Chapter 3: You Can't Take 'Em Anywhere...

Colonel Potter frowned at the battered bus sitting outside the mess tent. He turned to Corporal Klinger, who was currently wearing his Toledo Mudhens jersey. "Isn't that the bus that broke down in Nerima last month?"

"Yes, sir. If you look, you can see the dent mark where that girl punched it instead of her boyfriend. But Rizzo says aside from that, it's in perfect working order!"

"Uh huh," the Colonel gave the bus a skeptical look. "By the way, nice outfit."

"I know it isn't regulation army sir but it's the only thing I have in my wardrobe that either isn't a dress or won't leave me chafing all over!"

Potter nodded. "I appreciate it, Klinger."

"You're welcome, sir."

The Colonel then looked over the rest of the group and frowned at his XO. "Burns? Why do you have your service weapon strapped on? In case no one told you, these people are our allies!"

Burns looked at him and squirmed. "Colonel! That's exactly what I mean! I mean someone has to show our allies how a proper US Army officer behaves!"

"I beg your pardon Major?" Potter asked in a tone of warning.

"Well Frank, if we want to show them a real soldier, we've got Margaret!" Hawkeye put in.

"True enough." Potter nodded. "Frank. When we get there, just leave the gun on the bus."

"It's not entirely his fault Colonel." Hunnicutt put in. "He wanted to bring his scalpel but we wouldn't let him take anything dangerous."

"Probably a good call." Potter agreed.

"So Hawkeye?" Trapper asked. "Planning any special maneuvers tonight?"

"I figured me and Ashigara would go refight the war. I'll launch a surprise attack. We'll both get bombed and then we'll see how long it takes her to make me surrender."

"Degenerate." Burns declared.

"Thank you. I try." Pierce answered.

"You're not fit to wear the uniform of an American soldier."

"Glad you noticed Frank. Now if we could just convince the army of that."

"Burns, I'm going to say this one time and one time only: We're guests here. This is a special invite from the Commanding Officer of Kanmusu Force Yokosuka in appreciation of that little wing-ding we threw last week. It seems they actually have a favorable opinion of our little outfit and I intend for it to stay that way. So you are going to be polite and smile and keep that trap of yours shut or I'll boot you clear to Hokkaido! Capiche?"

Major Burns managed a hurried salute as Colonel Potter glared at him.

"Now folks..." The Colonel continued in a more genial tone. "I don't have to tell you just what an honor it is to get this invite."

"Has any American ever been allowed to witness a summoning ceremony here in Japan before?" Major Houlihan asked.

"Only the ambassador, the Secretary of the Navy, and a couple of admirals. " Potter answered. "Father?" He looked over at Father Mulcahy. "From what little I understand, the ceremony has some basis in Shinto ritual. That won't bother you, will it Padre?"

"Not at all! Many and splendid are the ways of the Lord!"

"What's that mean?" Burns asked.

"It means I wouldn't miss this for all the tea in China, Major."

"Or at least all the tea in Kongou's pantry," Hawkeye remarked.

Potter chuckled just a little at that. "Winchester, You're in charge until we get back. Try not to incite a mutiny while I'm gone."

Frank made a face at Winchester. One that did not escape the Colonel's attention.

"Sorry Winchester." Potter apologized. "I know you'd probably get more out of the experience than certain others..." He threw another glance at Burns. "But if I leave them in charge, then I know we'll have a mutiny."

"Understood Colonel. " Winchester smirked at Burns. "Although I shall indeed miss the hospitality and sophistication of a proper tea, there are others who yet might benefit more."

"Whatever." Potter shrugged. "By the way? Anyone seen Radar? He was all excited when this came over the wire but I haven't seen hide nor hair of him since!"

Hawkeye and Trapper grinned, sharing a look. "Oh, he'll be here Colonel," Hawkeye said confidently. "He's just getting something for the battleship who has everything!"

"He's still stuck on Kirishima I take it?"

"I think he's hoping to get a look at her shell collection."

"I don't see why not." Trapper shrugged. "Radar's a pretty high caliber young man."

"And unlike Frank, he doesn't shoot his mouth off," Hawkeye rejoined.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh! I'm sorry Frank. Did that one go over your head?"

"Alright you two, Enough with the pot shots," Potter told them.

Hawkeye grinned. Sure enough, Radar was hurrying over with an exquisitely carved rosewood box.

"What's in the box Radar?" Hawkeye asked.

"It's a present for Miss Kirishima!"

"That much we all figured! But what is it?"

Radar looked around and quickly opened the box. Even Winchester seemed appreciative.

"Very nautical of you Radar but how did YOU get a hold of THAT?" Pierce wanted to know.

"It wasn't easy. It took six back months of Superman comics and three cases of chipped beef and four gallons of fudge ripple ice-cream!"

"I'm sure she'll love it Radar." Hawkeye nodded.

"Okay people! Mount up!" Potter ordered everyone onto the bus. "Winchester! HQ says everything should be quiet for the next few days so just make sure the camp doesn't burn down while we're gone."

After a short drive, the bus was waved through the main gate at Kanmusu Facilities Yokosuka and directed to the building marked 'Operations Center'. Lieutenant Matsuda greeting them there as well as Secretary Ship Nagato and a maturish looking woman, a few inches shorter than Nagato, but radiating quiet confidence. She was identified as Settsu.

"Battleship Settsu." She corrected Matsuda. "There is no treaty out here Colonel. I can do what I was built for." She shot a sideways glance at Nagato. "At least once I've finished reminding the children that I still know which direction to aim my turrets. Give these kids some fancy technology and they start thinking it's time to put you out to pasture like some old tramp steamer. Not this Battleship. Not by a long shot!"

"Amen!" Potter rejoined.

"And a friendship is born!" Hawkeye pronounced. "Warship to Warhorse."

"Can it Pierce."

"I'll can it if I can Colonel. Do you think I can Trapper?"

"I'm certain you can. You could even can-can it."

"Can the canning!" Potter glared at them both and then turned back to Matsuda. "Maybe we better get on with things."

"Of course Colonel. The Admiral is waiting for us in his office..."

TBC...

A/N: Nerima is the home base for the 1st Division of the JSDF as well as a certain group of martial artists who will remain nameless at this time.