voice on the line said right before Brian slammed the receiver back onto the phone.

END CUTAWAY

Suddenly, the threatening figure of Bertram appeared outside a small circular window as lightning flashed. Meg saw it and screamed. "AAAAAAH!"

Brian quickly turned to the direction of the scream and saw Bertram falling outside the house. "Quickly Stewie, we've not a moment to loose!" He opened the front door.

"I'm right behind you, Brian," Stewie said, running after him. They rushed outside, but were too late. "Crap, no sign of my half-brother anywhere!"

"Not quite, Stewie," Brian said, on the ground investigating a trail of muddy footprints. "He's left some rather unusual footprints. This obviously confirms it's the same fiend who kidnapped Meg's father – Professor Weed's one-legged baby lackey!"

And as if that weren't enough, Dr. Stewie noticed a small black cap on the wet sidewalk. "Uh, Brian?" he asked, picking it up.

"AHA!" Brian yelled, snatching up the hat. "Excellent work, Stewie!" The two headed back to the house.

Inside, Lois was comforting Meg, having heard the commotion. "Now, there's nothing to be afraid of my dear…"

"The scoundrel's quite gone," Dr. Stewie added, running in with Brian.

Tossing off his smoking jacket, Brian said "But not for long Miss Grafton!"

"Griffin!" Meg corrected.

"Whatever," Brian said, dismissing it. "Now, we simply go after the peg-legged criminal until he leads us to the girl's father."

"Then you'll get my daddy back?" Meg rushed over and hugged Brian tightly.

"Yes! Please let go!" Brian choked, and Meg did as she was told. "And quite soon… if I'm not mistaken. Now hurry along Stewie. We must be off to Jesse's." As he said this, he donned a brown detectives' coat and cape.

"Jesse's?" Dr. Stewie asked.

"Oh, you MUST meet him," Brian said, putting on a deerstalkers' hat, completing the Sherlock Holmes-esque outfit. "He's just the one for this!"

"You want ME to come?" Stewie couldn't believe it.

"Ha! Hoff-hoff," Brian exhaled on his magnifying glass and wiped it off. "I should think a genius who worked for the military would also enjoy the chance of adventure!"

"Well, I AM rather curious," Stewie admitted.

"Wait for me!" Meg called. "I'm coming too!" She grabbed her hat and scarf, and in the process accidentally bumped into Brian's violin on his armchair.

Luckily, Brian noticed this and leaped to catch his instrument in time. "WHAT? No way. This is no business for kids."

"But I'M a kid, and you allow me to go," Dr. Stewie pointed out.

"Well that's different," Brian explained. "YOU seem more capable than Meg."

"Are we going to take a cab?" Meg asked, putting some of Lois's crumpets into her coat pocket.

"Listen kid," Brian said hesitantly. "What I'm trying to say is, it will be quite dangerous." As he said that, he sat on his chair and a crashing sound was heard from underneath. Brian gasped. "Oh shit!" He pulled out the crushed remains of his violin, which was now a mess of wood shrapnel and warped string bits. "WHY YOU! Look at my…" Brian growled, and tried to keep cool. "Young lady, you are most definitely not coming with us. And that is FINAL!" At that he threw the violin pieces in the air.

(Cheesy camera flip transition goes here!)

Outside, a few houses down, Brian had Dr. Stewie and Meg tag along, outside the house of Herbert, one of Professor Weed's henchmen. "I can't believe you're coming with us, Meg," Brian said. "But not one word out of you. Is that clear?"

Brian pushed open a small basement window, and he, Stewie and Meg slipped through the window. In the basement, they found a rather fat blond-haired teenage boy, tied up and gagged on a chair.

"What the hell?" Brian said, as he and Stewie rushed over to help untie him. "Aren't you Lois's son Chris?"

"Yes," Chris said, removing the scarf from his mouth. "Thanks for rescuing me. That pedophile Herbert kidnapped me this morning and tied me up. He said he had special plans for me!"

"Herbert works for Professor Weed," Brian noted. "For all I know, I probably saved you from some grave danger!"

