Kendall Can't Always Win

by Gabsikle

AU James always seemed to lose the things he really wanted to Kendall. Student council president, Homecoming King, and so on. But the one thing he wanted most was Logan.

3. Junior Year

So... some shit goes down in this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it?

Chapter Three: Junior Year

It was mid-July, and Logan was swimming at James' house along with Kendall, Carlos, and Stephanie. Logan wasn't sure whether or not he should be worried about Kendall.

After the night they had gotten drunk, Kendall had started acting... differently. He seemed to cling to Logan a bit. Logan would be playing World of Warcraft and would keep getting texts from Kendall during a raid. James, who had been over during all those times, would laugh and eventually call Kendall on Logan's behalf, asking him ti stop texting. Kendall was always asking Logan to hang out. Just the two of them. He always touched Logan in some way. Logan even caught him staring a few times.

Logan was trying to understand what was going on. Part of him hoped that maybe Kendall was into him. But another part figured that Kendall just appreciated that Logan had been there to comfort him during the Jo break up. He probably just liked having Logan around because he associated Logan with being happy. Logan had tried his hardest to cheer Kendall up during that time. Kendall must've wanted more of that.

Except... Kendall seemed to hang all over him in the pool. Sometimes he playfully pushed Logan under water or splashed him. Once he hopped on Logan's back, claiming he was "too tired to swim."

They were relaxing on the lounge chairs by the pool when Logan noticed Kendall staring at him. "What?" he asked Kendall.

Kendall smiled. "You work out, right?"

Logan saw James roll his eyes. "Of course he does," James said. "We talk about going to the gym. We make fun of people we see at the gym. We don't hang out with you sometimes because we're at the gym. Logan made out with his first guy at the gym. Logan goes to the gym, Kendall."

Kendall stared blankly at James then looked at Logan again. "Have you... made out with Jett again?"

Logan heard Carlos sigh. "Um... I haven't," Logan told Kendall. "That time was more of an experiment."

"Oh." Kendall nodded. "OK."

"So..." Stephanie said, breaking the awkward silence. "Who wants to order a pizza?"

Carlos shot up onto his feet. "I do!" He grabbed Stephanie's hand and pulled her up. "Let's go inside and order it."

"Sure! Don't ask us what we want!" James called after them as they ran inside. He sighed and looked at Logan. "Can I spend the night at your house?"

Logan gave James a weird look. "Of course you can, James. You, like, sleep over everyday during the summer. Why'd you even ask?"

James shrugged. "I don't know."

Logan laughed and poked James' cheek. "You're so weird."

James retaliated by poking Logan's nose. "Only because your weirdness rubbed off on me."

Logan was smiling at James when Kendall coughed. He turned away from James and asked Kendall, "Are you OK?"

"What? Yeah," Kendall said. "Just a tickle in my throat. So, Logan. You've been single for awhile. You have any guys or girls you're interested in?"

Logan knew he was blushing. He was currently sitting between two people he was interested in. But he couldn't tell them that. "Uh... Maybe?"

"Who?" both Kendall and James asked.

"Um. I'm not comfortable sharing that information yet."

"You can tell us," Kendall said.

"Don't pressure him," James snapped at Kendall.

"Hey-"

"No fighting, guys," Logan interrupted. "And besides. Nothing's gonna happen with the people I like."

"Logan," James said softly. "Anyone would be lucky to have you."

Logan smiled. James could be so sweet. "Thanks."

…

James sat across from Logan in the cafeteria. School had just started and he was freaking out. "I'm never gonna win."

Logan sighed. "Is this about the election?"

James nodded. "Kendall was president last year, and I was just a stupid homeroom representative. If I don't win this year, there's no way I'll be elected student council president at the end of the year."

Logan put a hand on James' wrist. "Just calm down. People like you, James. You'll most likely win."

"You'll vote for me, right?" James asked. He knew he sounded pathetic, but he depended on Logan being on his side.

Logan gave James' wrist a light squeeze. "You know I'll vote for you."

Kendall and Carlos walked up to their table. "What's going on here?" Kendall asked, staring at Logan's hand on James' wrist.

James hoped he didn't look as smug as he felt. That's right, Kendall. Be jealous, James thought. Logan never gives you little touched like this.

"Nothing's going on," Logan said. He gave James' wrist one last squeeze before removing his hand.

Carlos and Kendall sat. James felt bad for Carlos. He knew about James' slight competition with Kendall—James had expressed his worries to Carlos. Carlos also knew Logan was clueless about the whole thing. James could tell Carlos wanted to tell Logan, but James had begged Carlos to keep quiet. He was pretty sure Carlos was going a little crazy, but knew Carlos would never say a word.

"So, Logan," Kendall said. "Wanna help me with my speech for class president this year?"

"Um..." Logan glanced at James for a second. "I already promised James I'd help him."

Kendall frowned. "You helped James last year," he complained.

Logan shrugged. "James asked first, so I'm helping him."

James grinned. He hadn't asked Logan to help him. Not yet at least. Logan had just lied to Kendall. Logan rather help James, spend more time with James, than Kendall. James got the sudden urge to do a victory dance, but stayed seated. Hopefully, Logan wanted James the way James wanted Logan.

So Logan helped James the next few days with his speech. When all the Juniors met up to hear the speeches, James got his confidence from Logan's reassuring smile.

Friday during last period, James' legs bounced up and down with anxiety. Logan had been telling him he would win, but James wasn't sure. Kendall had actually done a decent job as class president the year before. The Sophomore dance and Sophomore spirit day had been a hit. So James figured people would want more good things for their class from Kendall.

