Holding On And Letting Go

From the moment he heard Anna hurl the deadly curse at Marlene, Sirius felt like everything was moving in slow motion. He didn't even notice when the Death Eaters departed, the only thing that mattered was reaching the girl he loved as she crumpled in the tall grass. Her blood rapidly soaked his robes and matted her blonde hair into thick clumps, but it had no specific discernible source.

"Hold on, Marley," he begged when her head began to feel heavy in his lap. "Stay with me, please." Sirius Black was not one to cry, but when a bubble of blood blossomed on her lips the moment Marlene tried to speak, he couldn't hold back the terrified tears. He carefully pushed her into a sitting position and knelt behind her to prop her up, hoping it would make it easier to breathe. Already her breathing was laboured and rattled in her chest, barely easing up when he gently rubbed her back. "You're gonna be okay." Her pale green eyes drooped shut but when he had her upright, Marlene coughed roughly and another gush of bright red blood came shooting out of her mouth. "Damn it," Sirius moaned, for attempting to stem the flow was fruitless when the injuries were so clearly internal.

He barely even noticed that Jessica was kneeling at Marlene's feet now, until the brunette stared across at him with a grim expression. "She needs the hospital," she said urgently. Sirius looked up at her in a daze, so focussed on the colour draining rapidly from Marlene's cheeks that he didn't even notice Jessica hadn't been addressing him at all.

He glanced over his shoulder and felt the sinking sensation in his stomach intensify at the sight of Daniel cradling Hannah still unconscious in his arms. The little girl's head lolled against his shoulder and Daniel was exchanging a worried look with Nora, who stood beside him as always. "They both do," he agreed with Jessica in an equally grim voice. "I just sent off a Patronus messenger to St. Mungo's, one of the interns there was Head Girl with me. She's a good friend and can get us help faster. I'll take Hannah, can you two handle Marlene?"

"Yeah," Jessica nodded and Sirius was grateful that she had somehow sensed he was too numb to respond. "We'll be right behind you, go quickly!" Daniel didn't need telling twice; in seconds he and Nora Disapparated with Hannah, leaving Jessica staring at Sirius in concern. "Are you hurt too? That's a hell of a lot of blood, Sirius."

Sirius shook his head mutely; "All hers," he whispered and stood up carefully, clutching Marlene's body to his chest. It was still warm and he had every intention of keeping it that way. "She can't die on me, Jessie…she can't!"

"I know," said Jessica softly, not even attempting to help support Marlene between them. The look on Sirius' face dared her to even try and touch their wounded friend so instead she just gave him a sympathetic grimace. "Come on, let's go."

After the brief discomfort of Apparition the bustle of St. Mungo's assaulted Sirius' senses. He spotted Daniel and Nora almost immediately, standing beside a gurney holding Hannah's body. The little girl looked so peaceful she could have been sleeping, but his fellow Order members' serious faces as they filled the young blonde Healer in on the attack told a different story. "Oh Merlin," the girl gasped when she spotted Sirius holding Marlene's limp body in his arms. "You weren't kidding, this is really bad." With a wave of her wand she summoned another stretcher and watched Sirius carefully lay Marlene down on it. "We'll need to get her up to the blood transfusions centre immediately."

Beckoning to one of her co-workers to follow with Hannah, the blonde whisked Marlene away. Daniel and Nora were immersed in a whispered conversation as she disappeared, but with the gurneys out of sight, Sirius suddenly felt like he might collapse, throw up or even both. It was as if nothing existed anymore except the keen awareness of Marlene's blood all over him, his palms stained and robes soaked a darkening red now that it was no longer fresh.

The nearest bathroom wasn't far off and Sirius lurched in the direction the signs were pointing, ducking into the visitors' men's room just before a complete panic attack took hold. He turned on the tap of the sink with trembling fingers and splashed the cold water on his face first. It didn't help much and in desperation Sirius began to scrub his hands so hard the skin turned pink and raw. He was staring into his own grey eyes in the mirror, the reflection showing the turmoil he felt, when he heard footsteps and whipped around.

