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Sniper Buddies – Duck Hunt

Setting: During Mass Effect 1

Location: Agebinium, Voyager Cluster, Amazon System

"I really think we needed this," Ashley commented idly as she let loose another round from her sniper rifle. "Got one."

"I know, right?" Shepard agreed. "Chasing after Saren, plus rooting out Cerberus bases, and on top of all that having to go around doing Hackett's errands? This is definitely what we needed. A little R and R."

"Couldn't agree more." Garrus shifted his sights and fired his sniper rifle. "Chalk up another one for the Turian!"

Garrus, Ashley, and Shepard were atop a large hill, looking out over the dusty landscape of Agebinium. Since the nuke Hackett had sent them to disarm was taken care of and they had nowhere to be in a hurry, Shepard suggested a friendly game of Duck Hunt.

Thus was why the three of them were lying prone on the ground, sniper rifles out as they fired down upon their targets. The local wildlife was very accommodating to their game, and there were more than enough targets to go around.

"You guys want to make this more interesting?" Shepard asked as he sniped another target.

"How's that?" Ashley sighted on a target, but the little bugger scurried away just as she fired. She resighted, only to see Garrus claim her kill while she floundered. She sent the Turian a glare, but Garrus glowed with smug pride.

"The losers have to buy the first two rounds of drinks next time we're on shore leave," Shepard told them.

"I prefer Cipritine Whiskey!" Garrus called out as he knocked another target down. "You know, just for reference when you both lose."

"Oh bite me, Vakarian," Ash retorted. Ash sniped one target and then quickly rsighted on another one trying to get away, though it didn't very far before she mowed it down. "I'll take that bet. A lady deserves her free drinks every once in a while."

"Sounds like we have a deal!" Shepard missed his next shot, hitting a boulder and smashing it to pieces. A bunch of targets who were hiding behind it all scuttled away as their cover crumbled. "Oh man, look at them run! Like chickens with their heads cut off!"

"I have no idea what that means but I agree wholeheartedly!" Garrus chimed in.

Ash chuckled as she took down another target and added to her score. "This is the best day ever."

Elsewhere…

"This is the worst day ever!" one of his men screamed before his head disappeared in a fine red mist.

Elanos Haliat sat completely dumbstruck, hidden underneath the cover of one the tents they'd set up earlier. He watched as his men ran about like complete morons, only to be systematically wiped out by the sniper fire.

It had been such a simple plan. Leak the location of a tactical nuke, lure the Alliance into sending Shepard to deal with it, and then blow him up! If Haliat were lucky, he could maybe capture that fancy ship Shepard came in on too.

But then everything went bad, and then from bad to worse. The nuke never went off, and now Haliat's encampment was being treated like a shooting gallery. He knew he should have hired better mercs then this sorry lot. They had no idea what to do, and acted as nothing more than moving targets.

Men fell left and right. Some ended up losing their heads, others were practically disemboweled. One poor Drell was almost sawed in half when two sniper rounds hit him in the gut.

Elsewhere…

"Mine!" Garrus immediately called out.

"The hell it was!" Ash argued. "My bullet hit first!"

"Yours just took down his shields," Garrus countered. "Mine was the money shot!"

"Oh don't give me that bullshit. Shepard?"

"Are you really going to make me play moderator?" the commander asked. Garrus and Ashley only stared at him with determination in their eyes. "Alright, fine. From what I saw, Ashley's bullet hit the guy first."

Ashley grinned triumphantly and turned back to the shooting range. Garrus continued to glare at Shepard. "You only sided with the Chief because she's sleeping with you."

Shepard grinned smugly as he hit a target in the leg. "I will neither confirm nor deny that statement."

Elsewhere…

"My leg!" someone called about before another sniper round silenced him. Haliat cursed the idiot for trying to run out in the open in search of cover.

Haliat watched as one of the Krogan charged out of the tent, roaring his lungs out. In his arms he hefted two grenade launchers. Oh thank God! Haliat thought. Now they would have the firepower necessary to eliminate the threat.

Smack.

The Krogan's roar was cut off when his head plate exploded into hundreds of tiny, bloody chunks. Haliat watched helplessly as the brute fell to the ground.

How could this get any worse? he thought forlornly.

Haliat was about to learn just how cruel the universe could be when you called it out. Just before the Krogan died, his fingers were already curling around the triggers of his grenade launchers. As he thudded to the ground, his hands finally tightened enough on the gun handles that the launchers started going off.

Rocket propelled grenades spewed out from the launchers in every direction. It was almost comical to watch the Krogan's arms jerk back and forth from the recoil of the guns (And indeed, there were three people atop a nearby hill laughing their asses off). Explosions went off left and right, throwing Haliat's men into the air or blasting them apart.

He watched in terror as one such grenade sailed straight for his tent.

Elsewhere…

"Oh my god! I can't… I can't freaking breath!"

The three of them were no longer sniping, rolling on the ground and laughing too hard to pay attention. They had thought the Krogan with the grenade launchers would be more of a challenge. But instead, after Ashley turned its head into a salad bowl, the Krogan became their greatest ally.

"He's just jerking around on the floor like some paraplegic disco dancer!" Shepard wheezed.

"Spirits, did you see how high that one guy flew!" Garrsu asked rhetorically. "Must have been at least twelve meters!"

The sound of an especially loud explosion drew their attention back to the playing field. A grenade had landed inside one of the tents the targets had set up earlier. Now the temporary building was nothing but a mushroom cloud of fire. They watched as one man ran out of the inferno, waving his arms about in an insane fashion.

Shepard peered back through his scope. "Oh hey, it's Haliat."

"That guy who just tried to nuke us?" Ashley asked.

"That would be the one. Though I don't think he'll be much of a problem anymore."

They picked themselves off the ground, stowing their sniper rifles. They stood close together, admiring their work.

"Well, I think it's pretty clear the Chief won this one," Garrus observed.

She gave him a peculiar look. "Giving up so easily, Vakarian?"

"No, but even I know when to admit defeat." He bumped his shoulder against hers playfully. "But you got lucky with that Krogan taking everyone else out. Next time, this Turian will give you a proper ass kicking."

"I'll look forward to it," Shepard chimed in. "But right now, I'd just about say we're all winners today. Except Haliat. And his men."

Ashley and Garrus nodded. The three of them stood there, atop of that hill, looking down at their handiwork. The temporary merc base was nothing but a smoldering ruin, all of their equipment was either smashed or on fire, and dozens of bodies littered the ground. All in all, a good day's work for the first Human Spectre and his two compatriots.

"God, we are terrible people, aren't we?" Shepard asked aloud.

"Oh, spirits, yes we are."

"Amen to that."