Need You Now 2
I just need you now
He found her just before dawn, curled up on the floor in front of Miracle's room.
For one moment, Obi-Wan was frozen with muted shock and he stood, his hand at his jaw, overcome by her lingering grief even as she slept. But as was his custom, he pushed it aside; Aala needed him now.
Bending down into a crouch, he reached out and swept her hair away from her face with a feather light touch. Her cheeks were pink, her eyes bruised and still a little puffy - she'd been crying, probably for quite a while and hadn't slept for a very long time. He sighed softly and laid his hand against her temple as he closed his eyes, doing what he could to help her relax further into a deep, peaceful sleep.
He would shoulder all her pain for her if he could, but it was not possible.
With the knowledge that Aala was at least safe, he turned his focus inward and sought his daughter's presence in the Force. Instantly he recognized it and a familiar, soothing wave came upon him as he grasped it gently, just as he would her little hand. It had been almost three months since he had felt this - and now he had to admit he couldn't quite understand how he could have done with staying away so long, except that nothing had gone to plan from the moment he had left.
As much as he ached to see her, for now the five month old was in a sound sleep and unaware of her mother's suffering, and for that he was grateful. Little Mir could wait a moment.
So he reassured himself one more time that Aala was in a deep sleep before he carefully scooped her into his arms. Pressing her close to his chest, he carried her to the other end of the hall to their bedroom and laid her gently on the bed after pulling the covers back with the Force. And for a minute, he stood beside the bed watching her sleep, his hand back at his stubbled jaw. He hadn't kept a beard in quite some time, in an effort at not looking too like his wanted posters, but it still felt odd to him, another reminder of how things were different.
She'd obviously been very upset, that was clear in the Force when he'd come upon her in the hallway. But he'd made a decision... to go to Acherin instead of coming to Naboo. And he could not change it, he could only hope she would forgive him in time.
The fact was that when Ferus Olin had discovered Malorum's plans, Ferus himself had been closer to Naboo, and Obi-Wan would not have been able to make it in time.
And there had been more as well - Ferus had also discovered that Palpatine's newest apprentice was headed to an asteroid near Acherin to ambush a retreat that had been formed for those hiding from the Empire, including surviving Jedi - and with Ferus on his way to Naboo, Obi-Wan felt he had no choice but to go to their aid.
Had he made the wrong decision? Honestly, he hadn't stopped to question it until this very moment. The outcome, objectively... was ideal. But he had a feeling Aala would not necessarily see it that way, and the thought she had faced such heartache alone was as difficult for him to set aside as the fear that anything could ever happen to Mir. Obi-Wan knew, though, that while he had The Force and years of training to help him cope, Aala did not.
That Malorum had not found Aala and Mira, had not hurt anyone before Ferus took care of him - Obi-Wan had faith that this outcome had been the will of the Force from the beginning, but he knew the hiding, the waiting, the fear of the unknown, must've been harrowing for her. So he would do whatever she needed to support her until she felt better.
His beautiful Aala... As he'd laid her down, she had immediately turned to curl up on her side again. Her blond tresses were mussed, falling out of the pins that held them up and framing her face on the pillow, her lips parted slightly in sleep in the dark room. He hoped she would be able to get as much rest as she could. He imagined she would have a few things to say to him when she woke up.
For the time being, however she was safe and sound, and he wanted to see his baby girl, so he quietly left the bedroom to make his way back down the hall to Miracle's room; the room they had made up for her just before Obi-Wan had left.
Without making a sound he opened the door, stepping lightly until he was next to her crib. Bending slightly over the baby's bed, he cocked his head, taking in every detail of the form of his sleeping daughter.
Downy light brown hair covered her head, longer than the last time he'd seen her and curling at the ends, just below her ears. With her eyes closed, her long dark lashes made a stark contrast to her porcelain skin. He swept his fingers across her forehead, and her cheek, soft and delicate. She was on her tummy, head turned toward him, and wearing a warm jumper that covered her from her neck down to her toes. Unable to help himself, he rubbed her back with gentle, slow motions, taking comfort in the rise and fall of each breath, a physical reassurance despite her vibrant presence in the Force.
