Warnings for this chapter: People in a lot of pain. Specifically, one person in a lot of pain. You'll see it coming. Start reading, and if it bothers you, scroll down to "Yup" and you won't miss much.

Chapter 3

It was the the night of Thor's senior prom. Loki could have gone, since he was a junior, but he didn't. When Thor got home a little after midnight, the house was dark. Thor took a deep breath, got out of the car, and slammed the car door shut. It was a hot summer night, and the air weighed heavily on him through his suit. He had told his parents he would be home by 11:30, and hadn't been sure if they would wait up for him. He locked the car and strode down the walkway to their house.

He wouldn't have noticed Loki if he hadn't chosen that moment to move the cigarette away from his mouth, creating a momentary arch in the air with the red embers glowing at the tip. Thor stopped in his tracks. It took a moment, but his eyes adjusted, and he saw that Loki was sitting on their front porch beside the door, watching him. Thor huffed out an irritated breath at having been startled by him, and started walking again. There was something white and rectangular on the porch next to him, and as Thor came closer, he realized that it was an envelope. Thor stopped a step below Loki and gazed at the letter. A muscle in his jaw jumped and his eyes snapped to Loki's. Loki took another drag from his cigarette. "What is that?" Thor asked in a low voice.

"Do ma and pa know?" Loki asked.

"Know what?"

"That you're going to school at Oklahoma State," Loki snapped. "I'm sure they'll be thrilled that you're going to school so close to home."

Thor glared at him. "That letter wasn't yours to read. I haven't heard back from everywhere yet."

"You don't need to," Loki told him. He tapped his cigarette on the edge of the porch and some ash fell to the ground. "You're going there, and our parents won't complain because you got a full ride scholarship."

Thor snatched the letter up from the ground. "So why do you care? You'll be off somewhere in a year anyway."

Loki's eyes glowed softly with the light of his cigarette. "Jane got in." It wasn't a question.

Thor's mouth tightened. "Yes."

"Is there any other reason you want to go to Oklahoma? The athletics? Do they have a good physics program–"

"I want to major in business!" Thor nearly shouted. They were both silent for several long moments. Thor barely dared to breathe. Loki's cigarette was slowly turning to ash between his fingers. When no noise came from the house, Thor let out a frustrated sigh and went up the last step. "I'm going to bed," he said more quietly. The screen door screamed as he opened it, and he winced.

"They went to aunt Eir's for the night because they knew you'd be back late," Loki told him. "You're not going to wake them up."

Thor swore under his breath. He had no idea if Loki was telling the truth or not, and he tried to open the door quietly and close it carefully behind him, but the screen door banged against the wall despite his efforts. He climbed the stairs without bothering to be quiet; either their parents really were out of the house, or Thor had already woken them up.

Thor went to his bedroom and put the acceptance letter on his bedside table. He undressed quickly and changed into his pajamas before going to brush his teeth. When he came out of the bathroom, he saw that the light was on under Loki's door. He hesitated. It's not his fault, he told himself. He just . . . can't accept that he's going to miss you. Thor walked quietly over to Loki's door and knocked once.

There was a pause, and then, "Come in." Thor opened the door and walked inside.

Loki was perched on his window sill. The cigarette was gone, for which Thor was thankful. Loki had promised he would quit after Frigga found out about the new habit the summer before, but somehow he had never gotten around to it. Frigga knew, and Loki knew that she and Thor hated the smell of smoke, but Loki never smoked inside and Frigga had stopped saying anything about it.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Thor said. He walked over to Loki's bed and plopped down on it. Loki looked mildly irritated at that, but he didn't say anything. Even from this distance and in the light of Loki's lamp, Thor could see that Loki had bags under his eyes. He looked tired. After a moment of silence, Thor asked, "Why do you really not want me to go?"

Loki rested his head against the side of the window frame. The air that wafted inside was cool and sweet. A cricket was chirping outside. "You're making a mistake."

"How?"

"Jane," Loki said.

Thor sighed. "If you spent any time with her–"

"I don't needto know her any better to know she's wrong for you." Loki's eyes flashed. "You two aren't going to last, and you shouldn't be making decisions based on what she wants."

"Brother–"

"I am not your brother!"

Hurt flashed across Thor's face. "Don't ever say that again," Thor said quietly. Loki pressed his lips together and looked away. There was a long silence. Thor ran his hand through his hair and sighed. When he pulled his hand away, a strand of his hair stuck up awkwardly. "If this is because you're jealous–"

"This isn't about jealousy!" Loki's leaned awkwardly out the window to reach the pack of cigarettes in his back pocket. His hands shook as he grabbed one between his teeth and lit it.

"Loki," Thor said warningly. He stood and walked over to Loki.

"I can do what I like!" Loki snapped at him, and he yanked the cigarette out of his mouth and held it out of Thor's reach.

