A/N: Hello again! So, I had planned on this story only being a two-shot, but then Episode 1x22 Journey broke my heart, and so I had to fix it. Enjoy my descent into denial. Some parts of this chapter and the next contain verbatim dialogue from the season finale, so if you haven't seen 1x22 Journey, spoilers ahead. Also, I read about Jonathan Groff's injury on the set, and was at once horrified and amused, so I had to include it here. There will be one chapter after this, and then, depending on interest, I may or may not write down a sequel of sorts that's been lingering in the back of my mind. This chapter's title comes from the Dashboard Confessional song "Again I Go Unnoticed."
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, or any references that I made that managed to slip in.
Driving away from Rachel's house was one of the most difficult things she'd done – right behind giving up the baby girl she'd carried for 9 months minutes after she was born.
But walking into her empty, dark house after the chaos of the day made her feel sick. Rachel had been right, Vocal Adrenaline wasn't enough, and she was tired of living alone. But Vocal Adrenaline was all she had. She would never be able to truly have a family; Rachel already had one and didn't need her. Yes, it felt good that Rachel wanted her, but want wasn't the same as need. Wasn't that what her mother had drilled in to her at a young age, every time she said she needed to be on Broadway or she wouldn't survive? "No, Shelby, you don't need to be on Broadway, you want to be on Broadway. You need to have food to survive. There's a difference." Shelby scoffed; she had the speech memorized. The rest of it wasn't pretty, but there was one thing that she now knew was missing. Why hadn't her mother ever told her that the most important thing was family, having someone to spend time with?
Her house felt empty in a way it never had before. As she flipped on the lights on her way to her hardly used home office, she wondered if maybe she should date someone. The problem with dating was that it wasn't permanent; she was sure she'd just end up alone again, worse off than she was now. Maybe that was part of the reason she hadn't been on a date in three years; the last set of dates she'd went on had been a disaster. She'd met a wonderful man and he was perfect, so on and so forth. They'd been dating for about two months when someone else answered his phone. Turns out he was a married man with two children and another one on the way. She hadn't even known or noticed any of the signs. Needless to say, it ended up in with her crying pitifully over him for days, weeks even. She didn't think she could stand something like that right now.
She opened the office door, standing there for a moment before sighing and turning on the light. Immediately, the trophies in the room (the overflow – these were the older trophies that she couldn't get to fit in her tiny office at school, and she had been strictly forbidden from keeping them in her classroom) began sparkling vibrantly. Usually she enjoyed walking into this room in her house, it was an instant pick me up and reminder of her success. But there were only a few pictures, and none of them were of family or friends, just Vocal Adrenaline photos. She picked one up from five years ago, looking at it. Brightly smiling faces greeted her, the entire club standing together in costumes with her in the middle holding the trophy. Sure, she looked happy enough, and the kids were thrilled, still on the high of winning, but she knew that she hadn't really had a personal or deep connection with any of these kids. Not the type that she had deprived herself of with Rachel. Her eyes began to burn, and she slammed the picture back down in its spot, flipping the light off and slamming the door as she quickly retreated.
Her Lean Cuisine was waiting.
~•~
The next morning found her sitting at her desk at school at 6:30 am, biting back yawns. She wasn't sure she'd even slept for an hour last night; when her alarm had gone off for her to go through her morning routine of workout, shower, breakfast, she was staring at the ceiling, wishing desperately for a reprieve. By 6:50, students had started ambling into the classroom, but for once she didn't move from her office. Let the students think she was still grading papers, she didn't care.
Footsteps approached her office, but she didn't look up, assuming some student was just coming to the back of the classroom for something. She didn't look up from her desk, or the papers that were in front of her. Getting through the day – and staying awake – was going to be quite a struggle.
"Shelby."
