DISCLAIMER:
"Star Trek" and all associated names and characters, with the exceptions of the ones created by myself for this story, are © Paramount. I am a fan of Gene Roddenberry's dream and just wish to keep it alive so that tomorrow's youth may gain by it as I have. This is fan fiction; there is no infringement of copyright intended with this story, nor have I written it for personal financial gain. So relax, engage at full warp and enjoy!
(Please note before reading—If you didn't read the note at the beginning of chapter one…You just missed the best note ever! And don't bother going back to read it now…I can change it before you are able to hit your back button. Really, I am watching you right through the screen. Put down that Jell-O! I would also like to thank Tom Hudspeth for his invitation for me to have some fun with the current fic that he is writing. I have just read his first chapter of the story 'the Adventure Continues…' and I have to tell you I like the story line and ideas that he is trying to put forth. I can see why he has an avid readership! Just remember the little fanfic world crashers of mine wouldn't go into any work they didn't care about. The person that is writing about me writing about them talking about writing wouldn't allow it to happen. So Tom, I hope you will take the points the characters make within this chapter with a light heart. I mean it's not like any of them get paid to write professionally or anything, they are just character's in a story themselves for crying out loud. Anyway I hope you all enjoy this latest installment of this escapade…. Hey Tom feel free to email me and let me know what you think….(Just be sure to identify yourself in the email as tom so I know it's you!)…and to everyone else please email me and let me know what you think…my recycle bin has been empty for so long because I don't make mistakes that deserve to go in there, and I am sure I can find a place for your emails!….*sound of ball bat cracking on mojo2722's head*….Nancy here, and if you all don't want to listen to that jerk weed, mojo recite these long assed front notes anymore….just let me know and I will break his wrists so he can't type!….anyway enjoy the story…and oh yeah….I promise I don't do anything immoral or un-lady like in this chapter!)
The Q Who Walks Through Walls
By
Mojo2722
Chapter Three: Space Herpes are without honor!
"This should be one for the starfleet medical journals." The doctor commented as he set the dermal regenerator back down on his stand. Joel was on his hands and knees on the biobed with his pants pulled down. He quickly sat up got off of the bed and pulled his blue jeans back up. The doctor picked up a padd and began to type some notes into it, "I do not believe that that a magnaspanner has ever been used for rectal stimulation before. Its removal was shall we say…a unique experience for me. I will have to note the procedure in my logs and send a copy of them to Starfleet Medical. However, I would suggest the use of a internal use lubricant crème the next time you choose to engage in this sort of activity."
His posterior still aching from its uninvited violation, Joel replied, "I didn't choose to have that thing reaming me. Nancy was pissed, and I guess she reacted with her usual tact and diplomacy. I am going to have to tone her down a bit. Maybe I can write in a puppy dog or nice little kitten for her to have as a pet and show loving affection to. I mean I really should work on developing her softer side."
Q casually walked over to Joel and cautioned, "Careful, my budding Stienbeck, the reader already has a perception of how she reacts in their minds. It would be unfair of you to cheat the reader by changing her personality drastically at this point in the story."
Joel finished buttoning his jeans, "And why would that be such a bad thing, Q?"
"It's blindingly simple enough but yet so often you young writers miss it entirely. When the reader gets a sense of how a character reacts to situations, they will come to expect the character not to act inconsistent with what the author has shown about them." Q smirked.
Joel shook his head, "This time I don't buy it, Q. I mean that is what stories are about. They are about how characters grow and change as the events around them affect them."
Q innocently shook his head and then grinned, "If you'd really like to delude yourself into thinking that, then by all means do. I'm sure your stories will be oh so interesting to read."
Joel sighed, "Then enlighten me, Q. Why is it that character shouldn't exhibit growth and change?"
"I didn't say that they shouldn't exhibit growth and change, mortal. What I am talking about is more subtle then that. In good fiction the character's don't just change the way they react to other characters simply because the author decides to write them in something to pet. In good fiction the author explores the reason that a character reacts the way that they do. They show the reader the reason for their actions and reactions. For instance in this little fantasy world that you call Star Trek: Privateer, your character of Nancy seems to like to react violently towards people that let her down or upset her. Why?"
