Eren feels himself start to shake while memories of the fire begin to bombard him but Armin and Mikasa take each of his hands and he feels calmer. Or at least calm enough to tune back into the news.
"-and here is a statement by Squad Levi's leader, Levi Ackerman."
The camera zooms out to include Levi Ackerman in the shot alongside the reporter and Eren gasps involuntarily, causing several fellow trainees to give him strange looks.
It's him.
Older. Obviously. But Eren recognises the smoky black hair, the look of indifference accentuated by an almost perpetual frown – like the one he now wore. He's still wearing the traditional firefighting pants but his jacket and helmet are removed and he stands wearing a tight white vest with his arms crossed and feet firmly planted in his thick boots. Muscles formed through years of hard work are in plain view and Eren feels strangely embarrassed, as if he's ogling him. His features are sharp and his narrowed eyes give off an overall sense of coldness but Eren feels as if this isn't the case.
Levi Ackerman.
He looks peeved – as if he doesn't want to make a statement. He glances behind him then turns back to the reporter and camera looking even more disgruntled.
"Tch, fine," he says. "My name is Levi of the Survey Corps. Today we executed a plan to reach higher floors making use of equipment still in testing-stages called 3D Manoeuvre Gear. We are thankful that we managed to save as many people as we did and we offer our condolences to the families who have lost someone today due to my own negligence. I'm sorry for your loss."
Levi Ackerman is then silent. He truly did look sorry. As if the entire fire was his fault. As if he wasn't putting his own life on the line to save those people.
The reporter still keeps the microphone at Levi Ackerman's mouth, but when it is clear that he won't continue, she brings it back to herself.
"Yes, um, thank you Mr Ackerman," she says, looking a bit flustered, looking as if she's forcing her gaze to remain at his eye level. While Eren admits that the tight shirt is bit… distracting, he has a strange feeling in his stomach when he sees this reaction and unconsciously grips Mikasa and Armin's hands tighter.
"A question, if I may?" she asks, looking a bit too hopeful in Eren's opinion and completely unprofessional. This is probably out of her own curiosity.
"What?" Levi asks, unimpressed, and Eren feels a small surge of satisfaction.
The reporter blushes – actually blushes – and Eren narrows his eyes.
"What is the reason you joined the firefighting profession?"
"What is the reason you joined the firefighting profession?" the ridiculous reporter asks, looking too hopeful in his opinion and he has half a mind not to answer at all. He glances to the side and sees Erwin looking at him expectantly.
"Tch," he says again. He rests one hand on his hip and scratches the undercut of his hair with the other. He can be honest here. Can say what really happened. Or he can pretend to be one of those do-gooders that really only care about the glory.
"Fine," he sighs. "It was seven years ago – maybe eight – and I was helping out at the Survey Corps fire-station for community service." Levi decides to leave out the reason for why the community service was needed in the first place; don't want to make Erwin look bad despite that pleased grin he's giving right now. I'll fucking feed him my fist and see how much he grins then, Levi thinks viciously though he knows it's an empty threat at best.
"We were called out to a residence in Shinganshina – there was a fire and the house was collapsing. The mother of the house… she was still inside," Levi voice lowers. The reporter is rapt but he hardly pays her any attention, nor the camera.
"It was deemed unsafe to attempt a rescue, so she was left to die," he spat bitterly, his fist clenching as he remembers the disgust he'd felt, "I was expecting to just have to watch the house burn down while the firefighters attempted to douse the fire. But then," Levi laughs once, "this kid came racing down the road and nearly plowed headfirst into the fire."
He pauses before laughing again but it is a melancholic sound and Levi is looking down, lost in the memory, "Another firefighter stopped him from going inside and these two other kids arrived - sister and friend, maybe. They tried to keep him back but then- the mother screamed. It – it was the worst sound I've ever heard. She sounded like she had given up. Then this – this kid just throws himself into the fire. He was in there easily for ten minutes before his sister went in after him. The firefighter that stopped him went in next."
Levi's voice had dropped to a whisper so he cleared his throat before continuing, "Five minutes later, the firefighter jumped out one of the windows with the two kids under his arms and there was an explosion – gas explosion, so I was told. And this kid-" he breaks off, suddenly aware that he's telling this story on live television. He clears his throat more forcefully, feeling heat rush to his cheeks, "So this kid, he, um, inspired me to invest the same amount of energy into saving people. And that's why I joined the firefighting profession. The end."
The reporter shook her head quickly as if to get out of a trance, "Uh, yes, thank you, Mister Ackerman. Would you say-"
"No. No more questions. Fuck this. I'm fucking done," he snaps and stalks off-screen, ignoring the disapproving look Erwin wears.