Her breath gushed out of her in a ragged sigh of frustration, head tilting forward over her desk before she looked up. "Jesse," Shelby stated monotonously. She half-heartedly formed a steely glare, but knew it wasn't up to par. Jesse's expression shifting from nervous to concerned told her that much. "What do you want, Jesse? I believe I told you I didn't want to see any of you until 2:30 this afternoon. It is," she glanced at her watch, unable to stifle a groan, "6:55 in the morning."
Jesse apparently took that as an invitation, and came fully into her office, leaning over her desk. "Shelby, are you okay?"
"You have no right to ask me that, Jesse. And don't call me that, not after yesterday," Shelby said, rubbing her temples. She broke eye contact with Jesse, hoping he would perceive the conversation as over.
"Are you hung over?"
Her head snapped up. "No!" And then, when that wasn't enough to express her annoyance, she put down the pen in her hand, and stared up at him incredulously, head cocked slightly to the side. "Where the hell did you get that idea?"
"I've just never seen you like this. And I've known you for four years."
Shelby sighed. "I'm just tired, that's all. I didn't get much sleep last night." She made sure her tone was final, so that Jesse wouldn't ask questions. She wanted to kick him out, but she didn't have the energy to do it physically and he was pretty much immune to her verbal jibes at this point. So instead she picked up her pen, playing with it as she stared down at one of the papers.
"I came to apologize," Jesse declared, and Shelby had to admit that he sounded contrite. Too bad.
"Oh, goody," she bit back sarcastically.
Jesse sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I'm sorry." He sat down in the extra chair Shelby kept in her office for when students needed to talk to her. She was suddenly wishing it wasn't there. "I didn't want to do it. You were right, I care about her. Well, cared, because she'll never let me close to her again, but. The club pressured me into it. It took all the training in acting I've ever had to look her in the face and egg her. I may be a jackass, but Rachel is special, and I never wanted to hurt her like that. But the club pressured me into it; they said I was either in or out. And I had to be in. Vocal Adrenaline is important to me. And to you too. So…I drove over there, and broke her heart all over again, and now VA trusts me again, but I'm sort of furious with myself," Jesse said in as sincere a voice as Shelby had ever heard him speak in. He let out a little laugh. "And I'm out of things to say, I was expecting you to cut me off to yell at me by now."
Shelby leaned back in her chair, linking her hands in front of her. "I don't need your excuses, Jesse." She yawned, but continued speaking through it. "Why are you telling me this?" Jesse looked visibly hurt, and the expression was so similar to the one Rachel had on her face when Shelby left that Shelby felt her stomach twist. Not to mention the fact that in all of the time she had known Jesse, she had never caused that look. He usually came to her to solve that look. She knew his parents didn't understand his drive, his motivation and desire to be perfection and get to Broadway. Neither had hers; maybe that's why she was so close to him.
"Because, I can't take the fact that you're angry with me. I would be nowhere without you," Jesse said miserably. But he bowed his head respectfully, obviously trying to wiggle back to her good side. "I'll see you at practice, Coach Corcoran." Shelby sighed, glancing at her watch. He had a little more time before he had to be in his first period block, and if needed she could easily write him a late pass.
"Jesse, wait," Shelby requested softly. He looked up at her, but still seemed off. Shelby knew she needed to be careful what she said; there was no way he was getting out of the hell she planned to put him through this afternoon. He deserved it, since his presence had been what hurt Rachel the most. But she wasn't going to end four years of close friendship and camaraderie with him because he made a mistake.
"You know that I said what I did in anger," She said haltingly. She stared past him, into her classroom where most of her students were already sitting. The five minute bell rang, but Jesse didn't move. "You chose the wrong path, kid. I can tell you already know that. I wish I could help you learn from my mistakes, make you see that having people there for you is more important than Broadway. But I can't, so the only thing I can do is be there for you, and support you. Do you understand?" She focused back on him, hoping that she hadn't lost him too now. Then she'd truly be alone. He looked down, not saying anything, but Shelby knew that she needed to go out now and get ready to start the day. "Stay in here as long as you need, Jesse. Don't walk out there with a show face on, because I'll know, and then I'll have to kill you. I'll write you a pass to your next class."
