Chapter 3 - Fighting Realty

Amanda had planned to go to the agency on Tuesday but her Mother at the last minute had asked for help in shopping for those last minute things for the trip to Williamsburg. It was easier to have Amanda's help since she could drive and Dotty wouldn't have to struggle with the shopping bags on the bus. They soon finished their task and went home to begin dinner. After dinner, Amanda helped the boys with their homework by quizzing their spelling words and making sure their math problems were done correctly and then sent them both up to bed. When Amanda had called the agency earlier, Francine rushed her off the phone and Amanda had wondered all day if another agent had been killed. She waited until her Mother went to bed and then tried to call Lee. She got the answering machine and blushed as she realized that he was likely with one of his young lady friends. She hung up without leaving a message and headed up to bed after checking to make sure the doors were locked.

The next morning Amanda overslept so when she got up she found that her Mother had already left to go play Bridge with her friends and the boys were already at school. She decided that she would make herself some breakfast, get dressed and then go to the agency for a few hours. As she was walking down the stairs, the phone began ringing. She hurried down and grabbed it before the person hung up "Hello?"

"Mrs. King, you sound all out of breathe; did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No Sir, just wanted to grab the phone before you hung up is all. Mr. Melrose, is something wrong?"

"Are you alone?"

"Yes Mr. Melrose, I'm all alone. Do you need me to go on some secret mission?" Amanda asked.

Billy suppressed his smile and kept his voice sad "No, no, nothing like that. I'm afraid I have bad news. I don't even know how to tell you so I'm just going to say it. Lee was killed last night."

"Lee...was...What?" Amanda asked as her body involuntary collapsed into one of the kitchen chairs. She hoped she heard Billy wrong. She had to have heard him wrong.

"I'm sorry Amanda. The killer was apparently the one who has been killing all the other agents. He was waiting for Lee in his car last night when he left Monk's. By the time I got back to him, he was dead."

"NO Billy, NO. It can't be true." Amanda said as she tried to hold back the tears.

"I know, it is hard to believe. I'm so sorry to be the one who had to tell you. The funeral will be on Friday. Will you be there?"

"Of course" Amanda said as the tears began to flow out of her eyes.

"Stay strong Amanda. I'll see you Friday. Let me know if you need anything in the meantime."

"Thanks Billy." As Amanda hung up the phone, she found herself going into a fetal position in the chair and she held her head in her arms as she openly wept. How could he be gone? He was so young and so full of life. He was so determined that nothing could happen to him. Billy had been right all along when he said that he needed her to make Lee take less chances but he hadn't always let her be there for him. She knew that he hadn't been safe after he got that warning note; she should have been there somehow. Maybe if she had gone into the office instead of going shopping with her Mother, he would be alive right now. It wouldn't have mattered though. Amanda knew that even Lee couldn't beat the odds forever. The killer had targeted Lee and he wouldn't have stopped until he got him. Why though? Why would anyone want to kill Lee? Deep down, she knew he was a good man and he had a good heart. She just couldn't imagine why anyone would want to kill him. Amanda cried for over an hour and then finally made herself get up and do some cleaning in the kitchen. She needed to stay busy.

What would happen with her at the agency now? She knew Billy had hired her to work with Lee; would she still have a job now? Did she even want to work there without Lee? Lee hadn't been crazy about working with her at first but after a couple of months, he seemed to be okay with her being there. He had saved her several times. Would anyone else do that? Would anyone have just driven to NH and spent all that time and energy trying to find her? If Lee had been killed before that, would she had froze to death in that car? Amanda involuntarily shuddered at the reminder of just how close she had come to dying up there. What was she going to do without him? When she first met him, she definitely had a huge crush on him. It was like a huge part of her fantasy world suddenly was handed to her. She had found herself involved with spies and her partner was the most handsome one around. And he was the best. Yes, Lee Stetson had been the best spy ever. And now he was gone. The tears started flowing again.

Amanda didn't accomplish much the rest of the morning and she knew her Mother would be home in the afternoon so she went to her room and took a shower and redid her makeup so that no one would notice the tear stains. She was determined that she would not let on to her family that anything was wrong.

The next 2 days passed painfully for Amanda. She tried hard to keep it a secret from her family that she was mourning the loss of a friend. She would have had to explain who this friend was and of course she couldn't do that so it was better for them to just think she was under the weather. She was so thankful that Dean was out in Memphis at a weather convention. She spent a lot of time in her room and told her Mother that she wasn't feeling well. She found herself thinking about all the past cases she had had with Lee and how no matter how dangerous they were, he had always managed to survive. It seemed so unreal that he was gone. Deep down she knew that they had made a good team. She was starting to finally get some training and was learning some of the ins and outs of the agency. She enjoyed working with him and she enjoyed making sure he was safe. But she had let him down. The one time it mattered the most, she wasn't there. Now he was dead. He would never be there again and there was just a huge hole in her heart. When her Dad had died, she had felt the same kind of pain. It wasn't quite the same but it seemed close. How was it possible that she cared about him so much when she only had known him for a few months? Maybe it was because she had spent more time with him lately than she did with her own family. It just wasn't fair that he was gone.

