Chapter Three: Bonding with Each Other and then Loss

Ryley and Zevran were riding ahead scouting; a skill in which Ryley's ability far exceeded Zevran's; however, Zevran was eager to learn what Ryley had to teach. The two had become close. Close enough that Ryley had already sated his curiosity about Zevran, and Zevran felt comfortable enough to allow his own curiosity to come forth.

"Did you grow up in Highever, Ryley?"

"Yes. We were raised with Fergus, he's a few years older than us but we were close to him."

"So you knew Aonghas well then?"

"Actually not that well, our difference in age was enough that by the time he became interesting we were busy learning more adult things. He was an adorable child though."

"He must have been lonely."

"I think he was at times but he got his fair share of attention. He use to follow Uncle Bryce or Fergus every where they went until somebody would come and take him away. He seemed to have a knack for showing up in places he wasn't suppose to be. When he was really small and we were around him more he use to make friends with anybody that came to the castle. He would sit on stranger's laps and cuddle with the ladies that came to see Uncle and Aunt." Ryley laughed, "The clearest memory I have of him is when he was about five. He always hung on the guards through the castle and they all handled it well but then they started to notice that things were missing. First it was keys, which as you can imagine was a bit upsetting to everybody. Missing keys were never a good thing. Then belt pouches began disappearing and even a few daggers here and there. Everybody became alarmed and I even found myself standing before Aunt Eleanor and Uncle Bryce with them questioning me if I was culprit. Finally as the guards became more alert one who had just been hung on all over by young Aonghas realized his belt pouch was lighter than it had been and upon inspecting it he found that his coin was gone. Now as I understand it the guard kept it to himself for a time, but he and Fergus were friends so he approached Fergus and shared his suspicions. At first Fergus thought the man couldn't possibly be right, but Ryonah, Fergus, and I searched Aonghas room and found everything in the bottom of the five year old Aonghas' toy chest." Ryley laughed richly and Zevran couldn't help but join him before speaking.

"That is amazing. Aonghas once told me he had been stealing since before he could walk but I thought he was just exaggerating."

"He may have been stealing even younger because we did find toys that the three of us had accused each other of taking in the same toy chest. We figured he had just been using them and Nan had assumed they were his but there is always a chance he did it himself. Needless to say Aunt Eleanor was appalled by the whole situation and although Uncle Bryce acted as if he was too; I could swear I saw pride shining in his eyes. I once heard Uncle Bryce say to Aunt Eleanor, "Ryley and Aonghas are very clever. We need to find outlets for that cleverness or we'll have a couple of troublemakers on our hands." Aunt Eleanor must have agreed because a couple of days later one of the castle scouts came to me with orders to train me in being a scout. I know he spent a bit of time with Aonghas to, but mostly he trained me."

"I had wondered where a person raised as a noble would gain your skills. So you weren't in Ferelden when the darkspawn horde appeared?"

"No, when Ryonah and I turned sixteen, our father came and took us traveling with him. Aunt Eleanor wasn't pleased; I remember her telling Father that we were too young to live his life, but he was our father and she had no choice but to let us go."

"So you were gone from Ferelden since you were sixteen?"

"Oh, no, we came back about six years before the blight and after our father died. We stayed for about two years and then left to travel more. Aonghas had been taken to the Circle of Magi about two months before we arrived. Ryonah and Aunt Eleanor spent every moment together. I know that Aunt Eleanor was a wreck, but I think having Ryonah there helped her, so I didn't complain about staying in one place. Majestic and I did take a trip to the Circle of Magi to try to see Aonghas. We were not allowed in but I think Majestic felt better after being closer to Aonghas. Ryonah was hesitant to leave but I couldn't take staying any longer and she came with me to 'keep me out of trouble' she said. Then we heard news that the Cousland's were murdered by Rendon Howe and we returned to Highever and then we met up with Fergus in Denerim."

"Did you meet, Alistair?"

Ryley sighed but Zevran wasn't sure what kind of sigh it was, "Yes. He's… I don't know how to describe him. I think Ryonah and I both fell for him the moment he opened his mouth and greeted us. Fergus had spoken highly of him to us but it wasn't until we met him that we realized how important to Ferelden he is. He joked with us as if we were his friends and he even flirted a bit with me, but more with Ryonah. I haven't really talked to Ryonah about it but I think she would marry him if he asked."

"Marry him? You do know about him and Aonghas?"

Ryley sighed again and this time it definitely sounded like exasperation, "Yes we know all about it. When King Alistair learned that Fergus wished us to join Aonghas he spoke of it to Ryonah and I. He made it clear to us that he would always love our baby cousin but that he had to break it off so that any wife he later married would not feel like she was second best, or just a marriage of convenience. He was heartbroken that Aonghas was having such a hard time with it. I told him that a person like Aonghas who was use to getting things his own way and who was quick minded enough to outthink those around him would have a hard time adjusting. Ryonah and I promised to help Aonghas to the best of our ability. I'm not sure yet how to deal with it all and neither is Ryonah."

