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Chapter Three

Arien stood on the balcony overlooking the great expanse of land below them. She could see the people of Dale working busily to stay sheltered as they prepared the walls for the upcoming winter. She smiled and pulled her furred coat more tightly around her and sighed. It may have been cold at times and unbearably damp but she'd grown to love the mountain during her two months of residency. What she didn't love were the whispers and taunts that followed her around. More unbearable were the taunts her son encountered and the dwarf women who refused to allow their children to play with Kiren. She'd hoped he'd find others like himself to play with and find companionship but it appeared that he'd have to be content by himself for the time being. Though Bombur did assure her that once his children arrived Kiren would have no shortage of playmates and that his oldest son Bolur would be a worthy protector. It was a happy thought but she still worried. It was one thing to be loved and protected by the members of the Company that took back Erebor, it was another to be merely tolerated by the dwarves that were her husband's subjects. With another sigh Arien watched some ravens fly from their perches and go to windows only to fly right back out with letters attached. She smiled, she loved the birds and would often just watch their flight, as she was watching a large raven navigate a particularly sharp gust of wind she felt a presence beside her.

"It is quite cold here with the wind raging like it is, wouldn't you rather be in the sitting room with mother and Kiren?" At the sound of Fili's voice she turned and looked at him, struck by how tired he looked, some would even say he looked run down.

"Is everything alright Fili? You look tired." Arien asked and Fili smiled at her and shrugged.

"I am very tired but it is nothing out of the ordinary. As heir apparent I'm expected to shadow Uncle and he never seems to tire. I am almost ashamed to admit that I need rest, sometimes a great deal of it." Fili confessed his weakness and Arien walked up to him and bent to the side. He was confused as to her actions until she took his hand in hers then he squeezed.

"You needn't be afraid of being weak Fili, because that is something you'll never be. Healing takes time and you haven't been able to properly heal. Thorin will understand that you need rest, in fact he'll probably be angry that you stayed silent for so long." Arien told him reassuringly and he nodded.

"You are indeed correct fair Arien, but I cannot show weakness. I cannot allow them to think I have no right to the throne. I cannot disappoint Uncle Thorin." He said softly and Arien turned so that she faced him and he faced her, his eyes questioning.

"If you will not rest for your own health then please do it for me. I love you Fili and it would hurt me to see you fall ill when it is so easy to prevent. I've lost you once, I don't think I could survive losing you again." She said the last so quietly that Fili could barely hear her but when he did he felt his throat close with emotion as he stared into her eyes.

"You do not fight fair, do you?" Fili asked, his voice oddly husky and Arien knelt to face him.

"Not when I have the advantage." She said quietly and smiled at him with such love and affection that he couldn't hold himself in check any longer.

He removed his hand from hers and, without preamble, took her face in his hands. He stared into her eyes for the briefest of moments before his mouth descended onto hers, pulling a gasp from her throat. Once she got over the shock of it Arien became a participant in the kiss, moving her mouth with Fili's and allowing his tongue entrance. So many times she had dreamed of his kiss, desired him in ways that should have shamed her but never did. After what seemed like an eternity they broke apart to catch their breaths but Fili moved in again quickly, not willing to have her reject him, and claimed her mouth once more, this time sliding his hands through the golden wheat hair he'd longed to braid to mark her as his own before they traveled down her neck and his arms wrapped around her. He broke the kiss again but this time it was to bury his face in her neck and drop tender kisses and nips to the exposed skin.

"Fili..." Arien gasped slightly and suddenly she stiffened in Fili's arms. "Oh."

She gasped and quickly pulled herself away from him, her face red and awash with shame. As the first tears left her eyes she dashed back into the hall they'd escaped from and made a mad dash to her rooms. She needed to compose herself and needed to be as far away from Fili as possible to do it. If she stayed she had no doubt she'd do something utterly shameful.

Fili cursed himself and fate as Arien ran from him as fast as her legs could carry her. He knew she had every right to run, she was his brother's wife after all , but it still caused his heart to ache as he watched her retreating form. As he ran shaking hands through his hair he growled in frustration and muttered dark oaths in Khuzdul. Why did he have to want something that wasn't his?