Friday finally arrived and Amanda pulled out a conservative black dress that was appropriate for a funeral and put on a tan trench coat and then hurried out to her car. Billy had a secretary call the day before to tell Amanda the Funeral arrangements so she knew that the graveside services were being held at 9am that morning. She drove herself to the cemetery and saw that Francine and Billy were already there. She didn't want to see them though for fear that she would break down more in front of them so she stood off to the side in hopes of being inconspicuous. A few people got up to say a few words about Lee but none talked very long. Amanda barely heard most of what was said and a lot of it was in languages she didn't recognize. Amanda kept looking around and wondering why so few had showed up for his funeral. She also noticed that he didn't seem to have any family there at all. Where was his family? He had mentioned an Uncle. Why wasn't the Uncle at least there. Did Lee have so little in his life that this was how he was to be remembered? Well Amanda King was sure going to remember him! He deserved to be remembered and not just be a stone on top of the ground. She glanced a few times at Billy and Francine and noticed that they were keeping their emotions to a minimum but Amanda couldn't stop crying. A nice man beside of her handed her a Kleenex.

After the ceremony was done, Francine put a bottle of wine on the casket and walked away while Billy walked over to Amanda to console her. Amanda cared about Billy a lot. He had such a kind heart and though he seemed to be at a loss on how to help Amanda, he told her to go home. She knew he meant that with time, the pain would be less and that she would go on with life just like people did every day when they lost someone they cared about. She wondered if her time at the agency was over since Lee was gone but Billy didn't seem to want to talk about that right now and Amanda decided she really didn't want to listen to what he might suggest anyway.

As she got into her car to drive home, she couldn't help but look over her shoulder to see if anyone was hiding in the back. She had been seen with Lee. Would the killer come after her? She couldn't help but be a little scared wondering about that. Lee had always protected her. She had never had a man protect her before and it had been a comfort knowing that he had always been there. How was she going to go on without him? She was going to miss so many things about him. His smile, his eyes as they twinkled when he teased her, his ego, his eccentric stories but mostly just his companionship. He had been a part of her life for such a short time yet she felt like he was closer to her than even Dean. They could never have been a couple because they had so little in common but she had enjoyed his friendship and getting to know him. She found herself sobbing heavily as she drove home. It just wasn't fair that he was gone. He had always been so brave and he helped create a world that made her brave too. In such a short period of time, Amanda knew that she had begun to change. She had always stayed inside her comfort zone and never dared to do anything that challenged that comfort and then she had met Lee.

Amanda arrived back at her home and parked the car in the driveway. She sat in the car for a little while trying to compose herself. She knew her Mother would soon question why she wasn't coming in so she finally managed to stop the tears and fix her makeup well enough to go inside.

As she entered through the front door, she called out "Mother? I'm home."

There wasn't any answer so Amanda walked into the kitchen and found a note on the counter from her Mother that said she had been asked to go for a walk with their neighbor Mr. Olsen and she would be back later. She planned to have lunch at his house. Amanda felt instant relief that she was home alone. She went upstairs and changed her clothes and then spent some time cleaning her room. Her eyes settled on the Panda Bear that was still sitting in the chair in the corner. She grabbed it and hugged it to herself. The bear had been special since her nickname unbeknownst to Lee was Panda. He had gotten it for Alexi, a boy they had to take care of during one of their cases but Alexi was too old for a stuffed animal and when he went home with his parents, he didn't want it. Amanda was shocked when she heard the doorbell ring that night and found the bear on her step. She looked around for Lee but only heard his car start up and saw his taillights as he drove away. She realized she never thanked him for the bear. She began crying into it as she hugged it tightly to her chest. Amanda knew after that night that Lee couldn't always express his feelings but he usually could show them in another way.

She sat down on her bed and continued to cry into the bear as she found herself rocking back in forth in an attempt to comfort herself. She could still smell Lee's scent on the bear or at least in her mind, she could. How could he be gone? It just wasn't fair. She had just started to get him to trust her and tell her some of his past. He had so much buried inside of him and so many walls up and she felt like she was finally breaking through some of them. It didn't matter anymore because Lee was gone. She would never see that smile again or those beautiful eyes. Before long, the bear was soaking wet and Amanda made herself get up, give it another big squeeze and then put it back in the chair where she got him from. She was glad she had him since it made everything seem more real. Otherwise, all the rest was just memories. They were mostly good memories and she would cherish them forever but she would have done anything just to have Lee be alive. She finished straightening her room and then went to the boys' room and spent the next few hours working on theirs. She couldn't bring herself to throw any of their treasures out during this cleaning but she at least cleaned up the floor and got rid of the cobwebs.

Her Mother got home just after 3pm and yelled up the stairs "Amanda, I'm home."

"I'll be right down Mother" Amanda answered.

The cleaning had helped tire her out so she was too tired to cry at this point. She went downstairs and helped her Mother make Sloppy Joes for dinner. The boys got home and ran into the kitchen.

Amanda pulled them into the living room and sat on the sofa with them and held them both tightly.

"Are you okay Mom?" Jamie asked.

"Yeah, I'm going to be okay. Are you excited about your trip?" Amanda asked.

For the next 20 minutes, they talked about the plans for the trip while Amanda held her two sons next to her. Dotty came out and announced that dinner was ready so everyone got up and went to the kitchen table. Amanda tried to act as normal as possible and it seemed to be working. After dinner, she stood at her kitchen sink and did the dishes while looking out into the backyard. She couldn't help but hope that she would suddenly see Lee sneaking up to her backdoor. She prayed that it all had just been a bad dream and she would hear a knock any second. The knock never came; there was no one sneaking around her backyard and Lee was dead. He was really dead and he would never be out there again. She could feel the tears threatening to come again so she quickly finished up and then yelled as she ran up the stairs that she was really tired and was heading to bed. Dotty was watching tv with the boys and they looked at each other and shrugged since none of them could figure out why she seemed out of sorts. Dotty decided that it was probably just that time of the month.

TBC