Sasuke's POV
When I start to come to I don't even know what time it is or where on earth I am. I squint my eyes to try and determine if it's daylight out, but it feels like someone beat me over the head with a sledgehammer.
Am I really this hung over?
I push myself up into a sitting position on my bed—the bed—no, definitely my bed. Slowly I open my eyes the rest of the way and recognize the pattern of my comforter.
Okay, so I made it back to my room last night. That's good.
I don't remember anything about when or how I got there, just that I feel like absolute garbage now.
I glance around, spotting my clothes scattered on the floor. I must have stripped after getting in last night. Alcohol warms you up. I must've felt too hot.
Everything is blurry, almost like I'm still drunk. I don't even recall drinking that much, though. I try to stand, but my legs shake and a wave of nausea runs over me. I am quick to sink to the floor, grabbing my garbage bin and throwing up in it unceremoniously. I feel my entire body tense and then I vomit again.
Great. Perfect. But at least I don't have a roommate. My parents were quick to ensure I got my own room and the last thing I want is for someone to see me in a state such as this.
I swear, I'm never drinking again. This just isn't worth it.
When I feel like the contents of my stomach have literally been emptied, I crawl back into bed. It hurts to move. I can barely see. It's like none of my body parts are working properly.
I lay here for a while, feeling absolutely awful. This is the worst hangover I've ever had. It might be the worst I've felt in my entire life.
I want to shower because I feel disgusting, but I don't have the energy to get myself there. I cover my eyes with a pillow. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep it off.
.
.
I wake up again after a while but I'm still just as disoriented as before. I still don't know what time it is and my head feels groggy.
I force myself to roll over and look at my alarm clock. It's almost four in the afternoon.
I want to shoot out of bed but I'm completely physically unable to. Instead, I sit up slowly and look at the tiny window of my dorm room. The blinds are closed, that's probably why I was able to sleep for so long.
I feel warm. I wish I had an ice pack or some cold water or something, but I literally cannot leave my room like this. I can barely stand.
I try to look for a bottle of water, but all I can find is a half empty one in my school bag.
It hurts to move. It really hurts. I almost debate on calling someone, but I don't. It would be too shameful. I press the palms of my hands to my eyes, trying to will away the hang over, but it's in vain. The feeling is persistent. I must be getting quite dehydrated by now.
I wonder if my door is locked. I rotate my head to look, and it's not. The deadbolt is twisted the wrong way. It's a little weird because I usually remember to turn it, but I was really messed up on Friday.
Ugh.
It's concerning, but what is most concerning is not remembering a large part of my week.
I try to retrace my steps, but it all goes blank after my first couple drinks. I should have eaten more in the day. I need to stop neglecting my health for the sake of studying.
I start to feel like maybe this isn't a normal hang over. Maybe I'm getting sick too. The flu has been going around campus and I probably shared drinks last night like I do every time I go out.
That's most likely what it is—a mixture of two nasty things making one nastier feeling. Since I threw up, it's probably the stomach flu and I'll be better in the next 24 hours. I just need to wait it out.
I wish I could remember last night, but I have literally no clue what happened. I don't even have a vague idea to try to piece things together from—I'm drawing a complete blank.
I have an essay due on Tuesday that I was planning on working on today, but I guess that won't be happening. I can ask for an extension if I need to, since I never have before, but I would rather not.
I prefer to keep my deadlines. I know that professors understand that life can get in the way, but I don't even have a solid excuse. This is happening because I decided to act like an idiot.
I'll just need to power through my essay tomorrow. I'm sure I'll feel fine enough by then. For now, I'll try to sleep it off.
.
.
The following morning, I still feel like complete garbage. I'd kill for a shower. I want to brush my teeth. I feel disgusting. I reach for my phone. I have messages from Karin, Suigetsu and Jugo asking me where I've been. I don't bother responding to any of that. I set my phone back down and roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling.
This is annoying.
I feel horrible. Maybe even worse than before. Not physically necessarily, but I just feel really…bad. I can't put my finger on it.
I chalk it up to the fact that I'm going on my third day without washing and second without food. I'm not even hungry though, I still feel queasy. My room smells putrid even though I can tell I've adapted to it a little bit. The vomit still sitting in my waste bin is not helping. I wonder how long it will be until someone in the dorm notices the awful stench and comes knocking at my door to check on me.
