I sped eagerly to La Push. I couldn't wait to see Emily, to have a kindred spirit to confide in. Back in high school after Alice left, I always went to Angela, but over time as I began to become closer to the people at La Push, I started to confide in Emily where I would earlier have gone to others.

"Hey Bella," Emily called as I let myself into the room. "How's it going vampire girl?"

I smiled very lightly in response.

"It was one of those days, huh Bells?" Emily asked. I joined her at the kitchen counter where she was preparing food for the meeting tonight. We both knew how much the wolves could eat.

"I dreamed about him last night," I told her. I watched carefully to gauge her reaction, but she merely continued peeling potatoes.

"Oh," she replied because there was no need to tell her who him was.

"It gets worse. I pushed my bike to its limit today just so I could hear his voice. I care about Jake, but even after six years I can't get him out of my head. I want to forget about him, but I can't," I told her. Emily still just sat there peeling the potatoes. I loved that trait about Emily. No matter what I talked to her about she always thought through everything before saying anything.

She finally glanced up at me. "Do you still love him?" she asked.

I hesitated for a moment. I wasn't sure whether or not I should tell her the truth, but then I figured it would be pointless of me to lie. After all, she had probably already guessed the truth behind the façade ages ago.

My mind dwelt to the night Jake and I had gotten engaged. It had been five years ago, and my friendship with Emily was still pretty fresh.

"He asked you?" Emily asked as I hurried into her house. Jake had wanted to go off to celebrate, but I knew Emily would be dying to hear the news. Besides I could tell that Jake was eager to transform so he could share the news with the whole pack.

I nodded excitedly in response. Emily looked me over in consideration for a moment, carefully choosing the words she would say next.

"I guess you won't be vampire girl anymore then. You'll be a wolf girl like me."

At that moment, I felt the color drain from my face. It didn't make sense. I was in love with Jacob. I had been happy when he proposed. So why did my no longer being vampire girl matter so much to me? I should be happy that I was a wolf girl- that someone had wanted me.

"It's okay Bella," Emily comforted me. I felt myself coming back to Earth. Emily was looking at me her face full of concern. "You will always be vampire girl to me."

I smiled at her and suddenly, it was okay that Jacob and I were engaged, but at the same time, the charade I had built so long ago crumbled. I think at that moment both Emily and I realized that the one I really loved was Edward. It wasn't too long after that I started to tell her about my dreams. Talking to Emily helped. It made it so I could stop waking up screaming every night. Nowadays, it was only ever once in a while.

Taking my mind back into the present, I replied, "Do you really need to even ask me that?"

Emily stopped peeling the potatoes. Taking me by the hand she led me to the nearby kitchen table and sat me down in one of the chairs.

"What about Jake?" she asked. Of course, she would be worried about him. After all, he was her friend too.

I glanced down. "Kind of, but it's not the same. A part of me thinks that Jake knows that though."

"Oh, Bells," Emily sighed. It felt strange to finally be voicing the thoughts that had plagued me for so long.

"I don't know what to do, Ems. I love Jacob. You know I love Jacob, but it's not the same. I can't get Edward out of my head. I've never been able to."

Emily picked a napkin up off the table and started twittering with it.

"I never stopped loving him," I told Emily. "I don't think I ever will."

Emily gazed at me. I watched her scarred face trying to figure out what she was thinking. What wise advice she might have to impart upon me. Eventually, she spoke, but it wasn't the words I had been expected. "It's almost like you imprinted on him."

"I know," I replied. "What I felt for him was so strong, a lot stronger than anything I've ever felt for Jake."

"Bella, why are you marrying Jake?" Emily asked in all seriousness. "If you love Edward so much, why aren't you out there searching for him? Why are you here with Jake?"

I looked at her. I hadn't expected Emily to ask me this. After all, I thought she would be the one to understand.

"Because I love him as well," I replied. "Jake's been there for me through everything. He loves me unconditionally. He wants to be with me. Edward doesn't want me."

"Do you really think that is the best thing to base a lifetime off of?" Emily asked.

I got up from my seat. "Is there any reason not to? We love each other. Even if it's not what I thought it would be like when I was seventeen. It doesn't make it less real. I need some air. I'll be back."

I hurried out the front door. My mind debating what Emily had said to me. Maybe things aren't meant to be with Jake? Maybe I should go searching for Edward? But what would be the point of that? He would know I was looking. Alice would warn him if I got close. Even if I did find him, that wouldn't necessarily make him want me. It was better that I stayed with Jake. At least then one of us was happy.

