Disclaimer: - sadly I don't own anything in Tree hill.
A/N so I don't yet know exactly how long this wee tale is going to be. I know most of what I want to cover and I've got a pretty good idea of where I want to finish off I'm just not so sure exactly how long it'll take me to get there. To those of you who reviewed last chapter THANK YOU and to those who didn't but still read it the same applies although I would really like it if you did review.
So it's been a while since I last wrote to you huh? If I'm not wrong you've probably been climbing the walls and yelling at your dad that you need to come up here to find out if I'm ok. I remember you doing that a few years back when I took that month off to get my head together after Derek died. Strange how it doesn't hurt to talk about that anymore. There was a time when it hurt so much to talk about losing him, losing the brother that I'd only known for a few years but who I'd come to love like I'd had him around for all my life, that I'd avoid the subject like the plague. But the weird thing is since coming back to Tree Hill thinking about Derek doesn't hurt so much. Maybe it's because here is somewhere where I never really knew him or where he wasn't a major part of my world. It still hurts, not having him about I mean, but it's somehow easier to cope without him. Anyways how did I get onto that subject again. Really Jenny you have got to do a better job of keeping my mind on track here, you know what I'm like about wandering off on a tangent. You'd think after knowing me for so long you'd be able to keep me focused…only joking kiddo I know it's me writing this and not talking to you where you can keep me on track but I can still tease you though girlie. Someone once told me we always tease those we love the most, that's probably why I give your dad so much grief at times but you don't have to tell him I said that. Or your mom. Actually especially not your mom, she still finds it hard to accept how much history there is between me and Jake so I really don't want to freak her out too much especially as she's the one keeping the money coming in. If I upset her too much I might end up running out of money pretty quickly. Anyways back to what's been happening with me recently.
So the last time I wrote you I said I was heading out to speak to Luke and Nate. I know what you're thinking…"she wimped out". Am I right? Thought so. Well just for once missie you'd be wrong. Oh don't get me wrong I thought about it…A LOT…but I know that there comes a time where you just have to face up to what scares you or else you'll be running for ever. Plus I had a few questions of my own for Luke. As you know he's been going up to see my mom. I've caught him there the once but I reckon he's been there quite a few time judging by how familiar he sounded when he was talking to my mom. And I REALLY wanted to talk to Nate again. I don't think I realised until I came up here with your dad for Karen's funeral just how much I missed him and I'd give anything to have him back again. So just for once I broke my own unwritten rule and DIDN'T run away from the emotionally hard confrontations. I know, shocker huh? Guess I'm finally growing up…well a little bit anyways. So like I said I headed over there to try to surprise them all at dinner, hoping that with Jamie and Lily there at least anything they had to say to me would stay at least polite, probably heavily sarcastically polite but polite nonetheless.
I parked up just out the back of Haley and Nathans place and spent a few minutes doing my usual nervous, pre-important meeting thing. You know what I mean, you saw me before I met up with that band manager last year, that whole deal where I clutch tightly onto the steering wheel and try desperately to convince myself that I don't need to do what I know I need to do. Needless to say I failed, although I should be used o losing that particular argument. I have been losing it one way or another for almost sixteen years now. Of course you'd think by now I'd have learnt not to try but what can I say? I guess I'm just a slow learner at times. I'll tell you something though. If I thought just getting to their house was hard then I definitely hadn't fully thought about getting up to the door. Now that really was hard. You've heard the phrase two steps forward, one step back? That literally was the case Sunday before last. It took me almost 15 minutes to walk up the 40 foot-long drive and another 10 minutes to actually ring the doorbell.
I don't know who I'd expected to answer the door, maybe the nanny or some kind of maid but I tell you I nearly turned and ran away when I heard Luke shout that he would find out who it was at the door, and send them away if it wasn't important. I almost turned and ran and I honestly think that if I'd had more time I might have but he opened the door before could do more than take a half-step backwards. The look on his face was priceless though. Shock doesn't come close to how he looked. You remember that old Friends episode where Chandler finds out he's getting twins not just the one child? Remember the look on his face as the doctor said "the other one'll be along in a minute." Well that's exactly how Luke looked for a moment, a very long moment might I add. Thankfully it was just long enough for me to regain my own composure and stepping forward I said as confidently as I could (not all that confidently I might add but hopefully he wouldn't pick up on it) "So am I important enough to come in or are you just gonna send me away then?". I know, I know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but you know what I'm like when I'm stressed, I revert to being the sarcastic and bitchy girl I was back in high school.