It was not something he ever would have took stock in before, but he couldn't help cherishing each second of Mir's precious little life. This was what it meant to him to be a father - embracing each detail, each moment. At times it felt the very opposite of being a Jedi, and yet his training had prepared him for fatherhood in many ways. The patience needed, the compassion, they were all things he knew well. It was natural for him to put the needs of someone else above his own.
But still, he served the Force. Could he separate that from protecting Miracle? He wanted to believe he would always find a way to do both, as he had in this instance. It was not easy to divide his attention but these times were uncertain, and it was more than worth it, even if he hadn't quite yet figured out the balance between what he thought was right and what Aala felt she needed.
Whatever their differences, they loved each other and they loved Mira. Anakin's love for Padme, for his children, had given him the strength to turn from dark side and this love gave Obi-Wan strength as well. This cannot be wrong, he thought as he watched her sleep. The Force and his heart had led him to the decision to bring her into the galaxy and he had trust that it was truly the way things should be.
Not wanting to take the chance of disturbing her slumber, he lifted his hand then, reveling in the presence and sight of his peacefully sleeping daughter one more time before he left for the sitting room.
With nothing else to do, he collapsed on the couch, laying his head against the back. Now that he thought of it, he'd had very little sleep himself, only catching a few moments rest in the bucket seat of his ship on the way here.
After flying across the galaxy and back in his cramped shuttle, fighting dark side Force-using Inquisitors and rescuing friends and fellow Jedi from impossible situations, the peace and quiet and comfort of home was overwhelmingly beautiful, and he let himself begin to relax.
He must've dozed off because the next thing he knew, the sun was high in the sky and the sound of the front door opening woke him up. For a minute, he was on edge, ready to draw his saber, but just as quickly he realized it was Sola, a fraction of a second before she came into the room.
Her expression was laced with deep concern, but her relief was clear as she took him in.
"Hello," he said, standing to greet her.
"I'm glad to see you home safe, Ben." Sola took a step toward him, giving him a quick embrace. He nodded, it seemed silly and unnecessary to say the same. "Are they sleeping?" she asked, nodding her head toward the hallway.
But before he could answer the sound of Mira crying came from the direction of her bedroom. "I'll be right back." He gave Sola a half smile.
Despite that it was mid morning, the room was darkened by heavy shades. Miracle was fussing and squirming in her bed, wide awake, but she quieted the moment Obi-Wan picked her up.
He cradled her in his arms, as he met her Force-signature with his own, hoping that even if he went months without seeing her, this she would always recognize. It was ever-present, clear and vital.
Though she had little concept of controlling it yet, he could feel her reaching back, her presence brushing against his. It was tentative and a bit clumsy like a toddler taking her first steps, but it was wonderful even though there was no way for her to know how to utilize it.
So instead, she studied him carefully. Two pairs of blue eyes that were the same color met and held; she stared, gazing at him with wide-eyes.
"My little Miracle," Obi-Wan murmured, pitching his voice to a softer, soothing sound, as he rocked her gently. "My darling, I've missed you so much. I thought of you every minute. Did you miss your Daddy?" He shifted his right hand to stroke her soft cheek, and she smiled then, maybe deciding she remembered him - his voice, his face, his smell or whatever she saw in his eyes - even if she didn't quite realize, or maybe she had just decided she liked him.
He tapped his finger on her little nose and she cooed, giving him a wide grin and revealing two tiny white nubs pushing through her bottom gums and then began to babble as he smiled back at her.
"Are you hungry, Mir?" he asked softly, but he felt a momentary flare of uncertainty - did she still have formula? How much did she need? And did Aala keep it in the same place? But waking Mommy was not an option, so he told himself he'd have to figure it out.
When he came back to the living area though, holding Mira, he turned to the kitchen to find Sola already warming up a bottle. As she finished, she handed it to him with a gentle smile. "She's usually voracious after her morning nap."
"Thank you," Obi-Wan said, accepting the bottle.