The announcements began and James' heart beat viscously in his chest. "Junior class president is... Kendall Knight." James was filled with disappointment. He had lost again. People preferred Kendall over him again.

He escaped to the bathroom without even bothering to ask. He looked into the mirror, wondering where he went wrong. What did he do to make people dislike him? Why was he never good enough? If his classmates didn't like him, obviously Logan didn't. Logan would end up choosing Kendall over him. Just like everyone else.

He shut his eyes as the tears started to form. He felt a pair of arms embrace him from behind. "You OK?" Logan's voice asked.

James opened his eyes and looked at Logan's reflection in the mirror. Logan's chin was resting on one of his shoulders, their eyes meeting in the mirror. He felt a little better with Logan there. "I'll be fine," he told Logan.

"I know you really wanted this," Logan said.

James laughed bitterly. "I want a lot of things I never get. Things that Kendall always manages to get."

Logan turned James around. "Don't act like that, James. You tried. And I talked to one of the people that counted the votes. They said it was really close."

James sniffled. Logan had to be lying. When would he have talked to this mystery person? But he knew Logan just wanted him to feel better. James knew Logan hated seeing him sad. The fact that someone cared about his feelings meant the world to James. No one seemed to care before Logan. "Thanks for lying to make me feel better."

Logan rolled his eyes. "One of the Seniors in my Physics class did the counting. She said the final numbers for president were ridiculously close."

"And why did she tell you this?"

"Because I asked. I wanted you to win, James. You know that, right?"

James nodded. "You're my number one supporter." He gave Logan a hug. "Thank you so much for being here. I needed you."

"I know," Logan whispered. "I'll always be here, OK?"

"Even if you end up dating someone who doesn't like me?"

"You're my best friend. If they don't like you, they can fuck off."

James looked at Logan and smiled. "You're the best, Logan."

…

It was Christmas break and Kendall had asked Logan if he could come over. He wanted to hang out with Logan alone. Since Carlos was out with Stephanie and James had to go to some Christmas party with his mom, that wasn't a problem. So, Kendall came over and the two had a movie marathon in Logan's basement.

As Logan put in a new DVD, Kendall said, "Tell me about who you like."

Logan sighed. "Kendall." Logan sat back on the couch next to Kendall. "I'm not comfortable talking about that."

"Because it's a guy?" Kendall asked.

Logan didn't bother to say it was two guys. "Maybe..."

"Well... Can I tell you about who I like?"

That got Logan's interest. "I didn't know you like someone."

Kendall smiled. "I do. He-"

"Whoa, whoa. Hold the fuck up." Logan sat s o he was facing Kendall. "You like a guy?"

Kendall laughed a little. "Yeah."

"So are you, like, bi?" Logan knew Kendall liked girls. He talked about girls and checked girls out all the time.

Kendall shrugged. "I guess."

"How long?"

"Um... I've been thinking about it for, like, a year. I think... when Jo talked about me not being into our relationship toward the end... I was busy figuring out how I felt about this guy."

"So, um, how do you feel about this guy?" Logan was curious. What kind of guy was Kendall into? And maybe he was a little jealous. He had a small crush on Kendall for some time now. One thing he dreaded, though, was that Kendall liked James. He would not be able to handle that. He liked James even more than Kendall, and did not want Kendall taking James away.

Kendall got a dreamy smile on his face. "This guy is great. He cares so much about his friends. He doesn't like seeing them sad, and will do anything to cheer them up. He's so sweet. Smart too. He's... different than other people I know. Being cool or well-liked by all doesn't matter to him. Only his friends' opinions matter. He's a bit of a nerd and isn't ashamed about it. He has a wonderful smile, and he's so cute."

Logan took this all in. The guy Kendall was describing sounded a lot like him. His heart started to beat faster. "Kendall. Are you... Wh-" Logan never got to finish his sentence.

Kendall had moved forward and placed his lips to Logan's. Logan managed to get over his shock, and kissed back. It didn't last too long, but Logan thought it was nice. Better than Camille's kisses. Better than Jett's. When it ended, Kendall looked at Logan expectantly.

Logan wasn't sure what to say at first. Yes, he liked Kendall. But what about James? There were moments with James when he thought something might happen, but it never did. James never expressed an interest in guys. Kendall had. Kendall had just shown interest in him. James hadn't. James probably never would.

"Please say something," Kendall begged.

"That was... nice," he told Kendall.

"So you liked it?" Kendall wanted to know.

Logan smiled. He had never really seen an insecure Kendall before. "Yeah. I really liked it."

Kendall let out a relieved breath. "I was afraid you'd hate me. Or be disgusted."

"Disgusted? Kendall, you're a good looking guy. I don't think anyone would be disappointed from kissing you. And... I may have had a little crush on you for awhile now."

Kendall smiled. The brightest smile Logan had seen on his face in awhile. "You have no idea how happy that makes me. So... do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night? With me?"

"Like a date?"

"Yeah."

This was almost hard for Logan to believe. One of his crushes wanted to actually go on a date with him. He had never expected this. "I'd really like that."

Kendall's smile just got brighter. "I'll look up movie times when I get home and text you later."

"OK."

"You wanna kiss some more?"

Logan chuckled. "OK."

Kendall moved forward and united their lips again. Kendall eventually won control of the kiss, and Logan didn't mind much.

After some time, Logan felt like he was being watched. He opened his eyes and saw someone standing on the stairs. He pushed Kendall away. "James." Logan felt guilty. Like he'd done something wrong. He had no idea why he felt that way. Maybe it was because James was just staring at them, a look of shock and hurt on his face.

