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Picture this:
You're sitting in an airport lounge. It doesn't matter which one it is. You're sitting and you're watching. I already talked about this, didn't I? Well, you'll just have to listen to it again.
There are a lot of times when I'm sitting here that I just want to talk to a random person. I want to like, tell them a story and see how they feel about it. Maybe they would agree with me. Maybe they would give advice. It doesn't have to be a real story. It could be a fake story.
It could be about me and my boyfriend. Maybe he broke up with me in a text message and I'm really angry. Or it could be about how my mother won't pay for tap-dancing lessons. Maybe my best friend stabbed me in the back. She went out with someone that I was in love with. Or maybe I'm in love with my best friend and she doesn't know it. Or perhaps she does know it.
It doesn't matter what the tale is. All I need sometimes is just a random person to tell it to.
I dig in my pocket for that one pill I know I need to take. I pop the cap to my over-priced water bottle that I got at a stand for a small fortune. Popping the pill in my mouth, I swallow it down with some water. It doesn't feel comforting like it should. It doesn't make me feel better like it should. It never does. And I hate that stupid Zoloft blob on TV.
I'm not sure why I do this. It calms me, I guess.
"Where are we going?" I whined as Bethany drove her car along the highway. "Come on, this is so far away."
"Calm your cookies Spence. We're almost there."
I looked out the window and saw planes taking off and landing everywhere.
"Uh, B, why are we at the airport?"
"Because." She said as she turned to me and gave me a wide smile. "This is fun."
"You know I'm scared of flying, and I don't think our problems will be solved by just flying away somewhere."
"Even to New Zealand?" Bethany asked with a smirk on her face.
"I-" I thought about it for a second. New Zealand would be fun. But no. "No." I laughed as Bethany chuckled and got out of the car. She opened my door for me and held out her hand. Of course I would never refuse her.
We made our way through the people with luggage, coming and going. We went up the escalator, passed the food places and convenient stores. Finally, we settled on just sitting down in chairs by the baggage claim.
Bethany didn't say anything, so I just turned to look at her. I was confused. My eyes settled on the side of her face and then traveled down her slender neck. Her skin looked so very smooth.
"So…" I said finally.
"So, I like to do this sometimes. Just come here and watch the people. I don't know. They're all just, going somewhere. Meeting people. It's interesting. It's kind of fascinating."
I smiled at her. Really smiled. Things like that, when she said things like that and brought me to places like this, those were the reasons I loved her.
"You like it?" She asked hesitantly, while biting her lip.
"I love it, B." I told her.
Bethany smiled at me and leant over to give my cheek a soft, affectionate kiss.
"Have fun at your friend's house?" My mother asked me as I walked in the door.
"Uh." I paused, I looked over my shoulder when I heard Ashley getting her coat and purse by the front door. She met my eyes and smiled just a tiny bit. "Uh, yeah, it was good.."
It was late, and I felt kind of bad that I left Ashley alone all day. My mother works at the hospital as a nurse, and she always works late. She usually takes longer hours and extra shifts, ever since my father has been gone.
And I know how boring it can be with just Harley. He likes to play video games all day long with the occasional roller skating around the house thrown in.
"Good." My mother says as she looks through the mail. "Thanks Ashley, sorry it was so late." She says as Ashley walks in the room.
The curly haired brunette shrugs. "Not a problem."
"Tell your mother I apologize for keeping you from dinner."
"I don't mind, she was making corn casserole." Ashley makes a scrunchy face, which is kind of adorable, if I were the kind of person who found things adorable.
Ashley takes the money handed to her and starts towards the door. I follow her to it so my mom is out of ear-shot.
"Hey." I say as I tap her on the shoulder. "Um, thanks. For covering me, you know. She gets weird and I would have been in a shit load of trouble if she knew I just randomly went out and didn't tell anyone where I was."
"Don't worry about it." She says quietly. I give her a smile and wait for her to ask me where I was. She doesn't. And I appreciate that.
I nod, not knowing what to say next. "Well, goodnight."
"Oh, yeah. Um, goodnight Spencer." She says before she leaves.
"Don't you just love Ashley?" Harley says as he bounces into the kitchen. "I think I'm gunna ask her to be my girlfriend."
I scoff. "Yeah good luck with that you fool."
"Spencer. Please." My mother says boredly. "Are you being nice to her? You should be, she's a very sweet girl, and her mother said she doesn't know many people yet."
"Yes, Paula. Calm down." I murmur.
My mother shakes her head at me. "Anyway, your father called me today at the hospital, he wants to see you. And Harley."
"Well that's lovely!" I clap my hands together in mock happiness. "Great, awesome. No thanks, I'd rather not."
"Spence, come on."
