"Shit," Lou says aloud when she reads the text Lizzy sends her.

"Sam?" Dean questions as he glances at her peering at the screen of her phone.

"He's super pissed," Lou answers and sighs after reading Lizzy's text. "He's not even talking to Lizard. He's just locked in our room."

"Better locked in a room than out in the world with his head the way it is," Dean comments, his steeled face remaining in place. He's determined that he made the right decision here… despite knowing how he'd feel if he was in Sam's place or how he'd feel if he were Lizzy right now… but Wade and Buck were friends. Once more Dean feels like the tough decisions are placed on his head and he has to do the dirty work. It's getting old.

"Yeah…" Lou trails off and looks out the window. She grows suddenly quiet with the mention of Sam.

And the silence is certainly not lost on Dean in the least. He's an observant person. He's noticed a change in them lately. A bad change. He hasn't liked the way Sam keeps looking at Lou like a lost little puppy and the way Lou shies away from him every chance she gets.

"What's with you two?"

Lou looks over to him with surprise and a touch of guilt if he's not mistaken. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what the fuck is up with you two?" he tries again. "Ever since you came back from your little secret hunt the other week it's been just one big awkward Michael Scott moment after another being around you guys. What gives?"

"We're… f-fine," Lou stutters out and immediately sighs when she knows she's a shitty liar.

Dean just glances at her with a look that says he doesn't believe her in the least.

"It's my shit," Lou shakes her head and looks out the side window. "Sam didn't do anything. It's my issues."

"What issues?"

"Doesn't matter."

Silence grows again as Neil Young's voice is quietly playing over the old Impala speakers, Dean having shockingly let her pick out something to play. He respects her taste in music enough to choose something good that he'll also like.

"I'm not buying it," Dean declares after a minute. He's sure she's hiding something.

"I don't care if you buy it or not," Lou keeps her shell hard and sturdy. She's not looking to hash this all out right now.

"And I don't care if you don't care," he says right back. "We're heading into something bad here. I got two friends no longer breathing and who the fuck knows how many Leviathan running around out there gunning for Winchesters. I need your head in the game and from where I'm sitting you don't got that."

She bites her lower lip when Dean makes a good point. Her head isn't in the game all the way.

"So… either spill it or get the hell over it," Dean says in a commanding tone, his leader tendencies spilling out of him. "But we're not heading into this with your brain all jacked up with whatever this is."

"I killed her," Lou says quickly. It comes out like a punch, her voice unable to stop itself from finally letting go of what she's been hanging on to for over a week. She exhales hard once and looks forward at the pavement flying.

"You killed who?" Dean questions, eyes a little wider as he keeps looking back and forth between Lou and the road.

"Amy."

"Ok…" Dean starts and is still just as confused as before he asked. "Who the fuck is Amy?"

"A Kitsune."

"Alright, so, you killed a Kitsune," Dean shrugs, still highly lost. "Well, kudos to you…"

"I wasn't supposed to," Lou vaguely explains.

"Why not?"

"She was Sam's friend."

Blinking a few times, his mind more confused than before she started explaining, Dean shakes his head. "Sam… he's what?"

Deep breath in, Lou lets it all go. "Years ago when you and John were hunting a Kitsune, Sam met a girl at the library. He really liked her, saved her from some bullies, and he went home with her. They hung out and after a while he put it together that she was a Kitsune and her mother was the monster you were in town to kill. Her mom came home and she went after Sam and Amy killed her mother to save him. She then disappeared until over a week ago when there were killings in Bozeman that sounded like her pattern. We went to talk to her, she had a good reason for the killings, and promised not to kill again. Sam let her go for a second time but I… didn't."

"Crap," Dean immediately says when her story is over. "So he's pissed at you for killing her?"

"He doesn't know I killed her," Lou admits. "When we went on this hunt he made me promise that I'd follow his lead and we'd only kill her if we had to. He didn't feel like we had to. For some reason he seriously trusts this chick and when she said she wouldn't kill again he believed her. I didn't believe her at all."

"Neither would I."

Lou sighs heavily with the weight of the guilt she's amassed. "So on our way home I tracked her and shoved a silver knife through her heart. And then… I just never told him. I did it behind his back." She presses a hand to her forehead with stress. "God damn it, he trusted me…."

"But you did the right thing," Dean looks at her and gives her a face of understanding. "Sometimes… we have to do shit that's ugly. And dishonest. I know you feel guilty, and I would too… but I would've done the same exact thing."

"I wish that made me feel better." Lou shakes her head with it all, at a loss.

When Dean takes a good look at her he can see the tired eyes and worry lines in her face. This has taken a toll on her.

He shifts in his seat and reaches into his jacket pocket. Once he has the flask in his hand he holds it out to her, knowing a drink wouldn't be too terrible right now.

Staring at it for only a fraction of a second, Lou snatches it and unscrews the cap.

