Disclaimer: I do not own Ghost Hunt nor any characters in Ghost Hunt
A/N: This story was inspired but Kelly Clarkson's Song "Already Gone"
I can remember when I came to the realization that I wanted to be with him. It was such an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and I shudder at the memory. When the realization had hit me I already knew that there would be little that could change my mind and I just knew that not only would I come out heartbroken but he would too. With a sigh, I lean myself back against the headboard with my book, allowing myself to daze off into memory.
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I walked into the office, feeling strange and out of it that morning. Something was not sitting right with me. It hadn't been for a few days but I couldn't pinpoint just what it was that had changed. I didn't want to come to work and I didn't really want to see anyone either, including my boyfriend. I thought maybe I was coming down with the flu or some sort of sickness. It seemed the only logical explanation. But in the back of my head, I knew that wasn't right.
"Mai, Tea!" I sighed as I stood up. Regardless of him being my boyfriend or not, Naru still treated me the same in the office. Out of the office he was quiet, a little less bossy, and a little sweeter. He still treated me pretty much the same but romance became included after the kiss we had shared that one evening at my door after a dinner date. I certainly couldn't complain though. My boyfriend was tall, dark, and handsome with a mysterious past and personality to boot. All of my friends were absolutely jealous when I told them. None of them could believe I had actually managed to get with him. To be honest, for a while, neither could I. But I got used to it over time.
I stared at the tea kettle as the water bubbles gently floated to the surface. The water wasn't even close to boiling and I felt like it had been ages since I had started it. I was too out of it and I probably could do with some time off but knowing my boss, that wasn't going to happen. Oh the problems that came with working for your boyfriend. But there certainly were perks, such as lunch being bought for me and dinner usually after work if it wasn't a busy day.
"A watched pot never boils, you know." A voice said from behind me, making me jump. Placing a heart over my chest I turned around to see Lin standing behind me smirking.
"You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days, Lin-san." I laughed and turned back to the pot in hopes that maybe it had started to boil. Then I saw Lin's arm reach across and flick the electric kettle on, glancing at me quizzically with concern on his face. I blushed and berated myself for not paying attention.
"You seem out of sorts today Taniyama-san. Is something the matter?" Butterflies gathered in my stomach and I started to pull out the tea cups and such, trying to busy myself while answering his question.
"I'm not sure. I just don't feel right. Something isn't sitting well with me but I really can't place what it is that is wrong." I stood on my tiptoes, wondering who put the tea cups so high and grasped one of the handles on them, pulling it down. "I just don't feel like being around anyone. Strangely I didn't even want to come to work today." I put the cups on a platter and turned to the older man. I leaned against the counter with a sigh.
"How long have you been feeling this way?" I appreciated his concern and gave a small smile at the fact. It was an endearing quality of his that took a while to show. He and I hadn't been the best of friends to start with but as time grew on we became great friends with each other and I felt comfortable talking with him about these things.
"I want to say a few days but I fear it is longer than that. Honestly, though, I just don't know." He nodded his head, his dark hair bobbing a bit with him. There was a comfortable silence as I waited for him to say something in reply. But the kettle went off and I flicked the on switch to off while removing the pot. I turned to the cups and poured the boiling water in there before placing a tea bag in them to let them steep. When that was done I turned back to the man.
"Once you give Naru his tea you can come talk to me some more, Taniyama-san." Lin placed a hand on my shoulder in comfort before giving a small smile and turning away to go back to his office.
"It's Mai, Lin-san." I called after him. I heard him chuckle and pause before shutting his office door.
"Seems a bit unequal wouldn't you say?" And the smirk he gave me not only gave me butterflies but made my stomach drop. As his door shut the only thing I could think was "Oh no."
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I can remember the exact sensation of my stomach dropping and why. All of the reasons why I had been feeling wrong had just come to me. In that moment I had known what I had to do and even still, thinking about it makes me want to puke. What an awful feeling for anyone to have: a feeling of such a sickening realization. Realizing that everything I had worked so hard toward was going to be torn apart by no one other than me.
With a sigh at the memory I note that the sky is so beautiful tonight. I can see all of the lights that brightening the city, only made brighter by the darkness of the night. It was such a comforting yet lonely looking scene. All of these people awake and milling about but yet I am not. I am in bed, knowing I will need to go to work tomorrow.
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After giving Naru his tea, I stood outside of Lin's door, hesitating to knock. Did I really wish to talk? But I did have to give him his tea sometime. With a sigh and a gathering of my courage, I knocked on his door, entering when he bid me to come inside. I placed the tray on his desk, two cups of tea on it.
