SUMMARY: "When you don't know what do with life, just go with the flow and pray you won't mess up." Canon Izuku might successfully saved the world, but she can successfully save the world too while making some small changes right? Self-Insert, SI-as-Deku/Izuku, Fem!Deku/Fem!Izuku
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Boku no Hero Academia aka My Hero Academia, in any way or shape or form. The only things I own are Shizuka and my plots!
WARNINGS: Genderbent!Izuku (fem!Izuku), SI!Izuku. Also, some cussing because I'm a foul-mouthed person and just can't resist. And of course there's Bakugo's lovely vocabularies...
YES, I AM IN THE PROCESS OF REWRITING SKYSCRAPER.
I decided that because I realized how bad my writing was before. I know some of you migmight not want to read this new version, and I'm totally okay with you deleting this from your library. But thank you for those who stick by. I hope I make it clear.
Kaiya Azure: To be honest, I sort of considering that as well! Katsuki can be a little infuriating and a brat isn't he? Shizuka is a pretty patient person tho, so crisis averted. Katsuki has a good memory so he likely won't forget it, especially since it's kinda an insult to him.
Galarvis: Sorry for the incredibly late response! As you'll find from this chapter, Shizuka kinda just play along with the plot. She'll slowly realize that she's her own person, and can decide her own storyline. So in the future she'll follow her heart and do what she think is right, regardless of the Canon. So yes, this'll turn into an AU soon. Like, real soon.
.
.
Chapter Three:
Waiting for Superman
.
.
Sometimes, things aren't always easy for me.
I'm not always the carefree girl who's got a devil-may-care attitude on her. I'm not always easygoing, or serene, or kind. I'm a human too, I have my limits. And sometimes, something went pass that limit — unconsciously or not. Even the smallest thing could trigger me in a bad day.
And that day, it was a bad day.
It was a month after that runaway I did, and Mama was very worried for me. I felt bad that I was glad I got to spend the rest of the day with her. She had been working so hard even at home, that she didn't have time for me. We went to have some ice cream and eat outside. It was an amazing night.
But I suppose it had spoiled me. I started to think Mama would started to have time for me, but of course I was wrong. A month after, and she was as busy as always. I wanted to be angry to her, but I wasn't that stupid. I knew she worked hard for me, saw her eyebags and tired body. All the guilt just built up and I started to blame myself.
How can I be angry at her? After all her hardwork for me?! She's still grieving — she'll never stop — and she has done so much for me!! Why? Why did I even be angry at her?! I should be glad for everything.
All the dark thoughts are clouding my head, and I felt numb. Like I was in a never-ending abyss — couldn't see what's around me, just floating for a very long time. I couldn't even feel anything, couldn't let myself feel anything. It was my coping mechanism since Before, and I knew it wasn't healthy, but I didn't know what else to do.
I just feel so, so tired. So useless, and a burden. I didn't know what to do. God, why was I reborn again?
"Shi-chan, what are you doing?"
The voice jolted me out from my dark thoughts. I looked up to ruby eyes staring at me, the intensity in his childish face startled me. How can someone so little be so smart, so observing? The intelligence in his eyes that I hadn't noticed before now shone brightly.
Realizing I hadn't answered his question, I looked down to my hand to saw that it had moved on it's own while I was wallowing in thought. My previously decent (for a three years old) drawing has turned into an incorrigible one. It was so horrible I felt my frustration increasing. Obviously, Bakugo's observant nature once again showed.
"Woah, that's a stupid drawing!"
I swore the pencil in my hand snapped in two at that comment. Bakugo might be observant, but that never stopped his running mouth. He definitely know which button to push.
Just as I was reminding myself that murder is indeed a crime, I felt a body slightly bigger than mine invading my space, clumsily dropping himself next to me and nearly pushing me out the chair in the process. I caught myself in time, and went to yell at him—
My voice faltered before it even went out.
Next to me, is a boy who's head is so close to the table his blond hair nearly touched it. In his small hands are crayons he had carefully picked. His ruby eyes that I found intimidating was so focused to the drawing he's determinedly fixing. His eyebrows furrowed a bit, painting him in an adorable way.
I felt my anger deflating, and logic returning to my brain.
