Chuck v. The Twilight Zone
Written by: truthseekr
Chapter III—Racing To Beat The Twilight
Twilight was just upon Sarah. She knew that she should have spent the night with him. . . to protect their cover. She had planned to talk to Chuck about this last night after her debriefing with the General, but he had already gone. The GPS detector in his watch had confirmed that he was at home. She had tried to call him but his iPhone had been turned off. She thought maybe he had just had a long day and needed the rest. For her part, Sarah knew that she could have used some as well. It was too bad that her thoughts had betrayed her all night. That was no matter now; she needed to get to Chuck's place and fast.
While speeding over to the Bartowski's, Agent Walker mulled over on all that had happened the day before. No matter what she had done to keep Chuck at a distance, he had always seemed to find some small niche within her to grab hold of, fortify, and not let go. She kept telling herself that these emotions were dangerous. They would cloud her judgment, in fact, they had done just that last night, or had they? Whether or not Lt. Mauser had baited her, she knew that that bad man was right. Fulcrum would stop at nothing to find Chuck and then do anything and everything to manipulate and torture him into submission. As his protector, she could not let that happen.
Sarah had promised Chuck, that she would never let anyone hurt him. If that had meant taking Mauser down without remorse, and without hesitation so be it. But, she had hesitated. Agent Walker was going to arrest this traitor. She knew his value and she knew her duty to her country. But then something involuntary took over. And then Chuck was protected. Sarah's promise to protect Chuck won out and she eliminated the threat. She was not conflicted about killing him. Of course, a bigger threat loomed now if she did not get over to Chuck's apartment.
As she continued to close the distance to his place, Agent Walker's mind when back to the day before. Why did Chuck continuously second-guess her and Casey? If only he had listened to them initially, none of this would have happened. He would have been out of danger and the strike team would have eliminated the threat within the Buy More. But Chuck would not leave Ellie or Morgan. Sure, his loyalty to his family and friends was part of his charm but it was also reckless. At least he had listened to her last night when she had told him to run back to the Buy More. Sarah simply was not sure whether Chuck would have understood the decision that she had made.
Of course, there were times that Sarah just wished that she had someone with whom she could confide in that always had her best interest at heart. She had seen this quality in Chuck when it came to Morgan, his strange little friend. While the CIA psychologists were descent listeners, Agent Walker knew that they always reported any pertinent information up the chain of command and that such reports could have negative repercussions on her cover and her current and future assignments. The last thing Agent Walker wanted to do was get benched, or worse, get reassigned. Instead, she had learned that her punching bag seemed to be a better way of working out her frustrations. Even still, it would have nice to be able to tell Chuck the truth when he could handle it. But was he ready?
As she made the final turn to his place, she remembered what she had told him the first night she had dinner with him at his apartment. In the car she recounted aloud, "I never asked you to believe me, I asked you to trust me." For some unexplained reason, "trust without belief," just never quite registered with Chuck. She knew she would always have a problem with him second-guessing her until she was able to be completely open and honest with him. She did want him to believe her but Sarah knew that she would have to be completely honest with him in order for him to do so without reservation. However, Sarah did not know how he would take complete disclosure. Would he understand? Would he accept her in the same way as before? She did not know the answer to those questions. The fear of the unknown response to these questions made the decision easy for her.
As Agent Walker pulled up to Chuck's apartment and parked her car, she thought was it really possible to have trust and intimacy without being vulnerable to attack? That was a question for some other lesser agent she thought to herself.
She grabbed the gift-wrapped package sitting on the passenger seat and put it in her bag. She had picked it out after their 'second first date' and had planned on giving it to him the night Chuck was going to cook dinner for her. Of course, when the trojan cipher destroyed the latest version of intersect, it had become one of many things that did not happen that night. In some ways, she had been relieved, in other ways it just made things more difficult. As Chuck remained an asset and she was still his handler, those thoughts were buried. She knew that she should have returned the item to the store a long time ago, but she just did not and she did not know why. But something had changed yesterday. When she came back to her apartment alone last night, she saw the gift and thought of him and her. She was alone but she was not lonely. And so she wrapped it up without even thinking about it.
Now, sitting in her car, Agent Walker had second thoughts about the gift. This was NOT a good idea she told herself. But Sarah knew that she could not go in empty-handed. Why couldn't she have thought to get him a nice new watch (with a new GPS monitor in it) or even the new iPod video goggles (so that he could upload new intersect images whenever needed)? She let out a deep sigh.
When Sarah looked down at her wrist, she knew the answer although she would not admit it. The bracelet on her wrist told her that Chuck saw her as a regular person for who she was. Could she now tell him she was ready for the next step, whatever that step might be?
She put the present in her bag. She would decide later what to do with it.