Eren stares dumbfounded at the screen where the reporter is stammering out an apology and bidding the viewers a good night. Someone turns off the television and everyone stands in silence. No one seems to know what to say.
But the moment is broken when a girl called Mina suddenly exclaims, "Captain Levi is so cool."
Several girls enthusiastically agree and even some of the guys reluctantly have to admit. They all talk excitedly of the new equipment – the 3D manoeuvre gear and how impressive it is to have such a successful evacuation. They just dismiss his confession as something cool, just contributing to some pre-established idea they have of him. Eren suddenly feels sick. He releases his friends' hands and runs back up the corridor to the room.
He considers curling up on the bed but then spies the open window and he's already moving. He scales the outside wall with practiced ease until he reaches the roof of Trost Building that was open to the sky. He breathes in the night air before seating himself on the edge of the building. It's easy to reflect up here where the sky seems so much bigger than your own problems.
So this Levi Ackerman was the boy from seven years ago. And he remembers. Eren's throat constricts again as he thinks about what happened in the fire so he forces himself to instead think of this boy, this Levi. Eren wanted to become a firefighter because Levi inspired him, but Levi just said that Eren… Eren feels his cheeks warm and he buries his face in his hands. My hero was inspired by me. He feels a ridiculous grin spread across his face and despite his best efforts, can't seem to get rid of it.
Seven years ago when he'd finished reading the note for the first time, his reaction had been much like Mina and the others', as he thought about how cool this boy had been. He wanted to be a firefighter too. He wanted to be cool too. As years passed and Eren read and reread the note, he realised that this boy –this man- had found strength where he believed he was weak and was using that strength to save people. Eren wanted to do that too. He wanted to be that strong too. He wanted to be that cool. Eren didn't know that he himself was the source of that strength which is why his face feels so hot right now.
He inhales and exhales slowly, letting the evening air cool his face as he watches the city lights slowly come to life as the sun's light dies out. People walking in the street look so small from his vantage point and it calms him to watch people living out their normal lives. Lives where they aren't preparing to risk death to put out a fire or save someone. Lives where heroes are only celebrities or dead people who don't really matter but are somehow important when making a speech. Lives where life is taken for granted.
Eren is still watching the city like some giant from up high when he hears the fire escape door open behind him. Armin and Mikasa walk towards him and gingerly sit on the edge with him, though they sit more securely and tend to lean back.
They sit in silence until Mikasa says quite suddenly, "So since when do you inspire walking sex bombs to become local legends?"
Eren chokes on his own saliva and Armin squeaks, "Mikasa!"
"I - what?" Eren splutters.
"Armin told me to say it," Mikasa says, not showing any emotion.
"MIKASA!"
Armin looks so mortified and Eren is so glad to have his friends that he laughs out loud.
When he's finished, he picks at some imaginary dirt in his fingernails and says softly with a chuckle, "I didn't know I had been such an inspiration."
"You don't know, do you?" Armin says, then look surprised that he'd even spoken.
"Know what?" Eren asks curiously.
Armin hesitates, then says, "How inspirational you are. You have this thing about you; this passion, this determination, this warmth, that just fills someone like… like me up inside and makes me want to be better and stronger."
He glances up shyly, "Sure, you're an idiot sometimes but the things you do and the things you say – they matter. Well, at least to me they do," he finishes with a huff.
Eren is quiet before he says sincerely, "Thank you, Armin. That means… that means a lot."
Armin looks like he's blushing, "Yeah, sure, that's what friends are for, right?"
Mikasa is looking at Armin strangely and then Eren flings himself on the smaller boy.
"Just friends? Oh, Armin, you're breaking my heart! I thought I was someone special!"
"Eren! Oh my god, be careful! Do you not see how close we are to the edge? Oh my god- EREN! Eren, we nearly fell."
"Oh Armin, I've already fallen! … in love with youuuu~"
"Eren, would you please behave yourself? You're crazy!"
"Crazy for you!"
"OH MY GOD, GET OFF!"
Dinner has already officially finished by the time Eren agrees to go downstairs so the trio make do with whatever leftovers survived Sasha. Eren feels self-conscious, as if everyone knows that the story recounted by Humanity's Strongest was actually his own but no one gives him funny looks, despite his paranoia.
Eren and Armin sit next to each other across from Mikasa. He finds that he doesn't have much of an appetite and also that Mikasa doesn't seem to care. She shoves a bread roll almost down his throat, much to the amusement of some of the people still eating. Coughing and struggling to swallow the large amount of bread, Eren almost has tears in his eyes.