I force myself out of bed, putting a house coat on. When it gets a little later in the day, I decide to head to the bathrooms to clean my garbage bin out before things get too disgusting. Lucky for me, the dorms are usually pretty quiet around this time of day. Everyone is in their rooms studying.
When that is taken care of, I debate on trying to shower, but I literally feel like I'm going to drop, so I head back to my room instead. I set the bin back in the corner of my room and lie back down. My phone starts ringing, but I don't answer. I don't want to move.
Sometime later, my door swings open. Fuck, I forgot to lock it again.
Karin is standing there, looking annoyed. "Jeez! I thought you might've been dead or something, but here you are napping!" she exclaims and I can't help but wince at the volume of her voice. She senses this and softens, closing the door behind her as she moves inside. "Hey, what is it?"
I want her to fuck off. I haven't even said a word in days. I try to open my mouth to say something, but I can't. I feel way too out of it.
She hovers over me and for some reason it sets me off. I shove her away.
"What the fuck?" she asks.
"I am sick," I tell her. "I'm also in a bad state and I don't really want any social calls."
"Sorry," she mumbles, "we all just got worried about you since you weren't returning any of our messages. What are you sick with?"
"The flu I think," I tell her plainly.
"Oh," Karin replies, "that sucks."
She stands there for a moment before asking if I need anything. I say it'd be nice to have to something to drink, so she leaves to fill up my water bottle. When she returns I ask her what she remembers from Friday night.
"Nothing too exciting," she admits, "The usual. You were pretty fucked up, though."
"I know, that's part of why I feel so crappy now."
She shakes her head, "No, you were soooo fucked up. It was hard to keep track of you. You were running all around the house."
Great. That sounds nice and humiliating.
"Really?" I sigh out, not looking forward to hearing details.
She nods her head. "You drank a ton. I've never seen you like that before. Me and Suigetsu and Jugo tried to keep tabs on you, but you kind of disappeared... I guess you passed out in here."
"Probably," I whisper. "I don't remember... I know I didn't eat much, though. I should have been more careful."
I'm angry at myself.
I want Karin to fuck off, but I know she is here because she cares, so I don't want to start a fight - especially not when I feel like this.
Karin is frowning. "It'll be okay. You'll be back to normal again soon." She raises a hand, almost like she is going to touch my forehead, but then she stops herself. "Do you remember anything else? It's not like you to get black-out drunk."
I shake my head. "I literally don't remember anything."
She stares at me, looking contemplative. "That's…weird," she says after a moment.
Great. Now I feel insecure as ever. I've never felt this badly before and me not remembering is apparently abnormal for everyone. What the fuck happened that night?
"Think about it," she tells me. "You had a couple drinks and we were all sitting together. Do you remember that?"
I nod.
"Okay, what happened after that?" Karin asks.
I close my eyes and rub my forehead.
"I saw someone I've been with before and went to go talk to them," I say unsurely. "I think maybe it was Ino?"
"Good." Karin nods. "Maybe we should ask Ino if she saw you that night."
"I'd rather not," I grumble.
"Sasuke…" she reasons. "Aren't you curious?"
"Look, you can go ask her if you want, but I'm not going anywhere," I respond tersely. I probably sound pretty short-tempered, because she holds up her hands and leaves it at that
"Want me to get you anything else?"
"More water and pain killers," I say, waving her off.
She sighs, but does what I ask. She leaves and returns some minutes later with what I requested. I force myself to sit up, still feeling headachey. I down two extra strength Tylenols and then drink some water. Fuck, I hope this feeling goes away.
"Thanks," I say. "You can go now."
She scoffs at me and then leaves. I'll probably get an earful when I'm feeling better.
I lie back down and start to replay the events of that night, trying to figure out what lead up to me ending up in my room. What happened in between my first few drinks and me waking up?
I'm almost positive that I went to go talk to someone I'd slept with before. If it wasn't Ino, it was one of the other girls, but I don't exactly feel like going around asking every single one of them.
I think I left whoever I was talking to alone for some reason. Maybe she was already with another guy. I think that's what it was.
Afterwards is still a complete blur. I think I ran into somebody else, but I have no idea who. I think maybe they offered me a drink from what the frat was serving, but I can't be sure.
It's awkward. I want to know who I talked to and what I said. I hope I didn't make a fool of myself.
I worry about that a lot: making a fool of myself. I don't want people to see me in ways I don't allow them to see me. I need to remain perfect. If I don't, it will bring shame to my family.
.
.