"It will be difficult, Ryley my friend, but we have to find out how. Alistair and Aonghas deserve better."

"That they do, Zevran my friend." The two rode in silence from then on; both lost in their thoughts.

Aonghas, Ryley, and Zevran had left the others at the tavern to do a couple of jobs to earn coin. They were the type of jobs that required stealth, cunning, and agility to accomplish; the type of jobs that had caused Ryonah to give Aonghas and Ryley stern looks when she heard of them. The others had thought about not telling Ryonah but as Zevran had pointed out if she didn't know where they were and something happened there would be no chance of rescue. Aonghas strode ahead of the other two his mind already focused and planning the break in they were to accomplish first. Zevran's own mind was equally occupied when Ryley spoke.

"So, Aonghas?" Aonghas stopped walking and impatiently turned to face his cousin. Zevran stopped next to Ryley unsure where this conversation was to lead.

"Now isn't the greatest time for us to chat. What is it?" His voice was scornful and irritated; however, it didn't discourage his cousin as he had obviously hoped it would. Zevran began to feel a bit uneasy as the two gave each other harsh looks.

"I have a few questions that I want answered, before we go any further." Ryley's voice was firm and broached no argument

Exasperated Aonghas sighed before speaking in an imperious tone, "Fine. Ask your questions." Zevran shook his head at the familiar tone.

"Talking to me in that tone will not be tolerated. Consider this your first and last warning." Ryley glared into his cousin's eyes his entire being exuding dominance.

Zevran watched in awe as Aonghas appeared to struggle against that dominance. The younger man's eyes had widened in surprise as his cousin uttered the words and then his face became scarlet and he met his cousin glare for glare, but as the two stared each other down Zevran could see the strain on the lad. First his eyes seemed to strain to keep their glare fastened on Ryley and then the lads fists clenched as if ready to fight. Just as the lad's body appeared to tremble in preparation for battle he heaved a deep sigh. Zevran stared in amazement as the lad's body relaxed and the color in his face faded and then the lad averted his eyes from his cousin's and spoke softly, "Understood."

Zevran was beside himself in shock because he had never seen Aonghas give in to another. Was this because Ryley was family; or was it because the lad had decided that he had been in the wrong? Was Aonghas finally starting to mature? Zevran stopped his contemplation as Ryley asked his question.

"What kind of game were you playing at with King Alistair?" Zevran stared in shock at Ryley for a moment before turning his gaze on Aonghas to see his reaction.

Aonghas turned away from them seemly not surprised by the question, "It was a mistake, Ryley. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time."

"You didn't answer my question." Zevran was surprised at how gentle Ryley's voice sounded considering the two had looked ready to shred each other moments before.

Aonghas heaved a loud sigh before speaking, "I was trying to keep control of my leadership. I knew Alistair had never been with anybody so I figured I would see if I could gain back the control by seducing him." Zevran found himself staring at Aonghas in shock. Zevran had known that Alistair and Aonghas were engaging in some kind of power struggle, but he had not realized that Aonghas purposefully had set out to seduce Alistair for the sole purpose of gaining power. "It worked fine in the beginning; he was almost in a daze. After we went to find his sister and after I told him everybody is out for them selves; things began to change within Alistair and he became more interested in being part of the decision making. I didn't handle it well. We began to fight more and more often. I wasn't willing to give an inch and he was unwilling to go back to the way he had been before. In the end..."

"He broke it off," Ryley finished the sentence for his cousin. "Do you hate him for it?"

"I don't know. I hadn't realized that I had fallen for him until it was too late and then he ended it. He didn't even leave it open to discussion. He made his decision and expected me to live by it." Aonghas turned back to look at his cousin his eyes swimming in pain. "He told me he still loves me. I don't see how he can say that and then deny us being together."

"You understand duty, baby cousin." Ryley moved forward and place his hands on Aonghas shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "Duty is all Alistair has to base his decisions on right now. Hopefully in time he will learn other ways, but for now it is who he is. You need to let him go. I know you don't feel like you can right now but I want you to try and understand that Duty comes first when you think about King Alistair." As Zevran watched he could see Aonghas struggling with what his cousin had told him, but before Aonghas could respond Ryley pulled his cousin into his arms and held him tightly. "Let it go, cousin."

Aonghas did not cry but he held tight to his cousin before pulling away, "Is that all for now?" Ryley nodded and Aonghas spun around and continued on their path.

Ryley whispered to Zevran, "I won the coin toss on who would have the pleasure of confronting him about King Alistair; however, I think my sister will be pleased at how I handled things." Zevran looked at the human with both eyebrows raised in surprise. Ryley grinned at Zevran and gave him a wink before moving to catch up with his cousin.