"Hi, James," Kendall said a little too cheerily.

James shook his head. "My mom let me leave the party early. I, uh, brought that video game you wanted to play, Logan. I'll, um, wait for you in your room." James pretty much ran away.

Logan sighed. "Maybe you should go, Kendall."

"But-"

"I'll see you tomorrow. For our date."

Kendall nodded. "OK."

Logan walked Kendall to the door. Kendall gave him a quick kiss before he left.

Once Kendall was gone, Logan headed up to his room. He took a deep breath and went in. James was sitting on Logan's bed, arms wrapped around his legs with his chin resting on his knees. Logan walked over to the bed and sat across from him. "Are you mad?" he asked James.

"Mad?" James said and sighed. "No? I... I didn't know... how long has this been going on?"

"Well, that was our second kiss ever," he told James. "Our first kiss was only a few minutes before."

James let out a breath. "So this is new."

"Yeah."

"You like Kendall in more than a friendly way."

Logan nodded. "A little bit, yeah. You seem upset."

"I... It was a shock is all. You don't expect to walk in on your two friends making out. It's still processing. How'd this happen?"

"Um... Kendall told me he likes me, and kissed me."

Logan thought he saw anger flash through James' eyes. "Oh. Is something gonna happen with you two?"

"We have a date tomorrow."

The anger looked like it was replaced by hurt. "Are you looking forward to it?"

"I am."

James sighed and got out of his curled up position. "That's what matters most, I guess. If you're happy, I'll be happy for you."

"So, you don't hate me?"

James laughed. "I could never hate you, Logan." He looked at Logan for a minute then said, "You gotta tell Mom and Dad."

"Shit. You're right." Logan's parents always had to know who he was dating. That way rules could be established. "Will you be with me when I tell them?" They didn't know Logan liked guys.

"Sure."

They went into the living room where Logan's parents were. James sat down on the floor to play with the dogs a little.

"Mom. Dad," Logan said. "I, um, have a date tomorrow."

Mrs. Mitchell smiled. "That's great, sweetie. Who are you going out with?"

"Kendall."

Both of his parents raised their eyebrows in surprise. Mr. Mitchell glanced at James for a second before saying to Logan, "Well... that's unexpected."

"A little," Mrs. Mitchell agreed. She, too, looked at James for a brief second.

"Do you guys... have a problem with it? With me dating another guy?" They didn't seem mad, and it confused Logan. And why did they keep looking at James?

"We don;t care who you date," Mr. Mitchell said. "As long as the person treats you right."

"Will Kendall treat him right?" Mrs. Mitchell asked James.

James scratched Blaine behind the ear and said, "I think so. I'll rough him up if he doesn't, though."

…

The next afternoon, James went over to Kendall's house. Mrs. Knight let him in, and he charged toward Kendall's room. Thankfully, Kendall's door was unlocked so he could storm in with some grace.

Kendall had been sitting on his bed, watching TV. "James?"

James grabbed an old action figure off Kendall's shelf and chucked it at Kendall. "What happened to letting Logan choose? You cheating mother fucker!"

"Whoa." Kendall got off the bed. "Calm down, man."

"No! You didn't play by the rules, asshole! You have-"

"Technically! I did."

"How?" James wanted to know. "You told him that you like him and you fucking kissed him."

"Listen! James. It's not like I demanded he go out with me. Yes. I told him I like him. Yes. I kissed him. After the kiss, I asked him to say something because he was so quiet. He could've said he didn't like me the same way. But he told me he's had a bit of a crush on me. When I asked him out, he could've said no. Instead, he said yes. Plus, Logan is completely clueless when it comes to people liking him. If I hadn't told him, he never would've known. You would've given in eventually if I hadn't."

James hated that Kendall was right. He was getting really close to tell Logan how he felt. And Kendall beat him to it. That fucker. "I kinda wanna punch you in the face."

Kendall smirked. "Because I'm right?"

"You hurt him and I'll fucking kill you." James walked away without another word. He wanted to cause Kendall the pain his heart was feeling. But Kendall was his friend, and even though he helped rip James' heart in two, he couldn't hurt him.

As soon as James got home, he received a text from Logan. He went straight to the Mitchell's house and went up to Logan's room. "What?"

Logan looked away from his closet and at James. "Can you help me pick something out to wear on my date?"

This was the last thing James wanted to do. He just wanted to spend the rest of the day not thinking about Logan's date with Kendall. Except he may end up imagining how it'd hopefully being a disaster. He sighed. "What are you guys doing?"

"We're gonna see a movie."

James went up to Logan's closet. "Well. You don't have to dress fancy to see a movie." He took a grey cardigan out of Logan's closet and handed it to him. Then he went to one of Logan's dressers and pulled out a black v-neck shirt. Then he grabbed a pair of jeans. "Put that on." He went back to Logan's closet and debated over shoes. He settled on a pair of Vans, knowing Kendall would like that. Unfortunately. When he turned around, he saw Logan in only the black v-neck and black boxer briefs. "Um..." James cleared his throat. "You nervous at all?"

"I'm not sure," Logan said as he put on the jeans. A pair of jeans that James knew fit Logan really well. "Like, I've hung out with Kendall alone before. But this... I mean, it's a date. Yet I don't think I have to impress him. We already know each other."

James nodded and handed Logan the shoes. "So some of the pressure is taken off."

"Yeah." Logan sat on the bed and started to put the shoes on. "At the same time, I don't know how to go about it. Do I act as I normally do? Or do I act differently?"