She stood up, straightening her skirt out and walking to the door. He called out to her before she could leave. "Shelby?" she turned. "Would you like a Red Bull?"
"That would be lovely, Jesse," she told him truthfully, smiling. A smirk slowly appeared on his face.
"I hear they're wonderful for hangovers, after all."
She threw her pen at him, walking out the door with a small huff and greeting her class with a cheerful, "Another double timed writing this morning. Take out a pen. Andrew, pass out the blank paper."
~•~
Shelby took a deep breath as they listened to Aural Intensity over the speakers. The Vocal Adrenaline members were around the room, chatting lightly or listening to the competition, and some of the girls were still working on costumes. They all seemed fine – she was the only one nervous. Jesse stopped by on his way over to the other side of the room to talk to their lead female singer, squeezing her shoulders.
"We're going to be fine, Shelby," he murmured quietly, so only she could hear.
"Yeah. Fine," she responded, voice slightly breathier than she'd like. She swallowed, trying to not seem as panicked. He came around the back of her chair to kneel in front of her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it.
"We will be. We're going to take this thing. You've worked us without mercy since the egging, and we're ready," he said confidently. Shelby stared at him, trying to believe him, and then frowning slightly.
"How's your arm?" She looked at him pleadingly, not sure if she wanted him to lie or not. He laughed lightly, shaking his head.
"Still there. Just because I got impaled by a heel didn't mean I was going to stop. Its fine, Shelby. Everything is fine. We're good." He was enunciating clearly and slowly, and it sort of pissed her off in a comforting way.
"I hope nothing like that happens tonight," Shelby muttered. She'd never been on that stage faster, and despite the fact that she hated blood she'd been the first one to Jesse's side when one of the girls, while being tossed mid air, had fallen and essentially landed on Jesse. He was okay, and was even laughing right after it happened, but Shelby had been hysterical, ordering Vocal Adrenaline to keep practicing while she drove Jesse to the hospital. He had gone willingly to the car, but then reminded her that Vocal Adrenaline could practice very little without their lead male singer and their coach. All in all, it was just way too intensely dramatic for her so soon before she needed to be calm and collected and there for her kids. Shelby shook herself out of those memories, knowing it wasn't helping her nerves, and grabbed Jesse closer by his suspenders. "If any of them come close enough to impale you like that again, dodge," she growled at him. He laughed, pulling her hand away, and walking backwards towards where he was heading in the first place.
"I'm not going to get impaled. We're going to be perfect, Shelby, just you watch." He then grinned cockily, "Besides, it's my Senior Year. We have to win. I'll have the audience eating out of the palm of my hand from my first note. I'm Jesse St. James." With that he spun around, sauntering away.
She rolled her eyes, trying to relax, as Aural Intensity finished. "Vocal warm ups, now, everybody," She snapped, just to feel like she had something to do.
"Chill pill, Coach."
She growled lightly under her breath, but ignored the Senior girl who said it, opting to close her eyes and breathe deeply. She heard them announce New Directions, and faltered slightly, sucking in a shaky breath. The first voice to come through the speakers was male, and she didn't recognize it – maybe it was their male lead? The one Jesse had complained about all the time? What was his name, Finn? – but the second voice she distinctly knew. Rachel. Another shaky breath. As the two of them sang together, she moaned, "Oh God," screwing her eyes closed tighter and resting her head on the back of her chair.
"They're good," Jesse stated, suddenly behind her. She swallowed her gasp of surprise, but hit out at him with her left hand, opening her eyes when she wasn't able to get him.
"Shut up, Jesse. Go back to being cocky." He was the only student she could really get away with saying something like that to.
Jesse shrugged. "We're better. I'm just admitting that they're good." Shelby continued to look up at him, not responding, as New Directions began to sing Don't Stop Believin'. He smirked, adding, "You know, there is such thing as a chill pill. I'm sure that if you went to a therapist they'd happily give you something to calm you down. You have no reason to be anxious, yet you're like, shaking. That can't be normal."