Ever since meeting him, I'd been so harsh and inconsiderate to him. I'd closed off from him, even though he always tried his hardest to befriended me. I'd treated him like he didn't — doesn't — deserve, and still he helped me. I just... I was so scared, so determined not to be bullied by him like Izuku had been. I thought the first step was not to be his friend, so I tried to fend him off.
I'd been living in my fear the whole time.
Who's to say I'll be like Izuku? I'm not Izuku. I'm not analytical, or naive, or friendly like him. I'm just... Shizuka. I'm me. And well, one thing about me is that I get attached easily. The whole time, I was just denying my growing affection for Bakugo.
And God, he was just a kid.
He was insecure and crave others' attention just like every kid does. That's why he hated Izuku, because he felt belittled by him. Even at Yuuei, he was only a teenager — he was entitled to be ridiculously immature.
I knew this from Before. Bakugo had been my favorite character — his development is amazing. But in my childish fear and attempt to protect my heart, I buried it deep inside my head. I guessed I was a child after all; no matter the fact that I'd lived once before.
"Look, Shi-chan, this is how you draw good!" He pointed to the drawing that was now full of yellow and red and green, the dull black and blue nearly covered. Behind his proud and excited expression, I could see the insecurity and fear of rejection. He made a perfect puppy eyes.
How could I be so mean to him again?
"Yeah, it's amazing... Kacchan." I smiled at him, all teeth to show my gratitude. Unknowingly, he had dragged me out of the abyss I frequently fall into, and lead me to the light. "Thank you so much, Hero."
He is one of my heroes, after all.
.
.
Time flies much quicker when you're in school.
Kacchan and I had attended kindergarten weeks ago, and things had gotten better. Mama still wasn't home often, but she had started to adjust that she wasn't overwhelmed any longer. I had met Kacchan's parents — Mitsuki and Masaru — and we got along splendidly. They thought I was a good influence for their excitable and short-tempered son, and I found my aunt and uncle figures within them. I even often visited their house when Mama got home late... which is increasing.
Kacchan made his debut in kindergarten by always taking number one. Number one most good behaved kid, number one in rank, number one in confidence and friendly personality and everything else. He's even the tidiest kid in the grade, tied with me.
I, however, had a little less flair debut. I was known as a calm and intelligent kid; unusual. I tied in ranked one with Kacchan, but I'm not friendly like him. I didn't want to make friends with children, so I made no effort. I only tried to be friendly when they did it first, so everyone learned to leave me alone. I was always with Kacchan and vice versa, that adults thought us cute. The female teacher — Momoka-sensei — even said we're Best Friends Forever aka BFF.
Ew, do they even use that word still?
Thankfully, Kacchan felt the same way as me. We started to discreetly avoided Momoka-sensei in fear of being called even more disgusting things. I might like it Before, but I definitely did not now.
Anyway, because of Kacchan's friendly and energetic deposition, he'd got tons of friends. Everyone wanted to be his friends — he easily became the most famous kid in kindergarten. I wasn't even surprised, honestly — Kacchan's always got a charm in him that no one had. But even then, he sticked by me. He never even once forget about little old me.
It made me love him even more.
Regardless, Kacchan had his own circle of close friends beside me — who he dubbed his only best friend and I better be yours too, Shi-chan! His close friends included Asahi Kato, a mild-mannered boy with grey eyes, Yuzashi Goro, a fat boy with bald head and big red wings (he's one of the first to manifested a Quirk), and Hamada Yuma, a thin boy with sharp features.
I didn't mind them, really I didn't, but Kacchan became meaner when he was with them. Kato I'm okay with, but Goro and Yuma are nasty kids that thought themselves bigger than others. They never outright say it, but I could see it from the way they acted.
"This is easy!" Kacchan voiced. He was juggling a soccer ball with both his foot without dropping it once. Kato had challenged him after seeing it on the TV last night. Of course, Kacchan being Kacchan didn't turn down the challenge and instead his natural instinct made him succeed.
"Woah, sugoi Katsuki, you can do anything!" Kato-kun praised. Goro and Yuma echoed with the same grins on their faces.
"Shi-chan!" Kacchan turned to me. He'd noticed I was silent, and with a proud grin wandered off to me with the ball held in his hand. "Did you see? I was like a Pro footballer!"