"We have a crappy job," Dean reminds her, doing what he can to comfort her with what she's done as she takes a long pull of whiskey. He can understand doing what one thinks is the right thing to do and then carrying the weight of the guilt that comes with it. That's his life in a nutshell. "And it's never as cut and dry as you want it to be. Sometimes the shades of gray will drive you nuts. You really think this Amy would have killed again?"

Lou knows any good mother would kill for their child so the answer is easy. "Absolutely."

"Then what is there to feel so shitty about?"

"I lied to him," Lou answers easily, more whiskey going down smoother than it should. "All he wanted was for me to follow his lead. To trust him. And I couldn't. I didn't trust him."

"Yeah, but normally you do… right?"

"Yeah."

"So knock it off," Dean shrugs. "Lou, you did the best you could. Clearly this chick is a soft spot for him and Sam's always been clouded by his soft spots…"

"He's the peanut butter to your jelly then," Lou comments dryly and drinks again.

Dean closes his eyes for a second and bites his tongue. "But you knew better. You did the dirty work that he couldn't and you saved him yet more heartache in his life. And you saved who knows how many people while you were at it. Don't tear yourself up over this one."

"Easier said than done," she returns with.

"Isn't it always," Dean comments right back as they drive on, Lou quickly killing the rest of his flask to get through the ride and the burden.

It does feel a little better to have gotten that off her chest. It wasn't easy speaking the truth out loud but if anyone would get it she knew it'd be Dean. Lizzy might side with Sam since she's such an emotional person, even more now that she's a mom than ever before, and Bobby… she can never tell Bobby the shit she does wrong. Lou know she can trust him but it just always feels like disappointing her father when she has to come clean.

Dean's a black and white kind of guy, just like her. And maybe Lou shouldn't be anymore.

"I'm a hypocrite now, aren't I?"

"Why?" Dean asks, shocked she'd say such a thing.

"I killed a monster," Lou says to him quietly. "And I was one. For a while. Amy tried to do right, just like I did…"

"Would you have wanted us to kill you?" Dean stops her. "If you were in your right, human mind… wouldn't you have wanted us to kill you back then?"

"Of course."

"Then where's the hypocrisy in that?" Dean questions with an annoyed tone. "Damn it, Lou… you gotta calm down about this. You were right. Sam was wrong to let a killing machine go. Ok?"

She doesn't say anything.

"Ok?" Dean tries again and she groans.

"Yes. Ok," she petulantly returns. "You're right."

"Then… alright," Dean tries to end it there so they can move on and get to their job. "Good."

And Lou thinks she should feel better. Outside perspective says she was right and she let out her dirty little secret once and for all. She did the right thing.

Then why does she still feel shitty about it?

"At least you pissed off your other half or whatever for a good reason… unlike me," Dean comments, a hand washing down his weary and upset face. His own departure wasn't very good either. He can feel her pain right now.

"Lizard didn't take your hunting well I'm guessing?"

"Well? More like I'm in the dog house," he responds.

"You're doing a good thing here," Lou tries to assure him. "And you didn't lie to her. She'll get over it."

"Nah, this isn't a new fight for us," Dean explains. "She nearly decked me when Cass was all jacked up and I left for the millionth time to try and help him. This time she actually threatened to kill me."

"Yikes," Lou comments.

"Yeah."

Lou stays quiet for a moment. "You know… maybe she's right."

Dean shoots her a look.

"Hear me out, douche bag," she quickly gets angry. "You're a fucking dad, dude. You have new responsibilities. I think that if Sam and I ever had a kid, which I don't plan on ever happening, and he left to hunt and put his ass on the line I wouldn't be very happy either."

"But what about that whole speech you gave me!?" Dean starts to get upset with her. "Huh? The whole I gotta defend the world my kid will grow up in? That I was a better father on the road?"

"I still believe that one hundred percent," Lou assures him. "I just wouldn't if I were Lizzy is all. And this hunt isn't about the Leviathan. It's about something else altogether. It's about a couple friends and for her that seems… less important."

"And if it were about Garth? Or Mari?" Dean questions, naming two hunters he knows Lou and Lizzy have encountered in the past and have grown very fond of.

"Then she'd probably look at this differently. Dean, look, I'm just saying she's a momma-bear now. Her cub deserves everything, especially a father that's alive. I get it. But I totally get your angle too. Somewhere you two will figure this out, find some common ground on this or, like, a compromise. You guys always do."

"Yeah…" Dean trails off, thinking about it. Good points made by Lou and all, he's still worried about their little family. He's worried about their relationship as it's been a touchy subject for them for a while now.

"For now though," Lou says, pointing out the windshield to a diner coming up. "For that terrible departure that we had to endure, we deserve a solid lunch."

Dean smirks and looks over to her. "Alright. I hate you a little less all of a sudden."

"Back at you, douche bag," Lou huffs a laugh as the Impala turns into the diner parking lot.

