In that land there's a winter
In that winter's a day
In that day there's a moment, when it all goes your way.
- - She doesn't like it here, at least that's how I see it. I mean, I can't be sure, you know, what I mean, it's not like we have much of a choice – what's spending a year in the same four walls… - James's words went into a blur.
"He managed to say "I" three times in one sentence,"- Peter thought with a bit of irritation and felt angry at himself. He wanted to concentrate on everything Prongs was saying, he wanted to memorize every moment of this meeting, and at the same time he wanted James to disappear. The guilt was overwhelming. The love for his friend was overwhelming. The fear was overwhelming. The need to hear, what James had to say, was overwhelming. Wormtail felt unspeakably small compared to his own feelings.
- - Don't you need to go? I really don't want to keep you here all day…
Peter shook his head in response, thinking that he would have stayed here until Dark Lord's arrival. Not to stop him, but to be with James and Lily, to be able to create a memory of them, a decent last memory. How do you create a memory of people around you, when you're swallowed whole by the thought of never seeing them again?
- - You know what? I'll see you off, you look like hell. Go home, try to get some sleep, - James rose from his chair.
- - Thanks, mom, - Peter smiled bitterly.
They walked from the kitchen to the door – it was about five steps, but it felt like eternity. Peter suddenly realized that he will never see Lily again, that her brief "Bye" that came from the hall was the last thing she had said to him. And then it hit him, the reason why he was doing what he was doing – the briefness. A brief "Bye" for a small friend. They've chosen him to be the secret-keeper not because they'd considered him worthy, but because he would look too insignificant, too weak compared to Sirius, who was chosen to be the secret-keeper for the outside world.
James hugged him at the front door, and again, Peter felt the hug not to be long enough. He turned back at Prongs as he walked through the door:
- - Just care, Prongs.
- - About what?
Wormtail wanted to shout: "About me, about me, you selfish twat", but he didn't. He just kept walking, and he heard the door closing behind him one last time, and he thought of how helpless his attempts to make an everlasting happy last memory were. The rarely remembered truth is that Judas loved Jesus more than any other apostles did.