She wasn't sure she'd heard him right at first. She turned to look at him in disbelief as Chewbacca offered to join his expedition. General Han Solo? The initial shock transformed quickly into pride, and then the realization that there was no way she'd let him go on that mission without her.
If they hadn't been in the middle of the briefing, she would've thrown her arms around him and kissed him. "General," she said, putting a hand on his arm, "count me in." He returned her smile in relief before she heard another familiar voice.
"I'm with you, too."
It seemed to take no time at all before they had boarded the shuttle to Endor. Han already seemed to have quickly and easily slid into his new leadership role. Not that she was surprised. She'd always known him to be a leader, no matter how much he tried not to belong. He had a way of attracting the attention of a room and making people listen to him without really trying. She used to hate that about him, but now it was just one of the many things she admired him for.
As she got used to having him back again she had to settle for the occasional touch on his shoulder or a smile rather than the affection she wished she had the time and privacy to share with him. It seemed that since she'd rescued him they hadn't had a chance to be alone together, but she still relished his presence, his warmth and the way he could make her almost forget everything else that was going on.
While the time he'd been taken away from her had given her the opportunity to realize just how much she needed him, having him back had only affirmed her feelings. She felt her skin tingle as she thought back to when they were lying together in his bunk and he'd finally said that he loved her. The words continued to echo in her mind and warm her heart. Always so preoccupied with her duties, she hadn't entertained the real possibility of finding someone to share her life with. She no longer simply wanted to win the war just for the good of the Alliance, but so that she'd have a future to share with Han. She hoped that at some point she'd get the chance to tell him.
As she saw him staring off at his beloved ship and placed a hand on his shoulder to knock him out of his trance, she couldn't help but smile when she got to use his new title again. "Come on, General. Let's move."
The trip went by quicker than she expected. And after a long, tense moment as they transmitted their code to get to Endor, they had finally landed and their small team of Rebels moved to disembark. Leia watched Luke and Chewie exit the cockpit and moved to walk out behind them, but felt a strong hand on her arm, pulling her to a stop.
"Wait a second," Han said, gently urging her to turn around. "You be careful out there, huh?"
His concern for her well being was something she'd become accustomed to since long before he decided that arguing with her wasn't as much fun as kissing her. Giving him a reassuring smile, she replied, "I will if you will."
He offered her a look that told her that wasn't really the answer he was looking for, but there was no time to argue. So she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss before going to join the others.
Han was never any good at sitting still. When Luke and Leia had disappeared on the speeder bikes and he'd been left behind with the squad he had no choice but to wait or risk them not being able to find each other. There was a lump in his throat that hadn't waned since he saw her speed off. It only got worse when Luke returned with no sign of Leia.
To say he was immensely relieved to find out she was safe and unharmed would've been an understatement. When he finally saw her again, just before he'd been freed from being cooked for dinner, he hadn't been able to stop himself from sweeping her up into his arms and kissing her, and she seemed just as happy to let him. And even later when they listened intently to Threepio's telling of the adventures they'd shared, he felt his heart jump when she hooked her arm to his and leaned against his shoulder.
He tried to act as though that kind of thing happened all the time, but something about Leia sitting there next to him as they listened to the events they'd been through together made him remember how long he'd been waiting to share even this simple closeness with her as she seemed just as content to be with him.
An enthusiastic Ewok hug distracted him just enough for Leia to slip away from his side, and he took a few minutes to use Threepio to try and work out some logistics for the mission and get their weapons back. With that taken care of, he wandered out of the hut to find Leia looking distraught and Luke disappearing in the distance.
She asked him to hold her, and that's all he did. It was something she'd never said to him before, and something he'd never expected to dislike being asked. But at the moment, all he knew was that she and Luke had talked about something and he'd come out to find her upset enough to simply seek comfort in his arms. Was it because she wanted him or was it just because Luke had left and couldn't now offer the same support? He wasn't sure he wanted to know.
He loved this woman with every cell in his body, but right now all she was doing was confusing him. Not to mention scaring him. He'd never seen her so openly vulnerable in the entire time he'd known her, not even when she lost everything she'd ever known. Was it because she was finally able to let her guard down in front of him or was it because whatever had happened between her and Luke was that awful?
He wanted to be able to give her more, to be able to take the tears away and reassure her of his love, but he didn't know if that was what she wanted right now. Maybe all she really needed was a warm body. Hells, Chewie probably could've done just as much good in the situation.
Without having a chance to think anymore, her head pulled away from his chest and she looked up at him, her brown eyes reddened and heavy with exhaustion, though there were no tears. "We don't have much time. We should try and sleep."
How was it that she could so quickly transform back into Rebel Alliance leader? Part of him wanted to yell and demand to know what was wrong with her and if it had anything to do with Luke and why it was that she felt she couldn't tell him. But he couldn't. She looked more physically and emotionally drained than he'd ever seen her and he couldn't be the cause of making things worse, even if it meant that the tightening in his chest would not be eased.
