Let me put it this way: the Ghost with the Most is going to school.
Disclaimer: Don't own it, JK Rowling and a bunch of others do.
15th March, 1992
Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry
"Harry!" Harry James Potter, Fates favourite whipping boy, turned to see Hermione Granger, his best female friend, running towards him. "Harry, I need to speak to you!"
"Careful, Granger! He might sick Slytherin's monster onto you!" Hermione ignored the guffaws as he dragged Harry past the laughing students, into an empty corridor and then an empty classroom, where Ron Weasley, his best male friend, was waiting with an excitement that equalled Hermione's.
"Did you find a clue about the Heir?" Aharry asked. Ron shook his head.
"Better!" He said. "I was checking a part of the castle the Twins said hadn't been used for a while. They'd know, they planned their pranks there sometimes," he reached behind his back, pulling out a diary that was old, and definitely female. "I found something you definitely want to look at, mate."
"A diary?" Harry asked .
"Better," Hermione said, opening to the first page and handing it to him. Harry looked dutifully.
The Diary of Lillian Rose Evans...
"Wh... This is my mums... Where? How?"
"It was hidden," Ron said. "In a cupboard in a room you can only get to from the dungeons."
"The Dungeons?" Harry asked, flipping to the end. He wanted to see the last thing written...
Harry, if you're reading this, then the charms I made have worked and this diary has found it's way into your hands. This is my personal Plan B in case anything happens to us. I don't trust Dumbledore, he's way to interested in you, ever since your first bout of accidental magic turned his beard pink. It has to do with this prophecy he's using to force us into hiding, but he's playing his cards too close to his chest. So, I contacted your aunt Lydia in America...
"I have an aunt in America?" Harry asked out loud.
"You didn't know?" Ron asked.
"Aunt Petunia's never mentioned her," Harry said. "And she had to be a better choice than the Dursleys if mum's mentioning her in a diary entry to me."
"Wait, an entry to you?" Hermione spoke up. Harry nodded.
"She had a charm on the diary to make sure it found it's way to me if they... if something happened to them."
"Bloody hell..."
"Ron!"
"That's some serious magic, Harry," Ron said. "Your mum must have been smarter than Hermione."
"What else does it say, Harry?" Hermione asked. Harry turned back to the page.
So, I contacted your Aunt Lydia in America to take care of you. She's aware of... well, maybe not the wizarding world, but the supernatural at least. She agreed to take you in if anything happened to your father and I, and also agreed that you should have some kind of protection in case something happened that made sure that didn't happen.
Harry, my son, I am about to trust you with something very important; a secret you can't tell anyone, not even Dumbledore, who I'm sure is making himself seem very important in you life. Your aunt has a friend, a very special friend. The Ghosts of Hogwarts know of him well, and he's the only one I've ever seen out-prank Peeves. Summoning him is easy, but you should only do it when you really need to. Or you're lonely. Or you want to talk to your aunt. Or... Hell, just summon him. Trust me baby boy. Betelgeuse will take care of you, I'm sure of it. He always liked your aunt and I and he got along famously with your father and uncles.
Harry blinked as he read the rest of the message, looking at his expectant friends. "She was setting up a plan B," he explained. "She didn't trust Dumbledore."
"Why not?" Ron asked. "I mean... he's Dumbledore."
"He knows why Voldemort went after me," Harry said, ignoring Ron's shivers. "He knows about some kind of... prophecy, but he never told me about it and he never told my parents what it says."
"Why would he do that?" Hermione asked.
"I don't know," Harry said. "I was supposed to go to my Aunt Lydia in America, but I got left with Aunt Petunia instead," Harry shook his head. "A lot of things aren't adding up. I need to think. Guys... thanks," he nodded at them, slipping the diary among his books and left the room. A confused Ron turned to Hermione.
"What do you think?" He asked. "I mean... why would Dumbledore choose the Dursley's over this other one?"
