3

Oyu'baat tapcaf, three days after the events of White Snow: Contention

"Hey there."

The Handmaiden's pale blue eyes snapped open and she let out a soft gasp, shaken from her meditation. All at once, the sights, sounds, and smells of the overcrowded tapcaf came flooding back to her, grinding against her senses even from her position on the floor above the bar.

She glared at the newcomer and said, "I was not expecting visitors."

Jay stopped short and cursed quietly. "I'm sorry. You were meditating, weren't you?"

"I was," said the Handmaiden. "But please, continue. I would not turn away conversation."

Jay held a mug of dark-colored liquid in each hand. "I figured you would want something to help unwind. You deserve it as much as the rest of us."

The Handmaiden winced only slightly as she rose to her feet again, a sharp twinge of pain shooting up her side. A few choice bacta injections had tended most of her wounds, including her painfully broken nose, but it was still difficult to walk without pain.

Jay held out one of the tankards, but the Handmaiden shook her head, drawing her hood back over her bleached white hair and throwing her eyes into shadow. "I appreciate the offer, Jaimie, but I must pass."

"Weak stomach?"

She flashed the other woman a rare smile. "More a personal preference. I do not drink, whether the brew is Mandalorian or Echani. I take pride in maintaining a sharp mind, and alcohol does not contribute to that goal."

"Noble of you," Jay said, taking a seat at a nearby table. "I hope you don't mind if I take yours, then."

"By all means." The Handmaiden said. She picked up her quarterstaff from the floor next to her and inspected the pommel before clipping it to her belt. "What news do you bring?"

Jay shrugged as she took a quick swig of her drink. She grimaced and said, "Cin's still in the medcenter and will stay there for the foreseeable future. Janada's keeping an eye on him, so at least he's not cooped up there alone."

"The red-armored Mandalorian?" the Handmaiden said. "I must admit I have little experience with her. I get the feeling she did think very highly of me."

"That's just Janada, I think. I got the same feeling when I met her. She seems a little distrustful of strangers."

"A healthy attitude," she settled herself down in the chair opposite the human. "Particularly given our profession."

She crossed her legs and settled back into a more comfortable position. "How does the Mandalorian fare?"

"Cin? He's doing fine. Irritated more than anything else. He wants to get out and get back to the way things were."

"Understandable. What of the other? Your bondmate?"

"Bondmate?"

The Handmaiden paused, searching for the right words. "Ugh, you foreigners do not state things the same as the Echani… your word… boy-friend?"

"Oh, Denton? He's fine. The doctors should let him out in a few days. Sounds like he's eager to get back to work."

"Commendable," the Handmaiden said. She pursed her lips. "I must admit, some of my preconceptions about Mandalorians have proven to be incorrect. It is… disconcerting."

Jay laughed as she took another sip of her strong brew. "I thought the exact same thing when I first got here. We outsiders don't have a very high opinion of Mandalorians. I think we treat them a little unfairly."

"Perhaps. Or perhaps we have simply seen the best this culture has to offer."

"I think Cin would argue that he's far from the best Mandos have to offer."

"That aside, I do not wish to lower my guard around these brutes. They have altered my opinion, not changed it entirely."

Jay shrugged. "I'm sure you'll come around eventually. We aruetiise always seem to."

The Handmaiden narrowed her ice-blue eyes. "It worries me that you use their colloquialisms so casually, Jaimie. I am starting to believe you are getting too close to them."

"Is that a problem?"

"If you wish to retain your individuality, yes. Mandalorians have a strange talent for influencing the minds of their allies. I would not like to see you drawn into their fold."

Jay smiled. "I appreciate the thought, Les, but I don't have a problem with Mandalorians like you do. Besides, I have no intention of converting any time soon. Their lives are too… harsh for me. A little too much is expected of them for me to be comfortable."

The Handmaiden cocked her head. "I'm not sure you would enjoy an Echani's life either, in that case."

