Chapter 3: The Haunted House

Tohru: Shigure-san?

Shigure: Yes?

Tohru: Umm… May I ask you for a favor?

Shigure: Of course, Tohru-kun!

Tohru: Well, Uo-chan and Hana-chan want to know if they could come over to he—

Shigure: Of course, Tohru-kun, I told you that your friends are always welcome here.

Tohru: --lp set up a haunted house.

Shigure: A what??

Tohru: Umm…

Yuki: What's going on?

Tohru: Well, I…

(Doorbell rings)

Kyo: Who's supposed to be coming over?

Shigure: Come in!

Tohru: I…

Yuki: Who's that?

Arisa: Hey!

Saki: Hello, everyone. Tohru-kun, are you ready to get started?

Kyo/Yuki: Started with what?

Arisa: With the haunted house, you idiots!

Shigure: Haunted house? Tohru-kun, is that what you were asking me?

Tohru: Yes. If you would be so kind, Shigure-san, could we please use your house as our haunted house? We'll be really careful!!
Kyo: I don't know if I like this idea…

Yuki: What? Scared the Boogey Man will get you?

Kyo: You want to start with me, you damn rat? Come on!

Yuki: Don't start something you can't finish, you stupid cat.

Kyo: That's it! This time, I'll really finish you off!!

Yuki: I got tired of hearing that the last twenty times you said it.

Saki: Those two fight like… Oh, what was that cartoon? With the cat and the mouse?

Kyo/Yuki: (gasp)

Arisa: Tom and Jerry?

Saki; Yes, like that. It's very strange…

Yuki/Kyo: sigh…

Yuki: Honda-san, do you plan on making your haunted house scary?

Tohru: Oh, yes! Very scary!

Kyo: Are you sure you're up for it?

Tohru: Of course! I'm tough!

Shigure/Arisa/Saki: (snicker)

Shigure: Of course you are, Tohru-kun. You're my adorable, tough little flower.

Arisa/Yuki/Kyo: Huh?

Tohru: See? Shigure-san knows I can do it!!

Yuki: Okay, Honda-san. Would you like us to help?

Arisa: You'd better! And you, too, Orangey!

Kyo: Shut up! I was gonna help anyway.

Saki: Tohru-kun, what would you like to do first?

Tohru: Umm… I'm not sure.. I've never really made a haunted house before.

Kyo: How about we make a dummy, and as soon as somebody walks in, an axe cuts off his head!

Arisa: Yeah! I'm all for that!

Saki: That sounds brilliant.

Tohru: Umm…

Yuki: Or we could have a little ghost drop down from the ceiling…

Tohru: Yeah! That sounds good!

Saki: …

Arisa: That could work, too…

Kyo: What?! That is so lame! I thought you said it was go—

Arisa: (hits him over the head) Pipe down, Orangey.

Kyo: Ow!

Tohru: So what should we do next?

Saki: Well, we've got the entrance covered now. Let's do the hallway.

Arisa: Wait a minute. Is this going to be a guided tour thing?

Tohru: A what?

Arisa: A guided tour. You know, where you take people through the house to different rooms that are set up for trick-or-treaters…

Tohru: Yeah! Let's do that!! We're going to need costumes for that, aren't we? I should start making mine!!

Kyo/Yuki: No we don't!!
Yuki: We don't have to have costumes for this, Honda-san.

Arisa: Huh? What's with you two?

Yuki/Kyo: Don't ask…

Saki: But then who will dress up to scare the trick-or-treaters?

Shigure: What are we discussing in here, you all? Have you come up with some plans yet?

Everyone stares at Shigure.

Shigure: Why are you… all… looking at… No! Stop, wait! What are you doing?!?

Later on…

Tohru: Umm… do you think maybe we should untie Shigure-san?

Kyo: Nah. He can stay there. He'll be fine.

Shigure: (struggles fitfully against his bonds) Mmmhmbugoomhhmm!!

Kyo: (hits him over the head) Shut up.

Saki: We're still going to need more people…

Yuki: I know some people we could call….

Tohru: Who?

Yuki: (whispers something to Tohru)
Tohru: Uhh… O…kay.

Tohru: (cough cough) Hatori-san?

Hatori: Yes, Tohru-kun? What's wrong? Are you sick?

Tohru: Umm… (Cough) Yes, I am. I just wanted to know if you could come over and (goes into a coughing fit)

Hatori: Yes, Tohru-kun! I'll be over right away! (Hangs up)

Yuki: Is he coming?

