A/N: Thank you for reading, reviewing and following my story. I am most appreciative. It is a great confidence booster for me to keep moving forward.

Chapter 3

Callie finished up her surgery and paperwork, ready to get home. She pulled into her driveway just after 11:00pm. Arizona would have left before she got home. She laughed when she reminded herself that she had once thought their biggest hurdles were parenthood and Africa. Who would have predicted that a horrific car accident, tragic plane crash and devastating amputation would be their challenges? The odds were better at winning the lottery then having that string of near-death experiences happen to one family. Their lives became so complicated and sad again. It was fifteen years ago when she and her unborn child barely survived the car accident. Thanks to Arizona, Sofia lived, growing to be a beautiful and brilliant young lady. It was twelve years ago that she thought her wife had died on the side of a mountain, then she miraculously survived, albeit minus a leg. She thought that stretch was the toughest challenge her marriage would face.

Callie checked on the younger kids, who were all sleeping soundly, though she knew that it wouldn't be long before Anna would find her way to Callie's bed. Since Arizona left, more often than not, Anna would crawl in with Callie during the night. Most nights Callie just did not have the energy to move her back to her own bed. Callie made her way to Sofia's room, knowing she needed to speak with her older daughter now or first thing in the morning. Since Callie was not a morning person, she opted to have the needed conversation now. Callie entered Sofia's room, and sat down on the bed. The teen was propped up against the headboard, reading.

Sofia smiled and said "Hi Mom". Callie let out a deep breath and replied "Hi Sof. I ah, I talked to Mama about the meeting at school today. Sof, how did things get so far behind?"

The girl shrugged. Callie continued "I think it's a good idea for you to stay home next week with Mama and get caught up."

"What!" shrieked Sofia? "You're taking her side." It was more of a declaration than a question.

"It's not a question of sides. Mama went to the meeting; the school offered a plan, a reasonable plan. She's your parent too. I support her decision on how to manage this". Callie explained carefully as she tried to keep her emotions in check.

"I can't believe you. She walked out on us, she chose to leave. She doesn't care about us, so why are you letting her mess with our plans?" Sofia yelled.

"Sofia, it's not that simple, you know that. It's complicated. Mama loves us, all of us. She is trying to figure it out. The decision has been made; you are not going on the trip. This discussion is over."

Sofia was angry but refrained from saying another word. From the tone of her mother's tired voice, Sofia knew her mother would not change her mind. Callie rarely became inflexible, but clearly this was one of those times.

Callie kissed her daughter on the forehead, "I love you Sofia. Now, how about getting some sleep?" Callie paused a moment and then added "I know this is hard, but we'll get through it. All of it."

"Are you sure?" Sofia snapped. Staring at her daughter, Callie knew she was not sure of anything these days.

With that, Callie left the room and made her way to her bedroom, where Anna had burrowed deep in the covers right in the center of bed. Callie smiled and maneuvered the little girl over so she would have space to crawl in.

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"Who needs an alarm clock when I have this crew?" Callie thought the next morning as she was woken up with pillows and tickles swarming her. It was a great way to start the day, and she joined right in. Her three younger children pleaded with her to make her famous chocolate chip pancakes as today was the last day of school before their vacation. She happily obliged, knowing she would pay the price later when she was late but at that moment she didn't care.

As she made her way to the kitchen Callie noticed she had a text from Sofia. She had texted her mother:

'Just want to make sure you remembered tonight's the school dance. Lindsey said her parents will drop me off at home after.'

Sofia, who walks to school, must have slipped out while Callie was in the shower. She would have preferred for her daughter to see her before she left for the day, but she knew Sofia was angry about staying home next week, and had they spoke it may not have gone well, especially if she had not had her coffee yet. Sofia was mostly likely afraid she would not be allowed to attend the Spring Fling, given her grades Callie thought, thus the text. Callie reasoned that her daughter was already being punished for her poor grades; she did not need to ban her from the dance as well. Callie texted Sofia back, saying she could go but needed to be home right after the dance.

Sofia responded: K. THNX. GTG. :)

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The three kids piled into the dark blue minivan so their mother could drop them off at school. Callie kissed her three younger children, wishing them a good day on their last day before vacation as they scrambled out of the car and then she headed off to the hospital.

Callie hoped the traffic would be light, which of course meant it was brutal. She was supposed to be there by 8:30; she would be late, as usual. Sitting in traffic, she pondered her upcoming appointment and the reasons behind.

