Ok back, lol I have been watching Harry Potter too much ugh.

I don't own -Man

I held in the tears after he made me leave. He said he needed to process what he just saw, but I know the true meaning behind it. He turned away from me like everyone else and he wasn't coming back. Tears spilled out of my eyes as soon as I came inside my house, Cross was sitting on the couch, looking pissed as usual.

"I heard what you did." He said it with such malice that I immediately knew what he was talking about.

"Fuck off." I spat angrily through my tears, I feel no emotion as he rushes towards me with blood thirsty rage.

"You KISSED HIM!" Cross screeched, "YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO FIND LOVE AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO HER!"

He screamed at me and the familiar pain of hopelessness arises out of me anew. He yanked me by my hair and slammed my face into the wall over and over, pain explodes in my face and my face is a mess of tears and blood. He screams at me more, "I HATE YOU FOR LIVING I HATE YOU, YOU SHOULD'VE DIED INSTEAD OF HER! YOU'LL NEVER FIND LOVE WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU!"

"GO AHEAD! CROSS, RUIN ME, I HAVE NOTHING!" I scream back, getting to my feet, blood dripped on the floor in large amounts. He grabs me by the shoulders and throws me down the stairs, the world spins and my head smacks onto the hard floor I thought he broke my skull. My body is hurting, I can barely stand but I get up and he screams again, I've never seen him this angry. I wipe the blood off my lip and cough. Cross is there before I can even register what direction my body is facing.

I use my weight and push him away from me, and try to run, but he grabs my leg and I go crashing down. Cross wraps his hands around my neck and squeezes tightly. I can't breathe, I kick and struggle but he doesn't relent. I keep struggling but white spots are forming in my vision and my lungs are burning. I'm dying.

I don't stop kicking and digging my nails in his hands, finally I get a good kick and i'm released. I don't give time for my own body to respond, I get up and run out the door, because it's the closest to me.

I'm still crying, I keep running even though my legs are shaking to the point I think I might just fall over and die right there. That's probably what everyone wants anyway.

I'm so dizzy that I fall over and cut my hands on the concrete, that's when I decide that it's safe and stop. I sit on the sidewalk trying to catch my breathe when someone speaks.

"Hey, um, your Allen Walker right?" A female voice asks, I try and see through the tears but I can't so I just nod.

"You okay? You look like you were beaten," She says.

I nod, she sits beside me. "I'm Lenalee by the way."

I keep nodding and realize I hadn't covered my hand and that my deformity was visible. I push my sleeve to cover it and she giggles. "It's fine, it's hard to get used to, but I think it's cool." she said.

The tears increase and now I feel blind, everything is blurry and I sob loudly, I don't know why I say this but I do. "My dad beat me up."

"I can see that.." Lenalee said, hugging me.

"I'm so lonely..Kanda hates me." I must be drunk, you don't say this to people you just met. I'm revealing too much, she probably doesn't even know Kanda.

"It's gonna be okay," she mumbles, and I realize she must be in front of me now, because she hugs me. I sob into her shoulder and she laughs. "I won't tell anyone."

I hurry to school, I don't wait for Kanda because he doesn't want to see me anymore. I'm walking into the building when I hear a familiar voice. "Kanda!" Lenalee was saying, "he looked like he'd been thrown down a flight of stairs!"

"Look, Lenalee, I need time to process some things." Kanda replied.

"No, Kanda, I know what you're talking about, just give it another try and you'll see how much it complete's him and makes him beautiful…"

I smiled, but it hurt because of all the bruises on my face, I coughed roughly and when I opened my eyes Lavi was staring at me in astonishment. I averted my eyes and schooled my emotions.

"Well, shit, what the hell happened to you, bitch?" he asked, "Forget I asked, you probably deserved it, being so ugly and all, was it your dad? I'm betting money it was your dad." He laughed loudly and quiet obnoxiously at me.

A couple of people laughed around me as well. "Hey! Lavi!" Lenalee said angrily, "What'd I say about bullying people!?" I breathed a sigh of relief until I saw Kanda walking up behind her, I went frigid again.

Kanda did a once over of me, I can't believed I kissed the douche. Kanda didn't even try to conceal the gasp. I did look horrible after all, my face was marred with deep bruises and cuts. My hand that wasn't covered up was equally as scratched. I moved to make sure the evidence of Cross trying to choke me was hidden, so I zipped my jacket all the way up.

"Allen." Kanda said, I smiled, and walked away as quickly as I possibly could before Kanda could insult me too.

I didn't bother with class, I sat in one of the bathroom stalls waiting for school to be over, or for someone to tell me to get out, either one worked for me. I let all my emotions out I cried, I stabbed my journal with my pencil until there were a million little holes in it. I sat there, running my hands through my hair as the hours ticked by. I eventually got out and managed to make it into the band room.

I wasn't going to leave even when school was over, I didn't want to face Cross again. I sat at the piano and rested my fingers on the keys before I started playing. My slender fingers glide over the keys with an expert's speed. I'm playing "The 14th Melody" apparently when it was made it was about a traitor you betrayed his family, believing he was doing the right thing.