"No." I say roughly. "He can come here or whatever. If he even wants to."
"You know that if he came here you wouldn't talk to him anyway."
"Exactly." I tell her as I head upstairs. "Exactly. So there is no need."
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I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get sp- "Hola."
"I hate your ring back tone Fora. Really? Sir Mix A Lot?"
"It's a classic." She says and I hear her gum pop. "What's up lollipop?"
"Nothing. Paula said my dad called her today." I tell her as I lay on my back on my bed.
"Really? Does he want to see you?"
"Mmmhmm."
"And, let me guess. You don't want to." She says in a serious tone.
"Nope."
"Why not? I know you haven't seen him since the divorce, but maybe you should." She says softly.
"And maybe I shouldn't. He doesn't deserve it."
"Spencer." Fora breathes out. "It's not like it was his fault."
"Yes it was!" I yell into the phone. "He was the one who wanted it and at, like the worst time, Fora, please."
"I'm sorry, but I think it could be a good idea."
"Well I don't."
There is silence on the other end and I know Fora is stopping herself from yelling at me some more. From telling me to stop being such an idiot. And I know she also contemplating how mad I really am. Because it's understandable.
"You wanna watch Romeo Plus Juliet tomorrow?" She asks randomly.
"I'm guessing that's the version with Leo."
"Of course. And can we go to your house? My house has my mom in it who will want to watch it with us and Noel has that weird cat that like, scratches my leg all the time."
"I guess. And Squirmles hates you because you shot the hose at him one time."
"That ass deserved it."
I laugh genuinely. I love Noel's cat Squirmles because all he does is annoy the shit out of Fora every single time we go there. "Whatever. Oh, and Ashley that chick is coming too. Noel invited her."
"Oooh. You jealous?" She asks and snorts through her nose. It's not attractive or appealing at all.
"Um, not at all. I kind of hoped he would move on, but she didn't seem interested."
"Really?" Fora asks. "Girls usually have their panties in a twist for that boy."
Told you.
"I know."
"Hmmm. Maybe she's gay."
I scoff. "I doubt it."
"And how would you know?"
I roll my eyes even though she can't see me. "I don't know, I'm just throwing out suggestions."
"'Cause she's hot, you know. I mean, she's a little weird and quiet, but it's always the quiet ones who're the kinky ones."
"That's enough." I tell my friend.
------
"How 'bout this?" Noel asks me as he holds up probably the ugliest shirt I have ever seen.
"Sure, Fred Flinstone."
He throws me a glare from his closet. There are shirts and pants all over his bed so I just lay on top of all of them. "Why must you be so mean?"
"Why must you be so girly about what you wear?"
"Because I like to look good." He says like it's obvious.
"We're just hanging out." I tell him. Noel is now wearing a plain white t-shirt. "That took you an hour to pick out. A plain white t-shirt?"
"What?" He says as he goes over to his dresser to put on some deodorant. These are the reasons that I cannot be with Noel. I know too much about him. We were friends for way to long. I know what kind of deodorant he uses and I help him pick out his clothes. I lay on his bed without feeling any kind of sexual tension or awkwardness. And I like just talking to him. You can't have those things with someone you're with. I don't believe that anymore.
"So you're cool with Ashley coming, right?" He speaks again when I ignore him.
"Yeah, no problem."
"Good. You know I'm just trying to be friendly. It's not like I, you know, want her or-"
"Noel." I say as I lean up on my elbows. "You can like her. That's totally fine with me."
Noel walks over to me and bends down because he is so tall. "I know. But I don't." His large hand comes to push a piece of stray hair behind my ear and the whole time I am just wishing I could feel something. But I don't. I just fucking don't.
I push his hand away. "Noel, stop." I beg him and I sit fully up.
"Come on Spence." He says desperately as he takes a seat next to me. "I know you don't wanna be like that, and that's fine, really. Because I love you as my friend." He is quiet for a second and I don't know what to say. "I'm just worried. We lost her too, Spence. You know that."
I push his wide shoulders as I hastily get up from his bed. "But not in the way that I did!" I yell as I grab my jacket. And before he has a chance to ask me exactly what that means, because I know he wants to, I am out the door.
When I get to my house, I see two cars already there.
"So is this a new thing where people just go into people's houses." I say as I walk into the kitchen and see Ashley and Fora making popcorn. Well, Fora is making popcorn while Ashley just sits on a stool and listens to her babble.
"Oh, I'm sorry, she said-" Ashley starts to say nervously but she is cut off by Fora.
"What? I have your key, and I'm not a crazy murderer."
"I could beg to differ." I tell her seriously and I see Ashley crack a smile and start to laugh a little. And I realize this is the first time I've heard her actually laugh. It's kind of husky like her voice.