Joel blankly stared forward for a moment in thought, "I guess it's because she has had a crappy life."
Q turned away and strolled over to the doctor, who was now on the other side of the room, "But you never mentioned that she has had a less than perfect upbringing in the story."
Joel thought even harder, "Well yeah you are right, I guess I never really did make mention that she had that bad of a time growing up. So how did the readers get the insight into her background and into the reason she acts the way she does, if I didn't tell them? I mean I have had reader's emailing me letting me know that the more I write about her the more they are getting into who she is."
"Simply put, you eluded to it. You didn't have to directly say that she and her mother had problems. You showed the reader that. You didn't have to say that something had happened in her past to change the way she felt about her mother. You showed the reader that, by having Captain Keating viewing the video file in her ready room. You didn't have to directly say that Nancy has a problem with men probably because of the fact that her father is no longer around. You showed that to the reader by eluding to the fact that her mother was getting remarried and emphasizing that she loved him so much as a child. Let me ask you this: Did you start to get the email regarding the reader interest in the Nancy character before or after you wrote in all of the background info about her?"
"It was after." Joel smiled.
Q grinned back, "So don't you see? Your readers don't want characters that change who they are simply because they should become nice heroes for the story in the end. They want you to explain to them why the character acts the way that they do. It makes them wonder and look forward to try and figure out what motivates the character."
"But in books that I have read the characters seem to change and grow for the better. I'm afraid I still don't quite follow where you are going with this, Q" Joel said looking slightly confused. He followed Q over to the doctor whom was still composing an essay on the removal of the engineering tool from Joel's rectum.
"As I said, It's blindingly simple, human. The characters in the books you have read don't actually change what makes them who they are. Instead quite the opposite is true. They discover facets of their own identity during the course of the story that they didn't know existed before. Just as in reality, where people seldom change who they are at the drop of a hat, neither should your characters in the fiction you write. They should be enlightened throughout the body of your plot by factors of their personalities that they never knew existed until they reach the point that they have an epiphany and realize who they thought they were they really aren't. Character change seldom happens in good fiction; realization of self almost always does."
"So you are saying that Nancy should remain a mean and violent person?" Joel asked.
"What makes you so sure she is a mean and violent person? I mean a person can display a tough façade to those they interact with yet still have compassion or nobleness in their heart. Just look at that overly stereotypical Klingon, Worf. The writer's of the Next Generation and of Deep Space Nine took great pleasure in showing us just how gruff the old Klingon could be, however, the also took the time to plot in a backstory that explains why he acts the ways he does. I mean if Worf just acted like a big mean Klingon without the explanation of why he acts the way he does, he would have no depth. He would come across to the reader or viewer as nothing more than a cartoon, a rough caricature of a person, and not as the goatee'd giant we have all come to adore."
Joel looked a little less confused, "So you are saying that Nancy's character is starting to develop depth, and therefore a certain amount of adoration in the reader's mind even though she reacts the way that a typical 'villain' would do. So I should not try to change her, but instead try to explore the full range of her character and show the reader why she is the way she is."
Q responded with his usual and annoying look of sarcasm, "And I didn't think you had what it took to come to realize that her character is starting to be and could become so much more. Bravo, Joel!"
"Speaking of Nancy, where did she and Nix get off to?" Joel asked trying to look over the doctor's shoulder to see exactly what information he was planning on sending back to starfleet medical.
"Oh they decided to go ahead of us, Nancy needed to calm down, and Nix wanted to get to know her a little better. If you ask me she is just trying to probe her for insight as to what chapter nine of Star Trek: Privateer is all about." Q looked down towards Joel's posterior, looked him back in the eye, and grinned, "But Now that you are less…stuck up…shall we run along and join them?"
Joel shot back a scowl at Q, "Ha, ha. I'm ready whenever you are, Q."
"Well if we're all ready then." Q said looking at the doctor and Joel preparing to snap his finger into the air.
The doctor looked up from his data padd and asked, "All ready then? I can't go anywhere, I'm a doctor not a day-tripper. Besides if I were to leave the confines of sickbay I would dissolve and vanish as my matrix lost its cohesion."