One of the other Senior boys piped up, "You know, Coach, we could give you a little somethin' to slip into your tea that we all know you're going to drink soon. It would certainly help you to relax…"
"Get out," Shelby groaned, finally successfully whacking Jesse. Vocal Adrenaline began to wander out of the room, and she called out "Break a leg!"
Jesse left with a whispered, "Relax, we have this, Shelby. Vocal Adrenaline loves you; we wouldn't do anything to disappoint you."
Shelby waited until she heard Vocal Adrenaline announced to go out to the auditorium. One thing was for sure.
She wasn't bringing any tea with her.
~•~
Perfection. She'd expected as much from them, and Vocal Adrenaline had certainly delivered. But she was now extremely apprehensive about the awards – she was convinced there was no clear cut winner. And, sick of her kids teasing her, she snuck away and into the lounge for the coaches where they had coffee and tea set up. She may have decided against tea earlier, but now she desperately needed to drink something in order to distract herself.
"Congratulations," a voice said softly from the doorway. Shelby looked up, a little bit surprised and pleased that Rachel had sought her out at Regionals. She stopped stirring her tea, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Thank you, Rachel," she replied, fully meaning it. She was about to congratulate her daughter back when she kept speaking.
"But we beat you today." Was Rachel serious? So she hadn't sought her out to talk to her or be close to her mother, she was looking to psych Shelby out. Shelby knew it was probably out of Rachel's own nerves, but it didn't help and it certainly didn't make her inclined to continue this conversation. "Jesse's a good singer, but we both know he doesn't have much heart." Shelby would tolerate the insult to Jesse, Rachel was still mad and hurt, she was sure, and there was no use in correcting Rachel even if she disagreed. "Vocal Adrenaline's best days are behind it." Her eyebrows rose, and she felt a disbelieving smile pull at her lips. Oh really? Not the last time she'd checked. This was just an attempt to make her more nervous, right? If it was, it was working. Maybe she was jaded, and thought they were good but really they weren't. No, she knew they were wonderful today; she was getting tired of feeling doubtful, but that didn't get rid of her unease. "So, I have a proposition for you."
Shelby knew this couldn't be good, but Rachel looked so hopeful that she didn't have the heart to interrupt her. Yet she knew that Rachel couldn't possibly offer her anything she'd want after that speech.
"Come teach at McKinley," Rachel said, looking at her with bright eyes and a dazzling smile, absolutely pleading with her. Shelby couldn't imagine she had heard right, that was the most absurd idea ever.
"Excuse me?" She responded, laughter in her voice. She prayed Rachel was kidding, trying to loosen her up before they had to go back for the awards ceremony. Rachel had some of her genes, so maybe she understood; maybe she was trying to help both of them by coming up with something absolutely preposterous to take their minds off of what would happen in about a half hour.
"You and Mr. Schuester could be co-directors. We'd be unstoppable." Wait, this was why her daughter wanted her? Not because she wanted her mom, but because she wanted to improve their Glee club? She vowed not to yell at Rachel right at that moment, knowing that she was prone to her temper flaring at just the wrong instant when it came to her daughter. She didn't want this to end in tears the way their last argument had. She would stay calm. But it hurt – she didn't want to only be a coach, she wanted the opportunity to be a mom. She was tired of giving her all and knowing that, if her club decided, they could leave her high and dry – she wanted something stable for once, not an ever changing group of kids who liked to sing.
"There's so much that you can teach me. So much only you can teach me," Rachel said imploringly. She stiffened – that was ten times worse, Rachel only wanted her because she could help her improve her singing? Her daughter was exactly like her, she was going to give up on loving, deep, personal relationships for the sake of a dream of grandeur. A voice in the back of her mind told her she was overreacting and jumping to conclusions, but she ignored it.
