I really like this chapter, or—more specifically—I like the last part of the entry.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hana-Kimi. If I did, Nakatsu would figure out he had the hots for Kayashima, Umeda would get over Ryouchi and start liking Akiha, and Nanba would've given Nakao a chance.
Please read and review, nya! ^_^
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~Entry 03~
November 15th, 1982
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While studying in Satoru's chamber, something happened. Satoru doesn't know about it, I think I would die of embarrassment if he did know. We're friends, best friends, and it's only natural to want to be around your best friend, isn't it? But is it natural to want to hold and kiss your best friend? You male best friend?
I didn't really think so.
Here's what happened:
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My voice trailed off as I realized that Satoru wasn't listening. I sighed and turned around in my chair to look over at where he was laying on his bed only to smile when I saw his eyes closed and soft snores coming from his lips.
Satoru had been rather busy lately between helping master and studying for his lessons; I guess he deserved a small break.
Closing the book, figuring that we wouldn't be doing any more studying for the day, I stood and walked over to the bed, gently tugging the blankets out from underneath him to wrap him in them so that he would be warm throughout the night. As I went to walk away, his hand latched onto my arm tightly, tugging me down next to him in his sleep.
Sighing, I sat on the bed and stared at my friend, a small, fond smile on my face while Satoru murmured something under his breath. There was a red tinge to his cheeks and I wondered how that could be as it was freezing this late at night, Satoru couldn't have been warm enough to turn red.
Bringing up a hand to his cheek, I softly brushed his skin, and—sure enough—there was a slight heat to his face, but not so much that I had to worry about my dear friend getting sick.
I let my eyes drop to the floor when Satoru tightened his grip on me, and I could clearly hear him whisper, "Mizuki," causing my face to turn even darker. I didn't know why, but I felt as if my name on his lips—at least while he was asleep and said like that—was something that wasn't meant for my ears.
My stomach gave a small jolt as I felt the brush of fingers on my leg, sending a small shiver throughout my leg muscles and I glanced back down at his face, eyes automatically traveling to his parted, pink lips.
Darting my tongue out, I wet my lips but it did not help as my mouth suddenly went dry. My breathing picked up as I slowly lent down, but I didn't notice I was doing so until Satoru's face was a mere two inches away from mine.
Eyes searching his face, I closed the distance, my eyes falling shut just as I pressed my lips to his, applying only a slight pressure. I jerked back when I felt Satoru move his lips against mine, bringing a hand up to cover my mouth.
I couldn't have just done what I thought I did. I couldn't have just kissed my male best friend.
Against my will, my lips twitched up into a smile and my stomach fluttered nervously and pleasantly. Even if I wasn't supposed to do such a thing, it felt nice, very nice.
Forcing my hand back to my side, I walked over to the desk and grabbed my stuff, rushing to the chamber door. After placing my hand on the knob, I glanced back over at Satoru, his own lips turned up into a small smile, and—for a second—I wondered if he was awake, but when he twisted a finger in his blonde hair, I knew that he wasn't.
That was a habit he only did while truly asleep. Satoru didn't know about it, but from the hours upon hours I had watched him sleeping over the years, I had picked up on many of his traits that nobody else knew.
And it made me feel special. I liked knowing things about him even he himself did not know.
I looked away and opened the door, forcing myself not to look back at my friend as I closed the door behind me, and headed off to my own room.
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Now, do you see what I mean? I'm shocked that I had not been able to stop myself. What is happening to me? I don't like these changes, and I'm sure nobody else—especially Satoru—would like them either.
It's bad enough kissing someone when you aren't their betrothed, but to kiss your best friend who is also a male is even worse. I'm fourteen and times really are prejudiced. What makes this all worse is that I am merely a child of a servant. Master may be kind, but he is not that kind. Who would be? Even if I were a female Satoru and I could still be nothing more than friends.
But, honestly! What am I saying? More than friends? I don't know why I'm even thinking of something like this, I'm perfectly happy and content to remain just friends, I'm more than happy! I'm ecstatic.
Ecstatic. Ecstatic to be just friends with Satoru. I don't know why that makes me sad, and I'm not exactly sure I really want to know the answer to that question. But… seriously, I thought this entry would make things clearer to me, but instead it is making everything seem all the more confusing.
I absolutely hate this. I hate what I'm feeling, what I'm becoming, whatever it is that I'm becoming.
I just wish everything would go back to normal…