Allen loved this piece, so he wrote his own piece called, "Crowned Clown" it was about a boy who was made a fool out of by everyone, all the people in the town would laugh at him and call him names. As the song faded out I played Crowned Clown to my heart content, I didn't realize anyone was in here until I played the last note.

Someone whistled. I turned around quickly with a shocked expression. It was none other than Kanda. "I'm sorry Allen," he said, when I didn't respond. I nodded, and played a small tune.

"I'm sorry i'm completely disgusting to you." I responded.

He gave me a hurt look and I returned it. I wasn't going to let it go, plus he was probably trying to make fun of me. "I have to go." I lied, I didn't want to go, I was here first anyway. I ignored my own thoughts as the bell rang.

"Why weren't you in class?" Kanda asked, apparently he was going to follow me. Great.

"You of all people should know why." I replied.

"I said sorry, Allen," Kanda said sadly, it pained me to see him this way, but he deserved to feel what I felt.

"Sorry doesn't fix things Kanda," I say.

"I know," He replies, "I want to fix it Allen, please let me try…"

I want to cry, I want to die, I want this so bad I want to be with him. How can I trust him to love me back, how is it possible when I can't trust him to not beat me like Cross? My heart feels like i'm going to explode as I nod.

"M-maybe.." I say, longing soaking my words. One step closer.

I try a small smile, it hurts to do so, but I do it anyway. I'm so happy, that i'm laughing, Kanda smiles at me. Maybe it can be fixed.

As I walk home by myself (because Kanda had to stay behind for a few minutes and I needed to pick up a few things at the store) Lavi stops me. I try not to look terrified and it works because he sighs. "Look, Allen," he says, "You know I hate you, but I saw that Lenalee might like me, so I need you to kiss me."

"W-what?" I say shyly, "w-why?"

"Because I need her attention, she's almost here."

"U-um how is this gonna help you?!" I ask quickly as he steps closer. He gives me a look.

"She'll get jealous and try and kiss me. I'll kill you if you don't do this" Lavi said showing me the blade he had in his hand. I gasped.

This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Lavi will never get his soulmate if this is how he acts when he likes someone.

Lavi hears footsteps and voices, he peeks around the corner to see who it is. It's Lenalee and Kanda, so he grabs my chin and tilts it up towards his mouth.

"W-wait!" I say, I don't want to kiss him, he's such a dick. I try and run away but he stops me.

"Hey La-" Lenalee was saying when she saw us, but she stopped mid-sentence when Lavi kissed me. His tongue slid in my mouth and I wanted to gag. I really wanted to die now. He breaks off the kiss and winks at Lenalee. How the hell is this gonna help him?! She looks pissed and she probably knows he forced me to kiss him. Lavi is so stupid, I want to punch him in the face.

Kanda looks pissed at me, so I try to explain myself, but Lavi digs his nails into my hand. I give Kanda a look that basically says, kill me now. He looks so betrayed and I see any hope of our relationship shatter before my eyes. Kanda grunts and Lenalee gives Lavi the most pissed off look.

"You idiot!" She says when Kanda leaves, "you think forcing Allen to kiss you would get you my attention?!"

"Yeah," Lavi says, "sorry.."

I put a hand to my forehead and I seriously want to cry right in front of both of them. Lenalee sighed sadly.

"Look what you've done Lavi." she says, "now Allen and Kanda may never get together!"

"I don't care about cursed boy over here, he can go slit his wrists the next time his daddy beats him!"

I choke on tears, fuck Lavi, fuck life, I didn't need a heart anyway. I felt my heart felt like it was being torn apart, hopefully it was. Lenalee slapped Lavi so hard across the face, that a bruise was immediately forming. Lenalee looked in my direction, "Allen, go home, I'll make sure Lavi never says anything like this to you again."

I nod and realize I had started crying as I run past my house. I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to be anywhere. What me and Kanda possibly had was over, now I know that whoever my soulmate must be dead because I don't deserve any love at all.

I don't want to feel anything anymore, if this is what love is I want to be killed at the stake. I, Allen Walker, am not worthy of any love. Maybe I should do what Lavi said, I'm kind of feeling in the mood.

I start walking toward my house, and I realize I might have to face Kanda if I want my hoodie back. I decide to stop there on my way. Tiedoll opens the door, "Oh, you just missed Kanda!" he said.

"It's fine, tell him I was forced, and Lavi threatened me." I said, I knew Kanda would still not believe me but it's worth a shot. "I came here for my clothes anyway…"

"I'll go get them for you!" he said sweetly.

Tiedoll handed me my clothes and I walked home. I took off my shirt because it's really hot and put on my sleeveless hoodie. I wondered how angry Cross was, maybe he was drunk, hopefully he was drunk, he's more violent when sober.

I walk into the house and it feels different. It's terrifying.

Cross is sitting on his couch, clearly sober, surrounded by other burly men and my eyes widen, he smiles wickedly at me. "Since you're gay, you can pay off my debts a different way.."

"P-please.." I say pathetically, but that was a mistake the men laughed.

"He's really cute, Cross." One of them said, licking his lips. I felt a chill go up my spine.

Hey ok I was too busy sleeping to post this earlier my bad but here it is lol :D R and R pls