He swallowed any words that had attempted to form in his throat, took her hand in his and led her in silence to the Ewok hut they had been given to spend the night in. Chewie was already sprawled out to one side and breathing deeply. The floor was lined with soft cushions and Han motioned for Leia to lie down first, which she did, eagerly. Unsure of what she wanted from him now, he simply stood there motionless. Her eyes had been closed when she first lay down, but she finally opened them and looked up at him.
"Aren't you going to sleep?"
He stared in silence, still wondering what in the universe was going on with this woman. After a few moments, he replied, "Yeah, I just…" he trailed off, unable to formulate a suitable lie to complete the sentence.
She waited for him to continue, then realized he wasn't going to. "Stay with me, Han. Please."
He released a breath as his heart nearly broke. She was asking him out of sadness and he couldn't stand to see her like that. Slipping off his boots, he lay down against the surprisingly soft cushions next to her as she immediately draped an arm over him and rested her head on his chest. "Just please, stay with me," she repeated as her eyes shut and he felt her breathing deeply against him.
He kissed the top of her head and held her close, somehow still feeling incredibly alone. Why wouldn't she just talk to him? Was she afraid to tell him the truth? That Luke was what she really wanted? Maybe somehow she knew that they'd all die tomorrow and she couldn't bear to tell him before they were all killed. He'd spent so much of his life feeling invincible, both from physical harm and emotional scarring. Nobody had yet managed to kill him with a blaster or a well-aimed crossbow, and so far no woman had managed to break his heart.
Tomorrow would be here all too soon and he might someday get the answers to the questions plaguing him or he might simply wind up dead. Unable to think of anything else to do, he simply leaned down and whispered in Leia's ear, "No matter what happens, I want you to know that I love you. I've loved you from almost the minute I saw you."
He glanced over at the large ball of fur that was a sleeping Wookiee just to make sure he hadn't heard, and then felt Leia's arms gently squeeze about him. Had she heard him? Was she simply asleep? If this was the last night he ever got to spend with her, he never wanted it to end. And if the answers weren't the ones he was looking for, maybe he was better off never knowing.
As he lay there with the slight weight of Leia's body against his, he wondered what it might be like to have her lying in his arms every night. He wanted to tell her everything he was feeling, but he couldn't stand the idea that she might not feel the same way. For now, he decided just to savor the moment and enjoy holding her while she slept. If that was all he'd ever get, he'd take it.
Leia awakened and felt her head slightly rising and falling in rhythm. Hearing a heartbeat she sensed wasn't her own, she slowly opened her eyes and found her cheek pressed up against Han's chest. The Corellian was still sound asleep and for a moment the warmth and security she felt lying in his arms almost overshadowed the horrible truth she'd found out the night before.
The memory of her conversation with Luke came flooding back. Luke, her brother. That revelation should've offered her some sense of comfort as she had never had a sibling and probably couldn't have asked for a better one. But that news came with a terrible revelation: Darth Vader was their father. Her father. The man who had inflicted so much pain and suffering on the galaxy, been responsible for killing millions of beings, destroying her adoptive home planet and killing the only family she'd ever known, and brutally torturing and freezing in carbonite the man whose body she was resting against now.
How could Han possibly love her if she was Darth Vader's daughter? Hearing that Luke was her brother would surely relieve Han as she always knew the two men felt at times like they were battling for her affections. It was never any real contest, though she did enjoy seeing the twinges of jealousy in Han's eyes whenever she and Luke… oh, gods! She'd kissed him. In the med bay. She knew at the time it didn't quite feel right, but how could she have possibly known that was the reason? Gods, if she ever got the chance to tell Han the truth he was going to have a field day teasing her about that one.
If she told him. Part of her wanted to wake him and tell him everything right then. But something stopped her. They had a mission to complete and the last thing she needed to do was distract him. And she knew she couldn't bear to see the look in his eyes if she told him the truth about who her father was. So she'd do what she usually did. She'd go out and do her job.
Slowly sitting up and away from Han's warm, sleeping form, she moved over to the corner of the hut where her uniform had been neatly folded. She slipped the Ewok dress off over her head and dressed quickly, managing to get her second boot on before she saw Han sit up and look over at her through sleepy eyes. She knew he was confused. She knew she should tell him why she had been so upset the night before. But now was not the time to start spilling all of her emotional secrets.
"It's almost time to go, Han."
She could tell by the way he was looking at her that he wanted her to say more, but she remained silent. Finally glancing at the chrono on his wrist, he replied, "Yeah. I'll wake Chewie and see you out there."
Unable to just leave it at that, she walked over, crouched down, pressed her hand against one cheek and gently kissed the other before leaving the hut without another word.