…

Lips placed kisses along her neck as fingers trailed along her body almost reverently as she moaned in appreciation. Down the lips went, kissing with tongue and teeth coming into play. Those same teeth marked her and she shamelessly begged for more, arching as she felt his breath, hot and sultry on the juncture between her thighs. He teased her and touched her until she was at risk of losing her mind then he decided to bring her back and save her sanity. With one last kiss to her sweetness he rose and with a thrust seated himself to the hilt. Her eyes flew open as his name escaped her lips.

"Fili!" Arien whispered harshly in her sleep as bolted upright, her lower body throbbing as the blood coursed to her sex. She continued to breathe heavily as her face grew hot with the shame of it all and the desire that still coursed through her. She damned the gods who decided to treat her so cruelly and visit such pleasure upon her. She guiltily looked to the bed next to her where her husband was sleeping restlessly as her hand found its way between her legs, she moaned in relief as she laid back down on the bed and willed herself to remain quiet. This was her shame but she couldn't stop her mind's eye from turning to the other owner of her heart. She began moving in earnest, letting out small gasps and moans but abruptly stilled when she felt a hand join hers.

"You should have woken me dear one." Her husband whispered against her ear and she breathed out in relief before she turned her head and allowed his lips to capture hers. As she moaned in appreciation Kili set about finishing what she started and didn't let up until he had her screaming his name. She was indeed relieved when it was his name that made it past her lips.

…

"Lovely morning isn't it?" Arien started at the sound of the voice next to her and quickly turned her head to see Mister Baggins standing at her elbow. Breathing a few calming breaths Arien nodded.

"Yes, very lovely." Arien agreed absently as her mind drifted back to the previous day...and night. A blush crept to her cheeks as she thought of her dream lover and the flesh and blood husband who had spent so much of the night satisfying her. She got lost in her thoughts again and was startled out of her reverie when Bilbo touched her hand.

"Is everything alright?" He asked and Arien nodded, not wanting to share her thoughts with anyone.

"I'm fine, I just had some troubling dreams last night and they seem to occupy my mind. Can I help you with something Mister Baggins?" She asked politely as she bent to scoop up Kiren who was playing with the new horse Bofur had dropped off that morning at breakfast and hoisted him to her hip. He looked at Bilbo who smiled affectionately at the boy and reached in his pocket.

"Well, I was looking forward to sharing some tea with you this afternoon and I was also given a gift for the little prince." He told Arien happily as he took out a beautifully carved figure and Arien smiled. "Bofur reckoned the lad would appreciate it."

"It's beautiful but we can't keep accepting these gifts. It's really all too much, Mr. Baggins." She told him with a smile and he chuckled as he shook his head.

"First of all, it's Bilbo, you're family so that means you treat me as such. As for the gifts, I'll have a talk with Bofur but I wouldn't expect him to stop making them for and giving them to your son any time soon. The toys are his way to show his love for little Kiren and he gets so much more joy in giving away his toys. If you worry about Kiren being the only recipient, don't. Bofur gives his toys to every little one he comes across. The lad is just one of many in that regard." Bilbo said with the warm glow of love and pride etching his features. As Arien looked at him she realized that he always had the same look in his eyes when he spoke of the toymaker. It was a look that Bofur returned. She found herself suddenly very confused and unsure how to voice her question, the last thing she wanted to do was offend the hobbit and lose her only non-dwarf friend in Erebor. Taking a deeper breath than usual she decided to go another route.

"Thank you very much Bilbo, it's good to know that Bofur's kindness extends far beyond my son." Arien said her face quirking in a fond smile.

"He is the kindest being in all of Middle Earth I would think. We are lucky to know him." Bilbo's smile was radiant as he spoke of Bofur and Arien knew her observations had been correct. Bilbo and Bofur were in love. "Is something the matter?'

Arien looked into Bilbo's eyes and saw the confusion there. She suddenly realized that her confusion was plain on her face and she blushed. It appeared that she would have to ask her question or cause the hobbit concern and she didn't want to worry him in the slightest.

"I'm just puzzled and am afraid of offending you with my questions." She explained and Bilbo raised his eyebrow and gave her a slight nod to continue. "Is Bofur very special to you?"

She asked her question carefully and Bilbo looked puzzled for a moment before realization dawned and he grinned widely and happily at Arien who still looked nervous. Deciding to ease her mind he gently patted her arm and nodded.