"Oh Rachel, I can't do this anymore." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself. She walked around her daughter in order to not have to see the disappointment on her face. And then she began rambling, knowing she should stop, but desperately wanting to try to explain to Rachel what it was like for her to walk into an empty house every night, to know that all she had was Vocal Adrenaline. At the end of the day, those kids were not hers, they were just students that were temporarily on loan. "I'm tired of coaching glee club." Well, it was partly true. Mostly though, that was the nerves talking. Looking at Rachel was difficult, but she forced herself to. "I want a life. It took meeting you to realize all this stuff I'd missed out on." And that was fully true; she wanted something more than just being another teacher. She'd missed out on so much in Rachel's life, and all because she had been selfish, wanting something that everyone told her she couldn't have. So she'd given up her baby, and now she would never be able to have another. She would never get to hold her little girl through a summer storm, or bring her to her first day of kindergarten.
She continued, "I need some balance, you know?" Bouncing from surrounded by people all day and feeling like she mattered to a quiet, sterile house had become so much more difficult over the years. There must be people who had consistency. She knew what those people's lives looked like: "I need a house…and a garden…and a dog. Family." Rachel stared at her for a moment, hurt, before looking down, and she knew she had to explain that comment. She moved towards her, knowing what she was saying wasn't coming out coherently. "I missed out on my chance with you, and it kills me. And I can't let that happen again." She reached out her hand to put it on Rachel's shoulder, intending to keep explaining, but Rachel's expression had hardened and she had already turned, walking towards the door. I want another chance, the ability to have something with you without being your teacher or coach. Please, understand. I want to be family, not faculty. For once, I want to make a decision for the right reason. I need to stay at Carmel High so that I don't sacrifice everything, but I need to take a chance on having something completely unconnected to obligation other than the commitment of blood bonds. But she couldn't force those words out quick enough, and Rachel was getting to the door. So she blurted the first question that came to mind.
"Where's the rest of your team?"
Rachel sighed, and Shelby could tell she was masking pain. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please don't leave. Let me explain everything first. "They're, uh, they're at the hospital. Quinn had her baby."
Sweetheart, what are you doing here? You should be there with them. But that wasn't the question that came out of her mouth. "Is she okay?"
"Yeah, she's fine." Rachel seemed perfectly okay, but she had to be acting, right? Shelby knew she was upset. She had seen it in her face… "It was, um…" Rachel looked up. "It was a beautiful baby girl," Rachel said, staring right at her, and Shelby felt her throat clench. How can she… Shelby crossed her arms, pulling her shoulders up and trying to remember that Rachel was upset right now, and that she'd eventually calm down – her daughter wasn't actually trying to hurt her.
Rachel nodded, and then opened the door, walking out.
Shelby stood there for a moment, shell-shocked. She considered chasing after Rachel, but her daughter had a powerful set of lungs on her and she didn't want to get into anything publicly. And her ribs chose that moment to give a dull ache, and she dropped her head, shivering slightly at the thought of having anything like that happen today – weren't the judges allowed to disqualify teams if there was supposed violence? So she let Rachel walk off, and forced herself back into her no-nonsense state of mind. She grabbed her tea, marching out of the lounge to rejoin her team.
When she got back to the room, everyone turned to look at her, but she masked her feelings, simply going and sitting down in her chair. She took a calm sip of her tea before saying emotionlessly, "Awards are in ten minutes. We should go out in about five, just to be ready." A few students nodded, but otherwise nobody spoke to her. Jesse approached her, kneeling slightly down to be just about at eye-level.
"Coach, what happened? You're much gloomier than when you left." She was a little surprised that Jesse knew her well enough to notice she was upset, but she supposed if anyone were to be able to tell, it would be him. She shook her head, sliding some loose hair behind her ear and looking down into her lap.
"Maybe Coach took our advice, added a little something to her tea. Would it surprise anyone if Coach Corcoran was a depressed drunk?" So her students were still giddy from their performance and anticipating winning. Usually she would have smashed the student who said that to pieces, but this time her face crumpled, and she curled further into herself.