The following day, I begin to feel all right. I had to shoot my teacher an email asking for an extension. He agreed to give me one. So, I'll be handing my essay in on Friday.
Late in the evening, I head for the showers. It feels good to finally get clean. I felt vile.
I take a long shower, scrubbing my face, my limbs and everything else as hard as I can. I feel like I need to compensate, I suppose. I just feel filthy and grimy.
When I'm done, I wrap a towel around my waste and brush my teeth. Staring at myself in the mirror is depressing. I look exhausted and ugly. I eye myself for a few minutes after brushing my teeth, trying not to be overly critical of myself. I've been sleeping for days, but I still look and feel tired.
Then I notice bruises. I probably got them when I was trashed on Friday. I have some on my upper arms and forearms and when I turn around I see a big one on my back. I guess that's why I've been sore.
It's a co-ed shower and I spot Sakura Haruno entering when I'm putting my toothbrush away in my bag. "Hey," she greets me. I can tell she's eying the marks, but she remains silent.
I nod at her.
"Been a while since anyone has seen you around," she mentions.
"I had the flu, not that it is any of your business," I decide to say, whether or not it's even the truth. I don't know at this point.
Sakura huffs at me, but doesn't ask any more questions. Good. I don't even want to be looked at right now let alone quizzed.
I head back to my room and this time I lock my door. I really want to be left alone. I still have a raging headache and can't deal with talking to people right now.
I'm pissed off that this is all happening right now at the start of the semester. I don't need something to distract or set me back. All I want is to fucking remember what happened.
I pull on a pair of sweats and a tee, drying my hair with the towel.
Maybe Karin was right. Maybe I should talk to Ino.
I put on socks and slippers and then head into the common room. I don't see Ino, but I see Hinata Hyuga.
"Hinata," I say her name.
She glances at me, looking surprised that I'm talking to her. "Sasuke?"
"Do you know where Ino is?" I ask.
"In our room," Hinata answers. "Want me to walk you there?"
"Sure," I say, since I have no idea where the fuck it is.
She stands up, ditching the group of people she is with to walk me up a few floors and down a hallway. The door is decorated with a flowery sign:
Ino and Hinata's room!
I probably could've found it on my own after all.
Hinata opens the door and greets Ino, who is sitting on her bed. There is a laptop open in front of her and she glances up, looking surprised to see me standing with her friend. I'm not exactly the kind of person who keeps in touch with flings. Reading the situation, Hinata leaves us alone. I take a step inside, shutting the door behind myself.
"Ino," I greet her.
"Hey," she responds.
I don't want to make this any more awkward than it already is, so I ask her directly. "I was wondering if I talked with you at all Friday night at that frat party?"
She looks a little surprised that I'm there to ask such a simple question. "Yeah," Ino nods, "Towards the start of the night, but not for very long."
"Did you see where I went afterwards?"
Fuck, this is embarrassing.
"Um…" She looks contemplative. "Some guy. I think his name is Zaku? I always see him at the school music events."
"Okay, thanks, Ino." I sigh.
She gives me a concerned look, but I don't stick around to let it sink in or for her to start asking questions. I head back down to my room and fish my phone out of my bed sheets. I'm lucky enough to have Zaku's number in my phone, even though we never talk anymore.
I click his name and it rings a few times before he finally answers. "Hello?" comes his gruff voice.
"Hi," I say. "It's Sasuke."
"Oh, uh, hey."
He probably thinks it's weird that I'm calling. We were friends in high school, but not so much now.
Since I'm not in the mood to play tag, I don't ask to meet him. I'll just do this over the phone. "Was I with you on Friday?"
"For a sec," he says before starting to chortle. "You were so out of it, man. You didn't even sound like yourself. Your voice was all high pitched and whiney. It was pretty funny."
I want to tell him that it's not funny, but I don't. "Okay, well, where did I go afterwards?" I pry.
"What's this about?"
"None of your business," I insist.
"Well, then maybe I don't know the answer."
God, what a dick.
"I got black-out drunk," I decide to tell him. "I just want to make sure I didn't make a fool out of myself."
"I saw you with that loud, blond kid we went to grade school with," Zaku decides to say.
I pause. "Naruto…?"
"Yeah, I think that's his name."
What a wild goose chase this is turning into. This isn't what I signed up for.
"Thanks," I tell him, and then I hang up the phone. I don't really care to talk any further especially if he's just going to be a dick.
