Oh - Is there anything worse than sad and angry Will?

It just makes me want to hug him!

FEBRUARY 14th 2008

Will had been absolutely determined not to think of the previous two Valentine's Days he had shared with Mackenzie but he'd only been awake for a couple of hours and already thoughts of her were filling his every waking moment. He literally couldn't get her out of his mind and already he had no idea how he was supposed to get through the rest of this damn, wretched day.

"Keep your mind on other things…" Charlie had valiantly tried to tell him just last night as they sat together after the broadcast sharing a Bourbon, but that was easier said than done.

It was a Saturday for god's sake which really didn't help his situation – could the powers up above have made this day any more difficult for him? At least if Valentine's Day had fallen on any other day then he'd be at work and at least he'd find something that someone had done wrong and then he'd more than likely shout at some feeble assistant to vent his frustrations, but here alone in his apartment he had no one to shout at. He didn't like himself very much lately but that was the kind of person he'd become – betrayal, heartbreak and bitterness would do that to a man.

But here he was – the year that the love of his life decided he wasn't good enough for her they had to make the most romantic day of the year fall on a weekend - Someone up above was definitely taking the piss out of him and laughing aloud. Fuck them and fuck everyone Will thought – that seemed to be his thoughts all the time recently. They had no idea what it was like in his head… They (and by that he meant his friends of whom there were very few left) had no idea how bloody hard it was to follow their advice and throw himself into his work when work was where he missed her the most. Didn't they realise how hard it was to have some EP – he didn't even know the new guys name yet – shout instructions into his ear. And more than that – why did the damn man have to shout? Mackenzie was always so gentle and so calming in his ear and that's what he liked….. Will had lost count of the number of times he'd pulled his ear plug out just to shut out that damn man's voice. Didn't they know he only wanted Mackenzie's soothing tones coming through his ear piece and no one else's? Why couldn't anybody else in the world seem to understand that?

He knew his friends were running short of patience with him and his misery – he knew they thought that after four months he should be getting over her and getting on with his life but they could go fuck themselves. They had no idea how muddled his head was and they had no idea how broken his heart was. It wasn't a case of it breaking in two – that might be easy, just to join two pieces of his heart back together but his heart was literally broken into a thousand pieces and however hard he tried to move on, to get his life back on track, it was fucking impossible when all he could see at night was Mackenzie with her hands all over Brian fucking Brenner.

By three in the afternoon Will was literally going out of his mind – he had even taken himself out for a run at lunchtime – just in the hope that he could run out his frustration but the moment he was back and showered and sat in front of his TV he couldn't keep his mind of anything but Mackenzie.

Much to his relief a few minutes later he heard a knock at his apartment door… He pulled open the door and saw his one trusted friend leaning against the doorframe holding up high a bottle of Bourbon….

"I can't stay long but I bring news…. And I thought you could use a drink?" Charlie said as he pushed his way past Will and into his apartment…

Will could have almost kissed the old man for turning up… He was possibly the one person that Will had allowed himself to fall apart in front of over the past few months. Charlie knew how much he loved Mackenzie, he had been responsible for their introduction two and a half years ago and had witnessed the way Will had instantly fallen and fallen hard for his EP. Charlie had also witnessed the breaking of Will's heart and just how troubled he had become after Mackenzie's infidelity.

"Cheers." Charlie said, handing Will a tumbler half filled with Kentucky's finest bourbon…. Will didn't reply but he nodded and clinked his glass against his friends and sat down in the corner of the sofa...

"You have news?" Will asked, relieved for something – anything to take his mind off this damn day….

Charlie ignored his comment and started a new conversation of his own…

"So, how you doing?"

"How the hell do you think I'm doing Charlie..."

"I'm guessing not too well right now by that answer..."

"Very astute of you Charles... You know - It should be against the law - days like today - celebrating a day for lovers."

"Unless you're actually in love with someone – then it's a fantastic day so I hear…."

"Bullshit. It's a form of bullying - it makes single people, or people like me that have had the woman they love cheat on them, feel fucking suicidal. That's how I'm feeling Charlie."

Charlie took a sip of his bourbon and let the liquid slide down his throat – he was tempted to remind Will of how much he loved February the 14th last year when he was spending most of his working hours planning a surprise trip to Paris! But then – that probably wasn't the best way to get his point across to his friend…. There was also something he needed to say, which he was certain wouldn't go down very well, and there was no point putting this off any longer...

"She's taken a job in Islamabad... A buddy of mine at CNN told me she's reporting on the uprisings out there..."

"Mackenzie?" Will asked, his face a picture of complete and utter disbelief...

Charlie nodded and for a moment Will didn't say a word… Part of him really didn't want to believe what Charlie had just said and the other part of him was trying hard to actually formulate a sentence…. Eventually, as the words job & Islamabad ran around his head again he slammed his glass down on the coffee table and stood, making his way across to Charlie... "You're kidding me right?" he shouted, even though there was a slight tremor to his voice...

"I wouldn't joke about this…. She flew out last week apparently."

"What the fuck?... What's she trying to prove?" Will muttered, his face getting redder by the second…

"She's not trying to prove anything… She doesn't have a job since she was forced to leave here…"

"She chose to leave Charlie – Nobody forced her to go….She's just trying to prove a fucking point…"

"Look son - take a seat and calm down..."