"Probably not."

"I can say with certainty that life is far harsher on Eshan than it is here on Mandalore," she explained. "The very nature of our planet's environment demands it."

Jay listened intently. "I haven't heard much about Eshan. What's it like?"

"It is a hostile, frigid world, all tall mountain peaks and barren ice plains. It has been compared to more well-known planets such as Mygeeto or Rhen Var, but far less livable. My people were the planet's native inhabitants, and have grown resistant to the snows as a result."

"Sounds awful," Jay said, frowning. "Then again, I hate the cold. No offense."

The corner of the Handmaiden's mouth quirked up. "It is a difficult life, to be sure. But there is beauty in the savagery of the snows, a beauty that I have yet to find anywhere else in the galaxy."

Unbidden, her eyes closed and she pictured her homeworld in her mind's eye. "Nowhere else have I stood on the peaks of mountains and looked out across a sea of endless, unmarked snow. Nowhere else have I felt the frigid breeze of the arctic winds upon my face, felt the icy tug of winter at my fingertips. There are peaks on Eshan that stretch above the clouds. You can stare down from atop them and see nothing but mist stretching as far as the eye can see, into the indefinite blue of the horizon. It is… quite indescribable."

She opened her eyes again and found Jay smiling at her. "Has anyone ever told you that you would make a good poet?"

The Handmaiden quickly shook her head, tilting her hood down so Jay could not see her blush. She should not have gotten so caught up in memories of her home. They were... distracting. "That is not the life I was born to. I would not thrive under such circumstance."

"Still," Jay said, taking another swig of her drink, "you have a way with words, Les. I would like to see what you've seen. That peaceful kind of solitude."

"You misunderstand. There is little solitude among the Echani, and even less peace. The danger of our environment drives us to band together for survival. We grow very close to our fellows or we do not survive the snow. There is no middle ground."

"It was similar for us in the navy," Jay said. "We had to work as a cohesive unit of soldiers, whether we got along as normal people or not. After a while, you grew close to other people regardless of who they were."

"Yet from my research, there are very strict limitations placed upon you. You are never allowed to stray from the bond between commander and soldier, and there are no bondmates allowed within military units. I find this... curious."

"Do the Echani treat it differently?"

The Handmaiden nodded. "We do. Relationships are no matter for concern among our fighting forces."

"But doesn't that create a conflict of interests? People will care about their significant other more than following orders."

The Handmaiden folded her hands in her lap and fixed Jay with a strict stare. "Echani are above such concerns. We are taught from our earliest days that our ultimate loyalty is to our people. No one person, no matter how much they are loved, are more important than the entirety of the Echani."

"But what if… I don't know, what if someone had to make a choice between following orders and saving the life of their-"

The Handmaiden interrupted her, her voice leaving no room for argument. "They would follow their orders. It is not a debate, and it is not a choice. Those who disobey their commands for personal benefit of any kind, no matter how noble, are condemned to imprisonment or – more commonly – death."

Jay looked horrified. "That's awful. How can you go along with something like that?"

The Handmaiden shrugged. "It is what is expected of us. When you live under such a belief for the entirety of your life, it does not seem like such a weighty request. We Echani do what is necessary for our people to survive. We cannot place the needs of a minority over the needs of the entirety."

"Well…"

"I do not ask you to share this belief," the Handmaiden said. "It is merely the belief I was raised to follow."

"And did you ever… have a bondmate? In the military, I mean."

"A very personal question," the Handmaiden said with a small smile. "I did not know you cared."

"You're my friend," Jay said. "I just want to get to know you better."

Friend… The Handmaiden had to admit it had been a long time since anyone could claim such. Her last friends had been those in the Echani military, but they had been gone for years. It seemed like a lifetime ago, so long she couldn't quite remember how to react.

There is no malice in her intentions, she thought. What harm would come from speaking of my past?