"Did you want to talk now?" He asked me quietly. I didn't meet his eyes as I nodded my head. With a concerned look toward me, Lin got up and shut his office door before sitting back down. He shut his laptop, giving me his full attention. "Have you figured out what is wrong?"
With tears starting to surface in my eyes, I nodded my head, making sure my bangs kept him from seeing. I felt two fingers lift my chin and I met his gaze. It was a worried look and when he saw the tears his worry only seemed to strengthen. He dropped his fingers and I dropped my gaze. Nothing was said for a while as I started sniffling.
"I….I need to…" My voice choked and I bit back a sob as the realization completely dawned on me. I felt his hand covering the one that sat on his desk. The older man gave it a comforting squeeze, waiting for me to continue. I took a deep breath and then tried to calm down.
"Lin-san….I need to break up with Naru." My words were whispered as I told him of my dread. But when I met his gaze, he didn't seem shocked but he did seem serious.
"Why is that?" His question tore at my insides. I really didn't want to answer him but I knew he asked not because he didn't know but because I needed to say it out loud.
"I don't love him anymore." I choked out my answer and saw him nod. His hand still covered my own.
"How are you so sure?" I couldn't meet his gaze. It was too strong for me.
"I love someone else." The answer was barely a whisper but I said it, knowing I needed to force myself to realize it. The answer had been there for a while but I never acknowledged it.
"When do you plan on letting him know you can't be with him?" I was infinitely grateful he did not ask who it was that I loved.
"I should tell him today, shouldn't I?" I got a nod in return. I stood up, pulling my hand from his grasp and dusted at my shorts. I met his gaze, forcing myself to be strong. With a deep breath I turned and left his office, not bothering to shut the door. Then I went into Naru's office, gently shutting his door behind me.
"What is it, Mai?" Naru's confused voice asked me. I shuddered, knowing what was going to come. I went and sat in the chair in front of his desk. When I met his gaze, his eyes widened in worry at the tears in my eyes.
"Naru…" I felt my strength wane and I gripped my hands together, squeezing them nervously. "I…I really don't know how to tell you this but…I….I don't love you anymore."
"I know." My gaze shot up to meet his. It was calm and collected. I was confused.
"I…I love someone else." I stammered out, unsure of what else to say. How did he know? How did he know before me?
"I know that as well." I continued to stare at him, bewildered at his response. "Well you've been pretty obvious about it."
"Well I wish someone had let me know that before." I stated. That was when he looked confused. "I just found all this out for myself when I got to work."
"That doesn't surprise me really." His answer was flat as he gave me a deadpan look.
"Naru, I'm trying to be serious about this. I really had no idea until ten minutes ago. I feel awful." I was so confused and upset. Why wasn't he upset about all of this?
"Well you shouldn't. It's the nature of these things." When I gave him a quizzical look he sighed. "Love is fickle, Mai. It comes and it goes. You and I are young. We aren't people set in our ways yet." He paused and gave a chuckle. "Well, I am but you are not. You loved me and I you for the time we were able. It faded, as emotions tend to do, and became directed at someone else. We tried and while we did not fail, we did not succeed either."
I could only stare at him with my mouth agape. Who knew he was so eloquent? But I still didn't understand why he wasn't more upset? I was the one doing the breaking up. Wasn't it usually the recipient who cried, not the one giving it? But then again, Naru always was an enigma and his reactions weren't always expected.
"I…I don't understand. I thought you would be more upset and angry, yet you're so calm and reasonable." This was going quite the opposite of what I had expected.
"Mai, it has been obvious to a lot of people for a while now that we weren't working out. I was trying to keep us together but I knew that it wouldn't work so I let it take its natural course. Yes, I love you and I will admit to being sad to let you go but…" Naru stood from his desk and walked around to me. For the first time in a long time I saw emotion in his eyes. He placed his hand on mine and stooped to my eye level, "Mai, I love you enough to let you go."
Tears filled my eyes and spilled over my cheeks. I stood and wrapped my arms around his waist. I felt him encircle my shoulders with his arms and place a kiss on my head. It was such a comforting but god awful feeling. It felt like my heart breaking into two. Even while he didn't show it, I knew he was hurting inside. His words told me what his stoic demeanor could not. He would miss me, he loved me, and he was just as sad as I was.