"We've - Aala has started letting her try some puréed fruit once or twice a day, but she still mostly drinks formula."
"Good to know," Obi nodded, then paused for a second. "I - "
"You don't have to say anything," Sola interrupted in a gentle voice. "I'm - I've never seen Aala happier."
That was all that mattered. So he nodded again and turned back to the common room.
Sola sat with Obi-Wan as he fed Miracle and they chatted quietly, Sola talking about how natural Aala was with Miracle, how much she enjoyed being a mother. He felt huge waves of relief that Aala had been doing so well. It did not escape him that he had virtually dropped a newborn into her lap and then left after only a few weeks. He knew his Aala; she had more mettle than anyone he'd ever met, but still, concern was inevitable. Sola's words were reassuring, and it was clear that she'd been here to help.
"Aala was amazing," Sola spoke up after a few moments of quiet. "I was here when Ferus arrived and I know she wasn't sure what to do, but she didn't panic. I could see how scared she was, but she held together."
"She has a remarkable ability to think on her feet under pressure," Obi-Wan commented. "She was invaluable as a Republic Agent. I'm only sorry she had to face this without me."
"But she wasn't alone," Sola smiled. "She called Gregar Typho at once. He's a good friend. And he stayed with her, found a safe place for them to hide. I offered to go with her, but we decided it was best if I stayed at home in case he came around asking questions."
They both knew to whom she was referring.
"Did he?" Obi-Wan asked, reticent.
"Yes," Sola answered. "But I took a bit of drama at University," she gave a wry smile. "I just played dumb. I have a feeling his opinion on women in general isn't very high anyway. And it gave Ferus the opportunity to track him."
"It went as well as could be hoped, then."
"Yes, I - I was worried about her... Being alone last night... Have you talked to her?" Sola asked.
"No, I arrived just before dawn and she was sound asleep. No doubt exhausted."
She nodded. "You look exhausted yourself."
He sighed rubbing Mira's back as she finished her bottle. "I can't recall the last time I saw a bed," he admitted. Then he shifted Mira so she was sitting on his lap and she gave him a toothy grin, babbling and waving her arms in the air, ready to play. He wanted nothing more, but he wasn't sure where he would find the energy to make it until her next nap, if she even took another one. So for the time being he let her grasp and tug on his finger and tickled her tummy while he bounced her lightly on his knee.
Sola watched them for a few minutes before she spoke up again. "I can take her, to my home, Ben. Just for awhile. She's wide awake and you look like you're about to fall over."
He frowned, but it melted away quickly as Miracle giggled at him. Still, he'd only just arrived...
"You and Aala will want to talk when she wakes, as well," Sola added.
It was not like Aala to get upset with him, but this was a unique situation. Obi-Wan grimaced, and Mira giggled again.
But Sola seemed to sense what he was thinking. "Aala was scared and upset, Ben, but we're all okay now and I know she believes in what you're doing. She understands. Things will seem better once you have some time together."
It was true they needed to talk, if only to let Aala vent, and they both needed the rest. It was foolish to refuse help when it was offered and he had no intention of leaving again for a very long time. He would have days and days devoted to Miracle, one afternoon would not be so bad. "You're right, of course," he conceded quietly.
So he cuddled Mira for a few more moments while Sola gathered some things together and then he changed Miracle, and Sola left with her for the afternoon. He couldn't see risking the chance of disturbing Aala, so he grabbed a quilt from the closet and promptly fell asleep on the couch.
He was woken hours later, with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, by a string of curse words he'd only heard Aala use once or twice in the entire time he'd known her.
Light fell across her face from the window in the bedroom. Sighing softly, Aala tugged on the comforter to pull it over her head and pressed her face to her pillow, nestling deeper into the soft bedding. In the back of her sleep-hazed mind she had an idle thought that it was odd the sun from the window was waking her up in the middle of the night - and then the past week's events caught up with her all at once.
"Mir!" She gasped, throwing back the covers and springing out of bed. Before she even stopped to think, Aala was out the door and racing toward Miracle's room, a feeling of dread building in her chest. Something felt wrong.