I giggled, "Yeah, you're cool, Kacchan. But I think that was still far from a Pro."
He pouted, "Well, what about you? Can you do it?"
"I don't know." I shrugged, taking the ball from his hand. I hadn't played football since I was a somophore in Before, so I was rusty. But the ball bounced good enough in my feets before dropping to the ground. I hadn't done it as long as Kacchan managed to, but the rest had cheered on me anyway. I ignored the whispers of how I wasn't as good as Kacchan, and instead focusing on my best friend's proud grin. The grin was so sincere I couldn't help but returned my own to him.
"You are as amazing as me, Shi-chan!"
"Someone need to keep up with you Kacchan."
.
.
Kacchan and I went home together, as our houses are in the same direction.
"Shi-chan, are you coming to my house today?" He inquired, his eyes taking in our surroundings. The street we took were full of shops that half of them I never even entered.
I shook my head no, as Mama said she wasn't going to be late today, but found Kacchan's interest wasn't on me anymore. His ruby red eyes are focused to the big tv in the display glass next to him. It was showing All Might, the number one hero, surrounded by four villains as big as him. Predictably, he beat the villains quickly as if it wasn't hard at all. All Might didn't even get scathed.
"All Might's amazing, isn't he?" Kacchan said, "He's the number one hero. He always win no matter what. I want to be a hero like him, Shi-chan... I want to never lose like him. That's why, I'll defeat everyone including All Might, and become the number one hero!"
He stared at his best friend's green eyes, trying to discern the emotions in them. He always loved her eyes — they shines brightly like she does, and showed her emotions clearly. That's why he willed himself to looked at her straight.
Will she ridicule him? Or will she lie and said she believe in him?
"Katsuki-kun kind of look like a villain, isn't he?"
"Katsuki fits better as a villain, not a hero!"
Why? Why did they say I'm a villain? That's not true! Just because I have red eyes and sharp teeth... doesn't mean I'm a villain, right? Yeah, they're probably just amazed at me. Amazed, or afraid? But why did they all say that? Stop it, stop, stop, stop! I'm not a villain. I want to be a hero! I want to be like All Might, I want to be the number one so no one can say I'm bad and a villain anymore. Stop doubting me. Why can't they believe me? Why did they laugh?! I'm going to be a hero, not a villain. Stop saying I'm a villain... Believe in me, why won't they believe in me? I'm worth looking at, I'm worthy of being a hero. I'm strong enough. I'm not a villain, never a villain! I'll make them believe in me, I'll make them see me, even if I have to force them all—!
"Out of everyone, I think if anyone can beat All Might it'll be you, Kacchan."
The sincere voice snapped him out of his dark thoughts. The doubts, the laugh in their eyes, the disbeliefs and the ridicules... Everything faded in front of Midoriya Shizuka. The memories were no more, instead it was his best friend in front of him, giving her soft smile to him that always made his heart beat faster in a good way. Her smiles always managed to encouraged him to be better, to push himself more — and on the occasion, it made him remember the warmth of the sun upon his skin.
She's sun... My sunshine.
"I want to be a hero too, Kacchan. Can we be heroes together?" She asked.
"Of course! We'll be the bestest of the bests!"
"But I'm not going to be a sidekick — I'm going to be a hero." She said again.
"I know." He grinned. After all, his equal couldn't be less than a hero!
He couldn't wait to see the days they finally made it as heroes.
.
.
The day Kacchan got his Quirk, everything started to change.
Three days after his birthday, his Quirk suddenly manifested when we were playing on our play time in the kindergarten. His palms just suddenly started letting out small exploding sounds that surprised everyone. Before they realized it was his Quirk though, I practically ran to him.
"Woah, it sounds like fireworks, Kacchan." I told him, grinning ecstatically. It's amazing, that he finally got his Quirk. Kacchan had been waiting for this after all. "But don't get too cocky, I'm going to catch up to you soon enough!"
"I know, Shi-chan! I can't wait to see your Quirk!" His attention was quickly taken by the others who had realized it.
"Amazing, Katsuki-kun!"
"Lucky~"
"Wow, that's an amazing Quirk!" Yamazashi-sensei praised.