"Here," Armin says, "Let me help."
Thank you, Armin. I always knew you were a good pers-
Armin dabs a bit of butter on the tip of his nose, and grins widely, "There. Now it's perfect."
I take it back. You're an evil little manipulative-
"Eren, what is wrong with you?" says Annie. The blonde girl sets down her tray and sits next to Mikasa, across from Eren and Armin.
Eren flaps his arms wildly, gesturing to the demons sitting at the table. He mumbles incoherently around his mouthful, butter dripping down his nose, and in vain, since the two demons in question have returned to innocently eating their food.
Annie takes a bite and pretends to listen to Eren's unintelligible explanation. She swallows and responds, "Don't talk with your mouth open. It's disgusting."
Eren whines indignantly and Armin's shoulders shake with the effort of restraining his laughter. When Eren eventually manages to swallow the entire fucking bread roll, he flicks Armin on the ear causing the blond idiot just to laugh out loud. The three of them always eat dinner together and if they stay late enough, Annie joins them. She seems content to eat on her own and thus often only comes to dinner much later so as to avoid the rowdiness. She doesn't look like she minds the trio's rowdiness though. Eren swears that sometimes he sees something close to smile (okay, maybe a twitch of the mouth) when she thinks no one's watching.
When she's done, she picks up her tray and leaves without saying anything, but they don't feel offended. It's just how she is. What surprises them most is not her sudden departure but her sudden return. Annie stands next to Mikasa and leans almost awkwardly against the table. Eren's shocked. Annie always looks so unruffled.
"Hey, um, I'll show you that move tomorrow, i- if you want," she mumbles, not meeting Mikasa's eyes.
Did she just stutter? Did she just mumble?
"Yes, thank you, Annie. That would be nice," Mikasa has a strange look on her face, and her voice sounds weird.
Annie looks ready to say something else but she glances quickly at Eren and Armin's open mouthed expressions and seems to think better of it. She straightens her back and struts away stiffly but Eren thinks he sees her bump her shoulder against the doorframe as she turns into the corridor too quickly.
Mikasa finishes off her food calmly and when she looks up, and is surprised to see the boys staring at her, mouths still hanging open in astonishment.
"What?" she asks, eyes wide.
Armin speaks first, "Mikasa! Are you? … and Annie? Uh-"
"Did you tame the beast?" Eren blurts and is rewarded with a glimpse of a slight blush across her pale cheeks before she takes her empty tray and slams it on his head.
"Yeow!" Eren yelps, clutching his head. He feels another bruise forming slightly behind the one he got this morning.
"I don't know what you two are talking about," Mikasa mutters, before leaving for the kitchen where she would devote herself to dish washing as usual.
Eren pouts, rubbing his head gingerly and Armin stares after her.
"Hey, Eren, what do you think-"
"No, fuck that shit, I'm not going to get involved. I don't think I have any brain cells left to lose. Ask her yourself."
"Eren!"
"Goodbye, Armin!"
Eren decides to skip the routine after-dinner socialising that everyone usually participates in all through the corridors of the dormitory area. There are no designated spots. Kids just talk where they stand and flit from group to group when they feel like it. All this makes it difficult to walk unhindered.
Trost Building is three storeys high with part of the upper two floors dedicated to dormitory rooms, bathrooms and instructor's quarters. The ground floor has a small office space, which is really only used as an entrance and not much else, and the training area which extends to the second and third floors. There are stairs fucking everywhere. 'Elevator' is not a word in the vocabulary of the people who live here. Well, Eren thinks, it's not like I use the stairs often anyway.
He manages to squeeze past Sasha and Connie talking with Marco and enters his room, closing the door behind him. He sits on his bed and returns to reflecting on the news on TV.
Could he meet Levi Ackerman again?
No, it was impossible. He worked in the Survey Corps. Eren would be lucky he would be accepted into the Garrison. The Kenpeidan – nicknamed the Military Police – is what most trainees strive for. They get the most privileges and benefits out of all the firefighting divisions – probably due to the fact that they're stationed in the more uptown areas. The areas that were less prone to fires. The areas that forked out money to keep getting the best service.
Eren wanted to get into the Survey Corps – still wants to. They have the highest record of successful evacuations, fires extinguishes, people saved. They are the most respected division; always protecting the people. They have people that are good at what they do. There is no room for mistakes when surrounded by fire or under a collapsing building. Their requirements are strict, almost as strict at the Military Police.
What if Eren didn't do well enough in the Evaluation?
He thought about all the people he could save. And how many fires he could put out. And white vests. And hair as black as smoke.
He would get in. Natural talent has nothing on hard work.
He just has to work even harder.