Joel laughed, "He's right. The EMH in Privateer, that is to say the doctor of this reality isn't equipped with a mobile emitter. I wasn't writing Voyager fanfiction so I didn't see the need of giving him one. It seemed to Marty Stu-ish to me to let him have one."
Q held out his up turned palm towards the doctor and a mobile holographic emitter flashed into reality upon it, "Well I think for the purposes of our little sojourn, we can make an exception for just this chapter." He grasped the mobile emitter between his thumb and forefinger and offered it to the doctor, "You are familiar with its operation aren't you, doctor?"
The doctor reluctantly grasped the mobile emitter with his free hand letting his data padd rest against his side with the other, "I've read the medical reports about the Voyager EMH and his use of this device." The doctor walked over to a biobed, set the padd down, and proceeded to attach and activate the mobile emitter.
Joel expressed a puzzled look, "Where are we going that we are going to need to bring a doctor with us?"
Q looked back to Joel as if surprised by his question, "To starbase 410. And haven't you heard? They're under medical quarantine." With that Q snapped his fingers and the three of them found themselves standing in a grand stone block chamber that was dimly lit by flickering torches, but more importantly the three of them were not alone. A lone human male was engaged in a battle with several Klingon warriors. They must not have been able to detect their arrival for they didn't react. They just kept on fighting.
Joel looked confused; "This is starbase 410?"
Q watched the bat'leth carnage that was playing out before them, "Well this is a chamber in the Main Temple of Kahless on Qo'nos, or at least close enough of a representation of it for our dear Lieutenant Commander Brian Starr over there. This is one of the countless holodecks on starbase 410 in the story 'The Adventure Continues….'." Q pointed a single finger at the human male, whom had just decapitated one of the attacking Klingons.
"Oh I get it this is a holodeck." Joel replied.
The doctor cringed at the site of the human landing a deadly slash to another of the Klingons' back and severing his spinal cord, "I never have understood the human fascination with this recreation. It almost seems morbid to want to kill another life form, even if it is holographic in nature."
The fight came to a dead stop. The Klingons dropped their bat'leths to their sides, and the human just stood there as if in a dazed trance. Several seconds went by in silence, and then the carnage resumed just as quickly as it began.
Joel blinked his eyes in disbelief, "What the heck?"
"Just watch human, you might just learn something here." Q grinned.
The Lieutenant Commander blocked a bat'leth blow from an oncoming attack and proceeded to swing his bat'leth across the Klingon's stomach, letting his intestines spill out onto the cold stone chamber floor. He almost immediately speared another advancing Klingon in the stomach. Then he and the Klingons stopped again, motionless in a daze. This time they stood motionless like statues for what seemed like a minute before they reanimated and continued with the fray. Two Klingons rushed him simultaneously and he swiftly stepped to the side and penetrated the heart of one with his blade, and immediately swung around to the other taking his head clean off. Then the human and the remaining Klingons came to an eerie standstill yet again, it was almost as if time had stopped for them all. After about thirty more seconds the fighting resumed as a voice called out over the com, "T'Pina to Commander Starr."
The human seemed to lose his concentration and it was the best he could do to fend off several bat'leth blows. He finally failed and one blow got through to his leg. He looked down to view the damage and then suddenly back up in time to see a bat'leth screaming down upon him. He yelled out, "Computer! Freeze program!"
All the action of the holodeck instantly froze in place, while the Lieutenant Commander proceeded to commence in a short conversation with the person at the other end of the com. The human ended his conversation and rushed for the door of the holodeck commanding the computer to end program as he departed. As the doors to the holodeck closed shut behind him, the reality of the Klingon hall and all its holographic combatants dissolved away to reveal the grid pattern of the holo-emitters in the large cubicle room.
Joel looked at Q not fully understanding what he had just witnessed, "Okay the Klingon battle program I can understand, some people like to work out to that sort of thing. But what the heck was up with all the times everybody just stood silently like they were the Queen's Guard?"