"Yes, Bofur is very special to me. You have a lot to learn about dwarves princess and I'll be happy to teach you what I can. In fact, I was just going to my chambers to do a bit of reading. I think I'd rather be spending that time enjoying tea with you and cakes with Kiren. Would you care to join me?" Bilbo asked with his smile as wide and welcoming as ever and she nodded.

"We'd like that very much, Bilbo." She smiled at the hobbit and followed him as they made their way to the hobbit's rooms and when they entered Arien held no doubts about the relationship the toymaker and the advisor shared. Toys, finished and not, covered nearly every flat surface save for a small desk that held quills and parchment and a seat decidedly hobbit-sized. As she sat at their table with her son in her lap she decided to banish all negative thoughts from her mind. If Bilbo found love with the kind dwarf then that was what mattered because, when it boiled down to it, love was all that mattered.

…

It had been three days since Fili had seen Arien and he was anxious to do so. According to Kili and Bilbo, the two who spent the most time with her, she was acting a bit off. She was constantly lost in thought and Kili said she hadn't been sleeping well. This concerned Fili greatly, he couldn't bear the thought that he had left her in torment. Yes, he knew she loved him and he knew the kiss was returned but he also remembered the shame in her eyes and the bit of fear as she fled him. He sighed heavily and set the paper he had been pretending to read on the table in front of him. He was in no mood to look over trade contracts and inventory lists. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the door to his room open and was startled to see his uncle take a seat across from him at the desk.

"I knew I would find you here." Thorin said as he got his nephew's attention.

"Well these are my quarters." Fili said with far more cheer than he felt and Thorin gave him a look that had him immediately suspicious. His uncle looked oddly...apologetic... "Do you require my assistance with something Uncle?"

"A messenger has just arrived from the Iron Hills. Dain and his people will be arriving in two weeks time to assist in the recovery of Erebor and make the mountain their home. Nir will be joining them." He said the last and Fili saw the blatant apology in his eyes. "I've consulted your mother and we believe it is best that you begin courting Nir with the intent of marriage. She comes from a strong line that has been proven fertile and by marriage you will form a strong alliance and also put several rumors to rest."

"What rumors are those Uncle?" Fili said, choosing to focus on the least unpleasant thing that had come from his uncle's mouth.

"The rumor that you pine for your brother's wife. The rumor that you lay with her while he's out hunting or negotiating with the men of Dale. It would be different if you shared her but that could not happen even if Kili and Arien were amenable to it. We are not fools Fili and neither is your brother, we know that which you try to keep hidden but fail. Your eyes give you away." Thorin finished softly and saw the pain stricken face of his heir. "You have a duty to your line and your people. I understand that Nir is insufferable, more like a prissy elf than a dwarf princess but she is the best option. I know you have no love for her and it hurts to know you will not even like your wife but sacrifices must be made. I trust you to do what is right Fili."

"If I can find someone else, someone who doesn't make my stomach turn or skin crawl?" He asked, almost desperately and Thorin smiled.

"If you can find someone you can share a life with, someone who is dwarfkind and will bear you many strong children I will allow you your choice but I will not bless any pairing that does not allow for the purity of our line." Thorin finished as he stood and Fili nodded and took a deep breath as Thorin swept out of his rooms. With another, shakier, breath Fili placed his head in his hands and let the tears come. Now he knew he would never be happy, he'd just have to make sure that those he loved could have the happiness he sacrificed.

…

"Are you ready to tell me what's been bothering you?" Kili asked as he sat at their small kitchen table and fed his son, smiling as Kiren picked up one of his carrot pieces and held it out to his father. Kili ducked down to eat it and Kiren giggled. This caused Arien to turn from the stove and smile at her boys, the true loves of her life.

"I've told you, they're just nightmares. Master Oin said that nightmares are to be expected due to the fact that I'm surrounded by walls of stone. It's my body's way of getting used to the confinement. Don't worry yourself love." She smiled again before she returned to the stove and removed the meat she had prepared. She's learned long ago that one way to keep Kili happy was to give him large amounts of meat, it seemed to be the true dwarven diet. She placed a lid over the pan she'd used and brought it to the table before she set out plates for her husband and herself. She sighed in contentment as she watched Kili feed Kiren and when she caught his eye he returned her smile.