James sighed. He didn't want to give Logan advice about his date with Kendall. But he didn't want Logan to have one of his nerd spazzes either. "At the start, act normally, I guess. Um. If he puts an arm around you, maybe lean into him. If he wants to hold your hand, let him. And... k-kiss him at the end of the night if you had a good time."

Logan studies James. "Do you have a problem with this?"

Yes. "No."

"If you do, I can cancel."

James smiled at him. He liked that Logan was willing to cancel a date for him. Sweet, sweet Logan. "Go on your date. I'm fine with it."

"You sure?"

"Yes." James put an arm around Logan. "Just don't act all lovey-dovey with him when I'm around. Cute couples are so gross."

Logan laughed. "I'll do my best. I told Carlos last night."

"Yeah?"

"He said he doesn't think Kendall and I go together well, but wished me luck."

God bless Carlos, James thought. Carlos must've thought Logan would work better with James. "That's Carlos for you. You think he's wrong?"

Logan shrugged. "We haven't even been on our first date yet. We'll see."

"You'll probably have fun," James said, hopping to hide his bitterness.

Logan nodded. "I hope. Um. How's my hair?"

James messed with Logan's hair, rearranging the out of place bits. "Now it looks perfect." He looked out Logan's window, the one facing his house. He sighed. "My mom has a date tonight."

"Just stay here." Logan stood and put the cardigan on.

"While you're gone?"

Logan gave James a weird look. "You're here when no one else is home. Mom and Dad will be here."

"Right."

Kendall picked Logan up at four. He said a quick hello to Logan's parents, glared at James a little, then left with Logan.

Mr. Mitchell put an arm around James. "I say you get to pick dinner out tonight, James."

"Anything I want?"

"Yup."

"Can we order Chinese food?"

Mr. Mitchell gave James' shoulder a squeeze. The Mitchells knew Chinese was James' comfort food. And James knew they probably sensed something was wrong with James. Logan even sensed it when James was trying his hardest to not show it.

"The usual?" Mr. Mitchell asked.

"Yeah."

"I'll go tell Joanna. You pick out a movie for us all to watch."

James smiled. "OK."

Logan's parents were successful in distracting James. Mrs. Mitchell didn't even complain when he picked out an action movie. They ate their Chinese food in the living room as they watched the movie. James fed his leftovers to the dogs, despite Mr. Mitchell saying they're too fat.

James' phone went off. He read the text then asked, "Is it OK if Carlos comes over?"

"Sure," Mrs. Mitchell said.

James texted Carlos back.

"Where's his girlfriend?" Mr. Mitchell asked. "He's not spending time with her?"

"She went to go skiing with her family today," James said. "Carlos wasn't invited because her dad doesn't like him."

"But Carlos is so sweet," Mrs. Mitchell said.

"And Stephanie is Mr. King's only daughter."

Mr. Mitchell nodded. "Makes sense."

When Carlos arrived, James took him into the basement to watch some TV.

"So how are you holding up?" Carlos asked.

James sighed. "I haven't cried yet, if that's what you're asking."

"James..."

"It hurts, OK?" James admitted. "It sucks that the guy I'm crazy about is on a date with my friend right now. A friend I've always competed with. It's like Kendall is winning again. And he's just won the most important thing to me. The one thing that would destroy me if I lost it."

"But Logan would never abandon you," Carlos said. "He cares a lot about you. He's only going out with Kendall because Kendall showed interest in him."

"And he has a bit of a crush on Kendall," James added.

"But he has a bigger crush on you!"

"What? No he doesn't."

Carlos growled in frustration. "Since I figured out that you like Logan, I've been watching him too. And thinking things over. Freshman year, all Logan wanted to do was get to know you. He gets so happy whenever you're around. It's, like, a piece of him is missing when you're not with him. You guys complete each other."

James laughed. "Dude. You gotta stop watching chick flicks."

Carlos gave James a shove. "I'm serious! When you and Logan are together, you both seem more... alive. You've helped Logan gain some confidence in himself. Logan's helped you be less closed off to everyone. I'm pretty sure you've told him things you've never told me or Kendall. I bet Logan's told you things he hadn't told anyone before. You're like part of Logan's family now. You two share something special."

"But he was all nervous and excited for his date with Kendall," Logan told Carlos.

"He asked you to help him get ready though."

"Because I'm the most stylish of the four of us!"

"No. Because he wants to spend time with you."

"He doesn't like me that way, Carlos."

"You don't see how he looks at you! He does like you that way."

"Then why is he with Kendall?" James yelled.

"Logan doesn't think you like him back."

James sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Why is this all so difficult?"

"Because it's life," Carlos said. "Maybe Logan's date with Kendall will be terrible."

James looked at him. "Kendall's a fucking charmer. Logan will have a wonderful time. Fuck my life."

"Maybe they won't last long."

"Yeah right. Kendall will probably get Logan to fall in love with him. That asshole." James' phone went off, signaling a text. He read it. "Shit. They're on their way back. You gotta leave."

"Why?" Carlos asked as James pulled him off the couch.

"Logan won't feel comfortable talking about the date with you around. I'll call you with all the details tomorrow."

After Carlos was gone, James sat in Logan's room and waited. Logan walked in about twenty minutes later, all smiles. James turned the volume on the TV down. "How was your date?"

Logan kicked off his shoes then sat on the bed across from James. "It was nice."

James waited. "Go on," he urged after Logan had been silent for awhile.