Jowan tried to cast the disguise spell but failed yet again. He had hoped he would learn quickly so he would not become a burden to his friend. Aonghas cast the spell on Jowan on a daily basis making it impossible for anybody to recognize him. There was part of Jowan that wanted the process to take longer. He felt welcomed by Aonghas and everyone else in the group and he was dreading the day when he would have to leave. Bella and Jowan had become close and Jowan couldn't imagine not being able to wish her good morning. Could this be love? Bella saw Jowan looking and smiled at him causing the man to blush.

Bella smiled across the camp fire at Jowan and giggled when the man blushed. Earlier that day she had caught him alone and given him a lingering kiss. How odd she thought it was that she would begin to fall for him. It was early yet to consider it possible that she was in love but the feelings inside her whenever she was near him felt stronger than any had in the past. When she had joined Aonghas she had thought that things with them might progress further, but Aonghas seemed wrapped up in his feeling for another. This Jowan didn't frighten her as he should have; she knew he was an apostate and a blood mage as well. He had used blood magic in the past, but he had assured them all he would no longer. Aonghas seemed to trust him. Bella had left Denerim looking for a future and she couldn't help but think that this Jowan was her future.

Aonghas watched the interplay between Jowan and Bella with a smile.

Aonghas looked up at his cousin Ryley when he stepped in front of him. Aonghas made room for his cousin on his bedroll and the older man sat beside him. "Mind answering a few questions, baby cousin?"

"Is this a continuation of our earlier conversation?"

"No that will hold for another time. I want to talk to you about you and Zevran."

"What about us?" Aonghas asked in curiosity unable to understand why his cousin would bring it up.

"You are friends?"

"Yes, we are friends. He's one of the best friend's I've ever had even if he did try to kill me once."

Ryley chuckled as his cousin's tone turned wry when mentioning Zevran having tried to assassinate him. "Yes, I can see that he is a good friend to you. Is that the only way you see him? Just as a friend?"

Aonghas looked confused, "Just as a friend? What are you trying to ask me?"

"Do you think you may have a more intimate interest in him?"

"Wait. Oh… No I am not interested in Zevran that way. Why?"

"Then you won't mind if I take him up on his advances towards me? I had turned him down because I was unsure what your feelings for him were."

"Seriously?" Aonghas chuckled but when his cousin started to look dangerous he answered quickly, "No I don't mind. I have no interest in an 'intimate' relationship with Zevran. Why are you even asking me?"

"I just wanted to make sure that you weren't going to accuse me of taking him from you. Thank you, cousin."

Before Aonghas could say anything else Ryley stood and stalked around the camp fire to Zevran. Aonghas watched Ryley talk to Zevran and although the elf seemed surprised by Ryley's sudden change of heart he didn't resist when Ryley leaned down and kissed him deeply. Aonghas smiled and nudged his toes under Majestic's belly to keep them warm.

Ryonah beckoned Aonghas to join her at the horses. Aonghas slowly walked to her and when he stopped behind her; as she brushed down one of the horses, she began to speak. "We need to have a talk, Aonghas." Aonghas didn't have time to answer her before she continued. "Fergus plans to approach Alistair about considering me for marriage in a few months." Aonghas could feel himself begin to tremble as his cousin continued to speak. "You and Alistair have a past and I feel that it would not be fair if I didn't make it clear to you that I have agreed to Fergus doing so." Ryonah turned to Aonghas then and looked him in the face. "I am sorry if this hurts you, but you need to understand that it is the right thing for me to do. I have no way of knowing if Alistair will agree or if he and I will make the final decision of marrying." Trembling more fiercely than before Aonghas took two backward steps away from his cousin and then fled into the forest without saying a word. Ryonah sighed and went back to grooming the horses.

Aonghas wandered the forest aimlessly; his mind in a haze of shock. Why hadn't he seen this coming? Of course Fergus would try to acquire a marriage for his cousin and of course Ryonah being who she is would be interested in marrying Alistair. Aonghas had tried to convince himself that Alistair would change his mind about being with Aonghas, but Aonghas felt a sudden aching pain in his chest as this newest shock forced its harsh reality upon him. Alistair and he were over. Alistair had discarded him to take up the throne that Aonghas had encouraged him to take. Even as he thought that Aonghas knew it wasn't the way it had happened; however, a part of him screamed and raged at the unfairness of it all. The thought of his cousin with Alistair made him want to kill something. Suddenly Aonghas stopped and looked around wondering where he was and then he saw it. An extremely large tree off the side of the trail which showed minor scars where the bark had once been damaged. Aonghas approached the tree and rested a hand against the scarred area. "How is it that I come here to you at this moment," whispered Aonghas. Aonghas leaned his back against the tree and stared up into its branches. Aonghas cried out and sank to the ground as his mind exploded with memories of Alistair. Aonghas was overwhelmed as the images assaulted his consciousness replaying every memory of Alistair from the moment he had met him until the last time he had seen him. Had the replay happened just once Aonghas could have recovered, but just as he saw Alistair as he last had seen him it all began again. "I want wish I had never been born," Aonghas whispered as images of Alistair continued to plague him.