"Elementary my dear human, They stopped their action in that scene because the author wrote it that way." Q smiled. He materialized a bat'leth and began to swing it through the air is if in mock tribulation to the battle they had just witnessed.
The doctor commented, "I've heard of case studies where combatants will freeze up in the midst of combat do to abnormal neurological conditions. However I am at a loss to explain the repetition and wide spread effect that we seemed to have just witnessed."
Joel ducked from a playful swing of Q's bat'leth, "I think that the doc, is right. I mean I can't see any plot point that it served to have them stop the action like that."
Q's red command uniform flashed away and was replaced with klingon battle dress as he still wielded the klingon blade, "That's why I like you, Human, you're very observant. The pauses didn't serve to help the plot at all in fact they worked to detract from it. You see the author of this story did the very common mistake of putting flashbacks in the one place they should never be. He wrote them into an action scene."
"Well I can see that Verne, Bradbury, or even Asimov must not have wrote this story." The doctor groaned.
"You are quite correct, my photonic physician!" Q grinned as he recreated the dreary Klingon chamber around them. "This little number was created by another one of you fanfic authors that has way to much free time on your hands. Tom Hudspeth I believe is the non de plume of this little world creator."
Joel shook his head and touched a nervous hand to his brow shielding his eyes, "Oh boy, I was suppose to put in a review of Tom's story, but to tell you the truth I just haven't had the time. I mean between writing Star Trek: Privateer and agreeing to come with you on this little escapade it has just totally slipped my mind."
Twirling the bat'leth above his head, Q offered, "Well then, Joel, Why don't you mention what I've just shown to you in a review to him of chapter one of the adventure continues? I mean showing authors that it is a very bad thing to put flashbacks into an action scene seems to be the humanitarian thing that you are prone to doing by your brutal reviews."
Joel sat down on a nearby stone altar; "Well for starters I don't think that I am brutal in my reviews of fellow fanfic writers. Secondly I agree that by putting flashbacks into an action scene do slow the scene down and make the action seem too choppy for it being an action scene. I mean it always leaves the reader wondering what the heck is going on, and forces them to have to retrace where they left the character at before the flashback occurred. It just ruins the flow of the story. However, since I have not really read the story I am unsure of how I would fix it. Therefore, I don't think I will mention it to him since I am unsure of how to fix it. 'Can't fix it? Don't bitch about it.'…That is my motto."
"I think I might have a suggestion." The doctor stepped forward to Joel.
"It thinks it might have a suggestion!" Q mocked the doctor.
Joel gave a glare at Q and then looked back to the doctor, "How would you have a suggestion? I mean you're a generic Starfleet EMH. You haven't had time for pursuing outside studies or interests like the doctor onboard Voyager with his singing opera and such."
"You are forgetting about my backstory. You see you will be writing about how I was activated for an extended duration in the absence of a primary ship's physician during the Hydra's time of active duty with the Federation. During the course of my extended activation I developed a passion for the written word, and wrote more than a few novels of my own, before the ship was decommissioned."
"And just how would you know all that? I mean I haven't written let alone thought about anything like that! I mean I thought I was the author and that I was creating the reality you are in?" Joel spouted off.
The doctor shook his head slightly, "You are. I wouldn't disagree with you there. You are the writer of the Privateer story line."
Joel stood up, "Then just how in the heck would you know what I am going to be writing about you in the future?"
The doctor raised an eyebrow, "Considering Q's postulate about reality and fiction, just what makes you think that I haven't been talking with the author who is writing about you?"
Joel sat back down, stunned by the metaphysical implications that the EMH was presenting with that one reply. He sheepishly submitted, "Okay point taken. So what exactly is your idea to fix this scene of Tom's story?"
The EMH turned to Q and grinned, "Q I will be needing you to play the part of the human Lieutenant Commander that we just witnessed on the holodeck. Computer, is the simulation of the Klingon bat'leth calisthenics program that has just been ran currently loaded?"
"Program loaded, awaiting specification of number of opponents desired." The computer droned.
The doctor looked to Q. Q firmed up his grip on the bronze shaded bat'leth with both hands, "I would be offended by any less than a baker's dozen, hologram."
