Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with General Hospital.
To Choose Life
Chapter 3
I opened my eyes and recognized the familiar feeling of nausea. I grumbled as I staggered into the bathroom and emptied my stomach contents into the toilet. I was not looking forward to the next seven months. I'd heard the horror stories: mood swings, morning sickness, bloating, swollen feet, the most unimaginable pain in the world. None of it sounded promising.
Afterward, I leaned my head against the wall and tried to relax. I felt so exhausted and I didn't know why. I'd had more sleep in the last two days than I had in years.
I heard someone knock on my bedroom door and slowly stood up to answer it. Dillon was standing on the other side with a plate of food. "I brought you breakfast."
The smell of greasy bacon sent me running back into the bathroom. Dillon followed me and pulled my hair back as I threw up some more. When I was finished he helped me stand up and got me a cold cloth to wipe my face.
I turned to see him smiling. "Something funny?" I asked in a threatening tone.
"No," he lied. I narrowed my eyes at him. He didn't dare say another word.
I followed him out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom. "Are you going to eat?"
"I don't think I can," I admitted, fearing another trip to the washroom.
"How about toast?" he asked timidly.
I nodded and he handed me one of the slices of bread from the plate. I choked it down; not wanting to starve my baby.
"Are you going to start your classes?" he asked gently.
"I am not going to school pregnant," I muttered. "What about you?"
"I'm taking some business courses and taking over my spot at ELQ."
"Why Dillon?" I asked.
"I told you. I want to give this baby the best life I can."
"That is a stupid reason to give up your dream. Do you want to resent this child in a few years?"
"I will never resent this child," he argued defensively.
"Tell me that when you start hating your life and your job," I muttered.
"I got to go. I'll check on you later," he said with a wave.
"I am not sick. I'm pregnant. You don't need to check up on me," I grumbled with frustration. I did not want to be treated like a china doll.
XXXXX
I arrived at Kelly's with a book to read. I had to escape the Quartermaine home. They were all so excited about the baby; it was making me sick.
"Can I get you anything to drink?" I pulled the book from my face and looked up at Georgie.
"When did you get here?" I asked, realizing that I had been reading for over two hours.
"Five minutes ago. Do you want anything to drink?" she asked.
"Sure. A glass of milk, please," I said before returning my gaze to my book.
A few moments passed and then Georgie slammed a glass of milk onto the table. I jumped at the sound of glass hitting wood. "Did I do something?" I asked with annoyance.
"You got your wish," she growled. "You get to have Dillon."
"I don't know what he's told you, but I don't have any intention of marrying Dillon for this child," I assured her.
"Yeah right, this is what you wanted. You get to steal Dillon away from me."
"Dillon doesn't love me. He loves you and I will not marry him for that very reason."
Georgie rolled her eyes. "If he asked, I'm sure you would jump at the chance," she spat.
"I've already turned him down three times. I refuse to marry a man who doesn't love me."
Georgie turned around and stomped away. I sighed and turned my attention back to my book.
About two minutes passed before I was interrupted again. "Lulu?"
I looked up and met Nikolas' gaze. "Yes?"
"Emily told me that you decided to have the child," he explained, sitting down at my table.
I mentally strangled Emily for informing my brother of my business when I wasn't ready to tell him. "Yeah," I muttered indifferently.
"Are you sure that is what you want?" he asked softly.
"Nope," I admitted.
"Lulu, you can't let anyone else tell you what to do. You need to do what is right for you."
"And what is that? Kill my child and live with the guilt for the rest of my life?" I snapped.
He reached his hand across the table and placed it on my shoulder. "My offer still stands. You are welcome to live with me."
I smiled at him. "I'm fine for now," I said gently, feeling guilty for snapping at my brother. He nodded.
"I am here for you any time you need me, okay?"
I nodded. "Thanks Nikolas."
He smiled at me and turned to leave. "I'll talk to you later."
I waved and tried once again to read my book. I was successful for the duration of five minutes before I was interrupted again. I felt like screaming, as Elizabeth asked me how I was feeling.
"I'm fine," I offered, hoping that she would go away.
"Are you sure?" she asked, her voice resonating with concern. People were starting to drive me insane.
"Yes," I said, nodding for emphasis.
"If you ever need to talk to anyone, I want you to know that I am here for you," she offered gently.
"Thank you," I said in return. I poured my milk into my mouth, dropped some money on the table and stood up to leave. "I have to get going," I lied, knowing that I had absolutely no where to be.
"Okay," she said with a wave. "I'll see you later."
I nodded and left the building as fast as I could. I was beginning to feel smothered by all of this attention.
"Lulu?" I looked up to see Dillon coming toward me. I wasn't too impressed to see him. He was the worst of all.
"What?"
"I just wanted to make sure you were feeling better," he said with concern.
"Yes Dillon. I'm fine. I'm pregnant, not dying."
"I know. It's just that this morning…"
"It's called morning sickness. I throw up every morning. By the afternoon, I feel much better," I grumbled with irritation.
"I just worry about this baby."
"It's fine," I muttered.
"I worry about you too."
"I'm not made of glass," I said, trying to walk past him. "Oh and another thing, why does Georgie think that we're getting together?"
He dropped his gaze. "I didn't know what to tell her when I told her that you didn't have the abortion. She asked if we were getting together and I said that I didn't know. I have a lot of decisions to make."
"You've already decided to drop film, which has been your dream for years. Please don't also break up with the girl you love. I have enough guilt to live with since I got pregnant."
"You don't have to feel guilty. I am just as responsible for your being pregnant."
"It wouldn't have happened, if I hadn't lied."
