Disclaimed: You know how it is. I'm not Stephenie Meyer. Not since I last knew, anyway. Don't own anything. Underlined name=the character is speaking.

Carlisle thinks: Rosalie

Rosalie is one of the younger vampires I created. When I found her dying thanks to those idiot men, I knew I should save her life. I felt bad that she was screaming in so much pain, but then, she'd probably never really known real pain in her eighteen years of human-ness. She'd lived in the glow of her beauty and her love of being adored by her parents. Of course, they would want the best for their daughter-she was beautiful enough that any man would want to marry her.

She doesn't really have any epic talent, unless you count admiring yourself in a mirror, being incredibly vain and able to fix up cars talents. But beauty was something that opened up every door for her and she sort of glided through life as though her beauty was the only worthwhile thing in her life. In a way, I did her a favour freezing her at eighteen-forever young, and she'll never have to know the horror of wrinkles or the indignity of gray hairs.

I have to admit, I was kind of upset to see how stunning she was as an immortal. Becoming a vampire had only increased her beauty and that reminded me that, even when I was human, I had never been considered stunning. I had been good-looking, yes, but never to the same degree as Rosalie. For me, becoming a vampire had made me quite good-looking (hey, I'm trying to be modest. I know some people think I look a little like one of the Greek gods) but that was typical. Our kind always was extremely beautiful. Me though, I always thought myself slightly average in a world of beautiful people.

Maybe this also comes with being old and as a side effect of thinking too much. None of my family has yet noticed me sitting in here, cooped up on my own while they all enjoy their time. I guess this is what comes of working too much: I don't really know what to do with my free time.

(Thinking very hard)

What if my age has somehow dulled my vampire beauty? I've also had to put up with five kids over the years and recently a sixth has joined us-maybe that's caused a mental aging that has started to show on my face?

Oh God... I know: I can never go gray and get wrinkles, but what if Esme stops loving me soon?

(Goes to the window)

Good, the women are back from their shopping. All loaded down with their bags. Maybe one of them will come up here and talk to me?

Five minutes later:

No chance. This is going to be a fashion parade courtesy of Alice and Bella. Esme has joined their insanity and is describing to me each outfit as suitable. Fantastic. Maybe they're all on something. If they weren't vampires, I would believe that.

Four hours later:

That had to be the longest fashion parade I have ever seen. It's a good thing we can't lose our voices or Esme would have talked herself hoarse. And Rosalie appeared, having smelled the new clothes, and began advising them on how they could wear the same outfit thirty-eight ways. It was beyond boring, but I had to act like I cared and tried not to wonder exactly how much they spent. I know I have billions but I like to watch my money and make sure it isn't spent on frivolous stuff. Then again, with a shopaholic like Alice in the family, that's sort of a wasted wish.

Still no-one is paying me any other attention. The fashionistas have made my study look like a tornado has just ripped through... How am I supposed to clean this all up? Hey, the window's open.

Two minutes later

Well, it's worth facing the wrath of Alice and the others, as well as making multiple trips back and forth to the window... sorry new clothes but it's a mess in here and I want it tidy!

5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

Alice: CARLISLE! Are you insane? Why did you have to throw the new clothes out the window? Why didn't I see you doing it? Do you have ANY idea how much it all cost? And do you know how much of it is ruined? Some of it I could put through the wash and it'll be okay, but you damaged the good stuff you idiot! Those clothes hadn't even been worn ONCE and they're already ruined beyond repair. I'm going to have to go and replace them now, which means I'm going to have to go back to the mall and buy exact replicas. Of everything! (begins sobbing tearlessly)

Esme: Carlisle, dear, what possessed you? You didn't have to throw the clothes from the window if it was getting messy in here. You could've just called Alice to pick everything up. (Alice nods, glaring savagely at Carlisle)

Bella: Do you have any idea I endured being made into a Barbie Makeover doll? And then you go and throw it all out the window... Dude, you must be insane.

Carlisle: Well, no-one was paying ME any attention! The boys are behaving like children and you're all behaving like designer obsessed brats. You too, Esme and Bella. I thought you in particular knew better, Bella. I would have expected this from Alice and Rosalie anyday, but not either of you. (The women all look at each other and shrug).

Alice: But that's essentially what we are. We're female. It's like, in our DNA to like shopping and clothes and all that.

Carlisle: It is not in your DNA! Here, take my credit card and get the things you want to replace. Get anything you want. Get everything there is, if you want.

Alice and Rosalie's eyes light up with glee.'SHOPPING!'they squeal as they head for the door trailed by Esme and Bella.

Well, I handled that well. Except I'm feeding Alice's shopping addiction and not really helping Rosalie become less vain. And in approximately six hours they'll materialize with even more stuff than before.

Oh crap.

(Carlisle then glares at the book he uses for keeping track of the stock markets and investments. He yanks it off the shelf and throws it into a corner, cursing at it. He then stomps on it and kicks it around the room until it's very beaten up and tattered. He scoops it up, cradles it gently and whispers 'I'm so sorry' over and over to the book. He picks up a knife and carves into the door below 'EDWARD SUCKS', 'SO DOES ROSALIE'.)

Haha... I'm enjoying this new fanfic. It's fun making Carlisle go crazy. He is a puppet and I am pulling his strings... hahahahaha.

I need some more ways to send Carlisle mad. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I'm starting to run out.

Please review and give me an idea how to send Carlisle crazy. Also, thanks to those of you who have so far subscribed to this story/reviewed/etc.