Sorry I haven't updated, I've been pretty busy. I hope you like this chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. I also don't own "Nothing Gold Can Stay" by Robert Frost.
Steve's POV
Man, Soda looked awful sick in that hospital bed, with all those tubes and shit attached to him. That subtle beep, beep noise was really getting on my nerves. I just wanted to get out of there.
I was still in shock after finding out that my best buddy had cancer. Now we were sitting in a room that smelled like rubbing alcohol and sick people, and Soda was miserable. I didn't really know what chemo was, but I did know that it really must have sucked for Soda. But hey, if it'll make him better, then I'm all for it.
We were all sitting around Soda's bed. Pony and Johnny were talking to Soda about some story with "southern gentlemen." Two was laughing about god knows what. Dally was smoking a cigarette and talking to Darry, who kept glancing worriedly at Soda. I was just sitting on the floor, my head in my hands. I wanted to help Soda, make him better, but I didn't know how.
I was kinda afraid to even look at him. He just looked so sick. He was pale, sweaty, and his face was a bit green. A waste bucket sat next to his bed, since he kept vomiting. He tried to keep a smile on his face, but I don't know... It just didn't reach his eyes. Like it was forced. He wore one of those thin, scratchy hospital gowns - Two-Bit kept asking Soda if his ass stuck out the back, and Dally kept smacking him upside the head. Soda's hair was damp from sweat, and it was pushed off his face.
We had been there for a few hours, and I really wanted to rip those tubes out of his arms and take him home. This place creeped me out. We were in the part of the hospital for kids with cancer (since Soda was still sixteen) and there were all these little kids walking around. They all looked so sad. They had no hair, and they were all thin and sickly-lookin'. It was scary to think that Sodapop would look like them. Sodapop! Of all people!
I knew I should've been there for Soda, to comfort him. Instead I was sitting there, sulking. What the hell? What the fuck was I doing? Soda needed me, and I was doing nothing but worrying.
I decided I needed to help him in some way. I walked over to his bed and sat on the edge carefully, afraid I was gonna hurt him or something.
"Hey, buddy. How ya doin'?" I asked, trying to smile. It looked more like a grimace.
"Pretty swell." Soda rasped, winking. Even his voice didn't have that happy twinkle that it used to have.
"Look, man, you're gonna be okay. All this is gonna help, trust me." Would it? I hoped so.
"It better help. I feel like I got hit by a bus and then got put on one of them spinning rides at the fair." He muttered. His eyes widened and he reached for the bucket on the floor. I handed it to him and winced when he vomited until there wasn't anything left in his stomach. Ponyboy wiped Soda's mouth with a cloth, and Johnny squeezed his hand encouragingly. Man, those boys were good at staying calm. Johnny looked scared, but he always did. And Pony looked worried, but I think we were all a little tense that day. They were trying to be cool and calm for Sodapop, while I was there with my hands shaking like crazy.
Soda looked at me with sad eyes.
I wouldn't admit this to anyone, but I felt like crying. I almost bawled like I'd never bawled before. I cried when I left the Curtis house the other day, when I was alone. I cried last night, because I knew Soda would get chemo today. And I felt like crying right then, because my Sodapop was sicker than I'd ever seen, and it just wasn't like him. I couldn't help but think of the worst case scenario. What if he died? What would I do? Soda's the only one who understands me. The rest of the gang merely tolerates me, and my old man doesn't give a damn. Evie just worries about her makeup and girly gossip. I couldn't imagine living life without Sodapop. He was like my brother. I loved him more than anyone. I wouldn't tell anyone that, though.
"Steve, I don't think I'll be goin' to any races anytime soon." Soda said glumly.
"Shoot, Soda, you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be alright." I said, my voice cracking at the end.
That was when I ran out of the room, tears streaming down my face.
xxxxxxx
Soda's POV
I wasn't sure why Steve had left so quickly. It was so random. But I could see something different in his eyes. Pain? I'd never seen Steve cry before, but he was bawling when he ran out.
"I have to go talk to him." I said. I started to sit up, but I got dizzy and puked in the bucket again. Bad idea.
"I think Steve needs some time. He'll be back. You need to rest." Darry said comfortingly. I nodded. Besides Pony and Darry, he was taking this the hardest out of the rest of the guys. I didn't understand why, though. I should be fine, right? Everyone was acting so... bleak.
Dally came and went. He said he had "business" to do. We all kind of learned to stay out of Dally's "business," 'cause it usually meant trouble.
We sat there for a long time, and for once, I had no energy. I didn't mind laying there, talking to Ponyboy and Johnny. They kept up all the conversation, which was strange for them, so all I had to do was listen.
They told me about this book they read while they were hiding out in the church. Gone with the Wind was its name. They said that there were southern gentlemen in that book, and that I reminded them an awful lot of those men. It made me a little warm inside when they said I was charming.
"What's 'gallant'?" I asked curiously.