"Lulu stop blaming yourself. We chose to sleep together and you got pregnant. I don't care how it happened. It happened. I want to move on."
"Does that involve giving up everything you love?" I asked indignantly.
"I'm doing what's right for the baby."
"Punishing yourself is doing what's right for the baby? I'll explain that to our child when you run off because you never got to have the life you've always wanted."
"I won't abandon you or this child," he responded angrily. "I keep telling you that."
"I might be more inclined to believe it, if you weren't ruining your life in the process."
He glared at me. I'd obviously begun to annoy him. "Making changes in my life does not mean I am ruining it. I am trying to be prepared for this child."
"What is it you are doing to prepare? Giving up your dream? Giving up the love of your life? Make me understand Dillon because I don't."
"What about you? You've dropped out of school."
"I'm pregnant Dillon. I don't get to have the life I wanted."
"Then why should I?"
"Because you still have the chance."
"No I don't. I need to support you and this child."
"You do not need to support me," I shouted, blinded by a sudden rage. I pushed past him and started running. I needed to escape him.
XXXXX
I had finally found solitude in my mother's room. I opened my book and started reading. I looked up at her from time to time. She looked so peaceful as she sat in her chair. Sometimes I wished that I could fade away just like her. It would be so much easier then having everyone worry about you all of the time. I was so tired of dealing with people.
The door opened and a nurse entered the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt," she said softly. "It's time for her physical therapy."
I nodded and climbed off of her bed. I leaned down and whispered goodbye. Then I left the room. Suddenly I became aware of how alone I felt. I ran out of Shadybrook and took refuge on the bench in the garden. I broke down into heavy sobs as I came to term with the fact that my mother wouldn't be around to help me through this pregnancy. Neither would my father. I was alone in this world. The father of the baby was in love with someone else. Its one uncle had become addicted to drugs. The other, had a child of his own to worry about. I curled up in a ball and cried for everything I didn't have.
When I felt like I couldn't cry anymore, I got up off of the bench and started walking. I felt like leaving town. I needed to escape the suffocation of everyone's concern. Everyone's knowledge of my every move and decision. I picked up a rock off of the ground and heaved it as far as I could. I couldn't do this. I should have had the abortion and run off to live a life, free from these prying eyes.
A car slowed down and the passenger window rolled down. "Lulu?" the driver called. I recognized the voice immediately. I turned and looked at my aunt Bobby. "Honey what are you doing out here?"
"I'm going for a walk," I explained.
"Why don't you get in the car and I'll give you a ride to wherever you are going?"
"I'm fine," I assured her.
"It's getting dark."
I finally agreed, not up to arguing with anyone. "So where are you going?"
I felt like saying anywhere but Port Charles. "The Quartermaines please," I said softly. I never wanted to return there. I hated it there.
Bobby pulled into the driveway and I turned to look at her. "Thank you for the ride."
"You're welcome. Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine," I reiterated. I felt like I had been saying that all day.
She nodded. "Okay, have a nice night."
"You too," I said before climbing out of the car and heading to the door. I pulled it open.
"Lulu where were you?" Dillon asked in alarm.
I rolled my eyes. "I went for a walk."
"You've been missing for hours."
"It's not your job to keep tabs on me," I muttered. One of these times I had a feeling I was going to hit him.
"I'm going to bed," I said, starting to walk toward the stairs.
"Alice saved dinner for you."
"Fine, I'll eat and then I'm going to bed," I muttered, before disappearing into the kitchen.
Alice served me a sandwich and a glass of juice. I thanked her and started eating when Dillon appeared. He stood at the other end of the table and watched me. "Something wrong?"
"I'm sorry," he said gently.
"For what?" I asked, as I took a drink of my juice.
"Everything. I'm sorry that you feel like your life is ruined. I'm sorry that I am responsible for that. I'm sorry that you don't get to have the life that you dreamed about. I'm sorry that your father left again. I'm sorry your mother isn't around to help you. I'm just sorry Lulu. I should have been more understanding and considerate. I want to get along. I want us to be friends again. We are having a baby together."
"You are the one that told me we couldn't be friends. You are the one that said you couldn't do that to Georgie."
"Well things changed. You are pregnant. I am the father."
"Would you even be talking to me if I wasn't pregnant?"
"Of course I would," he offered.
"Bullshit," I said bitterly. "You would be in your film class. You and Georgie would be happy and I would go back to being an acquaintance who happens to live at the same address as you."
"That is not true," he said defensively.
"You said it yourself Dillon. Before you knew I was pregnant. The night of the blackout."
"I was mad at you. I didn't mean it. I do care about you."
"Well don't bother. No one else does," I said before running from the room. Tears burned my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall.
This time Dillon didn't show up to try and talk to me. I was thankful. I couldn't handle his pity anymore. I opened my drawers and threw some clothes into a bag. I couldn't be in this house anymore.
I waited an hour and then took my bag and snuck out of the house. I knew where I could go. Somewhere that I was understood.
I knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer it. Finally I saw a light come on and then the door opened. "Lulu is everything all right?" Carly asked with concern.
"Can I stay here for the night?"
"Of course. Is everything okay at the Quartermaines?"
"Is anything ever okay at the Quartermaines?"
"What happened?"
"I just needed to escape them."
"Okay, then you can stay here as long as you like."
"Thank you," I said genuinely.
She nodded and led me to a guest room. "Do you want to talk at all?" she asked.
"No thanks. I just want to sleep."
She nodded and started to shut the door. "Have a good sleep Lulu."
"Thank you," I said again, before collapsing onto the mattress.