Jay seemed to understand her indecision. She smiled and said, "You… don't have many people around who care for you, do you?"

The Handmaiden shook her hooded head. "I do not. Not anymore. The life of an Echani warrior is a lonely one. That of an exile even more so. The necessary dedication to tradition and self-improvement rarely leaves time for other things, relationships included."

She stared at the tabletop. "I did, however… on occasion… reach out to others. I had a bondmate once. Long ago. It was… a happier time."

"Did he have a name?"

She let out a soft chuckle. "Jeneria."

"But that's a… oh."

The Handmaiden smiled sadly at the other woman's surprise. "You disapprove."

"No! No, no, I just didn't expect—"

"Among the Echani, men are often seen as inferior to their female counterparts," the Handmaiden explained. "We are very much a matriarchal society. And while males are needed for procreation, it is seen as more socially desirable to take a bondmate of the same or similar level of prestige. We have long since done away with the petty hatreds and discrimination shared by many foreigners."

"Ah. I didn't know your relationships were so, um… clinical."

"You misunderstand. I cared for Jeneria as much as you now care for your Justice-Dealer bondmate. There was nothing clinical about our bond. But… I sometimes wish there had been."

Jay cocked her head to one side. "Why?"

"She…" the Handmaiden hesitated. "She died. During a deployment almost a month before my exile. Felled in combat. By a Mandalorian."

Jay gasped slightly and covered her mouth in shock. "Les… I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"My hatred for these so-called Sons of Mandalore goes far beyond petty jealousy," she said, focusing intently on her black leather gloves. She clenched one hand into a fist. "I lost much that day. But… nothing quite as painful as that. It was a difficult time."

Jay stared down at her drink, as if she had suddenly lost her desire for it. After a while she cleared her throat and said, "I know it doesn't help, but… well, I know how you feel."

The Echani glanced up at the human. "You do?"

Jay nodded. "I do. My ex-boyfriend, Sade, was killed in action over Malachor Five. When I returned to the fleet to ask for reinforcements, they claimed I was a spy and threw me in prison."

The Handmaiden stared at her, blue eyes holding brown. Then she bowed her head and said, "I did not know. I am saddened by your loss."

"Thanks," Jay murmured. "Same for you."

They sat in silence for a long time before Jay glanced up at her and said, "So what was she like? Jeneria, I mean."

The Handmaiden hesitated. It had been a long time since she had spoken of Jeneria. It was difficult to return to those memories now. Eventually she licked her dry lips and said, "She was kind. And just. She had a great love of dance, something that was not generally valued in Echani life. She was a skilled freerunner, and could outperform all her fellows, myself included. But most of all she was… full of life. She woke every day believing there would be some new adventure to throw herself into, and very often took me along with her."

She smiled a little. "When paired with such enthusiasm, such a bright and beautiful candle… it is difficult to stop oneself from growing to love the light the other sheds. Her mere presence soothed the spirit, and made me believe…"

She stopped, a sudden heaviness descending over her chest. She sucked in a short breath and said, "Her love of life was a trait I sadly lacked. I was never quite so luminous as she was. And I… I miss that."

She cleared her throat and said, "But now I will speak no more of this. It is still very much a painful memory."

Jay nodded. "All right."

They sat in silence before Jay sighed and pushed the other mug of alcohol across the table toward her. She then stood from her chair, taking her own cup with her. "Just… in case you change your mind."

The Handmaiden bowed her head in thanks, but said nothing. Jay stared at her, pausing before murmuring, "Les… I don't know why you decided to come with me to Keldabe, but I'm glad you did. You're a good woman. But these Mandalorians can be good people to. I hope they manage to change your mind about them."

Then she turned and left the room, letting the heavy wooden door swing shut behind her. The Handmaiden watched her go, then looked down at the drink in front of her and murmured, "Deep down… I believe I hope so too."

Then she returned to her earlier seat on the floor, took a deep breath, and resumed her meditation.