"Sam?" Lizzy says quietly, knocking three soft times on the back room where Sam's been holed up for a half hour since Dean and Lou ditched him. She's got Sammy held to her shoulder in one arm and she just couldn't wait any longer for her brother-in-law to come back out after how angry he was when he locked himself in his room. She cares far too much about him to just let it go. "Sam-I-Am, come on. Talk to me? Please?"

"Liz?" she hears Bobby call right after the basement door opens.

"Hey Bobby," she sighs and leaves Sam's door to speak with the man.

"The hell's goin' on up here?" he questions as it's too quiet in the small cabin. One glance out the window at where the cars are usually parked and he knows something's up. "Where the Impala?"

"Dean and Lou left to check something out," she explains. "Apparently a couple old hunting friends of Dean and Sam's died pretty mysteriously."

"Who?" Bobby pauses and stares at her with dread. He knows all the hunters the Winchesters know and well.

"Uh, Buck and Wade," she says. "I met them once a while back. They seemed like good guys…"

"Balls!" Bobby laments instantly, the news painful to hear. "They were. The fuck happened to them?"

"They killed themselves…"

"What!?"

"It's super suspicious. Sounds far too fishy to be normal," she explains, bouncing Sammy in her arm while grabbing the newspaper form the counter to hand it over to him. "Dean and Lou bounced to see what the hell's up."

"And they left Sam against his will I take it," he says as he picks up the paper and starts to ready.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Lizzy asks, confused at how quickly Bobby could figure that out.

"I figured that's why he's trying to hot wire the Mustang right now." He jerks his thumb to the window he'd just looked out of without taking his eyes of the newspaper.

"Shit! Are you serious!?" she near shouts as she rushes over to him, pushing Sammy into Bobby's arms. "Lou's gonna kill him!"

"If he don't kill her first for ditchin' him," Bobby returns with while taking a seat at the kitchen table with Sammy to read the article over so he can start figuring out what the hell happened to two good hunters that were really great friends. "What's been up with those two lately?"

"No idea," Lizzy answers in a huff while throwing her coat on. "Watch him?"

"Always," Bobby absently answers, bouncing the little boy while reading away already.

Lizzy runs out of the house and down the finally thawed out front wooden steps, the late May air getting warmer a tiny bit each day. She can see Sam's long legs hanging out of the driver's side door of the Mustang as he's hunched under the steering column and she knows he's already cut the wires to get the car started.

"Sam! Stop!" Lizzy screams as she runs to him.

He doesn't respond and keeps trying, the face of pure anger on him very worrisome.

"Seriously! Knock it off!" Lizzy yells some more and when she reaches him she grabs his arms and pulls as hard as she can to get him to cease fucking with Lou's prize possession.

When Sam quits trying, he stands up out of the car before walking with fury to the hood, opening it quickly.

"Lou will kill you!" she tries some more.

"I don't care," Sam says darkly back and takes a look. He may not know much about cars but growing up with John and Dean was enough for him to know something is off. He can see some disconnected lines and understands why the car wouldn't start at all. "Damn it!"

"Sam, Jesus! Stop for a fucking second and talk to me. Please!" Lizzy tries yet again and grabs his upper arm hard to get his full attention.

"They fucked with the car," he says with disappointment.

"They didn't want you to follow."

"You think!?"

"Hey! Don't fucking yell at me here! I had nothing to do with this!"

Sam clenches his jaw and stares her down, not sure what to say now. They don't trust him right now. He's so fucking handicapped with his broken brain that they thought of him as more of a liability than an asset on a hunt. He knew he was getting worse but it doesn't make feeling like being the ditched kid any better.

"It's still cold out. Come inside," Lizzy asks warmly of him, trying to guide him back inside. Sam doesn't budge and she sighs. "Sam, cut the shit and come inside with me. Please?"

The way she looks at him lessens his anger just a touch. "Did you know?"

"That they were going to ditch you?"

"Yes!"

"No," she answers truthfully. "I was under the impression that you were going until they peeled out and you marched out of your room pissed off and not in the Impala."

"I can't believe they did this to me," Sam shocks out but Lizzy huffs a laugh.

"I can," Lizzy responds lightly. "They're the same fucking person a lot of the time and they both love you so much it's fucking scary. I'm not surprised by this at all and neither should you be."

Sam sighs, knowing it's true.

"Come on, come inside," she asks of him, linking her arm in his and using her sisterly voice. "Read over that article with me and let's get going. The more we figure out before they get there the safer and easier this one will be. I want them home."

"So do I," Sam grumps. "So I can punch Dean in the face."

"Want me to get Lou for you, you know, since you're a guy and can't?"

"You'd do that for me?" He finally has just a drop of lightened humor in him now that he knows she wasn't in on it.

"Punch my annoying sister? Hell yeah," Lizzy laughs a bit before walking for the door with a slightly less angry Sam.