"I'm sure he has his reasons," Hermione said. "But... I don't know if that would be good enough for Harry. You said their were bars on his windows when you and your brothers went to get him?"
"And a cat flap for food on a door that locked from the outside," Ron said. Hermione frowned. Her respect for the Headmaster was taking a hit.
"What reason could he possibly have to keep Harry in a place like that?"
"Maybe he's trying to keep him from going dark?" Ron asked. The duo looked at each other for a second. "Yeah, I didn't believe it either."
"So, we have the greatest wizard of his generation leaving the Saviour of the Wizarding World in an abusive environment with no obvious reason other than a nebulous prophecy only he knows the contents of," Hermione summarised. "Do wizards get dementia?"
"Hermoine!"
"It's a valid question," she sniffed.
"... Yeah, sometimes," Ron admitted. "You think...?"
"I have no other explanation."
"What if it's a Slytherin trick?" Ron asked.
"This is a pretty elaborate scheme," Hermione said.
"Yeah..." Ron said. "So, what now?"
"We keep it between us," Hermione said. "Tell no one. Harry needs all the connection to his parents he can get."
May 3rd, 1992
Dungeon Hallway
Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry
Harry would have thought that the school would have calmed down after Hermione was petrified (oh, how he hated thinking about it). After all, she was his best bloody friend. Why the hell would he attack her?
Apparently, giving people magic took away their common sense, logic and ability to think for themselves. Something proven by Hagrid's arrest by the Ministry 'to be seen doing something' and the Board of Governors decision to suspend Dumbledore (though Harry had to admit, after reading his mum's diary, he had his own doubts about the Headmaster). Thankfully, despite Hermione's situation, Ron was standing fast, and had gotten into several fights over Harry's innocence. He'd even bloodied his brother Percy's nose when the Prefect had voiced his own suspicions regarding Harry returning late from visiting Hermione. Harry understood; Penelope Clearwater, Percy's girlfriend, had been petrified the same time as Hermione and the older boy was obviously upset. Ron wouldn't take that as an acceptable excuse, however.
"Anyone that thinks your the Heir of bloody Slytherin needs to get their heads checked," Ron had announced in the Gryffindor Common Room loudly. "You're no more responsible for Hermione being laid up than I am for V-Voldemort," his shakiness hadn't lessened the impact of his speech.
The next morning, Gryffindor had taken a united front. The entire House had marched into the Great Hall for breakfast, surrounding Harry in support. Professor MacGonagall, standing in as Headmistress during Dumbldore's suspension, could only smile in pride at the actions of her house.
Some, however, were less than impressed with this sudden show of support and decided to break it up. Or, at least, try.
Harry had a feeling something was up when a Ravenclaw had fetched him from the Library with a smirk, saying that Snape wanted to see him. He should have taken Ron, Dean and even shy, timid Neville's offer for support, but had turned them down.
That damn greasy git wasn't going to intimidate him any more. Harry Potter had had just about enough of the crap he had had piled on him over this whole 'Heir of Slytherin' garbage. He knew Snape was probably up to something, an opinion enforced when the smirking Ravenclaw had vanished at the top of the stairs leading to the dungeons. Harry continued on, though. May as well get this over with.
He was met at the bottom of the stairs by Snape, smirking malevolently, and the gathered Slythering House. "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Harry asked carefully, eyeing every smirking snake. Then he noticed a near vibrating Peeves floating in the corner and his hackles were up.
"I just thought it would be... fitting for Slytherin to welcome the first Lord Slytherin since Salazar himself," Snape said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. And suddenly it clicked as the other Slytherin's bowed with a smirk and Peeves started cackling.
"Ickle Potty, Lord of Slytherin!" Peeves crowed and Harry realised this little act would be over the castle by dinner. The headway he'd made with the Gryffindors would be lost, everyone would be against him after this, even Ron.
And, deep inside, something, that small part of Harry that had been beaten into him by the Dursleys, that told him that he deserved all this for being a worthless freak, snapped and dissipated.