"Sirius, are you okay?" Jessica stood near the door, her blue eyes shining with an unbearable combination of sympathy and pain. Her gaze was drawn almost immediately to his knuckles, scrubbed so hard that it almost looked as if he had punched someone with his bare hands. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

"Her blood," he whispered, feeling more nauseous the longer he stared at his smarting palms. "It's everywhere. I should've gotten there sooner and taken that psycho bitch Anna down, I just…"

"Don't even go there, mate," Jessica urged him, cutting off the guilt-ridden speech before it could pick up steam. "Take it from somebody unfortunately related to those crazy bitches, there's no stopping Anna once she decides to end someone. Those girls ruined Nora's life three years ago; I know exactly what they're capable of. Marlene was never going to let them hurt Hannah, you know that. This is not your fault!"

"She can't die on me, Jessie," he echoed his words from the battlefield because they really said it all. Desperation the likes of which she had never seen from him shone in his eyes, heartbreakingly raw anguish and fear. "I love her so much."

"Then stop beating yourself up in here and go see how she's doing," Jessica pointed out, stating the obvious but sounding exceptionally wise to him just the same. "I think Nora stayed with Hannah just in case she wakes up, neither of the girls is in good shape. I think you should prepare yourself, I'm just saying."

"Well can you not?" he retorted sharply. "They need to be okay, that's all there is to it!" On that wave of denial he swept out of the restroom, leaving Jessica staring after him more convinced than ever that this day would end in unbearable heartbreak all around.

When he reached the floor where the blood transfusions took place, Sirius found Daniel and his Healer friend talking in ominously low voices. "Sirius, there you are," said Daniel, looking relieved to see him. "Jess went tearing off looking for you when you did a runner. Is everything okay?"

"Not even close to okay," Sirius told him dully. "The girl I love is going to die, isn't she?"

Daniel shot the blonde Healer a helpless look and she stepped forward, this was all in a day's work for her. "Hi Sirius, I'm Carla Andrews," she introduced herself. "Hogwarts Head Girl of 1976 with this knucklehead." She gestured over her shoulder at Daniel, who was giving her an offended pout. "I've been taking care of Marlene and her sister since you guys brought them in. I'm going to be honest with you; it doesn't look good at all. That curse the Death Eaters use does more damage the more genuinely it's meant. Knowing Danny's bitch of a sister Anna, she really wanted Marlene to suffer. We've been transfusing like crazy but it's like the internal bleeding is permanent. There's not a lot we can do except keep her comfortable until her body gives up, I'm afraid. I am so sorry it's not better news."

Daniel took a step forward at the devastated look on Sirius' face, but the Marauder raised a hand to ward him off. He would not fall apart in front of them, he vowed even though the effort it took not to break down made his eyes burn. "Can I see her?" he begged, forcing himself to at least look into Carla's eyes at the request for the sake of good manners. The blonde pointed at a sliding door off to one side of the long hallway and Sirius found his feet feeling as heavy as if they were made of lead when it came down to the moment he had been waiting for. With every step he had flashbacks of Marlene crumpling to the ground when Anna's curse hit, the eternity it took to reach her and finally the blood spewing like vomit out onto the field from her beautiful mouth.

Lily had once introduced him to a Muggle fairy-tale called Sleeping Beauty, about a princess who fell into a slumber lasting a hundred years when she was tricked by an evil fairy into pricking her finger on a needle. Sirius had never understood why any princess would do such a thing on purpose, but he had enjoyed the pictures in the book. Recalling how the princess' long blonde hair had fanned across the pillow in her sleep and the way her lips had been a rosy red; he thought that was exactly what Marlene looked like right now. A bag of blood was connected to the back of one hand resting on her chest and he noticed it rising and falling with every shallow breath in relief.

He perched on the edge of the bed and carefully held her free hand in his, noticing in concern how much colder her palms were already than just a little while ago when he had clung to her on the battlefield. "Marley?" he whispered; "Come back to me, please." Jessica's ominous warning rung in his ears when she didn't stir but Sirius shook his head firmly to ward it off. "Hannah needs you, okay? You-Know-Who has already taken everything else from the kid, she needs you to stay." Sirius didn't realize he was crying until a teardrop landed in the limp open palm of her hand. "I need you to stay."

A / N Before this story I never even really considered Blackinnon but my tragedy junkie shipper heart is falling in love fast. Enjoy! xx