When I go to the medical tent Clarke checks my leg, and gives me something to prevent infection and some painkillers. Then I help her out with some of the other injured for the rest of the day. Bellamy and some of the others went out and caught a panther for dinner. John and Bellamy were making people take off their wristbands for food. I didn't feel like getting into that drama so I just went back to our tent.

A little while later John comes in, "Here I brought this for you."

"I didn't take my wristband off…"

"I know, you don't have to unless you want to but I'm not about to let you skip dinner because of it." He says and I take the plate. He sits on the edge of the bed not facing me.

"Why are you giving me special treatment?" I ask.

He doesn't turn around so I can't see his expression. "Because I care about you." He gets up and walks out without saying anything else.

I know that he cares about me but what I don't know is in what way. Like a friend, like a little kid that he needs to look after?

The next morning when I wake up I feel someones arms tight around me, John has got me pulled up close to him. It feels nice even though I know that he probably doesn't realize he's doing it. I am awake but I don't move because I don't want to break this contact between us. I never thought he would hold me like this and I don't want to end. After 5 minutes though he starts to stir. His eyes flutter open and he looks at me and quickly lets me out of his arms and pulls away so we're not touching. I feel empty when he lets go. He sits up.

"So you're helping Clarke out today?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, be safe and don't leave camp, I'll be with Bellamy all day hunting. I'll see you later." He says and starts to get up. But something comes over me and I grab his arm.

"W-wait." I stutter.

"Are you alright? Does your leg hurt?" Again he looks concerned for me.

"No my leg is doing fine…We haven't talked at all since we got here…and I.."

"What do you want to talk to me about Ave?" he uses his nickname for me.

I feel nervous and I don't know why. He is looking me in the eyes and I look away because it is too much. I fear he will see how I feel about him if I let him make eye contact for too long.

"I just..I missed you I guess," that was braver of me than I thought I could be.

His face softens something that happens rarely with his harsh features. "I missed you so much Ave." He missed me, I can't help but smile and I bite my lip so I don't smile too big. It's so hard to tell what he is feeling.

"So…um you assigned the tents…why did you want to share with me?" I ask very hesitantly and he looks uncomfortable at the question.

"Ah well no one else wanted you, they all think you're a snob" he jokes and we both chuckle and that seems to break the awkwardness between us for a moment. "I'll see you later Ave."

I nod and he leaves. I get dressed and eat my ration packet on the way to the medical tent where I find Clarke working on a boy who was injured yesterday. Someone speared him through the chest and Clarke is unsure if he will live but she is determined. I don't have much medical knowledge so I mostly just hand her things but it keeps me busy and I feel like I'm helping. At least it distracts me from thinking about the ever confusing John Murphy.

A few hours later to my surprise John comes into the medical tent and tells me he wants to take me somewhere. Clarke says she'll be okay without me for a bit so we go. I notice that John is leading me out of camp. "I thought you didn't want me leaving camp."

He doesn't look at me, "I don't want you to leave camp unless I'm there to protect you."

Protect me. If he keeps saying things like he misses me and want to keep me safe I don't know if I can handle that.

"Where are we going?"

"I wanted to take you somewhere we found yesterday, I think you'll like it." He says.

We continue to walk through the woods without talking and I think about what has happened in the past two days between him and me. He acts cold towards me and we don't have any conversation, but he keeps making these caring comments. He wanted to share a tent with me and he gave me food even though he was aggressive with everyone else about the wristbands. John is gentler with me than he is with everyone else and it's been that way since we met. While he'd brag to his guy friends about the all the girls he'd slept with, he would be careful to never mention it to me. He talked to people with a guarded demeanor and yet he told me about what happened with his parents. Why me? Why does he share things with me that he fights so strongly to keep from others?

But I wasn't anything special to anyone. Why would I let myself think for a second that I could be special to him. We walk out of the woods and a beach is revealed. It's not a beach with an ocean or anything, but there's a small lake with a waterfall. It's amazing, unlike anything we could ever see up in space.

"Wow.."

"I knew you'd think it was special." He says. He is finally looking at me again and I make eye contact and feel a chill. His eyes have a way of doing that to me. "Do you want to go swimming?" he asks. Obviously we've never been swimming and it sounds really fun.

"Oh, sure," I smile at him. Then he takes off his jacket and shirt and I have to look away before he sees me blush. He's very muscular, he looks perfect and it's hard for me to not look again. I hear him chuckle.

"Like what you see?" There's his cocky side. We're getting comfortable with each other again. I look up to his face.

"N-no. Nope." I really can't play it cool. I melt at his smile every time he shares it with me. He looks away and takes off his shoes, socks, and pants. Now I really am going to die. He jumps in with just his underwear.

"Aren't you coming in Ave?" he calls to me. He knows I'm shy, not like the girls he usually spends time with. I nod. I take my shirt and pants off and slowly get in being careful to not get too close to him, but he swims over to me anyway. He looks at me intensely. "You're beautiful."

I'm shocked and I don't respond. John is always closed off and puts on that angry, power hungry guy façade. I always saw past that, but he has never said anything like this to me. I think he realizes what he's said and he sort of chuckles and starts to move around the water to get away from me. The guy that I am in love with just told me that I'm beautiful and I'm even more confused about our friendship than I was before. Was he just being nice? Or does he have feelings for me?

After 15 minutes in the water he says, "We'd better get out and head back."

So we do and I try not to look at him as he puts his clothes back on, and I turn away because I am embarrassed that he is seeing me without much on. We start to walk back to camp and he walks so close to me that our hands graze each other a few times. I tell myself that the woods are dangerous, that he's just trying to be safe and that it doesn't mean that he feels anything for me.