"Well. We shared popcorn at the movie theater," Logan said. "Once it was gone, we held hands." Logan blushed a little. "After the movie, we spent some time in the arcade. Then we went and got some ice-cream. We parked somewhere and ate it then... Um. Made out a little."

James couldn't hold back a laugh. "You're cute when you're all embarrassed. Though I don't get why you're embarrassed by kissing."

Logan smiled and pushed James lightly. "I've never gone beyond kissing."

"I know. Christ. What will you be like when you finally do more?"

Logan shook his head. "Not sure. But I bet it'll be funny to you."

James smiled. "Yeah." He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to his next question. "So. Are you two going out again?" Please say no.

"Yes."

…

Dating Kendall had been going pretty well. He was a good boyfriend. Always sweet and attentive. And they did fight sometimes, but that was normal. They would argue over where to eat or what movie to see. Kendall would get a little annoyed if Logan didn't choose his side when they made plans with Carlos and James. Kendall had complained more than once about James being at Logan's house.

James. He was over less now that Logan was dating Kendall. He'd be over when his mom had a date, and would usually spend the night. But he rarely came over to just hang out. It worried Logan. He didn't like James being so distant. His house, his room... it felt like something was missing when James wasn't around.

Logan waited in his living room for Kendall to pick him up for their date. It was going to be a big date. Logan's parents thought Kendall was taking him out to dinner. But Mrs. Knight and Katie were going to be out. They'd have the Knight house to themselves. On Valentine's Day the week before, Logan and Kendall had discussed taking their relationship to the next level. They had done everything but actual sex, and both felt it was time. Maybe Kendall a little more than Logan.

The doorbell rang and Logan went to answer. "Hi, Kendall."

"Hey." Kendall gave Logan a kiss. "Is James here?"

Logan sighed sadly. "No. He said he had to do something and maybe he'd see me later."

Kendall took Logan's hand and they walked to Kendall's car. "You sound upset."

They got in the car. "I'm just worried something might be wrong," Logan said.

"Like what?" Kendall started to drive.

"I don't know! He won't talk to me about it! It's so frustrating. If he's sad, I wanna be able to help."

"Why do you care so much?" Kendall asked.

"Because he's my best friend! I hate seeing the hurt in his eyes that he won't tell me about. I wanna make it better for him."

"Sometimes I wonder if you love James more than me."

Logan rolled his eyes. "It's different."

"How?"

Logan shrugged. "I don't know how to explain it. It's just... Not the same type of love, OK?"

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Well, it does to me! God! Why can't you see that I'm afraid I'm losing my best friend?"

"It just bothers me that you always find a way to talk about James on our dates," Kendall said.

"I'm close with James. Of course I'm gonna talk about him."

"It worries me is all."

Logan groaned with annoyance. "I'm not gonna leave you for James. And it's not as if James likes me that way."

"Uh-huh." Kendall pulled into his driveway. "When we have sex, are you gonna think about James?"

"Jesus, Kendall! Why would you ask something like that?" Logan got out of the car. He had thought about what sex with James would be like, but he wouldn't think of James while having sex with someone else. That'd be so rude. As Kendall unlocked the door, Logan said, "Have I ever called out James' name when you blow me?"

"No..."

"Then it's safe to say that I don't think about him when we do stuff."

They took off their coats then went up to Kendall's room. Kendall put his arms around Logan. "I'm sorry."

"You should be," Logan said, making Kendall laugh. "I just don't get why you're so paranoid about James."

"You're just so close with him."

"I am." Though he was so scared he was losing James.

"I'll do my best to stop being so jealous."

Logan smiled a little and kissed Kendall. "I appreciate it. You still wanna do this?"

Kendall nodded. "Yeah."

They both stripped down to their underwear. Logan sat on the bed as Kendall grabbed a tube of lubricant.

Logan was starting to get nervous. After much debate, he agreed to bottom and he knew it was gonna hurt. But Kendall had promised to be gentle.

Kendall placed the lube on one of his pillows. He went over to Logan and straddled him, placing his hands on Logan's shoulders. "You don't wanna back out?" Kendall asked.

"Nope."

Kendall initiated a kiss, immediately taking control of it—Logan had stopped fighting to control kisses weeks before. Logan's hands settled on Kendall's ass. Logan laid down, bringing Kendall with him. Logan broke the kiss so he could trail his lips along Kendall's jaw. Kendall's lips then went to Logan's neck. Next, his mouth explored Logan's chest.

Logan let out a pleasured sigh as Kendall's mouth found his nipple. He was getting more aroused by the second. "Kendall," Logan whined. He wanted to get on with it. He didn't know how much time they had before Mrs. Knight and katie got home. And just going for it would help lower his anxiety.

Kendall chuckled. He sat up a little and removed Logan's underwear for him. Then Kendall took off his own. He got the lube and covered his fingers with it. "You ready?"

Logan nodded. "Just be gentle."

Kendall smiled and gave Logan a kiss. "I will."

Logan grimaced with each finger that went inside him. There was too much pain to feel any pleasure yet. Thankfully, the pain started to dull as Kendall continued to stretch him.

"You ready?" Kendall asked again.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Logan said.

They didn't bother with a condom. Logan was a virgin, and Kendall didn't have any diseases.

Logan squeezed his eyes shut as Kendall entered him. Yes, it hurt. A lot. And it wasn't the beautiful moment people made it out to be. It was painful, and by the time he started to enjoy it, Kendall was finished. But Kendall went and finished Logan off with his mouth, so that was something.

After, they cleaned up, got dressed, and watched a bit of TV. Kendall held Logan against him and asked, "How was it?"