"No Charlie I will not calm down... Why the hell would she take a job reporting from a fucking war zone?"

"You know Mackenzie…." Charlie answered, really not wanting to add fuel to the fire and tell Will the real reason…

"Whatever has happened between us - she doesn't have to make a fucking point and go out there…"

"That's unfair Will – she's trying to do the right thing by you…. by you do you hear?" Charlie's voice had gotten loud and he too was now sporting a very red face…. "Maybe she wants to give you space… Maybe she knows she's not welcome here anymore... Maybe she knows she's ripped your world apart and it just hurts her too much to stay in New York."

"She's hurt? She's not had her heart torn out and baked in a fucking oven."

Charlie stood up and made his way over to his bottle and topped up his glass... He loved this man like the Son he never had but sometimes he could be a prized fucking idiot…. He watched as Will threw himself back down on the sofa and gulped back his drink in one...

"I can't believe she hasn't said anything to me before she left?" Will muttered a moment later...

"I'm guessing she's told you in one of the many emails she's sent you that you haven't opened... Or maybe she wanted to tell you on one of the many calls you constantly ignore from her."

Will didn't reply... He had no practical answer for Charlie apart that it was just some sort of self-preservation thing - in his fucked up mind if he didn't talk to her or didn't read her emails then he would be able to keep her out of his thoughts... Yeah - like that one's working he thought to himself...

Charlie, always the perfect host, topped up his glass again and poured another for himself...

"Charlie, it's not safe out there for a girl like her... She can't take care of herself in a City like this - how the hell is she supposed to stay safe out there?"

Charlie shrugged his shoulders and didn't answer but swore in that moment he could see a tear roll down his friends face. He'd known this news wasn't going to go down well but he had also known that he had to tell Will in person and away from ACN – if he found out by watcing TV or at the studio from some producer or something then he could well fall apart even more…

"Are you still seeing your guy? Habib?" Charlie asked quietly…

Will nodded but then shook his head straight away…. "Sometimes… He makes me talk about her though and she's the last thing I want to talk about…"

"He's right – you should talk it through with him… It'll help…"

"Right." Will smirked…. "The anti-depressants and bourbon work much better my friend – believe me…."

"Will – take this from a man who knows – that's not the way to help things… I'm not going to force you but you should keep your appointments with him…."

Will felt a shot of anger surge through him at his friend – just why had he chosen today of all days to tell him the love of his life had taken herself off to a warzone – a place where some journalists hadn't made it back alive… He looked up as Charlie once again reached for the bottle…

"Just why the hell are you here Charlie? Apart from wanting to depress me even more?"

"Because I thought you might just want to hear this from a friend and not find out on TV tonight when she files her first report….."

"I did." Will replied quietly after a few moments thought…. "Thank you."

"And besides, Mackenzie asked me to come - she wanted me to make sure you were okay today."

Will was stunned... "You've spoken to her?" He asked, his eyes filling with tears and his voice soft for the first time today...

Charlie nodded and stood to make his way over to the door... "I read her emails and I take her calls Will…. Maybe you should do the same…."

Will didn't know what to say – part of him just wanted Charlie to go – he couldn't handle the thought of anyone talking to her about their situation but the bigger part of him just wanted to know if she was okay without him….

"She's okay?" Will asked hesitantly, just as Charlie called for the elevator...

"No. She's not at all okay Will. Her heart is broken and she's worried sick about you… But then, you'd know that if you read her damn emails."

Charlie left with a look of disappointment firmly in place on his face. Will sat on the sofa staring out of his apartment window for what must have been an hour…. He tried so hard to clear his mind, to stop thinking about her but it was of no use… He'd literally give his life right now if he could be back on Valentine's Day last year – waking up with her in his arms in Paris, he longed to re-live the day they'd spent together at The Eiffel Tower and - God – the night they'd spent when they'd got back to their hotel room after dinner – it honestly was the second best night of his life - the best easiest being the year before with Mackenzie in Enrico's.

He sighed… Memories like this were enough to drive a man mad.

He finally stood and wandered into his bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. Knowing he shouldn't, but just feeling so desperate to see her face, he pulled open the drawer to the bedside cabinet and pulled out a photo frame – it was always his favourite one of her that he'd taken a couple of years ago when they were first together. He gazed down at the photo with unwanted tears streaming down his face and briefly he laid the photo back face down on the bed in the hope it would ease the sudden aching in his heart. It didn't of course.

A minute later, he picked up the photo frame once again and gently trailed his finger down the outline of her face – he wondered how it was possible that just looking at a photograph could make you want to relive one moment over and over again. As he gazed at the sparkle in her eyes and her lips looking so damn kissable, he had no idea how it was possible to still be so very much in love with this woman and hate her at the same time but he knew, even after everything she'd done to him he still loved her – he'd tried everything he could to get her out of his mind but all to no avail – she was implanted into his brain for the rest of his life. He just had to learn to live with it.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Mackenzie…."

:( But you knew it had to come though and at least I'm posting pure fluff in my other story!

Stay strong - happier times ahead!

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