"Whatever. And then I saw Ashley here outside so I brought her in with me. Not like I was just gunna leave her outside in the rain."
"It's not raining." I tell Fora as I take a seat next to Ashley.
"It's an expression. God. Where's Noel?" She asks.
"Um, he's probably coming soon." I pick at my nails and I feel Ashley's eyes on me.
Fora's cell phone goes off before she has time to ask me what happened and why he didn't come with me, since she knows I was at his house. When she is out of the room talking to who the hells knows, Ashley turns to me.
"Um, are you okay?" She asks with large brown eyes.
"I'm fine." I tell her. I meet her eyes and for some reason I know she knows I'm lying. "Bad day." I tell her. But I don't know why. I don't even really know her.
"Me too. But thanks for having me over, it made my day better."
I genuinely smile at her and shrug my shoulders. "Just wait until Fora makes you watch like three Leonardo DiCaprio movies in a row."
Ashley laughs again and I realize that I like making her laugh. "Why?"
"She's in love with him." I tell Ashley seriously as I grab an orange from the bowl in front of me.
"Because he's like sex on a popsicle stick." Fora says as she comes back into the room, just in time to get the popcorn out of the microwave. "Popcorn."
I look at Fora and then point to the orange in my hand. "Orange. O-R-A-N-G-E."
"What's with you and fruit?"
"Spencer loves fruit like Fora loves Leo." Noel's deep voice says as he comes through the back door connected to the kitchen.
"Shut up Noel." Fora says. "I love Leo more than fruit."
I meet Noel's eyes and I'm saying I'm sorry. He nods and he's saying It's okay.
"Hey Ashley." He greets her with a smile.
"Hi." She says back.
After a little while of Noel and Fora making fun of each other, the four of us head into the living room to start our movie.
"So where's Har?" Noel asks as he takes a seat on the recliner. He reclines it back and because he is so tall he's basically hanging off of it.
"A friend's house." I tell him.
Fora takes a seat next to me and Ashley takes one on the other side.
"Yo Fora give me the popcorn." Noel says in the darkness, with only the TV screen illuminating us.
"Uh, I ate it all." She says seriously.
"What? Fora what the hell."
"Ugh, come on pissy pants, let's go make more."
Ashley and I watch some of the movie, and I thought it would be extremely awkward. But it's…not. It's just a little awkward. I can feel her body heat from where I'm sitting though, and it makes me feel warm.
"Your friends are fun." Ashley says quietly.
"Yeah, they're…interesting." I chuckle and I see Ashley turn to me and smile.
I immediately feel guilt creep up inside me and take over my chest and heart area. I know there is now a frown on my face and I would love for it to go away. But it never does. I wish I could get this feeling of replacing Bethany out of my despair-ridden mind but I can't. I like having Ashley here though, because she's nice and for some reason she doesn't make me as angry or as sad when she's around. Even though she' so quiet and shy. But it's cute. So cute I kind of just want to hug her.
I peel my eyes away from Ashley and cough a little. "Um, I'm sorry, I'll be right back."
I get up before she says anything and am happy to see Noel and Fora coming back into the living room with a fresh bowl of popcorn. I felt bad leaving Ashley alone.
"Where you going?" Noel asks as he passes by. I show him the small pill in my hand and head over to the sink. I wash down my Zoloft with a gulp from the tap and hang my head over the sink.
"Must we watch this movie again?" Bethany asked as Noel, Fora, and I sat down.
"The Wizard of Oz is the shit." Fora said seriously. I rolled my eyes and laughed.
"The shit we've seen like, every night for the past week." Bethany mumbled as I hit her arm softly. "Come'ere." She whispered to me as she pulled me to snuggle into her side.
"Where's Simon?" Noel asked as he stretched out on my recliner.
I looked at the side of Bethany's face before she answered. "I like you guys better." She said, and with a wink to me her hand came to pull me closer to her.
"Peace out girlscouts." Fora says as she heads towards the door to leave at the end of the night.
"Night Ashley. Spence." Noel gives me a kiss on the cheek as he heads to the door behind Fora.
Ashley turns to me and gives me a smile. I notice her nose scrunching up a little bit and I keep looking at it until she speaks. "Um, thanks for having me, again."
"Yup." I say, meeting her chocolate-y eyes. "You had to hang out with someone other than Harley sometime."
She shrugs. "He's not that bad."
"Takes time." I tell her.
"Well, bye," Ashley says and we stand in front of each other awkwardly.
I roll my eyes and move in to hug her. I wrap my arms around her waist and hers go around my neck. She smells really good. She gives me a smile and then she's out the door.
I lock it behind me and lean my back against it. I take a very deep breath before I make my way to bed.
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