Logan couldn't tell him that it was... OK. Close to bad. "It was fine. The first time isn't always, you know, earth shattering."

Kendall chuckled. "I'll try to make it better next time." He kissed the top of Logan's head.

"Thanks for being gentle, Kendall."

"No problem."

Kendall dropped Logan off at his house a little while later. When he got home, he went into the living room to say hello to his parents.

"How was your date?" his mom asked.

Logan shrugged. "Fine."

Mr. Mitchell said, "James is in your room."

Logan couldn't suppress a smile. "Really?" After his dad nodded, he ran upstairs. When he opened his bedroom door, he saw James sitting on the bed. "James!" He hurried over to the bed, jumped onto it, and tackled James into a hug.

James laughed. "Hi, Logan."

"I barely see you anymore."

"We see each other all the time, Logan."

Logan ended the hug and sat on the bed, cringing a little from the pain caused by his earlier activities. "I just feel like you're avoiding me."

James gave Logan a funny look. "I'm not avoiding you. Just... giving you time alone with Kendall."

Logan snorted. "Fuck alone time with Kendall. I like spending time with you. You being here right now, like, made my day."

James smiled. "Yeah?"

Logan nodded. "Yeah."

James cleared his throat. "Um. Why'd you wince when you sat down? Did you..." James' eyes widened. "You had sex! And... you bottomed?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "Kendall was too much of a pussy to bottom."

James chuckled. "Wow. So, uh, how was it?"

"It was..." Logan would've lied, but this was James. He could tell James anything. "It wasn't great. Kinda sucky."

James bit his lip, and Logan could tell he was holding back a laugh. "H-how so?"

"Well. It hurt. I knew it would, but it took awhile to get used to it. And when it started to feel good... Kendall came."

It was getting harder for James to hold back his laughter. "How long did it last?"

"Ten minutes and twelve seconds."

"You counted?" James let the laughter go then.

"I got bored!" Logan said, making James laugh harder. Logan smacked James a little. "It's not funny!"

"It kinda is," James said.

"It's terrible! I don't enjoy sex with my boyfriend. What's wrong with me?"

James took a deep breath and got serious. "Logan. It was your first time. A lot of people's first time sucks. There's nothing wrong with you."

"But... if you love the person, if they're the one, it should be excellent. Mind blowing. The greatest thing ever."

James frowned. "Do you love Kendall?"

Logan sighed. "I don't know. I mean, we've said it to each other. Say it a lot. But he always says it first. And I do love him as a friend, maybe a little more than that? I don't know if I love him in the romantic sense. Like, the type of person I can see a future with."

"Then... why'd you say it back?"

"I would've felt like a jerk not saying it back."

"Logan, you don't have to do everything to please Kendall. Do what feels right. A relationship shouldn't be all about one person."

"I guess... but the sex."

James sighed. "I hear I gets better the more you do it. But... try telling Kendall what you want, I guess. If something... feels good... tell him to keep doing it. If something sucks, tell him to stop it."

Logan nodded. "OK... That makes sense."

"God. I can't believe you lost your virginity before me."

Logan laughed. "Shut up." He hugged James again. "You know, I was more excited about you being here than losing my virginity."

James chuckled. "Don't tell Kendall that."

"Trust me, I won't. Will you spend the night?"

James ran a hand up and down Logan's back. "Sure."

…

James had been proud of himself for not breaking when he found out Logan had sex with Kendall. Then he was relieved when Logan said it was bad. It sucked giving Logan advice though.

At school, Kendall would be all over Logan. An arm around him, holding his hand, kissing him. Carlos would always gives James worried looks when this happened. James would always tell Carlos he was fine, but it was getting harder and harder to watch.

Before, Logan wasn't sure if he loved Kendall that way. James was pretty sure Logan was starting to fall for Kendall, though.

On one day in April, Kendall kissed Logan's temple and whispered something in his ear. Logan giggled and playfully smacked Kendall.

"Logan," James said.

Logan immediately put his focus on James. "Yes?"

"Will you help me run for student council president?"

Logan smiled. "Sure."

"Hey!" Kendall cried. "I'm your boyfriend, Logan. You should be helping me."

"But James asked first," Logan said.

Kendall let out growl, stood, and stomped away.

Carlos sighed. "I'll go check on him."

When Carlos was gone, James asked, "How come you never go after him?"

Logan shrugged. "I like to let him cool off. And Carlos is good at calming him down."

"OK... So, um, is the, uh, sex better now?"

"It is actually," Logan said, which disappointed James. "Just..."

James felt a flicker of hope. "Just what?"

"Well... My mind wanders a lot while we do it. Shouldn't I be, like, focused on him and the moment?"

"I don't know," James admitted. "Virgin here."

"Right." Logan let out a breath. "I think that maybe I don't really like being... dominated, I guess. Like, Kendall always has to be in charge. We have to do what he likes. And I don't always like what he likes."

Why the fuck are you still with him? James wondered. "Did you tell him that?"

"I try to make suggestions and he's like, 'No.' It's so frustrating."

James wanted to beg Logan to break up with Kendall. But obviously Logan wanted the relationship to work. "Have you asked to top yet?"

"Yes. He doesn't want to do that."

"What the fuck? If he really loved you, he'd let you at least do it once."

Logan seemed to think that over. "I may say that to him."

James laughed. "You'll sound like a douche."

"Who cares? We should do something I wanna do for once."