I barely know Naruto, so I don't know why I was approaching him. I don't even have any of his contact info, so I decide to text Karin for it. She's going to ask me what it's about, which I don't want to answer. I don't want to think that I could have possibly tried anything weird with Naruto—he's the biggest loudmouth on campus. Since I was so messed up, maybe I thought he was someone else—that's the only feasible explanation really.
Karin texts me back a few minutes later, giving me her cousin's digits and then asking me why I want them. I don't respond. I simply click on the numbers and send Naruto a message stating my name and purpose for contacting him.
I feel like I'm waiting too long for him to respond, so I decide to wander around a bit and see if I can spot him in the common room. He hangs around there a lot. He seems social.
No such luck, though. When I'm making my way back to my room, my phone starts ringing in my pocket. Great. Naruto has decided to call me back. I clear my throat and then answer with a simple, "Hello?"
"Yo, Uchiha," he greets. "I really hate texting when I have more than a few words to say, so I thought I'd call."
"I don't like phone calls," I decide to respond.
"Well, I don't feel like texting," he dismisses. "I'm bad at it. I can come find you instead, if yah want? Are you in your room?"
"For fuck's sake, just tell me what I want to know," I say. He's starting to stress me out.
"Seriously let's just meet in your room or you can come upstairs since you hate phone calls so much," Naruto insists.
Jesus christ. What the fuck does he need to tell me?
"Fine," I hiss. "My room."
So, I give him the room number.
"Great!" I hear the other line click as Naruto hangs up.
I stick my phone in my pocket and start heading back up to the second floor. If I have to do this with him, I want to be on my own turf at least.
When I get there, Naruto is already waiting and looking eager. Ugh.
He backs out of the way as I unlock my door and we both head inside.
"So, you want to know if we talked on Friday?" he reaffirms, sitting down on my bed. I wish he wouldn't. I don't like people touching my stuff.
I nod, but don't give him any further details.
"Well… you can say we talked," he continues.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"You know, you have a dirty, little mouth," he points out offhandedly.
"I don't give a fuck. Get on with the story."
"You were trashed as hell," he continues. "You tried to throw yourself at me, but I wasn't about to take advantage of you – no matter how much you wanted it."
I gape at him, unable to say a fucking word.
Then he cracks a smile and stars to laugh. "I'm KIDDING! Nothing like that happened."
Before I can help myself I stomp towards him and shove him. He falls back onto my mattress, still giggling to himself like he just told the funniest joke in the fucking world.
"I can't stand you," I conclude.
"You don't even know me," he retorts, sitting up.
"And you've just made the worst impression."
"C'mon, it was a joke," he argues.
"Get on with the fucking story, Uzumaki," I spit. "And make sure it's the real one this time."
"Okay okay," he relents, "I'll admit you were acting kind of weird though."
"How?" I ask sternly.
"You had a hard time talking and you sounded fucked up-really slurry." Naruto shrugs. "You seemed fucking smashed and kept asking for Karin or Jugo. I was a little worried you might pass out. I tried to text Karin to come find you but I didn't even get to send the message before you took off."
"I just asked for Karin and Jugo?" I eye him wearily. It doesn't seem like it could be the whole truth.
"You seemed like you felt really off." Naruto leans back on my bed. "I wasn't sure if you just accidentally drank way too much and were feeling upset about it. It happens to the best of us." He pauses and then adds, "Kiba had a rough night a couple weekends ago, too. Don't feel bad."
"I was hung over for three fucking days," I murmur. I don't know what makes me say it. I guess I feel desperate. I want him to fish his empty head for whatever else he might've seen or heard from me.
Three days seems ridiculous. Not to mention the fact that I still feel like crap. I don't know how long it will take for me to feel a hundred percent again.
Fuck, why do I always need to learn things the hard way?
"Hm…" Nauto muses. "I guess that can happen if you literally ate no food and drank no water during the day. The alcohol must've hit you like a bag of bricks."
"I guess."
I feel really disheartened. I'm not getting anywhere. Maybe I really am just sick and this is all for nothing. Probably no one even saw me go home.
"Wait," Naruto says with a start, "I do remember seeing you a little before I left."
I look at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue.
"You were hanging off someone who didn't look like a freshman. I think he was a junior or senior but I haven't really seen him around before," he says finally.
I just stare at him. I don't know how to make heads or tails of a piece of information like that. I don't know anyone older at this school yet.
