A/N: THIS IS THE NEW LOG. SORRY FOR ODD ORDER, I FOUND THIS ALMOST COMPLETE AFTER 2 YEARS. Also, slightly different here. Bold Italics are thoughts in Yaihi'l's head.

Burning. Heat. Alarms wailing, eyes barely open, everyoneasleepnononononononon–

"Major? Please answer the question."

Yaihi'l's eyes snapped open, pulled from his flashback. This was meant to be a routine psyche evaluation, not relive-the-worst-kriffing-day-in-your-life hour. "I don't like to talk about that day. No one does. Kriff, it destroyed us. Ray just… broke, I don't even know where she is anymore."

The shrink smiled placatingly. "I understand that, Major, but you still haven't answered my question. What happened, from your perspective, on the day the Windstorm fell?"

Explosions Rumbling Crewmen lying in pools of blood

Despite being nearly shut down, Yaihi'l began to answer the question. "We… Red, I mean, back when there was a Red… We had just gotten back from a raid on a fighter dock. That raid went well, but we had gotten tossed around more than a bit, and McGrath was one instan-seal patch away from sucking vacuum, so someone ordered us all to report to the med bay for treatment. We all started bitching about it, but the authorization was good enough that none of us, not even Ray- That is, BGN Djo - , even dreamed it was a forgery." The talking was doing some good. Now he was merely feeling crippled by grief, rather than completely shut down. "We got to the med bay, and all of us had to climb into bacta tanks, because why not go into full immersion after a combat mission? As soon as our masks go on, I can tell something's wrong."

Suffocating, eyes dilating, heart pounding, terror and then…. nothing

"The air supply hoses weren't just carrying air. Something that tasted like concentrated Huttese adrenals hit all of us, and we were just out. I got lucky – whatever we were knocked out with was similar enough to the crap I used as a kid on the streets that I shook it off a lot quicker than even the Mandalorian. But even that wasn't enough to get up in time."

Blaring, red lights, everyone hanging still, so still in their tanks

"The Windstorm was already burning when I woke up. I was able jab the rest of Red with counter-adrenals and sound the general evacuation, which for some reason had been neglected." Maybe purposefully, he thought to himself. "The rest of Red was still groggy, so they were barely even able to clamber into their fighters and get the hell away, no way they would have been able to fight. Kriff, if Ironman – sorry, Admiral Stark, hadn't been covering our asses, there's no chance any of us would have gotten away." Here, Yaihi'l paused, his head held low. It took him a few minutes before he was able to continue. "All around me, everyone was jumping into whatever ships were left. I remember giving my authorization codes to slave the remaining fire controls to one of the escaping freighters right before I jumped into my own fighter and tried to do what I could to the cloud of squints harrying the fleeing starships."

Shaking hands, jinking around in a still-damaged plane, nothing you can do...

"After that, I think the flight recorders show that the Windstorm lasted another five minutes before the reactor went critical and exploded, killing the majority of the crew, even with so many evacuated. We… that is, Red squadron, just crumbled after that. Ray transferred back to the Core or some nerfshit after nearly CatSix-ing and throwing a bitch fit, LCM McGrath went white knighting after whoever sold us out, and I was left holding the broken pieces of Red." By now, Yaihi'l had mostly recovered his composure. "I still feel like I'm picking up the pieces. With Ray gone, I got pushed into command without really ever getting formal training beyond being pointed towards a couple manuals." He checked his chrono, surprised at the time that had passed. "Speaking of command, do you need anything more? I need to meet with my XO and… work some things out."

The evaluator nodded. "I was about to finish up anyway. Have a pleasant day, Major."

Outside, Yaihi'l took a deep breath. For him to fall apart like that was shocking, though, on reflection, not altogether surprising. All the more reason to do what I'm doing, he thought to himself. After the recent scrap Diamond Squadron, had gotten into, he'd been feeling an increasing dissatisfaction with the desk jockey work his job had devolved into. Of course, if Colt and Alec would do their reports, it would be better, he groused to himself. Officers' Country wasn't far from the counselors' offices, but Yaihi'l was still looking forward to the few minutes he'd have to re-gather himself. He was meeting his XO, Mat Bizegar, for a conversation concerning Diamond Squadron's future in the next hour. Instead of going straight to Diamond command office, however, he detoured and stopped by his bunk to get changed. Once done, he walked to meet Biz, now-armored feet clanking.

Opening the door to the office his command had been assigned, Yaihi'l acknowledged his XO with a nod. "Biz, I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'm not remaining CO of Diamond, at least not right now. I need you to talk to Kirghy, see if we can get the rosters changed so you can take over before we need to go into combat again. Do I need to be there for that?" Biz shook his head. "Good. I'm taking some leave." Yaihi'l turned back to the door. "I'm…

Home crumbling, Everything's gone, Nothing you can do, Nothingyoucando, NOTHINGYOU-

"…in need of an anchor. And I'm not gonna find it on the fleet," he said, glancing at his helmeted reflection in the window.