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One Which Makes the Heart Run Over

Dream as though you'll live forever. Live as though you'll die today.
-Anonymous

3.

dream as though you'll live forever

Robin stayed long after the others had gone. He was the one who would have one session a week, as she had known he would. He probably needed them the most, out of him and Starfire and Cyborg, but he was the leader so he would take the only one-night-a-week session. She did manage to convince him that it should be two hours rather than an hour as the other's sessions were. Robin's would be tomorrow.

"Even if the session are disrupted due to a fight," Raven said evenly, "it's important that we still have them, no matter how late that night."

Robin nodded. "Agreed." His eyes slipped to Beast Boy, contentedly settled in her lap and purring. "There's something you aren't saying about this. What is it?'

I had hoped I could get away without telling you. "He thinks he'll make a better pet than a team member." Robin's fists clenched and his voice dropped a level or two.

"Who gave him that idea!"

And I really, really hoped I wouldn't have to tell you that. "Slade did." She continued, quickly, before Robin could say any of the dozen things she knew flashed through his mind at those words. "While we were fighting Sladebots in the Tower, Beast Boy was at an abandoned park with Terra- and he was fighting Slade." All that had been packed into one short memory, one of the ones buried deepest and hurting him the most. His memories were like shrapnel… "Slade made a comment to him about how maybe Terra wanted to keep him as a pet. That fed off the memories he had of that creature Soto thinking he was a pet, and then his mind latched onto the idea….and he's been getting worse ever since." She absently ran a hand along the soft fur. "When's the last time he ate properly? Does anyone even know?"

Silently, Robin shook his head. "It's hard to know when he buys his own food. No one else eats tofu, so no one notices if he buys less or eats less." He leaned against the wall, eyes downcast. He was still uncomfortable about being in her room, she knew; she'd gradually gotten more lenient about letting them in, but it was usually only Starfire that ever did come in. She'd been startled when Beast Boy had knocked on her door.

"Well, is there anything you can do for him? Besides the therapy?" Robin looked torn.

"I'll do what I can." Raven's eyes closed slowly as she considered what she could do. "Which isn't much. I can Dreamwalk, but it's not usually a good idea. It leaves me almost completely without rest. I would only be able to do that safely once, maybe twice, a week." She opened her eyes again and groaned inwardly at the expression on his face.

"What's…" Robin tasted the unfamiliar word. "…Dreamwalking?"

Raven sighed and gently shifted the cat from her lap to the pillow, sliding her cloak all the way around him. He mewed sadly as he was put down. "It means that instead of my dreams, I can dream his. However, any time I do so, it will essentially leave me without sleep."

He blinked at her and she could sense the exact moment when it clicked with him. "Oh. Because it isn't actually sleeping that matters, it's dreaming."

She nodded. He rose slowly from the wall and eyed the door, then glanced back at her. His eyes flickered from her to the small green cat curled up in her cloak and sleeping on her pillow. "Where's he going to sleep tonight?"

"The same place he slept the last two nights, Robin," she sighed. "Right where he is."

"That's not really proper."

You can take your 'proper' and stuff it, Robin. "He's a cat. Right now that's all he is. Until I can heal him- if I can heal him- he's better off staying here than sleeping by himself in his own room." Robin still didn't look convinced. "Look, I can help him if he stays here." She supposed she could have brought up where Starfire had been sleeping but that hardly seemed fair to Star.

She didn't have to. The appeal to Beast Boy's health did it. Robin's eyes slid shut. "Fine." He hesitated an instant. "You morphed him to human before I left. Why did he change back?"

"Human body doesn't mean human mind."

"I was kinda afraid of that. If you don't mind- could you do it again? Could you show me?"

"I would prefer not to." She stared down at Beast Boy. Against the dark pillow, the green fur was bright. He looked very, very small and young and she knew that even if he changed he would still look small and young.

"Raven."

She sighed again and concentrated. Changing Beast Boy when he wouldn't even change himself was much more difficult than Robin seemed to realize. After a long moment, the cat slowly reshaped himself into human form. She was right; he still looked little, looked lost in the expanse of fabric. He actually let out a startled mew when he finished changing, which was odd to hear from his human form. Raven looked at Robin. Robin crossed the room and laid a hand on Beast Boy's side, gently.

"BB? You okay?"

The changeling shuddered and flipped awake, crouched warily on the pillow. His eyes were the same blankness they'd been before , but Robin hadn't actually seen them before. Clearly, he did now; he took a sharp step backward, masked eyes widening.

Beast Boy hissed.

Raven saw him shift his weight in time and caught the younger Titan as he sprang at Robin; her concentration broken, Beast Boy changed back. She held on to the angry cat and drew him back towards her.

"Why does he attack everyone but you?" Robin asked, frustrated.

She shrugged. "I have no idea. He did the same thing when he was the Beast, though. Maybe it's related?"

"Maybe." Robin turned to leave, pausing in the doorway. She had to strain to hear him. "Please, if there's anything you think would help- anything- try it." The door clicked shut and she exhaled slowly.

"I will," she told the closed door.

