Chapter Three

Moping. Great. Just what I need. More moping.Willow lay down on her bed, watching the ceiling fan rotating above her as it circulates the air slowly throughout her room. What do I do? Just pretend its not there 'til it goes away? Or avoid? I could always avoid. Either way she won't know. Not that she wants to know, but she can't. She's happy with Angel. If I really care about her that's what I want right? For her to be happy? So then that's what I'll do. Nothing.She silently resigned herself to the fate of solitude. Tons of possibilities ran through her brain, but they all seemed overly dramatic. I just can't be around her. It's too hard.

She mumbled under her breath as shapes flitted across her vision. Yeah, there we go, Rosenburg. That's the way to solve all my problems. Avoid her. Then I really won't have any friends. Well, besides Xander. And Cordy. But I really think she's just a friend because she has to be.She rolled over onto her side. "What am I gonna do?"

In the background, a song began to slowly play from her stereo.

It's like you're a drug It's like you're a demon I cant face down It's like I'm stuck It's like I'm running from you all the time

She let the lyrics roll over her, listening to the soothing voice of the girl singing, and before she knew what was happening, the tears had begun to flow. A slow chill ran down her body as she curled in herself. Almost as if it was her body's natural reaction to protect itself from physical harm, even though the only harm it seemed to be coming into was mental.

She cried for quite a while, so long that the radio station had begun to play only dance hits as is so common in stations in the later evening and earlier mornings. She cried for the fact that her best friend would never see her that way; for the fact that, no matter how much she wanted it, she knew that if she told Buffy, their friendship would change. And probably not for the best.

So I won't tell her. At all. I can't not be around her. It just wouldn't feel right. But I can pretend that I don't have anything other than friendly feelings for her. Heck, I can even pretend I'm not gay. That way she won't have to be all uncomfy around me. It'll be my secret.

*******

As soon as Angel had said he wanted to go and see the midnight movie, Buffy knew exactly what he had in mind. He just wants to make out. Possibly grope. Not that I'm complaining, but hey, it might be nice to actually get to watch a movie that I paid for, for once.The theatre was showing "A Clockwork Orange," and Buffy had never heard of, nor had any desire to actually see the movie. She had just shrugged and nodded her acceptance when Angel had suggested it. They made it ten minutes into the movie before Angel grew bored and proceeded to kiss her. I guess I should be paying attention to either the movie or him. But well, I can't stop thinking about Willow. And thinking about her while he's kissing me? Or thinking about her when anything involving kissing is happening? Not a good idea. What would it be like to kiss her? She'd probably be a lot softer than he is, not so rough, hell maybe even a little tentative. Wait, bad thoughts. Get it together Summers, pay attention to your boyfriend, quit fantasizing about your best friend. Wait was I really just fantasizing?

Exiting the theatre, Angel began to walk Buffy towards her house, when she suddenly changed the directions. He looked at her questioningly.

She turned his wrist so she could read his watch. "I need to go and talk to Will." And never ever bring up any of the fantasies. Ever.

"Yeah, what's been up with her lately? She's been all...avoidy." He said, sounding proud of himself for realizing something was wrong with their redheaded friend.

Buffy looked at him for a minute. Sometimes he can be so dense it isn't even funny. Probably took a few too many hits to the head in practice."Uhm, I dunno, that's what I was gonna go and talk to her about." She looked up to realize they were about two houses away from Willow's.

He glanced at her and asked, "Okay, well, good luck. Do you want me to come too?"

"Uhm, no, thanks, I think I wanna handle this one on my own." She leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. Trying to have a regular conversation with her is gonna be hard enough. Naughty best friend thoughts are not of the good, especially with the boyfriend in the room.She sighed softly. "I'll call you whenever we get up, okay?" Otherwise we're going to have a repeat of this morning. And this isn't my house. Somehow I don't think the Rosenburgs would appreciate being woken up at six.

He nodded slightly. "Alright, goodnight."

She turned her back to him and walked over to the French doors of the other girl's bedroom. Hope it's not too late.She looked back to see that Angel had continued his walk towards his house. She held her breath as she reached down and lightly twisted the door handle, praying that it would be unlocked. A triumphant smile graced her features as the door swung silently open and she crept into the nearly pitch black room.

The only source of illumination in the room was coming from the laptop that was resting next to the sleeping redhead. Buffy shrugged and moved it to the desk before she sat down on the bed next to her best friend.

She sat there studying Willow for the first time in what seemed like forever. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Except for the tear tracks. I wish she would tell me what's the matter wrong, seeing her upset like this just makes me want to hold her tight and protect her. But I can't. It's not acceptable, plus she would probably freak.She reached down and tenderly tucked a stray hair behind the sleeping redhead's ear, lightly caressing her cheek in the process.

*******

Willow sleepily sobbed, "Oh Buffy. No, no, I'm sorry!" She jerked awake. It was just a dream. Nothing else. She's not freaking out over you being in love with her. Would she really freak anyway? No, wait. I had decided. Not telling.She mentally threw away the key to that little secret box in her mind and a few stray tears ran down her cheeks. No, no more crying. I should be dehydrated. That means no more tears.

A hand soothingly rubbed her back and she froze. I'm still dreaming. That's it. Still asleep... at least I think I'm still asleep.She turned to face the blonde. "What are you doing here? Am I dreaming?" Of course I'm dreaming. Buffy would never blow off a night with Angel to come and hang out with me.

The blonde smiled comfortingly and leaned down to wrap her arms around Willow. Yup, this confirms it. Dreaming. "No, you're not dreaming. I just wanted to come and see what's the matter."

She says it's not a dream. Pfft. How many times have my dream Buffy's told me that?"Oh." She pulled back and stared down at the bed sheet.

"C'mon Will, you can tell me; what's up?" Dream, it's all just a dream.She leaned in and captured the surprised blonde's lips, applying just a slight bit of pressure. Her eyes popped open. Oh crap. This isn't a dream.