"It really is! It's a flashy Quirk just right for a hero, right, Katsuki-kun?" Momoka-sensei smiled.
No, stop feeding his ego!
I could remember the thoughts Kacchan had from the Canon. "No one is as amazing as me!" That's what he thought.
Thankfully, the Kacchan I know didn't seem to think like that. He was grinning widely at the praises, but he had turned his head to me even when he was surrounded by the attention he craved. The challenging fire in his eyes said everything he didn't.
Challenge accepted.
.
.
The day after, in Saturday morning, Mama and I went to the hospital for a booked meeting with a Quirk specialist.
Everything were so unreal, as if I was playing my own life as a game (not that that wasn't far from the reality), unseeing instead of seeing. But now, standing in front of the Quirk doctor — my heart beating so loudly it might beat the doctor's voice — it felt so surreal. I was really really going to find out... whether I was Izuku's replacement, or my own person.
Will I get the same fate as his?
...Quirkless, friendless, bullied...
But no matter how hard I prayed, my prayers still went unanswered.
"I'm sorry, but you should probably give it up."
Thump. Thump. The sound of my heartbeats were as loud as a lion's roar. It was slowly drowning out the doctor's voice, and the reality that I lived in started to sharpened in edges.
"Normally, by the age of four, she would've manifested one of her parents' Quirks or the combination of the two. As she was still three years old, there should be plenty of time. But by looking at this toe joint, the probability is very small. Everyone who have Quirks. . . . . ."
I couldn't even hear anymore. The reality is punching me on the stomach, hard.
I'm not going to have a Quirk.
I'm just Izuku's replacement...
I'm just... him.
"E-excuse me, I-I need to go to the toilet." Without waiting for an answer, I slipped through the door and ran like a cheetah was chasing me. The tears had blurred my eyes and I could careless of where I was going. People parted from me as I went by, closing myself in the elevator until it opened by itself and then ran out again. If I wasn't so wrecked, I'd noticed how silent and empty the floor was. But I could only hear my heartbeat and dark thoughts.
Finally ran out of breath, I looked up to find myself in front of a door. There was nothing special in the door... except there was no nameplate next to it.
In my hopelessness and angst, curiosity win the best of me and I opened the locked door with my bobby pins slowly. The door made no sound, and I heard no sound from the inside so I assumed there was no one.
Instead, I found the biggest room in a hospital with one single patient lying inside.
He was hooked with tubes and machines from his head to his leg. Bandages covered his neck, hands, and leg. The rest was full of bruises and cuts that were healing. His heartbeat machine was echoing his heart in the silent room, giving a foreboding sense. The red mane of his laid limp around his head.
"What...?" I said softly to the still space. "What happened to you?"
You looked like you're ready to give up. I thought, not daring to say it out loud. The feet of his bed said that he had been here for two weeks, and that his name is... Enji? Where'd I heard that name before?
After a bit of consideration, I moved my feet to stand next to his bed, my hand touching his wound-littered face as soft as I could manage.
"Don't give up." I whispered, "It's okay to be tired once in a while, but don't give up. Keep fighting, okay?"
The man gave no indication of hearing me, but I continued anyway. "I'll visit as much as I can, so you better get better, Enji. I'll see you next week, alright."
Somehow, seeing this big man laying lifelessly in the bad, chained with machines as if he couldn't live without them anymore, filled me with a sense of purpose. I might be dramatic, but I swore my senses felt like it was rekindled again. As if he lit a fire inside the dying candle that was my heart.
Such a strange thing, feelings.
And if I'd looked back, I'd seen the man watching me with clouded emotions, his mint green eyes flashing brilliantly even in his pain.
.
.
THANK YOU FOR 200 FOLLOWS~
NEXT CHAPTER: ENJI
Oho! Enji? Who's Enji? A lil spoiler: in the next chapter, Canon will slip to Hell and AU reigns.
Also, Shizuka's a bit insecure and have an identity crisis and Kacchan actually had a bit of trauma from people calling him a villain. They still stick together though, but after Kacchan found out about Shizuka's Quirkless status is a different matter...
Don't forget to favorite, follow, and comments! xxx
p.s. Check out my other BnHA ff, Trouble with A Capital T. It's an OC story with Katsuki/OC pairing.