Somebody save your soul 'cause you've been sinning in this city, I know
Too many troubles, all these lovers got you losing control
You're like a drug to me, a luxury, my sugar and gold
I want your sex and your affection when they're holdin' you close
'Cause you don't even know
I can make your hands clap
Handclap - Fitz and the Tantrums
The night before had left its mark.
I want to be hated as the man who took Victor away from the whole world!
He had found his resolve. He was sure if it now. Seeing him interact with others so immodestly, he realised he'd never been as sure of anything in his whole life. He wanted to take him away, keep him to himself. Make sure that he wasn't going anywhere, tie him to him in every way possible. Make sure that he wanted him in return.
"Yuuri, the sin of keeping Victor to yourself is grave."
Maybe it was. But it had ceased to matter. What others thought. What… he thought. He needed him. Needed him to be together with him. Needed to repeatedly feel what he did when he was close. And now, he was ready to show him and ultimately, tell him with the use of what he had to his disposal.
My body. My skating.
His hand was on his. Calm. Imbibing him with the understanding that he… wanted it too? He wanted him to show him that he was ready.
"The time to seduce me by thinking of katsudon and women during your skate is over."
Those blue eyes were latched on to his. As they did, he could feel something stir, deep inside. Something he never wanted to fade.
"You can fight with your own personal charm."
He felt his hand shift, on top of his.
"You can envision it just fine, can't you?"
How he squeezed it, how that lone finger on the back of his hand made that caress… Yes, he could envision it. Just fine. His words became like a clarion call.
He became drowned by this new understanding. It came crashing in, taking everything else with it. To make himself stay, resist the surge for a little while longer, he entwined his fingers with his. The leather glove felt cool against his hand, but his forehead was warm. Scorching against his skin.
"Don't ever take your eyes off me."
He wasn't begging. He was telling him. The way his breath felt against him as they stood close, it was payment enough. He knew he wouldn't and he was going to give it his all to keep him… mesmerized. Wanting.
He took off, feeling a heat in the pit of his stomach. It felt like it was spreading. Taking over. Oh, he was going to show him. He could envision it just fine.
As soon as the music started, he licked his lips. Tried to capture him, ensnare him. Entice him. If that would prove unsuccessful, the look he would give him would render him defenseless. This was eros. Sexual love.
They can laugh at me all they want.
He felt as if he was aflame. Fueled by everything that had happened between them and everything he sought in the future. What others thought that ceased to matter as soon as he had stepped out on the ice.
They can think it's not like me.
But it was. Of everything, every little part, that came together and made him who he was, this new feeling, realisation was… everything. It was him. This previously unknown side, the one he'd been dressing up as, trying to find within was… Integrated. He felt it now. Fully. Wholeheartedly.
But everyone wants to know the new me, don't they?
Not that he cared. He only needed the validation from one single person. And he was looking.
A triple axel. A quad salchow. Yes, it all came through. His words, his deepest feelings and intentions, out there for the world to see.
I'm the only one who can satisfy Victor.
He knew this. He had proof.
I'm the only one in the whole world who knows Victor's love.
A lunge. Extended to his maximum capacity. He wanted to be sprawled out like that. Later.
I'll prove that now.
Quad toe, triple toe. Perfect. If there was any doubt at all. But he was sure. He had delivered it all to him.
He threw her away, the imaginary woman, because right then and there, he didn't need her and her influence anymore. He was ready. He was ready for him. With his arms around himself, he realised it felt strangely familiar.
"Yuuri, did it feel that great?" The first words he spoke since they parted. Sitting together in the Kiss and Cry.
"Well," he said with his heart beating hard inside, "I was hoping everyone else felt great watching me." But all that mattered was what he thought, what he felt.
He had to squint to see the score, barely noticing the movements to his right.
He could make his hands clap.
"Yuuri!" He was around him, speaking into his ear. A tone of… admiration. Of something… more, perhaps? "Of course they'd feel great watching a performance like that." His breath came out in quick huffs into his ear, a telltale sign of excitement.
He had proof. Of that excitement. Of his own purpose. Of how having him close the night before had acted as a catalyst. When he'd been drunk, naked and totally transparent.