James went to the gym after school. Logan had requested alone time with Kendall. James hated knowing that they had sex in Logan's bed. James slept in that bed all the time. If anyone should be having sex with Logan in that bed, it was James. James would give logan what he wanted in the bedroom. He'd make it about pleasing Logan just as much as about pleasing himself. Kendall sounded like such a selfish lover, and James would never be like that. Kendall probably didn't even like to cuddle after. That fuckwad.

James got off the treadmill and bumped right into Jett. "Move."

"You seem tense," Jett said. "And distracted."

"That's really none of your business."

"Is it because Logan is fucking the guy with the eyebrows?"

"Shut the fuck up," James hissed. He started to walk away.

"I can help take your mind off of it."

James stopped and turned around. "I'm not having sex with you."

"We don't have to have sex."

James actually started to consider. All he'd been thinking about the past few months was Logan. Logan dating Kendall. Logan having sex with Kendall. How he should be with Logan. How Kendall didn't deserve Logan. It would be nice to shut it all off for a bit. "Fine," he told Jett.

Jett smiled and took hold of James' wrist. Jett took them to a supply closet. Once inside, Jett said, "I took Logan here, you know."

"Let's not talk about Logan." James was there to forget, not remember every jealous moment he had. He pulled Jett in for a kiss. It was weird. Kissing a guy felt so much more natural to James than kissing a girl. He briefly wondered what kissing Logan would be like before he forced the thought away. This was not the time to think about Logan.

James let himself get lost in the kiss. He didn't know how much time had passed when Jett dropped to his knees, pulling James' pants and underwear down as he went. James felt Jett's mouth take him in and threw his head back against the door. James had never gotten a blow job before. It felt pretty awesome. It didn't take long for him to come.

Jett stood as James pulled up his pants. "My turn."

"Um..."

Jett looked unamused. "I did you, now you do me. It's only fair."

"OK..." James got down on his knees and pulled Jett's pants down for him.

Giving a blow job, James found, was not as pleasant as receiving one. Jett kept thrusting his hips forward, making James choke a little. And he wouldn't stop. It made James' eyes water. Then Jett came in James' mouth, and even thought James didn't want to, he swallowed. It wasn't like there was anything else he could do with it.

James sat on the floor as Jett pulled up his pants.

"I'm leaving," Jett said. "Wait five minutes before you leave."

James just nodded as Jett walked out of the closet.

James suddenly felt dirty. His first sexual encounter was not supposed to go this way. It wasn't supposed to happen with a guy he hated in a supply closet. It should've been with someone he cared about, and someone who cared about him. It should've been with Logan.

Finally, after months, James let the tears fall.

…

Logan had just finished his daily World of Warcraft session. He turned on his TV and his phone went off. He grabbed it off his side table, hoping it was James. James had been acting really off the past week, and Logan was starting to get paranoid. Thankfully, it was indeed from James. His mom had a date that night and he wanted to stay over. He requested a movie marathon and Chinese food. The Chinese food was a sure sign something was wrong—it was James' comfort food after all.

After texting James back, Logan called the Chinese place and made their order. Then he went to his family's DVD collection and picked out all of James' favorites.

"Is James coming over?" Mrs. Mitchell asked.

"Yeah," Logan said. "We're having Chinese and a movie marathon in the basement."

"He hasn't been over in awhile."

Logan sighed. "I know. He's been acting weird this week. I'm hoping to get what's wrong out of him tonight."

"I wish you luck," Mrs. Mitchell said. "I've been worried about him."

Logan nodded. "Me too." His phone rang and he groaned when he saw who was calling. "Gotta take this, Mom." His mom nodded and he answered, "Hey, Kendall."

"Hi. Wanna do something?" Kendall asked. "This mo-"

"I can't." Logan headed to the front room and looked out the window. He knew James was taking a quick shower and had to pack his over night bag. He had only a few minutes for Kendall.

"Why not?" Kendall asked, a slight whine in his voice.

"James is coming over."

"Well, I can-"

"No."

"Logan." Kendall was starting to sound mad.

"Cool your jets, Kendall. There's something up with James, and I'll never be able to get him to tell me with you around."

"Why is James always more important to you than me?" Kendall asked.

"He's not. It's just... He's my best friend and there's something wrong. I want to make it better. Please don't be an ass about this."

Kendall sighed. "Fine. See you tomorrow then."

"Or Sunday."

"Wh-" Logan hung up on Kendall. James had left the house and was crossing the street.

James came inside and looked at Logan. "Were you... waiting for me?"

"Yeah. Put your stuff in my room. I'll go put the first movie on."

"OK." When James went and did that, Duckie followed him. Logan heard James talk to the dog as he walked away.

Logan was glad that James seemed to relax as the night went on. He was laughing like he used to. He made fun of Logan's nerdiness.

Eventually, they moved the marathon up to Logan's bedroom. They changed into their pajamas and settled on Logan's bed.

"So... you having fun?" Logan asked James.

James smiled. "Yeah. The most fun I've had in awhile."

"What's been wrong, James?"

"I don-"

"Don't say you don't want to talk about it," Logan interrupted. "I've been worried about you."

"Y-you have?"

"Yes. I hate seeing you upset. Talk to me, James. I wanna make it better."

James sighed. "You can't make it better."

"Then just tell me what's been on your mind. Talking helps."

James looked at Logan for a minute before he spoke. "I, um, realized something."

"What?"

"That I like guys."

"Well, that's no big deal. So do I, obviously. And Kendall."

"But I don't think I like girls that way... Just guys."

Logan put a hand on James' knee. "That doesn't bother me. And I know it won't bother Kendall and Carlos either."