"Why do you do this?" Thor demanded. He was very close to Loki, and he could smell the smoke strongly in the air. "You're going to give yourself cancer." Loki brought the cigarette back to his lips in what was clearly a defiant gesture. Just as he drew it away, Thor tried to grab it, but Loki quickly moved it out of his reach. Thor snatched at the cigarette, Loki leaned away from him, and Thor's eyes locked with Loki's just as Loki lost his balance. Thor saw Loki's eyes widen, and then Loki fell out the window.

"Loki!" Thor yelled. He lunged for his hand, but it was too late. Loki hit the cement patio below with a sickening crunch and a strangled cry of anguish. Thor felt his whole world tip sideways. He gripped the white, splintery windowsill so hard he wasn't sure he could let go, and he had a momentary, mad urge to follow Loki.

Thor barely remembered pushing himself away from the window, running across the room, and flinging the door open. He took the stairs two at a time and nearly fell in his rush to get outside. He slammed the front door open so hard, it and the screen door both bounced against the side of the house. When he reached the patio, Loki was letting out broken sobs.

"Oh my God," Thor heard himself say, and he knelt down at Loki's side. Loki looked up at him pitifully, his face wet with tears. Loki's body was twisted and broken, and there was blood. A lot of blood.

"Thor," Loki said, and then he let out a noise Thor never wanted to hear him make again. "It hurts so much," he whimpered.

Thor pulled Loki's head into his lap and stroked his hair. "It's okay," he said nonsensically, because it wasn't okay, and it wasn't going to be okay. "I need to call an ambulance. Just – just wait here, and I'll go get my cell from inside."

"No!" Loki's hand sprang out and grabbed Thor's wrist. His fingers dug into Thor's skin. Loki looked up at Thor with absolute terror in his eyes. "Don't leave me. Please." Loki gasped in a broken breath and tried for a weak smile. "Besides, we can't afford an ambulance."

"Okay, okay," Thor said. He forced himself to look at Loki's body. His legs were a mess, but Thor had no idea how to carry him without touching them. "I need to carry you to the car. This is going to hurt a lot, okay?"

Loki let out a sob that might have been supposed to be a laugh. "No shit."

"I can get you some Advil–"

"No." Loki took a deep breath and seemed to calm down. "Just get me to the hospital."

Thor hesitated, then put his arm under Loki's shoulders. As gently and quickly as he could, he put his other arm under Loki's legs and stood up. Loki buried his head in Thor's shoulder, but it barely muffled his scream.

Carrying Loki to the car was the worst experience of Thor's life. Loki clung to him and screamed in pure agony, and by the time they reached the car Thor was nearly running because he just wanted it to stop. He did not understand how Loki could possibly be in that much pain and not have passed out. When they got to the car, he had to set Loki on the ground so he could unlock the doors and open the one to the backseat. Loki had closed his eyes and was just trying to breathe, but when Thor came to pick him back up, Loki opened his eyes and smiled at Thor. "This had better be the last time," he said hoarsely.

"Yup," said Thor grimly, and he picked Loki up and put him in the back seat.

It took them about five minutes of driving for the pain to subside enough that Loki stopped groaning. Thor's hands were shaking and he was half sure they were going to crash before they made it to the hospital, but when he looked at Loki in the rearview mirror, Loki looked perfectly calm. He had to be in shock. He was looking out the window from where he was half-propped up, and he seemed to be concentrating on breathing through his nose. A whimper only escaped his lips when they went over a bump or Thor made too sharp a turn. Thor tried to concentrate on driving, but it was so hard to know that Loki was in that much pain and he could do nothing to stop it.

"Would you mind lighting this for me?" Loki asked when they came to a stop at a red light. Thor turned around in his seat and saw that Loki had somehow gotten a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket. He was holding it and his lighter out to Thor, one in each hand. Thor looked at him, and looked at the cigarette, and put his hands over Loki's thin cold ones. He felt the metal of the lighter and the paper of the cigarette press against his skin, but he didn't take them. Thor looked into his eyes, searching for some reassurance that Loki was going to be okay, and Loki smiled. "I just want one last one."

My seventeen-year-old brother thinks he's going to die, Thor thought, and he took the cigarette and lighter from Loki with trembling hands. Loki thinks he's going to die. He lit the cigarette on the first try, and then he handed it and the lighter back to him. He turned back to the road to find that the light had turned green and someone was honking at him, and he put the car back in first gear and they started forward.

When he looked in the rearview mirror at Loki again, Loki was smoking the cigarette calmly and looking out the window. The tears had dried on his cheeks, his hair was tangled and bloody, but there was something heartbreakingly beautiful about the way the moonlight caught his expression. Something stuck in Thor's throat. He wanted to tell Loki how much he meant to him – how brave he was – that he was the bravest person he knew, braver than Thor would ever be – but he couldn't speak. I love you, he thought as he looked at Loki. Loki shifted slightly and rested his head against the headrest. A strand of hair fell across his neck.

That was when it struck Thor. I'm in love with you, he thought. You can't die.

Thor quickly looked back at the road and he had to jerk the car away from where he had been about to drive off the line. He wiped his eyes so that he could see the road properly. The hospital was over fifteen minutes away from their house, and they had a long way to go.