Last Chance

"Well I was thinking about you last night and these are the reasons why you should date me," AJ said to her.

"Must be a short list," Amber said.

"Here we go," AJ said and read the list.

If you let me take you to dinner, you get free food.

I give good back rubs.

I have not been indicted in the Whitewater hearings.

I'm a good listener.

It's more fun than hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

I'll lend you my razor, possibly two.

I have never broken into a bear's home and eaten all his porridge.

I have no communicable diseases.

You might actually enjoy it.

I always resist the urge to poke sharp objects into my ear on the first date.

I didn't shoot J.R.

I am persistent.

As of yet, I have never overlooked the importance of regular, continuous breathing.

I can usually eat spaghetti without getting sauce on my shirt.

I have never pulled the football away from Charlie Brown

My shoelaces are hardly ever untied.

I only tie women up and spank them when they ask me to.

I can, at the touch of a button, have a pizza delivered to me in 30 minutes or less.

Cats seem to like me.

I don't cry over spilled milk.

I give foot rubs when asked.

I have never locked myself in a car.

I would never smoke nor drink while pregnant.

I'm really a nice person once you get to know me.

You've probably never gone out with a man who wears skirts.

I am not an alien from another dimension bent on world domination.

I can sympathize with you about how high-heeled shoes feel.

I seldom pick a fight with inanimate objects.

I played no part in the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Unlike Vincent van Gogh, I would never cut off my ear for a woman.

I always remember to use pixie dust when attempting to jump out of a window and fly.

I change my toothbrush when the blue color-bristles go away.

I feel that a relationship can exist without sex, if need be.

I would never wear black shoes with a blue suit.

You'll forever wonder what you're missing if you don't date me.

I'm not that much of an eyesore.

I take a bath at least once a day.

I have not been proven to cause holes in the ozone Layer.

I'm housebroken.

I have been told that I'm good in bed.

Elvis is dead and Bob Saget is married; who's left?

As hard as it may to believe, I have never lost a pole-vault competition.

I have never hit a silver-medallist in the knee with a club.

I don't wear white shoes after Labor Day.

I don't turn into a werewolf during a full moon.

I seldom eat crackers in bed.

I am usually able to find Waldo.

I am heterosexual.

I do not make fun of Boutros-Boutros Ghali's name unnecessarily.

Your teddy bear wants to meet me.

You haven't had a sufficient dose of strangeness in your life.

I have never landed a light aircraft on the Whitehouse lawn.

I believe the rabbit should be given some Trix.

I hardly ever slurp when drinking soup.

I have never mis-used Flubber in order to win a basketball game.

I have never opened fire on a group of unarmed people.

If you don't like it, I promise to give you a full refund.

Nobody can heat up a TV dinner better than I can.

I don't use "pet names" for body parts.

I do my own laundry.

So far, I have managed to not decapitate myself.

The voices in my head told me you would like me.

You'll never get a collect call from me.

It will be a life-enriching experience.

My psychic friends said you will.

There is a refreshing absence of monsters under my bed lately.

I have never caused a bunny to tear the buttons off his jacket while he was trying to escape from my garden.

You've probably heard every line in the book... So, what's one more?

I would give up my appendix for the right woman.

My blender has never had a frog in it.

There's no compelling reason why you shouldn't.

I have never passed out on any world leader's front lawn.

I'm smarter than the average bear.

I promise to spend very little of our time together staring at other women.

Just do it!

I can put a flea collar on a cat without getting bitten.

I'm getting fewer and fewer "ice-cream headaches".

I had no part in the extinction of either the dodo or the passenger pigeon.

I have never attempted to dance naked in a Jerry Lewis telethon.

I have never yelled "Fire!" in a crowded theatre.

I am obedient.

It's more fun than doing your income taxes.

I have never tried to convince Henny-Penny that the sky is falling.

I understand the difference between their, there, and they're.

I'd protect you against anything or anyone.

I think Nancy Drew is a better detective than the Hardy Boys.

I have never gambled away a girlfriend in Las Vegas.

I have no plans to give the Pope a wedgie.

I have never been a telemarketer.

I have never put a red shirt in with the whites.

I'd hold you when you cry.

I am faster than an unfired bullet.

I can leap tall housecats in a single bound.

I am gainfully employed.

I check the expiration date on my milk carton.

You know in your heart that it's the right thing to do.

I have never caused a traffic accident because I was fixing my makeup.

I usually remember to take the shell off an egg before eating it.

I already miss you every time you leave.

I have gotten to the Tootsie-roll center of a Tootsie-Pop without biting.

We are of opposite genders in the same species.

Extensive research has proven that I am, indeed, a carbon based life form.

I can have it my way at Burger King.

I'm no worse than most other men, and maybe better than some.

I would make you smile.

It might make you smile too.

I subscribe to the theory that the world is round.

I know the capital of New York.

I have a pulse.

I support the Girl Scouts by buying cookies.

I always shave my legs before a social occasion.

I have never found rude shapes in clouds.

Rarely do I take candy from strangers.

Rarely do I eat paste between meals.

I keep my fingernails clean and trimmed.

I seldom pick up hitch-hikers.

I am a scopophiliac.

I know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.

I have never been used as a human sacrifice.