"Though I know I should be wary," he whispered, but the words echoed through the hall, causing even Peeves to stop. "Still I call on something Scary..."
"What are you blathering on about, Potter?" Snape spat as Peeves leaned forward.
"Ghostly hauntings I turn loose..."
"Stop that!"
"Beetlejuice..."
"Oh, bugger this!" Peeves shouted suddenly, radiating fear. "Run for the hills!"
"Beetlejuice..."
"He's summoning evil itself from the pits of Hell! RUN FOR YOUR..."
"BEETLEJUICE!" A cruel laugh echoed through the halls as the Slyths leapt to their feet, wands out and pointed at Harry.
"Now now, kiddies, didn't your mothers ever tell you it was rude to point?" The gravely voice echoed. "You might put out an eye!" Instantly, every Slytherin wand had an eyeball hanging from the end of it. Several of them, including Malfoy, dropped the wands with a scream.
"Potter!" Snape roared. "What are you doing?"
"Aw, Snivy, Harrykins isn't doing anything but enjoying the show," the voice said as a gaunt figure with ghost white skin, green teeth and yellow eyes with black pupils, yellow hair wearing a black and white striped suit with a maroon shirt and black shies floated through the roof with a mad grin and evil intentions. Snape stepped back in fear remembering the last time he'd seen this particular spectre: Harry's mother Lily had written to her American cousin Lydia about his decision to end their friendship and what he'd called her, apparently in tears. The American had sent this spectre to teach him a lesson.
He'd never bothered Lily Evans again.
"Hello, Snivy," the spectre leered. "Did ya miss me?" Snape responded by blazing a trail away from the spectre this office and locking the door, leaving a suspicious smelling wet trail behind him. "Hm, guess not," the spectre turned to the stunned Harry and the group of Slytherins watching in abject horror, some still playing with the eyeballs from their wands. "Well, what a sorry group of Slyths you are," he said, drawing every eye to him. He smirked, morphing his face into some odd caricture of life with worms, snakes and other such things crawling of empty eye sockets, nostrils, ears and rotted cheeks. "Boo."
The Slyths bolted in fear, leaving the spectre cackling madly as his face returned to normal.
"Oh man, what a riot," he cackled. "This is great," he turned to Harry, who was just kind of... smiling in joy and stunned shock.
"So you're... BJ?" He asked. 'BJ' smirked, floating over to him and wrapping an arm around the boys shoulder.
"Yup, that's me, BJ, Beej, freaky, that scary sonuva..." he smirked at Harry's raised eyebrow. "Ghoul. And you, with those eyes and that face, have just GOT to be little Harry," he stepped back, floating around Harry, looking him up and down. "Wow, kid. You got big. It's been awhile though," 'BJ' rubbed his hands together with glee. "And good ol' hoggy, warty, Hogwarts. Only been here once, myself, had to scare some sense into a certain grease stain after he insulted your mother," THAT got Harry's attention.
"He did?" the boy asked dangerously. 'BJ' nodded qiuckly.
"Yup. Called her a 'mudblood', after years of pretending to be her friend," Harry pulled out his wand.
"Right," he said, walking towards Snape's office. 'BJ' floated along next to him.
"Waddaya gonna do, kid?"
"I'm gonna hex his tongue out," Harry said. "Then I'm going to transfigure him into a pile of flobberworm dung," 'BJ' cackled.
"Flobberworm dung?" the spectre cackled. "Oh, kid, I think I'm gonna LIKE hanging around you. But let's not go doing anything permanent."
"You have something else planned?" Harry asked. "His whole deal with having me down here was to spread rumours around the school that the Slytherins accepted me as the Heir of Slytherin. And with the Chamber of Secrets open..."
"Whoa, whoa!" 'BJ' said. "Hold your horses, kiddo," Harry suddenly found himself holding a handful of miniature horses, blinking in confusion. "Start from the the top. What's going on?"