The bedroom door was open and she could see immediately that Mira was not in her crib, but before she could react someone was grabbing her from behind.
Somehow, in her heart she knew it was Obi-Wan, so her struggle was half-hearted, but she felt beyond her breaking point, so she cursed again for good measure out of stress-induced frustration. As she turned, she noticed his mouth draw in a tight line as he held onto her upper arms, and she fought the instinct to push at him.
"Miracle," she cried, unable to help herself, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. She couldn't think of anything except making sure Mira was safe.
"Sola has her, Aala. She's fine."
The look in his eye was intense - concerned and commanding, but loving, so him, and she couldn't break away. "But - "
"You were exhausted, darling, you needed to sleep. Sola offered to help for the afternoon. I'm sorry, I thought I would be able to sense you waking. I must have been more tired than I thought."
Whether because of his words, or the look in his eyes or by his sheer will - she forced herself to calm down, taking a few deep breaths. As her heart began to slow, she sagged against him, giving in to relief and falling into his arms. "You're here," she murmured against his shoulder.
"I'm here," he sighed. She felt him shift, one arm tight around her shoulders and the other hand raising to stroke her hair.
"I was so scared," she whispered, "but I... Mira..."
Where had he been? Why hadn't he come? The questions rose unbidden to her mind but she couldn't bring herself to voice them, afraid of the answer.
"I know." He pulled back to force her to look at him. "Come," he said, and took her hand to guide her to their bedroom. Hardly noticing, she followed, almost leaning on him, and he sat her on the bed.
"I need you to know," he started, catching her chin in his fingers and then wiping the tears from her cheeks, "I came as soon as I could."
"But you weren't here," she whispered. "We needed you."
Her relief at seeing him had fizzled quickly, doubt and left-over fear rising again in its wake. "You should've been here."
A heavy sigh escaped as Obi-Wan scrubbed at his face. "I want to be here Aala, as much as I can. But I made a vow to watch over Luke as well, I promised Anakin."
Frowning, Aala bit the inside of her lip as she stared across the room at the wall. "Luke is safe."
"At the moment. So is Mir."
How can he be so calm? How can he not understand what it feels like?
"But you weren't with Mir, or Luke." Aala's voice rose with each syllable, a flare of anger she couldn't contain heating her words. "You were off being the hero."
"I was fighting, for them. For you." His tone turned gruff and Aala felt an irrational surge of satisfaction; perhaps he cared after all.
"The war is not over, " he continued, "and each victory is more crucial than ever before. I'm doing everything I can, and I will continue to do so."
Arms crossed tightly over her chest, she listened but she had no reply.
"It wasn't a flippant decision, Aala. I have faith in the Force. I wish you had some faith in me."
She did, of course, but the weight of the past week still rested heavily on her shoulders. She let out a long breath then, her stiff defensive posture crumbling away, and she rubbed at her forehead realizing just how exhausted she still felt.
When he spoke again, his voice was soft. "I'll explain as best as I can, Aala, but I hope you know how much I love you, how much I love Miracle. That will never fade, that will never be less important than anything else."
She knew this was true in her heart, but she wasn't sure what to say, or if she could say anything at all right now without getting more upset, so she only nodded.
"How do you feel?" he asked after a moment.
"Tired." She didn't want to talk anymore, she couldn't right now.
"You should rest a little longer, " he told her as he stood up to help arrange the blankets for her.
Sighing to herself, she could not deny how badly she wanted to curl up in bed and forget everything that had happened, at least for awhile longer, so she laid down letting him pull the covers around her.
"Are you alright? Alone?" he asked. His voice was even, but there was an undercurrent of uncertainty.
Aala forced herself to look straight into his stormy grey-blue eyes and not be affected. She loved him, more than anything, but she just wasn't ready to let herself forgive him just yet. "You should be with your daughter."
Obi-Wan winced, but he hid it quickly and nodded once. "I'll go to Sola's. I'll bring her home in awhile."
Aala closed her eyes as he turned away. She honestly hadn't meant to hurt him, but she couldn't change what she was feeling or take it back. And even though she wished things were settled, she couldn't stop herself from immediately drifting off as soon as she heard him leave.