"Computer, set number of opponents at eighteen." The doctor commanded. A myriad of Klingon warriors armed with bat'leths materialized randomly about the room in unison. The doctor stepped back and set down beside Joel on the stone altar. "Q if you would be so kind to 'invite' our tenacious female engineer here, scan my matrix for what I have in mind to fix the scene, and apprise her of it before she arrives I would be most grateful."
Q grinned and snapped his finger in the air, "With pleasure!"
Nancy materialized decked out in full Klingon battle garb complete with bat'leth at Q's side. She looked at Q, then to the doctor, and finally glared at Joel, "Q…doctor...dickhead."
Joel nervously waved with his fingers, "Hello, Nancy."
She growled and swung her bat'leth over her head, ready to charge him and strike. Q put an arm out to block her, "Let's save it for the Klingons, dear."
She lowered her bat'leth and gripped it with both hands firmly. She crouched into a battle ready stance, "Let's just get this party started and finished with. Nix and I were discussing a plot synopsis for a collaboration effort of a writing project we have entitled, 'Mojo Gets Castrated', and I am eager get back to discuss the last chapter with her!"
The doctor turned to Joel; "She's not a very big fan of yours."
Q smugly commented, "That's what happens when you get the ladies pregnant and then make them lose their child. Guess you should be more careful what you write, human."
The doctor looked back to the pair standing in the midst of the Klingon warriors, "Well then, let's see my rendition of what I would have done to have fixed the problem with having flashbacks in the middle of the action sequence to Tom Hudspeth's first chapter. Computer begin program."
Q deflected the incoming Bat'leth with his sword and spun on the ball of his foot, executing a perfect draw cut to the left across the Klingon's belly. A single word, a simple representation of action flowed through his mind: Reaping wheat. As the Klingon doubled over, Q chopped down through his neck, decapitating him. A lesson that he remembered vividly: Splitting wood. Q scarcely paused, one enemy down, as he confronted the next onrushing alien. This one foolishly held his Bat'leth above his head for a downward cut. At the last second, Q sidestepped his foe and delivered a cut across his back, severing the Klingon's spinal cord. The mantra like thought of the state of 'one' rushed through his mind with the metaphor of his action: Beating rug. On came the next attacker.
Nancy was busy deflecting Klingon bat'leth blows, "So tell me, Q, to you think that I will be able to reach this state of 'one' that you preach to me all the time about? Or do you think that my off-worlder mind wouldn't be able to comprehend your Avalon warrior mysticism?"
In a small portion of Brian Starr's mind, he sensed the next Klingon's attack, figured out the probable tactic the enemy would use, and came up with a way to counter it to deliver a killing blow. His analysis was completed, and the proper actions put into motion, without conscious thought. The attacking Klingon fell to his feet, a pool of blood spreading out from beneath his still hot corpse. He managed a parry of the next Klingons attack with his bat'leth, "My people have taken centuries of spiritual development to attain perfection in the combat form of 'one'. Besides when I have shown you enough of the technique for you to attain enlightenment you will know the 'one'. For to the person who has attained 'one', instead of rushing like the waters of the river, time will slow like the still waters of the lake."
Nancy was fighting back to back with Q at this point, and was doing her best to keep up pace with him. She couldn't believe that this workout was a normal part of his daily routine. She blocked and incoming bat'leth strike and countered by lodging her own blade deep into the Klingon warrior's shoulder, crushing though bone and sending him incapacitated to the ground. She barely managed to pull her blade free; "You almost make it sound totally alien to human influence. To my understanding your home world of Avalon was an earth colony that had been settled by people who revered the ancient chivalric codes and feudal society of old medieval Europe."
"Your studies of my people, honors me, Nancy. I can see that you have been taking my offer to train you seriously." Q said taking a swing at an advancing Klingon and depriving the warrior of his hands, letting them fall to the ground still clutching the bat'leth. He quickly dispatched the wounded Klingon, "The men, if born into the nobility, are trained from an early age in the discipline of the 'one' to fight. They are quick to know the lessons of protecting women and the weak."
Nancy ducked and dodged, having barely missed having her head taken off by the swing of an enemy's bat'leth, "So you are of Avalon's noble families?"