"I don't know," Chris said. "Herbert seemed awful nice to me. But he's not here right now. Also, I can finally see my mom again. Thanks for saving me, Brian!"

"At least that's one less case to solve," Brian muttered to himself. Brian managed to unlock the basement door from inside, and they began to explore the house. "Jesse? Jesse!"

"Who is Jesse?" Meg asked.

"How should I know?" Dr. Stewie answered. He turned to Brian. "I say, Brian, who is this Jesse chap?"

After saying that, a bark was heard from one of the rooms. "Ah, he's in here!" Brian said. Sure enough, they came up to another dog, older and with gray fur and with his hind legs practically unusable. "Stewie, this is Jesse."

"Seriously?!" Stewie asked. "But YOU'RE a dog yourself!"

"Yes," Brian explained, "but all the smoking and drug use over the years made my nose rather lousy for detective work, and Jesse here has the best sense of smell from any other dog I've known. All right now Jesse, I want you to…"

He turned, but instead noticed Jesse wasn't listening to him, but enjoying a back rub from Meg. Brian whistled, and Jesse turned to him.

"Good! Now, Jesse… I want you to find THIS fiend!" Brian whipped out Bertram's hat, and he and Jesse both began growling and barking. Brian's growls were to drill Jesse into searching for the bad guy. "Yes, you know the type," Brian was saying. "RooRooRooRooff! A villain, a sick bastard! Grrrruf, grrrruff. Low brow. Close-set eyes. Baby face!" At that, Jesse briefly stopped, looking confused by what Brian said. To that Brian chuckled and added, "Oh, he's a peg-legged baby with an evil genius mind."

That got Jesse growling again.

"Yes, good boy! Got his scent?" Brian asked. Jesse nodded happily, and Brian pulled out a dog wheelchair, fastening Jesse to it. Attached to the wheelchair was a chariot-like cart for Brian, Stewie, Meg and Chris to ride in.

"Miss Gotham!" Brian began.

"GRIFFIN!" both Dr. Stewie and Meg corrected.

"I have the same last name as Meg here!" Dr. Stewie noticed. "We must be related in some way."

"Whatever," Brian said. "Your father is as good as found! Jesse!"

Jesse managed to strike a "pointer" pose, ready to be after Bertram's tail.

"SIC' EM!" Brian cried jollily, only to be suddenly run over by Jesse and his chariot. Brian quickly managed to grab the chariot and regain his wind, grabbing the three kids (including Stewie) onto the chariot as well. "Yoicks! Tally-hoooo! Ha-haaa!" he called out, like a British hunter. They were on the trail of the evil kidnapping baby…

…

Some time later, on the dark wet streets of Quahog, Jesse was sniffing around while pulling the chariot. The storm had stopped, but the dark clouds still hung overhead. There was practically no traffic. Suddenly, Jesse jerked up and struck another pointer pose.

"AAAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chris screamed. He knew what was coming up.

Once again, Jesse started running his front legs, causing the chariot to go speeding again.

As they rode along, Chris kept screaming and clutching Meg, and Dr. Stewie was now struggling to hang on the end of the chariot.

"The thrill of the hunt, eh, Stewie?" Brian called out.

"Q-q-quite," Stewie nervously said. "I haven't had such a ride since I went on that one roller coaster…"

CUTAWAY

Dr. Stewie was in a roller coaster car with several other people. He tried to reach the safety bar, but once it picked up speed, it was impossible. At one point when it went on a loop, Stewie went flying from his seat, only to land back in his car after the coaster made the loop. As it sped across another summit, Stewie accidentally let go, and went flying through the air for some time like a rag doll, before he eventually managed to land in his seat once again just as the roller coaster pulled back into the platform.

Seemingly dizzy at first, Stewie got out of the roller coaster. "That sure was…" he began, but then suddenly regained his wind and was perfectly fine once again. "SPLENDIDLY AWESOME! I'm going again!"

END CUTAWAY

"Ooh, our one-legged crook can't be far off now!" Brian said, before he began barking and howling while "driving" Jesse, and Chris howling as well (but in terror)…