I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

The part I played in the bombing of Hiroshima is largely exaggerated.

I'm cuddly.

I'm growing older, but not growing up.

Never have I failed a quest given me by a King.

I rarely stand on a swivel chair to reach a high shelf.

The police have never considered me to be a large black man.

I'm thinner than Elvis.

I watch closely when stepping onto an escalator.

It is increasingly rare that I place fake artifacts in an archeological dig.

I have not yet capsized a canoe.

I am fully functional.

I am not responsible for the misuse of gravity.

I practice random kindness.

The term "mundane" has seldom been used to describe me.

A cheap thrill is still a thrill.

There aren't enough scoundrels in your life.

I am understanding.

I'm an accomplice at sneaking snacks into movies.

I always make sure I have sufficient personal flotation devices aboard any pleasure boat I am using.

Occasionally, I have been known to have a clue.

I am flexible.

Try it, you'll like it.

I have never attempted to pull a rabbit out of a hat and gotten a lion instead.

I am weird enough for most purposes.

I have never been fired by Donald trump.

I'm not easy, but we can discuss it.

I don't just want to grope your body.

I rarely dispose of alkaline batteries in a fire.

I will never have you kidnapped.

There is no proof of my being involved in Hitler's rise to power.

Take me now. There will be plenty of time for normal people later.

Rarely do flashing lights mesmerize me for more than 10 minutes.

Hades thinks you should.

Zeus agrees with him.

I would never hurt you.

I do not suffer from lockjaw, foot-in-mouth disease is another matter.

I have never played a mean trick on Smokey the Bear.

Unlike Henry VIII, I have never had any of my wives beheaded.

It only seems kinky the first time.

Not even once have I scraped my vegetables onto my grandmother's plate when no one was looking.

I will administer chocolate whenever you feel the need.

As far as I know, I don't snore. (At least, I've never heard myself doing so).

You need to take a walk on the wild side.

Biological imperatives override cultural and intellectual considerations.

I'm willing to supply cold milk, warm backrubs, and hot baths. In other words: all temperature cheer.

I hated Barney before it was cool.

I'm the best there is at what I do.

I only pursue the best.

I'll try anything 4 or 5 times. It may be an acquired taste.

I'm not really obnoxious.

I rarely play records backwards and pretend to hear satanic messages.

I have an imagination, and I don't mind using it.

I have never been responsible for, nor participated in, an arranged marriage.

I occasionally stumble across the truth.

I have never used a motor vehicle to create an additional opening in a building

I have dropped buttered bread and had it land butter-side-up on the floor.

My face has never appeared on an FBI wanted poster.

I have seldom flashed a roomful of people.

You intrigue me.

I only look innocent.

I have never gone trolling for opossums.

I'm nobody's fool. If you would like me to be yours, just say so.

I am new and improved.

I have never exceeded the speed limit by more than 4 times.

I occasionally practice senseless acts of beauty.

I'll respect you in the morning.

I am a recovering celibate.

I have never attempted to re-decorate an art gallery.

I endeavour to eschew obfuscation when feasible.

You are the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen.

I try not to make a habit out of wrecking marriages.

I can go from 0 to amorous in 3.2 seconds.

I have never stepped in a bear trap.

I have very little trouble remembering where I live.

There is seldom any doubt that I am human.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I'm all-natural, no artificial colors or flavors.

I have never tried to out-stubborn a cat.

I am usually on time for work.

I have never played leapfrog with a unicorn.

I have had all my shots.

I'm unique.

I have never attempted to run down a skier with a power boat.

I have impeccable taste in women.

Though this be madness, yet there's method in it.

I seldom ask a woman to remove her clothes in public.

I'm trying to commit suicide by sexual overdose and I need your help.

It's been over a year since I last got my neck tangled in a telephone cord

I have never poured soap into a swimming pool or fountain.

I am, maybe too, open and honest in my relationships.

I'm user-friendly.

I have never resorted to cannibalism.

I have never pretended to be an Egyptian deity.

I often manage to sleep through the night.

If you don't, you'll feel bad about it in the morning.

I have never tried to float a Volkswagen.

I can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'.

I have never molded an obscene Jell-O salad.

I'm available.

I snatch kisses, and vice-versa.

I can usually open those pesky jar lids.

I am alive, occupying space, and exerting gravitational force.

I'm pretty good at logic problems.

I have not ever fallen off a mountain.

I own my own body, but I share.

I'm not afraid to cry - admittedly it's usually when I hurt myself, but I can build on that.

Dale rhymes with "Yale" and that is a very prestigious educational institution.

I have no trouble committing attractive women's addresses to memory.

You are falling madly in lust with me, you just haven't realized it yet.

I have never once burned an egg while trying to boil it.

Amber looked at him and rolled her eyes. She started to walk back inside but something stopped her. She turned back around and looked at the man that stood below her.

"Friday night, ten o'clock sharp," she said. "Pick me up here."

"Seriously?" AJ asked.

"Yeah, now get lost before I change my mind," Amber laughed and walked back inside.

AJ stood in the same spot absolutely shocked. It was actually supposed to work. He was happy that it did but still flabbergasted.

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In case you lost count somewhere along the way there were 230 reasons. Yes, I know, I'm a dumbass, but I would think that it was cute.

Katie