Q took a mighty overhead swing of his bat'leth bringing it down upon a defending Klingon's blade, shattering through it like it were only made of glass. He nearly instantly brought the bat'leth on a reverse course upwards, incising a gash upwards from the Klingon's abdomen to his neck. The Klingon fell backwards cursing, "Jey!" Q knew the word well and tried never to succumb to its cry, defeat. He readied himself for the next attacker; "My brothers and I had been schooled in the ways of courtly manners, treating women as delicate beings who might break if treated too roughly. The women of my father's household were taught to be submissive and proper ladies, with schooling limited to what they needed to know to run a household."
Q swung around with his bat'leth extended at the end of one arm above Nancy's head and cleaved off the upper half of the skull of a Klingon who was about to do her in with a death blow. The Klingon's momentum carried him forward onto Nancy and then to the floor at her feet. She took a deep breath, "Thank you, Q. And that reminds me, if all us women are such frail creatures why are you attempting to teach me how to attain 'one'? I mean your society seems to have an excellent theological development. Unfortunately, it sounds like while creating excellent fighters; the society has made itself prone to chauvinism, stoicism, and machismo, however. I mean no offense, Q, but sometimes it seems like you have no clue how to handle off-world women."
Q readied his bat'leth for the still oncoming waves of Klingon warriors, "You are different, Nancy, you do not posses the soul of a female, and that is why I feel I can teach you how to attain 'one'. It is important to know that while in the state of 'one' I cease being just a Lieutenant Commander in Starfleet. My body alters its physical state to match my soul. Inwardly I transform into my true self of an almost perfect killing machine, tireless, fearless, aware, my weapon is my body when I am in 'one'." A Klingon blinded by bloodlust and clumsily striking forward at him, first lost his arm, and then on the follow-up swing grazing the Klingon's throat, his life. The mental focus burned in his brain with one word for his action of depriving the Klingon of his life in that manner: drawing water.
"You seem to do that easy enough, you must be in the state 'one' right now, Q." she grunted pushing a warrior back with their interlocked bat'leths
Q Twirled his bat'leth around with his wrists as if to challenge the Klingons who were facing him, waiting for the moment to pounce, "My instructor used to tell me to let my conscious thoughts go…that's why it was called the 'one'. I didn't understand him I thought that he meant for me to stop thinking and just act. It took many months of my failure for him to reveal to me that what I simply needed to do was to just let my mind relax and let it take me on a journey of discovery. You see Nancy, when you flow into 'one' your thoughts will trace the roots of your problems and open your mind up like a flower to new solutions. You will perceive the world with the eyes of an eagle, the courage of a lion and the wisdom of an Owl."
"I see." Nancy replied while ducking down and with a swing of her blade taking a Klingon to the floor by liberating him of the tendons that ran behind his knees. She quickly pierced the heart of the Klingon and dispatched him to Sto-Vo-Cor, "So you don't seem like your usual self is anything wrong?"
With a quickly matched slash and thrust he sent two more Klingons to follow the other fallen warriors into the afterlife. He explained, "While I am in the one I can still think in this state, in fact the clarity of thought that I attain is unequalled by any other I have experienced. However, right now my thoughts are unusually clouded." Q deflected another Bat'leth and drew his sword over his opponent's belly, this time to the right instead of the left. The mnemonic of death flashed like lighting in his mind: sowing grain. This put him within thrusting range of the next Klingon, just as he had planned. The Klingon raised up on the point of Q's outturned bat'leth and was thrown to the floor with life diminishing. One thought focused in Q's mind: pitching hay.
Readying herself for the next Klingon, Nancy asked, "Oh and what thoughts would be creeping into your mind?"
The Klingons were regrouping at the edges of the room. Tactical scenarios flashing through his mind he still found time to muse, "My thoughts are never clear when I think of Lt. Commander S'ena."