In January an unusual case at the hospital involving a plane crash and young casualties triggered all sorts of bad memories for Arizona. The nightmares and night terrors returned with a vengeance. Arizona became angry, even volatile at times when she slept. Sometimes she could not recall what had transpired until Callie recounted the episode the next morning. Arizona was beset with nightmares of the plane crash and the four days stranded in the wilderness. Flashbacks plagued her at times. She was anxious, stressed, distracted and just not herself.

Professionally, Arizona continued to be an excellent surgeon; on the surface she was Arizona without the perkiness. She kept her family, colleagues and patients at an arm's length. Those who did not know her would think nothing of the reserved, business-like, though cold, demeanor. Those who knew her, knew better.

Callie thought that the lack of sleep was exacerbating the problem. Arizona was afraid to sleep. Arizona worried it was more, paranoid she was losing control, scared of what she might do, of course the broken nose with the two accompanying black eyes she gave Callie one night during a night terror didn't help. So Arizona moved out, theoretically temporarily.

A couple weeks sleeping in the hospital on-call room was suppose to be the plan, get some counseling, and get back home. Callie tried to convince Arizona that moving out was not going to make things better, and probably would make things worse. If Callie did not sleep well without Arizona then she was certain that Arizona was not sleeping well without her. Yet, Arizona held firm.

The longer Arizona stayed away, the harder it was to talk about coming home. Time with the family was limited to weekends and Thursday nights. Then it was just Thursday nights. PTSD is an unpredictable and unwelcome visitor. Just when you think you have rid yourself of it, it can fiercely return.

This trip, planned last Thanksgiving, was supposed to be a family vacation. Arizona's parents encouraged the two women to spend some time alone during their visit at a top-rated spa in the area for a few days while the kids spent time with their grandparents. Now Addison was going in Arizona's place. Callie was more than happy to get some one-on-one time with her good friend; it had been too long since the two had spent any meaningful time together. Callie was starved for non-medical, adult conversation and she was tired, really tired. Emotionally drained. She was afraid her patience and understanding might be running short. A few days to rejuvenate would be perfect. She needed to go out and have some fun. This would be a good time to reevaluate her life with her trusted confidant.

At 8:45am Callie rushed into the hospital, to the second floor office of Dr. Andrea Michaels. She entered the office and noticed Arizona standing by the window, clearly processing something.

Dr. Michaels was the counselor Arizona had been seeing for a few months. Callie started attending the appointments every Friday morning at 8:30am for the past few weeks. The counselor turned to greet Callie, "Good Morning".

"Sorry I'm late." Callie apologized as she rushed in, clearly flustered. She was out of sorts, the drive in just put her in a bad mood, and caffeine withdrawal was starting to set in.

"Callie, is everything alright?" Dr. Michaels quizzically asked.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. "Not really." Callie disclosed. Callie finally walked over to the window, with her hands in pockets of her jacket and stood behind Arizona. Callie had been thinking all week how she wanted to phrase what had been heavily weighing on her. Sofia's surprising school problems just encouraged her even more to speak up. In her frustration, Callie just blurted out "I just can't. It's getting too hard. I just can't keep doing this alone." Arizona turned around and looked at Callie.

"We or rather I need a plan. Arizona, I love you, I will always love you; but it might not be enough this time. I can't keep living like this. I'm tired. The kids can't keep living like this, wondering when and if you will be there. This arrangement is affecting more than you and me, it's bothering the kids, big time. It's not just Sofia. Anna has not slept the night in her bed in I don't know how long. The boys are acting up in school. And me, do you know how many dinners I eat by myself, how many nights I watch a movie alone, movies that we always use to watched together? Crawling into our bed, alone and even worse is waking up just as lonely. I have no one to share my good days with or hug me on my bad days. I'm lonely. I'm afraid to even go out and have a drink or dinner with people because it feels like I'm being unfaithful to you. The only reason I am spending time with Addison next week is because you arranged it. We need a plan. If coming home is not in the immediate future then we need to make more formal arrangements, we need to do something. We all need to move on with our lives. It's been four months and I feel like we are moving apart, not together. We are not healing but breaking even more. We need to have a serious talk about where to go from here once I get back." Callie's watery eyes looked helplessly at Arizona.

Callie hoped that this was the push her wife needed to start the recovery process wherever that led. What if Arizona decided to not come home? What if she did? Callie was not sure what scared her more but she knew she would rather be scared with Arizona than without her.