She settled slowly onto the bed, releasing Beast Boy and pulling the covers up close to her chin as she did so. After a long moment, she sat up and grabbed her cloak, dislodging Beast Boy who had just decided it would make a good place to sleep. She tugged at it as he decided to swipe at the edge with his claws; he hooked it and tried to yank it back with a triumphant "Meow!"

"Why couldn't you have been a declawed cat," she muttered half-heartedly as she finally pulled her cape free from the green furball, the fabric now sporting a neat line of tiny holes. She sank down and twisted onto her side, closing her eyes. Before she fell asleep she felt the cat climb onto her side and settle there comfortably, just as he'd done the past few nights. She had to admit, it was comforting to have the warm weight and to feel Beast Boy's heartbeat.

She couldn't help but think that it might have been more comfortable if he hadn't been purring.

She wanted to try Dreamwalking tonight. Hopefully, no one would attack tomorrow; hopefully it would just be another of the days they all spent holed up in the Tower, playing cards, videogames, volleyball and basketball on the roof, training. They actually all managed to keep remarkably busy when they weren't out fighting.

…Of course, with Beast Boy still a cat, the teams would be uneven and the videogames would be played by Cyborg alone. Robin would feel too guilty playing them; probably Cyborg would as well. Beast Boy was his best friend and this wasn't something any of Cy's technology could even begin to fix.

Raven calmed her thoughts, ground and centered, and began repeating her mantra silently. Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. She hadn't been exaggerating when she told Robin that Dreamwalking was difficult. Had she not been used to meditating daily, she doubted she would have been able to accomplish it. It required a careful balance between a meditative trance and true sleep; when she reached that balance, she should be able to sense the dreams of others at the edge of her perception. She knew when she was asleep enough to dream and awake enough to shift into another's dream. Since Beast Boy had already been in her mind before, it wasn't too difficult to shift her sleeping self into his mind.

She slipped straight past the obsidian platform of before; with him asleep, it was deserted. That wasn't where she was going. The light at the bottom of the inky blackness had changed; no longer memories, the dream-colors were interwoven, bright orange around a healthier green than before. For the second time, she plunged into the light.

There were two ways to Dreamwalk that she knew of, as either an observer or an active participant within the dream. She didn't have enough experience to control or predict which it would be.

She found herself seated comfortably just above the stairs in the Tower's living room. It took her a moment of glancing around to determine where Beast Boy was.

Robin was sitting on the couch and trying to teach Starfire a card game. His mask was off, but his facial features were blurry; Beast Boy may have dreamed him with his mask off but he'd never actually seen it off. His mind filled in the blanks as best as it could.

Beast Boy was lying on the couch, eyes closed, his head resting against Robin's thigh. That seemed odd, especially since he was staying still, but the dream didn't seem bad so far. Raven drifted a little closer to the couch. Robin was gently ruffling Beast Boy's hair with one hand, but didn't seem to be paying attention to him otherwise. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Sure enough, when she looked, Beast Boy was wearing a faded leather collar.

The Titan alert went off, Robin leapt up and dislodged Beast Boy and scattered the cards, Starfire immediately flew for the exit, Beast Boy fell from the couch and landed on his hands and knees. The dream's exiting rush was swift and silent, except for when Robin paused in the doorway to shout, "Beast Boy! Guard!"

Then the Tower was empty, except for Raven hovering and Beast Boy slowly climbing to his feet. Almost as soon as he had done so he morphed into a German Shepherd and settled himself in front of the exit.

Raven flew over to him and set down next to him. She reached a hand out to the green fur and was deeply relieved when she felt it ruffle beneath her hand; that meant she was actively participating in the dream, which in turn meant she could affect how it ended. "Beast Boy, they need you out there. We need you."

The dog rolled over and looked up at her. "We need you," she repeated. He slowly morphed back to human form beneath her hand , still looking at her, his hand slowly reaching up to grasp hers. He moved his mouth to speak, but no words came, and his face fell. She hadn't understood that expression until now but it was as if the expression on his face had slid right off to shatter on the floor. He gestured to his throat with his free hand; she placed her free hand over his throat and concentrated. It was strange to use her powers in someone else's dream to heal an injury that had never really occurred. Beast Boy's voice box was damaged; he couldn't speak. She narrowed her eyes and concentrated, willing it to repair itself, and

woke up.

Raven sat up slowly, sending a disgruntled green cat sliding from her side to her lap. He mewed up at her and she rose one hand to him absently. Light was streaming through the window. It was early morning.

She turned her gaze back to Beast Boy, whose current form was staring at her with all the intensity a cat could have. "So," she said slowly, "you're afraid of losing your voice and becoming a pet. Is that why you talk so much?"

The cat did not reply.

GuardianSaiyoko: Sorry about the wait. Med Terms is not a fun class. Once again, I'm floored by the reviews. Thanks, everyone!

April 21st, 2008- Fixed some typos, added a few lines for clarity, and currently wishing very much that I was back in Med Terms. It was certainly easier than Clin Chem or Vet Sci IV, even if the latter classes are more fun.