She took in a few deep breaths, grateful for the momentary lull in the combat, "Isn't she the green skinned Orion goddess whom you served with on the U.S.S. Judith A. Resnik some years ago when you were just a greenhorn fresh from Starfleet Academy? As I recall, Q, you always seem to abruptly leave when conversations about her start up. Did the potent powers of her Orion pheromone system overload you when you were serving with her? What's a matter, Q, does that warrior poet heart of yours leave you longing for a certain woman's touch?"
The several remaining Klingons started to advance upon them in an ever-tightening circle. Q gripped onto his bat'leth firmly with both hands, "She is half human as well. She was just my friend, she could have had any man aboard the Resnik, but she wouldn't have them. I find respect in my heart for her for doing that. Orion's are not known for their lack of promiscuity. I will never forget the day that we were both assigned to different starships."
Nancy readied her bat'leth, "So what distracts you enough to bring you away from being 'one' when thinking of her? I mean I hope that's not to personal, I know you are new to the 'Triangle' and to the Starbase, but so far I like what I see in you."
The Klingons were howling warrior's taunts to them both. Q centered himself and felt 'one' within his soul, "We had lost touch after we were assigned to different ships…first there was Wolf 359 and the Borg…then came the Dominion. I hadn't even know what had happened to her until I caught glimpse of those soft eyes disappearing into a crowd on the station's promenade earlier today."
The Klingon's were still coming, and the first of the group was arriving in a pair. His mind noted the disparity. Q faked towards one, stepped towards the other, thrust him in the heart twisting the blade around, the bliss of 'one' sounded: gathering eggs. The remaining Klingon of the advance pair, seeing an opening in Q's guard, leaped forward, only to die by Q's sword as he drew it out of the first Klingon, waited until the second Klingon was committed, stepped aside, and decapitated him. He caught a breath as the words flowed through his soul: storing dishes.
Nancy deflected the blows of an advancing Klingon, "So she's onboard the station right now? What are you doing here with me, you should be out trying to find her. I'm sure she would be more than delighted to reacquaint with you after all this time."
Q readied himself for the final Klingons who were rapidly approaching. Nancy's words seemed to echo in his head. Her suggestions and questions wouldn't leave his mind. He found his mind slipping into chaotic thoughts and memories about that smile he saw earlier and about those passionate eyes he had long since seen. The 'one' burst like a bubble. Suddenly time returned to normal with a vengeance. Klingon blows rained down around Q like a flood. Nancy had already been taken out of the engagement; she was on the floor behind him. It was all he could do to defend himself. First, one blow got through on his leg, then another on his side. As pain gripped him, his sword out of position, he looked up to see his deathblow.
"Computer! Freeze program!" Brian yelled.
A voice broke out over the com, "T'Pina to Commander Starr"
All movement in the holodeck stopped. Hoards of computer generated Klingons stood ready to kill or be killed. Many lay still as if dead already, which is what they would have been had they been real, instead of holographic images.
The doctor stood up and said, "That will be enough, computer. Discontinue program and exit."
The visage of all the Klingons and of the Klingon hall itself vanished in so many incoherent photons. The dark confines of the holodeck grid retook the room about them. Joel fell to the floor as the altar he was sitting on disappeared. "Owe! You could have warned me, doc." Joel piped up his butt still not fully recovered from its earlier intrusion by the magnaspanner.
The doctor wryly grinned, "Oh…I will have to remember that the next time you have me doubting my own proficiency at medicine and referring to Borg scientists for second opinions and assistance with patient treatment."
Joel picked himself off of the floor and asked, "Doesn't any of my character's from Privateer like me?"
Q helped Nancy up off of the floor turned to Joel and commented, "Don't ask that command hungry, dread pirate Roberts what he thinks about you, Joel. From what I hear he still has to use a bag of ice on his family jewels between chapters from where you had Nancy kneeing him."
Joel shook his head; "I don't know why I bother with writing sometimes."
The doctor smugly replied, "If you took a look at what I did for Tom's little scene dilemma just then, you might just gain some inspiration."
Joel hesitantly admitted, "It did seem to flow a little smoother. It didn't seem to bog down as much with the flashbacks eliminated. By showing the reader through the use of dialog between two crewmates, you conveyed the same information that the original scene did while keeping the pace lively."