"She doesn't get it does she?" I heard Leah's voice call as I exited the house. I glanced at where she was leaning next to the house, right next to the window to the kitchen.

"What do you want Leah?" I sighed. I hated talking to Leah. She was nothing ever but miserable. It's like she never once tried to pick up the pieces after Sam left her. At the same time though, I wondered if that is what I would have been like if Edward hadn't made a clean break. If he had rejected me, and I still had to see him every single day.

"Why are you so bitter towards me Bella? After all, we're in the same boat. Both lost the futures that we wanted."

I stared at where she leaned. My mind couldn't quite comprehend what she was saying. Usually, she was the one acting bitter towards me.

"I would do the same thing as you," she continued on. "That is if someone else had ever wanted me, but I'm stuck here, and let's face it. Everyone here just thinks of me as the bitter old Leah. Why would any guy want to be with me? I wish I could escape this place. So believe me, unlike the perfect little Emily in there, I understand what you're going through. I would pick second best just like you."

"You don't know Leah. The supposed love of your life left you because he fell in love with someone against their choice. Sam didn't pick to fall in love with Emily it just happened. Frankly, I think he was luckier for it," I dished it back at her. In my head though, I knew she was right. Jake was my Paris, not my Romeo.

"Fine," Leah scowled. "Don't talk to the one person who might actually understand what you're going through. See if I try to be nice to you again."

I watched as she stormed off in the direction of the woods. I could tell she wasn't too angry given that she hadn't phased.

I wandered down to along the coast until I found a piece of driftwood to sit on. I sat there staring at the sea. I allowed my mind to wander. My thoughts dwelt to the meadow and biology class, to the house with the one gigantic window along its back wall. From there I let my minds fix on Jake's garage to sitting there as he fixed up his rabbit. Jake's teaching me to ride my motorcycle. I smiled at the memories that I had of Jake. The memories that I knew he shared and treasured. It gave me the answer I was looking for.

Maybe the Cullens are back. In any case, they had made no attempt to contact me. Why should I give up the little semblance of life I had left? Jake and the others they were my family here. They were what kept me in Forks. They were the reason I was alive and sitting here today. I wasn't going to give that up. Not for a might have been.

I sat there on the beach until it was time for the meeting to start. I knew I should go back and face Emily, face Leah, but I wasn't quite ready yet. I knew Emily wouldn't mind. After all, she had only said those things to me because she wanted me to sort out my thoughts. She wanted me to be certain of Jacob.

She stared at me as I found a place to sit around the bonfire. I returned her look with one of my own. I hoped it said that I understood what she had said. I had thought about it, and I chose Jake. I think I succeeded because she meant my gaze with a smile.

Jake sunk down next to me. Placing his arm around me so that if the bonfire wasn't enough to keep me warm, he definitely would.

"How are you doing today love?" Jake asked as he nuzzled my neck.

I smiled. "Fine, now that you're here."

Jake held me even tighter in his arms. "I hope you keep thinking that."

I wondered what he meant at those words. The tone of his voice suggested that he was afraid that he was going to lose me.

Uncertain on how to ease his fears, I merely whispered back, "I will."

Sam took his place of leadership around the circle. His face was serious and held an air of gloom to it. He glanced at Jake and me with a sad smile before he began. It was as if he knew what he said now could change everything for us.

"It's the Cullens," Sam said not cutting around the chase. "We tracked the scent today. It's not as many as last time. The blonde girl and large boy aren't here."

Rosalie and Emmett, I thought in my head. If they're the only ones not here, then that meant that Edward was here. Edward was back and he had made no attempt to contact me. Correction that meant that Alice was back as well. Neither of them had attempted to contact me. My best friend and what was once the love of my life.

It couldn't be the case. They couldn't be back or else they would have. Why else would they have come back?

I could feel myself fighting back tears. "Can we go home?" I whispered to Jake.

He glanced to where Sam sat. They exchanged a look, and Jake lead me away from the circle and to where he had parked the truck. He led me to the passenger's side and made sure I was situated before loading my bike into the bed.

He didn't say a word to me from during the whole time it took to drive home and for us to climb into bed. I could tell he was worried about me, but I felt too lost in my own head to focus on anything happening in the world around me.