"Gallant means you're brave. A hero." Ponyboy said, smoothing my hair back. "You're awful brave to go through all this. If it were me, I think I'd be a scared little bawl baby." He said knowingly.
Johnny nodded in agreement. "Ain't no one as brave as you, Sodapop."
I was blushing, but also confused. "What about Dally?" Johnny practically worshipped Dallas Winston. I was shocked to hear that he thought I was more brave.
Johnny shook his head. "Dally's a different kind of brave. He has to be brave. He probably would be lying dead in the street if he wasn't. But you... you choose to be brave. You've been so calm all this time, and hopeful, too. You could be whining and complaining and feel in' sorry for yourself, but you choose not to. That's brave."
Wow, I thought. That was more than I'd ever heard him say at one time. He was pretty dang talkative today. It was nice - he was good with words, like he always knew the right thing to say. Johnny was smart, even if he didn't do well in school.
"Well thanks, kid. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me." I responded. It was true - most people just thought I was only good looks and charm. I wasn't just the pretty boy who dropped out of school. It was nice to know that Pony and Johnny saw something other than that. They sure were smart kids, all observant like that.
"Oh, and another thing." Johnny spoke up. "Back in Windrixville, Pony told me this poem. It was a real good one, considering I don't read many poems. It was about staying gold. We didn't really know what that meant at first, but we think we figured it out. You know how in the morning, when the sun is coming up, and it looks like the sky is gold?" I nodded. I had seen it once. "Well, here's the poem."
He began to recite,
"Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."
Johnny continued, "When he says 'nothing gold can stay,' he means that when you're gold, you're young. The gold in the morning can't last, and neither can your youth. But you can stay pure. You can stay who you are, no matter what. Stay who you are, Sodapop. When you put a smile on everyone's face, keep doing that. That's why Pony and I always say 'stay gold.' We mean it. You should stay gold, too."
I didn't know what to say. I just stared at him. After a few moments I said softly, "Johnny, you're one tuff kid. You've got a way with words. You're awful gallant, too. Thanks."
Johnny was grinning from ear to ear. Ponyboy grinned, too. I smiled at them. "You too, Pony. You're both the tuffest kids I know."
They looked at each other and slapped high-fives, still grinning like fools.
I ruined the moment when I threw up in the bucket. Damn.
xxxxxxxxx
Johnny's POV
Man, despite the fact that it was kind of a solemn day, I was grinning until my face hurt. Soda made me feel like I was somebody for once. I thought I was the "pet" to the rest of the gang. I just thought they let me hang out with them 'cause they felt bad for me. Pity, you know? Man, did I feel good and proud when Soda called me tuff and gallant.
A little while after that, the nurse came in and took out all of Soda's tubes, and said we could go. We got out of there as fast as we could.
Two-Bit went to see Kathy. I went with Pony, Soda, and Darry back to their house. We had to bring a bucket, 'cause Soda kept heaving. I felt real bad for Sodapop. He didn't deserve this. I sat in the back with him, rubbing his back in soothing circles. "You'll be alright, man. This medicine'll help you, I promise." I kind of doubted my words.
I didn't know much about cancer, but I knew that it was bad. I knew that some people survive it, so maybe Soda will, too. I also remembered a kid in school who's mom died of cancer. What if that's Sodapop? It would kill Ponyboy. Sodapop's the only one in his family who he can talk to. He's getting better with Darry, and they're pretty close, but not nearly like Soda and Pony.
Ponyboy and Darry have had it so hard already, what with losing their parents and all. If they lost Soda, I don't know how they would cope. That's too many people to lose. It's not fair.
We got Soda into his bed, all warm under the blankets. He grabbed Ponyboy's hand. "Where's Steve? Why did he leave?" He asked imploringly.
"Steve will be back, Pepsi-Cola." Darry said. "Just go to sleep, and he'll be here."
"Okay. I'm pretty tired." He was out cold before he could say anything else.
Pony climbed into bed with Sodapop carefully, so as not to disturb him. Darry started to head to his room, when I asked, "Hey Dar, do you mind if I sleep on the couch tonight? I don't want to deal with my parents, and it's kinda cold to sleep in the lot."
"Shoot, kid, you can live here if you want," Darry said, and I shook my head in protest. I was another mouth to feed, and they couldn't afford that, especially now. "And you're still sleeping in the lot? You'll catch pneumonia doing that!" he said sternly. His eyes softened and he put his big hand on my shoulder. "You're always welcome here, Johnnycakes."
I smiled gratefully and said, "Thanks, man. I appreciate it."
Darry went to his room. I shut the door quietly as I left Pony and Soda's room, 'cause they were both snoring. I chuckled softly.
Now it was just me in the quiet, dark house. I hopped on the couch and fell asleep, thinking of southern gentlemen and gold sunrises.
Did you like it? Tell me what you think! I love reviews, and if you have any advice, I'd love it! I'm only fourteen, so I'm sorta new at this, and advice is wonderful :)
Love you guys, and I'll update soon if I get reviews!