Q twirled his bat'leth around and down to his side, "Personally, I just think that my prowess with the bat'leth made the scene all the more worth while. I mean my Q-ness made that scene shine!"
Nancy poked Q in the side lightly with her bat'leth, "Aren't you forgetting something? Or do I need to explain how great I am to you as well, continuum pig?"
Q grabbed hold of Nancy and drew her to him, "Is that an offer, mortal?"
Nancy's lips drew in closer to Q's she softly barked; "You'd like to think that! Wouldn't you?"
Q's grin and gaze intensified, "Maybe I indeed would, and as I recall, when I spent time as a powder in Joel's cupboards there was some macaroni and cheese in some boxes there with me. Care to discuss this over dinner at his place? I mean I hear he isn't there tonight. We could have the place all to ourselves to continue this discussion."
They were mere inches away from a full lip-locked docking when Nancy whispered, "Don't offer what you don't intend to deliver, Q. That is unless you want me to show you what I do to men that cross me."
Q snapped his fingers into the air and as the two of them disappeared in a flash of light Q replied, "I wouldn't dream of it."
Joel walked over to where Nancy and Q had been standing only moments earlier, "What the heck was that all about, and why didn't we leave with them?"
The doctor began to walk towards Joel, "I believe that we were witnessing the adrenal induced aftermath of an intense combat situation. It has been noted in the Starfleet Medical Journals that a heightened sense of sexual arousal can occur immediately following an intense combat encounter like the one we just recreated. And as far as why we did not go with them, some species prefer solitude when the actual act of copulation occurs. They find the presence of outside observation obtrusive, distracting, or even competitive. So in a sense of the words, Q has put out the 'do not disturb' sign."
Joel blinked in disbelief; "They are going to get it on in my apartment?"
The doctor looked back in disgust, "Well your underdeveloped vernacular aside, yes, it would seem that they are going to 'get it on' there shortly."
"I can't believe this!" Joel steamed. "Why is it that people feel the need to break into my apartment and have sex?"
The doctor assumed a quizzical expression, "You mean this has happened to you before?"
Joel shook his head, "It's a long story involving my ex-wife and her girlfriend, but yes it has happened to me before."
The doctor looked even more puzzled, "Ex-wife and her girlfriend?…and you are only writing Star Trek fanfiction exactly why?"
The familiar voice of NixNivis broke in over the com; "We all need to get off of this station now!"
"Hi Nix, and why exactly is that?" Joel asked looking up.
"Because I just now figured out that we are in chapter one of Tom Hudspeth's story 'the Adventure Continues…'."
Not having time to read the story yet Joel raised an eyebrow, "Why is that such a bad thing?"
"Well I have read this story, and this station is about to be quarantined because of an outbreak of Space Herpes!" she said expectantly.
Joel turned to the doctor confused, "Space Herpes, doc?"
The doctor thought for a moment and then responded, "The only reference to Space Herpes in the fictional Star Trek universe that you created, Joel, is to an obscure Klingon medical report. In it there is only a one line proverb on the subject."
Not even wanting to dream why he would ever try to include something called Space Herpes in a fictional world he would create, Joel asked, "So what does that one line say."
The doctor replied, "The Klingon proverb reads: Space Herpes are without honor!"
"I'd rather not stick around for chapter two." Nix explained. She continued, "If it's okay with you all I would just like to get out of here now."
"That might be a little bit harder than it sounds, Nix" Joel responded.
"Why is that?" she asked.
The doctor spoke up, "It would appear our host, and the overly hormonal engineer are otherwise, indisposed at the moment in a most personal of ways."
A few seconds passed before Nix replied, "They're bumping ugly's again?"
* * *
* End Chapter Three *
Vindictive Venereal Vices, Batman! Will the fanfic travelers make it off of the station before they are over run with the dreaded Space Herpes? Will Nix and Nancy really write that book involving the castration of our poor Joel? Will Joel have to thoroughly launder and sanitize his bed linens if he ever makes it back to his place? Tune in for the next installment because this story is…
To be continued!
P.S.—the I would love any questions or comments that you all have for me you can either post them on the review page or email them to me at: mojo@iowatelecom.net