"I'm sorry, Naru!" I sobbed out, feeling my tears soak his shirt. His hand soothingly stroked my hair as he whispered "It's okay" over and over to me. "I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I wanted us to be together but I…." a sob stopped my sentence and he continued to stroke my hair, holding me close to him. It was so cruel for me to allow him to continue holding me but I felt I couldn't stop. I knew that once I let go of him, we would never have the same closeness again. But I knew that what he was giving me in our relationship and what I wanted weren't the same two things. So while I may have craved his love right then, later on it wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough.
"Shh, Mai. It's okay." I could hear the pain behind his words and I removed my face from his chest and looked up at him to see his eyes watering as well. Leaning up on my tiptoes I gave him a kiss on the cheek and hugged him tightly.
"I love you." I whispered to him and listened as his breathing turned ragged. His hold on my tightened for a moment before he finally let me go. I stepped out of his embrace and looked in his eyes. His hand cupped my face as his thumb brushed a tear away. Then he leaned down and kissed my cheek.
"Thank you for letting me love you." He whispered and I choked down the sob that threatened to leave my mouth. While this display of emotion was so uncharacteristic for him, I knew he needed to let it out just like I did. I took a deep breath and he removed his hand from my cheek. I looked at him for a moment longer before turning to head out the door.
I opened his office door and shut it behind me silently. I looked up to see Lin looking at me. I knew he could tell I was about to break down so he stood up, moving away from his desk. I walked slowly into his office, shutting the door behind me. I looked down at my hands to see they were shaking. I felt numb inside.
"Mai…" Lin called out to me, finally using my first name. That was what broke the dam yet again and I ran to him, hugging his form as I sobbed loudly into his shirt. His arms quickly wrapped around my small body as I shook with sobs.
"It will be okay." He whispered to me. I felt my knees give out as I bawled louder at his words. Gently he eased me to the floor, continuing to hold me as I cried. For a long while the only sounds in his office were my sobs but they eventually died down into sniffles while I continued to cling to him. My eyes burned from all of the crying and I couldn't breathe through my nose but I felt a bit better.
"When I told him I didn't love him anymore, he said he already knew." I whispered out. I knew Lin was listening to me and I could feel him silently urging me on. "And when I told him I loved someone else, he told me he already knew that as well. He said it had been obvious to him but that…." I felt more sobs rising but I pushed on through them, clearing my throat to continue. "…that he loved me enough to let me go."
"I'm sorry." Lin whispered to me and I pulled back from him to grab a tissue from his desk and wipe my nose. I looked up at him to find him giving me a sympathetic smile.
"It's not your fault but thank you." I could feel my eyes starting to dry up from the crying so I closed them. Lin gently placed his hand on the side of my head and pushed me to cuddle his chest. He was so warm and his comfort was beyond inviting. I snuggled into his embrace, feeling so very tired from crying so much.
"Mai…" Lin paused and I could tell he was unsure of how to word his next statement. The way he said my name, though, without any suffix felt so intimate and right.
"Yes, Koujo?" I replied and I gave a smile at both the jump in the beating of his heart and the little gasp he let out as I said his first name with no suffix. I didn't look up at what I knew was his gaze on me and I only snuggled farther into his chest.
"Never mind." I felt his grasp on me tighten but I certainly didn't mind. I started to drift off to sleep when suddenly I felt him lean down and place a kiss on my head. My heart beat sped as his head moved a little lower and he paused, hesitating to say something.
"I love you." Were the three words he whispered into my ear. I gasped quietly and he placed a kiss to my temple.
"With all that just happened…" I paused and could practically hear his regret at saying those three words but I continued, "Is it bad if I say that I love you too?" Hi whole form relaxed at my words and he laughed a little but pulled my head back to meet my gaze.
"Probably but I certainly don't feel bad." I smiled up at him and he gave me a chaste kiss on my lips before holding my head to his chest again.
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With a yawn and a hand on my not-quite-yet-showing stomach, I look over at the man sleeping beside me. A little of his hair is draped across his cheek and it flutters in time with his steady breathing. His hand is splayed across his bare chest, the silver ring on his left finger glinting from the moonlight. It rises and falls with the steady rise and fall of his chest. Koujo, the man who I never expected to be with and whom I never expected to marry, looks so peaceful. And with a yawn I lie down and join him in his restful slumber.
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A/N: Well I finally added another piece to these drabbles. I know Naru was quite out of character for this story but I think getting broken up with justifies being a little odd, don't you? Well I really hope you liked this story. I just knew I had to have a back story for them getting together somewhere in there and I felt that this would make for quite a good story.