"Guys, lay off. Not funny. Besides, we all know that Coach Corcoran would be the type of drunk who lets loose, singing while standing on the bar or something," Jesse bellowed, getting to his feet and resting a hand on her shoulder. When they had appropriately apologized, Shelby heard Jesse kneel down in front of her again. "Talk to me. Please." He said it in a softer voice this time, so nobody else would hear.
She sighed, knowing it was probably a mistake, but Jesse was, after all, almost like a son to her, and she needed to make sure she didn't go out on that stage and rush to grab Rachel and apologize. "Rachel found me, talked to me. We, uh. We had a bit of a fight – she wants me to come teach at McKinley." She, too, kept her voice low.
"That's ridiculous," Jesse muttered. Shelby nodded, not really in the mood to talk. "You can't just give up everything for her, Shelby. Why doesn't she realize that? I take it you said no?"
"Yes," she responded softly. "And then I think I implied that I didn't want a relationship with her, because she walked out. And now she's never going to come and try to start a relationship with me this summer." She shook her head miserably, wondering what the hell was wrong with her that she always made her daughter feel unwanted.
"Can I just say something? Don't let her go, Shelby," Jesse whispered. He grinned in his trademark way, but Shelby could tell that he was regretful. "It's painful to lose her. I'm not so sure I understand why I thought it was so worthwhile." And then he stood up. "It's time to go out and win. Ready?" Jesse announced. Shelby stood up, waiting until all of her students had filed out of the room to exit; Jesse waited for her.
"You know, I really don't drink all that often," she said earnestly as they walked out of the room together. Jesse laughed, but didn't respond otherwise.
~•~
Standing on the stage, surrounded by the members of Vocal Adrenaline with Aural Intensity and New Directions to her right, Shelby could only feel subdued. She stared straight ahead, noting that Jesse turned to look at the competition, probably looking at Rachel, but kept herself still. She clapped when she was supposed to, and smiled at Aural Intensity when they were announced as the runners-up, but really all she wanted to do was get off that stage. But it was while she was clapping for them that she realized something that made her tense and drop her hands back to her sides. Jesse must've noticed, because he grabbed her hand and squeezed it as they moved over. She squeezed it back in thanks, looking at his face to see if he'd realized what she had.
Waiting for the announcement of who had won was almost torture, and she was sure that Jesse's hand was beginning to ache from how hard she was gripping it, but he didn't complain, so she merely began trying to compose herself. When Vocal Adrenaline was announced, she was genuinely surprised and pleased, throwing her arms out to her sides as Jesse dropped down to his knees in excitement. She clenched her hands together, vowing not to cry. And then, when Jesse stood up and came forward, arms extended, she held her arms out to him, wanting a hug even though she knew Rachel might see and take it the wrong way. She pulled him in, whispering "You're graduating, you're leaving," tearfully, but he either ignored the comment or was too excited to process it. He pulled away to accept the trophy, and one of the sweeter girls who was in her fourth period class tapped her shoulder, opening her arms, so Shelby hugged her too, congratulating her. And then Jesse had turned back and was offering one arm to her, so she hugged him again, and allowed him to kiss her cheek, but then she pulled away, determined to remain happy and smiley and not spiral down into a sobbing depressed mess. She watched her club celebrate, one of the boys lifting Jesse up in the air, but took a moment to glance at New Directions.
Rachel looked heartbroken, all of them did. Her smile fell slightly, but she followed Vocal Adrenaline as they began to leave, deciding that now wasn't the time to go talk to Rachel. Maybe after they took the traditional picture with the trophy. Jesse waited for her again, all smiles, and put his arm around her as they filed off the stage. They went, took their picture, Jesse standing right next to her, one hand around her back and one on the trophy, and then headed back towards their dressing room. Jesse turned to her, saying quietly, "Even if I'm graduating, it doesn't mean I won't be back to visit. You're getting front row tickets to my first opening night of a show on Broadway, Shelby, remember? And you can come visit me at college, too."