I don't think I've ever seen someone look more stunned than he did then and I honestly believe that if Haley hadn't looked down the corridor to see what was keeping Luke then we would probably still have been standing there when the mailman came by the next morning. She also looked a little surprised but she recovered quicker than Luke and somewhat ruefully invited me in. I guess she'd thought I wouldn't have the courage to come to see the boys. Normally she'd have been correct (Ask your dad and he'll tell you she usually almost always is) but for once I was feeling brave and I definitely needed to continue on with my plan of facing the two of them before my rising terror overwhelmed me. I smiled at her and walking past the still dumbstruck, but quickly recovering, Lucas walked into the house I hadn't stepped foot in for over ten years. Winking at Haley once I knew Luke couldn't see me anymore I mouthed Nate and she nodded her head over her shoulder towards where the dining room used to be, actually I guess I should say still is because it hadn't actually changed since I'd last seen it. Walking around the corner of the hallway I met Nates eyes as he half-stood half-sat, obviously halfway between sitting and going to see who was at the door that was keeping Luke from dinner.
I'd thought it was hard seeing Luke at the door but the look of pain that flicked across Nate's face before he frowned angrily REALLY hurt. I hadn't seen that look of pain since junior year when Hales had left to go on tour with that skank, Keller (ask your Dad about that, it still gives me a headache to think of him). He opened his mouth, probably to say something cutting and sarcastic (he was good at that after all he had been taught by the best…Brooke Davis and, of course, me) but Haley interrupted him before he could really say anything. "What are you doing here Peyton? Apart from Karen's funeral we haven't seen you in over ten years. What's going on?"
Thank god for that girl's brains! Somehow between seeing me at the door and me walking into the dining room Haley had managed to figure out that I hadn't told her I'd be coming over so that she'd be surprised and her relationship with the two men wouldn't be affected. She'd not only managed to figure all that out in ten seconds but also find the only thing that she could say that would probably give me enough of an opening to say what I had to say before either Nate or Luke threw me out. Bless that girl's parents for teaching her so much and for raising such a smart girl.
"I'm back in town. For good hopefully or at least long enough to see if there is anything left for me here." I said as calmly as I could. "As to specifically why I've come over here tonight. I missed you. All of you. I was hoping that maybe we could talk. I know I've a few things to say to you all and hopefully they'll help explain why I've been away for so long. And although you probably think I've got a nerve showing up here like this I've got a few questions for you guys also, especially you Luke." I leant on the doorway as I finished talking and calmly (at least outwardly) waited for a response. Nate sat there wavering somewhere between angry, confused and curious and Luke? He looked up at me his gorgeous blue eyes showing his confusion at my words.
Ok let me just hold there for a second. I know I just described Luke's eyes as gorgeous but have you ever looked into those eyes? No, of course you haven't, silly question there. But I'll tell you this Jenny-girl. If you ever had looked into those eyes you'd know exactly why I describe them in that way. I mean Luke's a pretty handsome guy but the two things that I always loved about him most were his heart and those beautiful azure windows in the middle of his face. I say windows because like windows they are sometimes closed off allowing nothing to escape them but are sometimes open allowing just for a moment or two a glimpse into the most amazing soul I've ever met. Believe me when I say that gorgeous is one of a thousand words that I could use to describe Luke's eyes and probably the mildest one at that.
I leant against that doorway for almost five minutes while I waited for some kind of reply to my statement. I'm still not sure exactly what I was looking for, whether I wanted them to hug me tightly and invite me back in or to stand up and shove me out of the house but I waited nonetheless. Haley sat there quietly looking between the two guys and me worriedly but at least she didn't say anything. I mean it would've been nice if she did but I guess she didn't want to betray the fact that she'd known I was back to them before she knew how they would react. Y'know something Jenny-girl even after all these years away it was kinda funny to see their reactions were just as predictable as ever. Nate sat there, visibly fuming, clearly interested in why I was back but unable to say anything for fear of looking foolish for changing his mind, and Luke just looked at me questioningly and yet worriedly. I could almost read Luke's thoughts at that moment and it was clear that he was interested also but kinda worried about what I meant when I said "especially you Luke". If it hadn't been such a serious moment I honestly think I'd have burst out laughing.
Surprisingly though it was Jamie who spoke first. I think I'd forgotten he was there because when he spoke up I actually jumped a little bit. Looking over at him it was clear just whose son he was because he looked exactly like Nate had at that age just with Haley's eyes and hair colouring. His words shook me though, I mean I knew even ten years ago that he was extraordinarily perceptive but he'd obviously grown even more so as he grew up.