"I know," James said. "But..." James ran a hand through his hair. "I feel like a slut."

"What? Why?"

James let out a breath. "Jett convinced me to go to some supply closet with him. He blew me then... I blew him."

Logan felt a sudden surge of jealousy. "Um... wow."

"See? You think less of me now!"

Logan saw the tears in James' eyes. "No! I don't."

"Well, I think less of me," James said, the tears starting to spill. "God. What kind of person lets the guy they hate talk them into blowing him? I feel so dirty. My first experience should've been meaningful, with someone special. Not on a supply closet floor with a douche whose dick was choking me. I felt so disgusting. Like I was just some thing to be used."

Logan moved so he was sitting in front of James. "You are worth so much more than that. So you had one bad experience? Jett gets a kick out of being a guy's first, and he's not a sweet guy." Logan wiped James' tears away. "You'll find someone who loves you. Who cherishes you. Someone who sees how wonderful you are." Both of his hands went to James' face. "When you're with someone who cares, it'll be so much better."

Logan wasn't sure what led to his next action. He didn't know who moved first. Was it him? Was it James? Either way, their lips came together. It started slow, but eventually their tongues got involved. They spent some time fighting for dominance, but Logan won. Maybe James let Logan win, but Logan didn't care. He liked being in control. And kissing James in general felt so good. Why hadn't they done this before? It was so amazing. The whole world melted away. There was only him and James.

Somehow, they ended up laying down. Logan was on top of James, with James' legs wrapped around Logan. Logan started to move his hips against James'. James began to reciprocate the action. The kissing didn't stop as they did this. They moaned into each other's mouth. Logan's hands slid up James' shirt, and James' hands went to Logan's ass. Their hips began to move faster, and Logan found it better than sex. James was moving in perfect sync with him. He changed the pace exactly when Logan did, as if he was reading Logan's mind.

They came together. It was possibly the nest orgasm Logan ever had. They kissed for awhile after. When the kissing finally ended, they just looked into each other's eyes for a bit. Then realization dawned.

Logan flew off James and the bed. He began to pace around his room. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

James was sitting on the bed, pulling at his hair. "Shit, shit, shit, shit. Fuck!"

Logan was suddenly aware of the mess in his pants. He went to his dresser and changed his pajama pants and underwear. "I can't believe that just happened."

"I know," James said. "Um. Can I borrow some pajama pants?"

"Yeah." Logan grabbed a pair, handed them to James, and sat on the bed. "That can't happen again."

"I agree," James said as he changed.

"Because I have a boyfriend. Oh shit. I just cheated on my boyfriend."

"I just betrayed one of my oldest friends. Fuck."

"It was nice, though," Logan admitted.

Logan noticed James suppress a smile. "It was. But, um, as long as you have a boyfriend, it can't happen again."

"I know."

"And I don't expect you to dump Kendall for me or anything. I know you wanna make things work with him."

Logan took James' hand. "Thanks. I don't know what came over me."

"I don't know what came over me." James sighed and rubbed his thumb along Logan's knuckles. "What are we gonna tell Kendall?"

"Oh, we're not telling Kendall."

"Huh? So are we pretending it didn't happen?" James sounded angry.

Logan gave James' hand a squeeze. "That's not it. Just... why tell Kendall about something that won't happen again? I think we should keep it between just us, though. If one of us needs to talk about it, the other will listen. Do you... the me for wanting that?"

"You know I could never hate you, Logan. And I totally get it. Only the two of us will know about it." He pulled Logan into a hug. "Am I a better kisser than Kendall?"

Logan laughed. "A little, yeah."

"Awesome."

Logan pulled back, smiling. "We should go to bed."

"Do you want me to sleep in the guest room?"

"Ew. No. Things are not gonna get weird between us, OK?"

James smiled. A real smile. "OK."

When they were settled in bed, James said, "I wish that had been my first experience."

"I wish it had been mine too," Logan told him.

…

Surprisingly, James hadn't been upset after his moment with Logan. Somehow, it brought his mood up. Logan had enjoyed it. Logan had said James was a better kisser than Kendall. And yes, Logan was still with Kendall. But now James had hope for the future. When Logan and Kendall inevitably ended, maybe he and Logan could start something.

Logan sat across from James at lunch. Carlos and Kendall were still in line for food. "Don't tell Kendall," Logan said. "I voted for you for student council president."

James smiled. "Thanks."

Logan had been so helpful during James' campaign. He put posters and flyers together with James. He handed out candy and pins to all the voters, telling them how great James was and that they should vote for him.

"I think you have a real chance," Logan said. "Your speech was great."

"Yeah. But Kendall's so much better at giving speeches."

"Oh, whatever. I'll be pissed if you lose."

James felt his smile widen. "Aw. How sweet. It would be nice to beat Kendall at something though."

'You're better looking."

"Very true," James said, making Logan laugh.

Later that day, James found out Kendall won. Again. He waited in the bathroom, relieved that Logan showed. "I wasn't sure you'd come."

"Of course," Logan said. "I can't leave you alone at a time like this."

James walked over to Logan and hugged him. "You're the best, Logan." He sighed as he stepped away from the hug. "I guess Kendall wants to go out and celebrate. With you."

"I'll stay with you if you want," Logan suggested. "Have some pizza. Play Clue with Mom and Dad."

"Kendall will be pissed."

"Fuck Kendall. I'll make it up to him this weekend."

James hugged Logan again. He really hoped Logan and Kendall would be over soon.

Hmm. This is the longest chapter of this fic so far. But a lot happened in this chapter. I hope it was OK.