"Come here." He requested and Arien smiled as she did as he asked, laughing as he pulled her onto his lap. "I love you, I won't ever stop."

"I feel the same my love." She whispered before she pressed her lips against his, meaning every word.

…

Later that night Arien walked the halls outside of their rooms, she couldn't sleep or find any peace so she decided to leave the oppressiveness of her bed and seek solace elsewhere. Her feet moved of their own accord as her mind went back to her dilemma, though was it really a dilemma? She loved Fili, there was no denying it and her body craved him but she was happy with Kili. She was so happy at times that she felt almost ashamed of the joys her life had while so many led joyless lives. Her thoughts were so engrossing that she failed to notice where she was going and the sliver of light that fell across her feet startled her and she froze when she saw the rooms she was stopped in front of.

"Is someone there?" Fili's voice called out and Arien found herself rooted to the spot. It had been days since she's seen him and she didn't know if she could face him. Before her mind started working again the door opened and she found herself staring at Fili He apparently wasn't expecting her either and he had a similar look in his eyes. Fortunately he composed himself quickly and swallowed thickly before he spoke. "What are you doing here Arien?"

"I couldn't sleep and I felt restless." She told him honestly and he nodded as he took a deeper than usual breath.

"It seems we're plagued by the same demons. I haven't slept for two nights." He told her and her face suddenly became concerned.

"Fili, you need rest. You'll never truly heal if you don't allow yourself to." Her voice was soft but her tone was stern and he found himself smiling slightly.

"How can I sleep when the guilt gnaws at my soul?" He asked himself before he shook his head. "I am truly sorry for my behavior Ari. I know you belong to my brother, you have borne him a son and share the bond of marriage. I would never seek to hurt your family and may Mahal strike me down if I've hurt you. Please forgive me Arien, I promise you that I will never compromise you like that again."

"It is I who should apologize Fili. I never should have confessed my feelings for you that morning two years ago. I should have never given you reason to believe that we could be together in any way. I admit that I love you, to lie about that would be pointless, but we can never be. I am Kili's wife and the thought of hurting him tears my heart in two. We need to move past what happened and ensure that it won't ever happen again." Arien said as tears rolled down her cheeks and Fili felt his own mist up at the truth in her words.

Their feelings were dangerous in times like these. Erebor was still recovering, the right the heirs of Durin had to the mountain was constantly in question and any weakness could be exploited. At any other time Fili would have petitioned his brother to share Arien as a bride, it was not so unusual among dwarves for a female to have two husbands, due to the lack of female dwarves, and was often looked upon as a lucky match for all involved. In his heart he knew Kili would not refuse his request and he knew that once Arien understood their culture she'd agree as well. This was the only path that would allow them all to be happy but he knew it wasn't to be. Sacrifices had to be made to secure their home and their right to the throne. It appeared that the greatest sacrifice Fili would have to make would be his heart.

"You speak the truth sweet Ari. You have my word that I will do nothing to compromise your honor further. I could no more hurt Kili than I could cut off my arm. I hope I haven't lost your respect or your love despite my actions." He told her with a formality that hurt her but she simply shook her head.

"You will never lose either Fili. I respect you more than almost anything else in the world and I will always love you but I will love you as a brother for that's what you are." She told him and he nodded. "I should return to my room. Goodnight Fili."

"Would you like me to escort you back?" He asked and Arien shook her head, "Very well, goodnight Arien."

"Sleep well...Brother..." She told him softly before she turned and walked down the hallway to her rooms.

Once she turned the corner and left his sight he turned and walked back into his room and leaned against the door when he shut it. He had heard that nothing hurt more than a broken heart and now he knew it to be true. With heavy steps he walked through his rooms and blew out his candles before he dropped onto his bed. If sleep did come to him that night it would be restless but he owed it to himself to try. What use would he be if his body broke to match his heart.

...

Author's Note: So sorry for the delay. Life is crazy at my place and I was cursed by a bit of writer's block. I hope you liked this angsty, angsty chapter and don't hate my Bilbo/Bofur pairing. Who doesn't like the scene in the cave? Anyway, it struck me that they would have an amazing relationship and I see it as another way Bilbo can bond with Arien, both have loves that are outside of the norm. Thank you all for reading and reviewing, you guys mean the world to me :)