"Peyton. Aunt Peyton? It's been a long time since I saw you." He said quietly, "but y'know something though aunt Peyton (if I can still call you that) it doesn't matter what you say about why you're back. You and I both know that Dad and Uncle Luke won't be ready to forgive and forget just yet, especially Dad. Thing is though I think we all need to hear it and I guess you also need to say it, right? So why don't you take a seat, I'll get you a glass of wine and the yelling can start as soon as you've said what you came here to say." Jamie smiled at me and in that moment I realised just how much of his growing up I had missed by leaving town all those years and not keeping in contact with them all.
I took his advice though and sat down as he poured me a glass and carried it over carefully. As he handed it to me he leant in and whispered quietly "by the way, I know you and mom have been meeting up this week but don't worry….I'm a much better actor than she is and I'll not say anything about it if you don't want me to." Pulling away with a cheeky grin he pulled Lily out of her chair carefully and the two of them walked out of the dining room. Of course being Haley's son he couldn't resist one final word as he left "Now please don't kill each other you guys, blood can be so hard to get out of the carpet at times" he called over his shoulder has he ducked around the corner into the lounge.
The four of us sat there around that table and just looked at each other unsure whether to laugh at his parting comment or to start talking. After a moment I leant forward and, putting the glass down on the table, began to talk. It took me almost an hour to explain to my former best friends and, in the case of two of them, lovers exactly why I had cut all ties to them over the last ten years and why despite what I'd said to Luke at his moms funeral I was back. As I stopped talking I realised that at some point during my tale I'd began crying because, looking up at the others, I could barely see them through the tears. At that point Haley stood up and walking over to me enfolded me into her arms, pulling my head onto her shoulders.
From the way I felt her body turn I guess she looked over at the two of them as she stated firmly "I knew telling you that I was going to tell them about you would bring you over here tonight. Yes Luke, Nathan I knew Peyton was back in town. We've met up for coffee a couple of times this week and I knew that if I didn't lie to her then she would never talk to you two and she'd end up slinking out of town again and I wasn't willing to allow that to happen, not again."
Yet again Haley managed to surprise me. Not only in what she said but that she could say all that without pausing for a breath or without stopping her gentle strokes on my hair and arms. After lying in her comfortable embrace for a little while longer I stood up. Looking over at the two guys, who were looking stunned at Hales I said, almost in a whisper, "I'm sorry for cutting you all out of my life for as long as I have. People always leave right? It's just this time it was me leaving. I've still a lot of questions for you both but I reckon leaving now is probably the best idea. For all of us. Hales has my cell number if you want to talk to me again. I'll be here. I'm not running again. I'm home now and I'm staying." I turned away from their eyes and nodding gratefully to Haley and Jamie, who was leaning casually against the doorway with his arm draped easily across Lily's shoulder listening to everything, I headed for the door, pulling my keys out of my pocket as I walked.
I looked over my shoulder as I closed their door and met Nathans stare briefly. His eyes weren't as full of anger as they had been earlier and he nodded shortly at me. Climbing into my car I felt a little of that wonderful thing, hope. Believe me when I tell you this Jen there is nothing as reassuring as a rush of hope. Nothing at all.
Since that Sunday I've spent most of my time wandering around the town or sketching. I've run into both Nate and Luke a couple of times and things have been civil which is a start I guess. We're nowhere near back to where we were ten years ago but we're on the right track. I still haven't been able to grab Luke for a proper talk to ask him why he's been going up to see my mom though.
On that note I forgot to tell you. It's definitely him who's been coming by my mom's grave. I've caught him the last few days at pretty much the same time each day coming away from her grave. I even tailed him yesterday as he arrived at the cemetery and he spent ten minute with Keith and his mom and then wandered over to my mom's grave and spent another ten minutes there. He didn't just spend the time with them all talking to them. He tidied up their gravesites, pulled a few weeds from around the headstones, changed the flowers and brushed off the top of the headstones. I reckon if I want to actually talk to him abut this I should probably talk to him there.
By the way tell your mom thanks for sending up that box. I reckon some of it's contents could come in useful over the next few days, especially if I'm gonna talk to Lucas. And don't worry shortstuff I'll tell you what I've got in that box next time I write to you. I'll try not to leave it so long before my next note Jenny if only to save your dads poor ears (Don't tell him that of course, you know he'll only start with his "I told you so's") So anyways gotta go now. I reckon I've bored you with my adventures enough for one day huh?
All my love girlie,
Peyton
A/N so there it is, chapter 3 is up for your perusal and hopefully reviewage. Just one thing to add in case you all haven't guessed by now but Naley still have only the one child (Jamie).For those of you who are probably sitting cursing me under your breath at the lack of Leyton interaction in this chapter there will be some more next one. One question for you all though. Should I bring Brooke back into this or just keep it as Naley/Leyton? I value your advice and of course I love to get your reviews.