A few more hours, just a few more and then they could figure out this tangled mess.
She slept soundly with the knowledge that the two things she loved most were home on Naboo and safe, and then she took a long hot shower and had a small dinner. The difference in her perspective was immeasurable. Though she still wanted to hear what he had to say, she knew they would figure it out together.
Obi-Wan came in with Miracle just before dusk and Aala met them at the door. Scooping Mira from Obi-Wan's arms, Aala couldn't help but return her gurgling smile. "My sweet baby girl," Aala cooed. "I missed you so much."
Mira babbled in reply, patting her hands on her mother's cheeks and mouth as she carried on.
"Is that true?" Aala grinned, playing along. "Did you have fun playing with Daddy?"
In her baby talk, Mira seemed to reply, and Aala blew a raspberry on her cheek, making her laugh.
As Aala settled Mira sitting in her arms, she couldn't help but meet Obi-Wan's eyes and they shared a warm smile. Her heart swelled, one look from him communicating what she most needed to know and with a clear mind, his love was undeniable.
Together they took Mira to her room and the three of them played together, sitting on the plush floor. Mira crawled and scooted about while Obi-Wan and Aala took turns catching her attention with baby toys and stuffed animals.
Obi-Wan offered Mira a set of brightly colored, textured rings which she happily accepted and put in her mouth, trading one for another and so on. She waved them in the air, watching them rattle against each other, and then brought them back to her mouth to chew and as she almost dropped them, Obi-Wan reached out to help her handle the jumble. Steadied, Mira stuffed another ring between her gums and Obi-Wan pulled his hand away, covered now in baby drool.
"Oh dear," he drawled.
Aala laughed at the look on his face and tossed him a cloth. "It's the teething," she said. "Her top two teeth are about to come in, I think."
Obi-Wan cast her a wry smile and wiped his hand, then used a corner to dab at Mira's chin. "Has she been in much pain?" he asked.
"She does pretty well, most of the time," Aala answered, brushing her hand across Mira's hair.
Happy as she should be, Mira laughed and played, crawling back and forth between her parents. Eventually, she settled on Obi-Wan's lap, and Aala grabbed a holo book for him to read to her. "I'll make a bottle," she told him, "and we can put her to bed."
Going to the kitchen, Aala mixed and warmed the formula and then they changed her into fuzzy pajamas. Cradling Mira in his arms, Obi-Wan sat in the chair in her bedroom and gave Mira her bottle while Aala watched with a keen sense of relief that everything suddenly felt so normal, so simple.
It didn't escape her, the look in his eyes as he gazed down on Mira or the fact that Mira wouldn't look away from him either. When she was finished with the bottle, they both kissed her goodnight and put her to bed.
As they came back to the living room, Aala asked Obi-Wan, her voice quiet but encouraging, if he'd like a cup of tea before bed and he agreed, so she went about heating the water while he sat at the table.
Silence hung heavy in the air between them, but Aala was not quite ready to talk - she remembered the biting words she'd said to him that afternoon before he left and she was determined to purge every ounce of stress from her body before he gave his explanation; it was only fair.
It might've been awkward, alone now in the cozy kitchen, but he waited patiently for her to work out whatever she needed and Aala was grateful for that. So as soon as they finished, she took a breath and cast him a soft smile.
In her experience, good talks were best had in bed. So, taking her cue without hesitation, he followed her lead, close behind as she headed for the bedroom.
They undressed and settled in bed together, facing each other on their sides. A lamp on the bedside table set a dim golden glow to the room. Waiting, he watched her patiently and she took a moment to study his handsome features, gaze into his eyes, from so close again. He must have seen something in her own because he reached out for her then. "Aala," he said, his voice lilting on her name.
She sighed, a deep sigh of giving in to her emotions; accepting them and letting them go. "I haven't had time to even process what happened, it was all a blur," she murmured. "Everything was fine, normal, and then Ferus Olin showed up out of the blue telling me we had to hide Mira." Aala took another breath. "I never imagined I could be so scared," she whispered. "What happened?"