"What did he look like?" I ask, trying to sound apathetic. I don't want him to start making assumptions about me or my sexuality. Those things are private things that the general public doesn't know about and I want to keep it that way.
Naruto shrugs and shakes his head. "I don't know, man. Pretty generic. I probably wouldn't even recognize him if I saw him again. Brown hair. Brown eyes. A bit of a beard. Kind of douchey. Not especially attractive. He was probably a frat brother."
"Gross," I mutter before I can help it.
Naruto tilts an eyebrow.
"And I was 'hanging off' him?" I pry.
He nods. "You were pretty out of it. Maybe he was helping you or something. I'm not sure."
I don't know why he would be. He would have no reason to—we aren't friends.
"Okay," I say firmly. "Thanks for your help."
I'm trying to mask my concern, and I think it's working. Naruto doesn't seem overly suspicious.
I nod my head towards the door, but he doesn't take the hint.
"You can go now," I tell him finally.
Naruto gives me a huffy look but I don't care. I'm not trying to impress him. I could care less if he thinks I'm mean, I would rather that than him think I'm weak. Besides, he's Karin's cousin and she can shut him up if necessary.
Eventually he gives in and leaves without another word, pulling the heavy door shut behind him.
I let out a breath, putting a palm over my forehead. That night is still a big, gaping hole in my mind and it's like the more I try to think about it, the less sure I become.
.
.
When I stop thinking so hard about it, I begin to get flashes – little pieces of Friday night coming back to me. I see myself grab Naruto's arm and give him a shake, asking him if he saw where Karin went. It's not important and it's nothing Naruto didn't already reveal to me, but it's something at least.
Maybe pieces will continue to come back. All I can do is hope so. I want to put that night to rest and I can't do it until I know exactly what happened.
I try to work on my essay that is due at the end of the week. The research is a welcome distraction from the constant state of panic I've been in since last weekend.
.
.
On Tuesday I see Karin. I tell her that I talked to Ino and that it didn't really get me anywhere—just a dead end to Zaku and Naruto.
"That's why you wanted Naruto's number," she says thoughtfully. "Why didn't you ever get back to me?"
"I got busy," I tell her, and it's only kind of a lie.
Karin gives me an uneasy look. I can tell she's bothered by the fact that I'm still stuck on this. Frankly, I am too.
Wednesday I remember my conversations with Zaku and Ino. Well, partial conversations anyway. I don't really know what I said to them.
Before then, I think I was with Karin and the others, but I'm unsure. My connection between my time with my friends and my time with Ino seems fuzzy.
It's annoying me. I hate being out of the loop - especially when it comes to anything involving myself. It's driving me up the damn wall. I just want to be assured that I didn't say or do anything stupid. I probably didn't if Karin, Ino, Zaku and Naruto didn't bring it up, but it is still making me wary.
I don't ever want to drink again. At this rate, I probably won't for a while. I don't want something like this happening again. If I don't know how I got here then it could happen again.
I need to remember something that explains what happened just before I got to my room. Who was I with? Some guy? What a vague answer. If he helped me, then I should thank him. I just wish I knew who the fuck it was. The campus is so huge I doubt I'll ever know, though. I feel like I'm shit out of luck.
When I wake up Thursday morning I go to take a shower. The bruise on my back is still dark while the others are starting to fade to a greenish-purple. They're kind of hard to look at so I try not to linger in front of the mirror for too long.
I'm washing my hair when I remember what I was doing before I ran into Ino—I went to get another drink.
Someone had pre-poured from the cooler into solo cups that were set out on the plastic fold-out table they use at all the frat parties. When I came up looking for more I was handed a cup off the table. I just took it—I didn't think about it. I was already drunk.
I guess that is a stupid idea. I wasn't being smart. I wasn't being safe. I took the drink and who the hell knows what was in it? Probably something bad to get me that fucked up.
This is bad. I keep feeling worse and worse about my situation. I want to remember something that will offer me relief, but everything seems to make me worry more.
I took the drink… and obviously I drank it because look what happened.
I close my eyes for a minute, trying to replay the parts I remember. I was led back to my room by a guy who was bigger than me. It must've been the guy Naruto was talking about. I can't remember his face, but I remember being in my room. I fall to the floor as soon as the guy let go of me. I barely felt anything. I was too drunk, I guess.
I remember… being naked on my bed at some point after that… and my face was pressed into my sheets. Then I felt a hand, but I couldn't move.
I feel my chest tighten.