Tohru: Yes, he is, but I don't thin—

Arisa: Sweet! This is going to be awesome! Now who can we get?

Kyo: Hey, Hatsuharu, you stupid bastard, you too chicken to come over and fight me?

Hatsuharu: You wanna fight, you pussy??

Kyo: Who the hell are you calling a pussy?!!

Hatsuharu: You, you little bitch!

Kyo: Why dontcha just come over and say it to my face!?!

Hatsuharu: You're on! (Hangs up)

Yuki: Hello, big brother…

Ayame: Yuki! How lovely that you call your big brother! I can't tell you how much this means to me, and now tha—

Yuki: Yeah, whatever. Hey, listen; can you do me a favor?

Ayame: Yes! Anything you want!

Yuki: Can you come over and do a fitting for Tohru? She wants to buy some dress but she doesn't know if it'll fit.

Ayame: Already ordering dresses for your bride, Yuki?

Yuki: Shut up! She's not my bride! It's just a dress. Would you just get down here?

Ayame: Of course, little brother! Anything to expand the love between you and little Tohru-kun! Bye now! (Hangs up)

Yuki: You—ugh. Bye.

Shigure: (struggles again) Mmhm!

Kyo: (whacks him upside the head) Shut up.

Arisa: Your turn, Orangey.

Kyo: Shut up, I know that.

Kagura: Kyo-kun? Kyo-kun, is that you??

Kyo: Uh, yeah, it's –

Kagura: Kyo-kun! It'syouIcan'tbelieveyoucalledi'vealwaysdreamedthatonedayyouwouldcallmeandaskmetomarryyouandthentakemeawaytosomeromanticplaceandohKyo-kunIloveyousomuchandwe'regonnalivehappilyeveraf—

Kyo: Okay, okay!! Enough already! I just wanted to know if you would come ove—

Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding don—CRASH!!

Shigure: Mhh hmm!!!

Kagura: Kyo-kun, I'm here! I love you so mu—Auugghhhh!!

Arisa: Is that your girlfriend, Orangey?

Kyo: Hell no!

Tohru: She's not?

Kyo: Of course not, you idiot! You know I have no feelings for her!

Yuki: How long have you known us, Honda-san?

Tohru: (blush) Sorry…

Saki: How many rooms are there here?

Yuki: Five.

Saki: Then we have just enough people!

Tohru: You're right! So we can get started planning now!

Arisa: What do you want the first room to be like, Tohru-kun?

Tohru: Well, since we trapped Shigure-san first, he can be used in the first room.

Shigure: Hmmh!

Kyo: (hits him over the head) Shut up!

Tohru: Maybe he can be a vampire in a coffin?

Saki: That's a great idea, Tohru-kun! I'm so proud of you!

Kyo: That's pretty cool.

Yuki: I have some vampire teeth he can borrow.

Silence

Yuki: Umm… Don't ask.

Arisa: Okay… anyways, how are we gonna use the other rooms?

Tohru: Hatori-san can be a mummy in Shigure-san's room. We can wrap him in bandages from his first aid kit!

Kyo: Maybe we should save that for Ayame, so we can tape his damn mouth shut.

Yuki: I second that motion.

Tohru: Uh, okay. Then what will we use Hatori-san for?

Arisa: We can have him as a zombie…

Kyo: That'll work.

Yuki: We can have him in a makeshift grave, and someone can make him rise when we have trick-or-treaters come by.

Saki: That's great, Yuki-san.

Yuki: (blush)

Tohru: That leaves Hatsuharu-san and Kagura-chan. What can we do with them?

Kyo: We can have Kagura beheaded.

Arisa: How would that work?

Kyo: I'll cut off her head.

Arisa: You really don't like that chic, do you?

Kyo: No… Not. At. All.

Yuki: But really, what are we going to do?

Kyo: I already gave my suggestion.

Yuki: Shut up, you stupid cat.

Kyo: What? You wan—

Arisa: (whacks him upside the head) Shut up.

Saki: We can use part of Kyo-kun's idea.

Tohru: How?

Saki: Well, we can make it look like Kagura has a knife coming out of her neck.

Arisa: I can file down a knife and find some fake blood.

Yuki: Hey, about that metal pipe of yours…

Kyo: Yeah, is that fake blood on there, too?

Arisa: No.

Kyo/Yuki: (gasp)

Arisa: So anyways… that leaves…

All: Hatsuharu.

Yuki: What are we gonna do with him?