"I'm so sorry, love." Obi-Wan pulled her tight then, pressing her cheek to his chest and dropping a light kiss on the top of her head. Unable to help herself, she sunk into the warmth of his touch, but she pulled back again after a moment to look him in the eye, anxious for her answer.
"I was on Tatooine for more than a month," he started, his hand still smoothing affectionately over her hair. "And then I was on Mundali, and we heard a rumor that Ferus Olin was still alive, but that he needed help, so I caught a ride to Bellassa. It was... chaotic and dangerous. Inquisitor Malorum had locked down the city and was terrorizing everyone in search of Ferus, who was injured and in hiding. We managed to escape the planet in one piece only to immediately hear of other Jedi who needed rescue - but we also found out that Malorum was investigating Padme's death so I went to Polis Massa to make sure the records were destroyed and Ferus went to Coruscant."
Aala nodded, but the thought of Obi-Wan in so much danger all over the galaxy was unsettling. He must have seen it in her expression because he hugged her again, pressing his lips to her temple. "This is our best chance - to find others who are strong enough to fight, to keep hope alive."
Aala nodded again, "I know."
Obi-Wan continued and she let the sound of his voice, his soft accent, help soothe her. "On Coruscant, Ferus came across Malorum's path again and discovered he was heading to Naboo but he'd also seen that Malorum had found a group of surviving Jedi that were gathering on an asteroid near Acherin and Palpatine was sending his new apprentice to ambush them. Ferus was much closer to Naboo than I was - I might not have made it in time and I couldn't risk sending a message. As long as you were hidden - Malorum had no reason to suspect Mira. But that meant that I - I had to go to Acherin. I was close and a fight was inevitable. Ferus had tapped into the Force again but he was a long time out of practice. It was the practical decision for me to confront the apprentice and him Malorum, and I felt it was right in the Force."
"I hardly know Ferus, Obi-Wan. I didn't know what to think... If I could trust him..."
"I know it must've been hard, Aala, but you did everything right. You called Typho for help; Malorum never found out about Mira and Ferus defeated him, he's gone. You have amazing instincts, never doubt them."
Aala took a deep breath and met his eyes again - she'd been staring at the collar of his tunic for the past few minutes and fiddling with it while he told his story.
"I can't promise nothing like this will ever happen again, but Aala you must know, Mira is more important to me than anything else and I will do everything I can to ensure her safety. Mira, Luke and Leia, Milo - they are the future. But more than that - it was my decision to bring her into this world - I love her and I love you and I always will."
She felt a little silly, these were things she knew, of course, but it felt so comforting to hear him say it anyway. Giving a soft murmur of approval, she snuggled into his embrace. That was good enough for her.
It was a few peaceful moments before she spoke up again. "How long are you staying?" she asked, her voice quiet.
"I'm not even going to think about it for weeks. I missed you both, more than I can say." He paused. "I will find a balance, Aala. I will make you happy."
"I am happy, Obi-Wan. I'm just... tired," she laughed quietly. "And as for balance..." She gave an exaggerated sigh. "That is a never ending effort. Just when I think I have it figured out, everything changes and I feel like I'm starting all over. As soon as Mir was down to only needing one bottle at night, she started teething and we were up at all hours again."
He smiled gently. "We'll find a way. Though now that you mention it, we should sleep while it's quiet." Reaching back, he turned off the lamp and after a soft kiss, she relaxed in the comfort of his arms.
It was not two minutes before the faint sound of Mira beginning to fuss could be heard from the other room.
Aala turned, untangling herself from his embrace and settled on her other side. "It's totally your turn," she mumbled into her pillow. "For the next month."
He swept his hand affectionately across her shoulder and Aala smiled to herself as he rose from the bed. She didn't need to see his face to know that he didn't mind in the least.
AN: Many thanks to laloga as always for helping me with this, and giving some great suggestions and again to Jade-Max for the original idea, I've had so much fun :D Lyrics are from Need You Know by Lady Antebellum. Please let me know what you think! ~Ashley