Majestic suddenly barked frantically at those in the camp, his human was in danger and he needed the others of the pack to help. Moments later only Bella remained at the camp to keep order. Majestic lead the others quickly and they had some trouble keeping up on foot but the horses would have taken too long to gather after being frightened by the frantic war hound. Majestic howled mournfully when he reached his human for he could smell the blood of many wounds upon him. The others crowded in and Majestic couldn't help but snap at them in frustration. "Easy, boy. Let us see to him." Majestic backed of for the male of the twins and began pacing and whining.

Zevran moved up alongside Ryley and the others. "No! Not this again!" The others clamored to know what he meant as they began inspecting the blood covered Aonghas, "Every wound has reopened again. Jowan how much healing do you know?"

"Not enough to save him."

"Then we must get him to a healer and quickly." Zevran struggled to lift his friend up but Ryley pushed him aside and took the lad up in his arms. Zevran ran towards camp. "I'll get the horses ready. Jowan heal him as best you can."

Ryley slowly walked trying not to open any of his cousin's wounds further as Jowan flitted around him trying to stem the tide of the more serious wounds. Ryonah had rushed ahead with Zevran and by the time Ryley arrived with Aonghas the camp was packed and the horses were ready to go.

"Where to?" questioned Ryley as his sister took their cousin long enough for him to climb on his horse. Nobody answered as Ryonah helped Ryley settle Aonghas before him on the horse. They had taken the time to strip Aonghas to apply bandages and compresses to the worst of his wounds and then they had wrapped him in blankets and furs. Ryley took the rope Zevran handed him and tied it around himself and Aonghas. Zevran quickly helped adjust Aonghas so that his feet rested on Ryley's feet and then Zevran jumped onto the rump of the horse and helped secure Aonghas so that he would remain firmly against Ryley's front. If the two fell they were both in danger but the hell ride they were facing gave them no choice but to tie the two together so Ryley could focus on guiding the horse instead of holding his cousin. Zevran jumped back down and fussed with the blankets and firs trying to cover Aonghas' feet and legs the best he could.

"Highever is the closest now. It will be two days and nights of hard riding." Everybody nodded and the last thing that was heard at the camp site was a mournful howl followed by the steady beat of horse's hooves that faded into the distance.

Fergus Cousland was enjoying a relaxing dinner in Highever Castle when a guard rushed into the room and leaned over to speak into Fergus' ear, "My Lord. Lord Aonghas' and your Lady and Lord cousin are minutes away from arriving. According to the elf Zevran; Aonghas is mortally wounded."

Fergus could feel his face drain of color and he stood without a word to the dinner party and rushed out of the hall and through the castle to the front courtyard. Just as Fergus arrived in the courtyard Ryley burst through the front entrance on horseback with Aonghas bundled on the horse in front of him. Fergus rushed forward as the Zevran began cutting through the ropes binding Aonghas to Ryley. Fergus stared in shock as his men carried his blood covered brother into the castle. Fergus felt Ryonah's hand on his shoulder and he slowly turned to her as she began speaking. "Zevran said this happened once before and that Aonghas was able to come out of it."

"What happened?" Fergus voice was short and abrupt as he hid his emotions.

"Every wound he has ever received simultaneously reappeared." Ryonah's tone of voice was an echo of Fergus'. The two continued talking in a business like manner.

"What caused it?"

"It was after I told him about your plan to approach Alistair about considering me for marriage. I think I pushed him too far too soon."

Fergus suddenly felt angry. "So then this is him throwing another tantrum?"

"He appeared devastated when I told him, My Lord." Ryonah's voice sounded distressed and then she spoke in her normal soft voice with a hint of remorse. "I'm sorry, cousin, I don't know what it is. We didn't have much time to talk about it with Zevran. Now that he'll have healers around him we can take the time to question Zevran further."

Fergus saw Ryley staggering towards him with a look of exhausted panic; Fergus caught the younger man as he began to collapse and pulled his blood soaked cousin into his embrace. Fergus could feel Ryley trembling in reaction and he smoothed back the man's hair as Ryley began apologizing repeatedly. "Shush, everything is alright now. Take deep breaths cousin." Ryley quieted and sagged into a faint. "Men a little help here." Two men rushed forward and took the unconscious Ryley up in their arms and into the castle. Fergus lay his arm across Ryonah shoulders and lead her into the castle after gesturing to Zevran to follow with the other members of the group.