Arizona knew Callie had reached the end of her rope; Callie was running out of steam. Callie had been awesome, undemanding and accommodating. Arizona turned and stared out the window, not sure of what to say. Callie was right of course, but Arizona could not seem to get out of her own way.

Callie continued "I backed you on this. Sofia asked me to override your decision - but I stood by you, and your decision. You need to follow through on this. Sofia is staying home next week. You can handle this, right?" Callie looked pleadingly at Dr. Michaels, who nodded.

"You need to call your parents and let them know Sofia is not coming, okay?" Callie reminded her wife.

Arizona's parents had been terrific, but Callie knew they were disappointed in how the events were unfolding, seeing their daughter and her family fall apart. Callie knew that Arizona was afraid to see them; Arizona was disappointed in herself. So Arizona refused to join her family for the vacation. Arizona's parents had seen PTSD rip many families apart in the military, but they also saw many families heal. It took time, counseling, love and patience. Callie refused to let Arizona shut out her parents completely, so Arizona would have to make that phone call.

Callie's pager went off, a 911. "I need to go. We'll need to talk later today about the details."

Arizona stopped her wife, placing her hand on Callie's right arm, "Callie, wait!" and Arizona leaned over and picked up the cup of coffee she had bought for her wife and handed it to her. Every Friday Callie never had time to get her coffee before their appointment. It had become a ritual, a small token of appreciation from Arizona who made sure she had a large cup of coffee waiting for her. Callie accepted it with a small smile and walked out of the office.

"So" Dr. Michaels said. "What are you thinking? Talk to me."

"I think Callie's right. We do need to make some decisions, but I am not sure I am ready. I do want to go home, I want to fix this. But I can't bring myself to do any of this. I am not sure if I will ever be ready, maybe it is time to separate. Yesterday… yesterday, I knew what I had to do, and I did it, but then Sofia said..." Arizona stopped mid sentence.

"What did Sofia say?" Dr. Michaels inquired.

"She said she hated me." Arizona replied, as she continued to stare out the window.

"She's a teenager. Teenagers are very emotional and it is not unusual for them to say they 'hate' a parent." Dr. Michaels stated earnestly.

"It's not just that. She said I wasn't her real mother" Arizona whispered, staring at the ground dejectedly.

Arizona was thrown, more like devastated by the comment. Arizona felt guilty because she knew she was not acting like her mother; Sofia's words had some truth to them. It hurt Arizona to think that perhaps Sofia truly did not think of her as her real parent. Even when Mark was alive, the three of them, Mark, Callie and her, had fully shared parenting responsibilities. From the time she saw Sofia's heart beat in utero, she loved Sofia as her mother.

Dr. Michaels had spent enough time with the two mothers to know that based on comments and stories, Sofia loved Arizona, and that their relationship was truly close. She believed that the teen was angry and hurting.

"I want to throw out a theory, if you don't mind?" asked Dr. Michaels. Arizona nodded her head affirmatively. Dr. Michaels continued "Do you think it is possible that Sofia, consciously or subconsciously, sabotaged her trip so she would have to stay with you? Both you and Callie have commented that she is a perceptive girl. Both of you agree that Sofia has a special relationship with you."

"Sofia loves her grandparents, this trip was important to her" Arizona answered.

Dr Michaels looked directly at Arizona and countered, "But maybe she loves you more."

Arizona' eyes teared-up as she processed the comment for a few moments and then the smallest of smiles crept on her face.

The balance of the time Dr. Michaels and Arizona drew up some goals until their next appointment and a backup plan for the week should staying at her house become too much for Arizona or Sofia. Keeping the stress and anxiety to a minimum would only help the week go more smoothly. Dr. Michaels thought Arizona was ready to spend the week in her home with her daughter.

It had been a couple months since the pediatric surgeon's last night terror and the nightmares and flashbacks were infrequent. While Arizona usually remembered her nightmares, night terrors she rarely remembered. She often slept right through them; she only knew about them if someone told her or if when she woke her room was in disarray or as she sorrowfully recounted, her wife had a broken nose. But to her knowledge, the night terrors had ceased, it was her own fear that was paralyzing her.

The orthopedic surgeon had placed a hefty request on her wife, but before that could be addressed Arizona needed to get through this first obstacle: a week in her home with her daughter. Dr. Michaels believed she was ready, though she recognized that the pediatric surgeon may not believe in herself enough to do this. Dr. Michaels, however, thought she saw something she had yet to see in her patient previously, hope.