Shelby pulled away, pouting slightly. "You're still leaving. I'll be all alone again, stuck with a bunch of stupid kids who don't know me at all." By now they'd reached their dressing room, and she could hear Vocal Adrenaline's shouts of joy loud and clear. It just made her feel emptier. Jesse turned, looking at her fully.
"Go talk to Rachel. You won't be alone," Jesse ordered. And with that he turned, closing the door in her face as he joined Vocal Adrenaline.
"Jerk!" she yelled through it, but she was sure he didn't hear her. It wasn't that she would have cared about barging in right after him, but she unfortunately knew he was right. She sighed, turning back around. Aural Intensity's coach was in the hall, staring at her like she was crazy, and a pedophile to boot. "He is," she muttered, walking away and finding New Direction's dressing room. She looked back down the hall, making sure Aural Intensity's coach had left, before shoving her hair behind her ears and knocking on the door.
Will opened the door, and she opened her mouth to speak but he beat her to it. "Shelby? What are you doing here? Why aren't you celebrating with your team?"
She smiled slightly, looking down at her feet for a moment before glancing back up. "I wanted to see Rachel." Will gave her a strange look, and turned around, looking into the room. Shelby tried to look over his shoulder, but he purposefully blocked her. Oh no, what does he know, why is he being so standoffish? He's always been so nice to me…
"Give me a minute," He said, turning back to her, then he closed the door. She took a step back from the door, wringing her hands together in front of her in anticipation. She'd have to be very careful what she said to Rachel, she didn't want to send her running away again. This was too important to risk screwing up another time.
The door opened again, and she held her breath. But it was Will again, and this time he'd only opened it enough to stick his head out, so there was no hope of her getting around him to see into the room. "I'm sorry, Shelby, Rachel said no, and I can't go against her wishes."
"But…"
"I'm sorry, Shelby," he repeated. "But she says she doesn't need you so I should tell you to go away." Shelby felt the air leave her lungs. Will gave her a small, sympathetic smile, and then closed the door.
That was it, then. Rachel didn't need her. She'd driven Rachel away, Rachel didn't even want her there – it didn't matter that she'd sought her out, for once. Shelby shuddered, closing her eyes tightly and leaning on the wall opposite the door to New Direction's room. A few tears leaked out, but she brushed them away impatiently. This was the worst situation she could have anticipated, even worse than every scenario she'd imagined when she first decided to get in touch with Rachel. But right now she refused to acknowledge the hurt she felt spreading from her heart to the rest of her body. Gulping in a deep breath, she turned, walking back down the hall to Vocal Adrenaline's room, where they were loudly (and actually, kind of out of tune) singing "We Are the Champions," still obviously over the moon about their win. Suddenly she didn't feel much like joining them.
She forced herself to enter the room anyway, proud smile sliding onto her face perfectly. "Well done, everyone. Congratulations. You truly earned this. And, as such, tomorrow we'll have a huge party to celebrate, per usual. For tonight, go out, have fun…" she turned, pinning her gaze on the senior boy who'd continually brought up alcohol today, "without alcohol, or I will kick your asses, and be ready to celebrate tomorrow!"
The team cheered, and she smiled, going and gathering her stuff. Once she was all set, she went over to Jesse, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Make sure you get them to the bus in at least twenty minutes, okay? I've gotta go now," she stated quietly, patting him on the shoulder. She'd brought her car along, just in case, but everyone else had come over on the bus. On the way here it had been annoying, since she would have preferred to be on the bus but was afraid to not have the car in case of emergency, but now she was grateful for it. Jesse tried to stop her, yet another concerned look in his eyes, but she evaded him, saying succinctly "Bye, Jesse," then adding a "Until tomorrow, everyone!" and swept out of the room.
She rushed to her car, climbing in and pressing her hands over her face. Jesse was wrong, she was going to be all alone, she'd chased away Rachel and Jesse was going to college and she wasn't willing to date…She felt like she was going to hyperventilate, so instead she dropped her hands, turning on the car and driving away. She definitely wasn't going to go home yet, but she couldn't sit there any longer.