Oh my fucking God, I was going to starve to death. I began to search in the fridge but as expected there was nothing there, no cereal on the counter, nothing. I opened a drawer and found a pack of strawberry mini croissants and felt my stomach grumble. Angel of my life. I unwrapped the croissants with trembling fingers and took a huge bite of the puffy thing, taking the rest to the bedroom where my laptop was on my bed. The fort was still on but it was looking deplorably, not that I was going to do anything about it, instead I jumped on the bed and played the series I was watching, continuing to eat until all the sweets were gone. I was home alone, Reiner and Berthold were out for a romantic date and Marco went back home so I surfed the internet all day long because I had 0 money until next Tuesday when the salary came and I couldn't get out of the house. I also had 0 food, well, there were two or three apples I was keeping for tomorrow but that was all. It lasted a few more hours until I heard the door and a few more minutes to realise something really wrong was going on.

"Reiner!" That was a moan. A fucking moan so I paused the YouTube video I was watching and heard the next few groans. Fuck. Shit. They were fucking in the hall. "Harder!" How the fuck did they undress so fast? I shook my head, not wanting to think about the details and after a few more moans I picked up my phone, desperate to call someone. Who the fuck could I call? Until I found "Freckles" in my agenda they moved to the bedroom and unfortunately our bedroom had real thin walls which meant I could hear every-fucking-thing. At least there wasn't a mystery who was the top and who the bottom anymore. I pressed the green button and waited until he answered and I whispered his name like I was a ghost.

"What happened, are you ok?" he asked, genuinely worried by his voice and I yelped, hearing how the bed was moving in the other room. "Jean, you're worrying me"

"Shut up, I will put the phone on speaker" I whispered and just then Reiner shoot a "so good, baby" that made me yelp in pain.

"Are they doing... it?"

"They probably came back drunk from a party and forgot I was home" I whispered and he chuckled, making me groan in frustration. "It's not funny, I am stuck here"

"Come on, how much do you think they can last if they are drunk?" I don't know but Reiner sounded like he could keep up a lot. "I will wait with you if you want" Now, that he put it this way I was feeling weird. I didn't particularly had any close friend, in fact, I never considered anyone a good friend but somehow, Marco, with his puppy eyes and with his kind manner of talking managed to sneak inside my head and to make me trust him. After an entire month of living with him I felt terribly lonely when he left for home but it was not his fault nobody in my family cared for me and I had nowhere to go, while he did. I began to chew on another pop tart, spreading crumbles all over. "What are you eating?"

"Mini-croissants I found in the kitchen"

"Those were mine" I groaned and I think Reiner and Berthold reached their orgasms because they suddenly went quiet. I returned my attention to the phone, where Marco was expecting me to talk and I processed what he just said.

"Sorry, I'mma buy you some when I get paid" I said biting another one and he hummed in agreement. "When are you coming tomorrow?"

"At 6, why?" I shrugged and then realized I was a dumbass and he couldn't see me. I wasn't going to say I was lonely or bored without him because that was cheesy and girly so I left it like that and soon he hung up, leaving me all alone. I put some music and my earphones in and spent some more hours like that, my thoughts running everywhere. It was super lame of me that I was feeling like a dog waiting for it's master and it made me angry that he turned me this way so I groaned into my pillow before putting my favorite album by the Smiths on and trying to fall asleep. The next day I woke up with a dry mouth so I went to fill myself a cup of water that I took to our bedroom where I took the last Deadpool magazine and began to read from it, rolling all over the bed and trying to calm my gurgling belly. I don't know how the day passed but at one point I went to the bathroom and when I came back I found Marco, with his jacket on, dropping a big bag on his side of room.

"Hi" I said and rubbed my head and he smiled, waving at me friendly.

"Dress, we're going out to eat" he said and I widened my eyes. I didn't say anything else, I simply picked my jeans and a clean shirt and got ready, checking the hair in the small mirror we had on a dresser's door. We went to a close bistro, just around the corner and sat at a small table by the window, the glass showing us the rain outside. It was a terrible day, dark and clouded but somehow it was perfect for a coffee inside that place. The walls were covered in drawings but I couldn't reach them with my sight, probably because I needed glasses or something.

"Is this to apologize that you traumatized me yesterday?" I asked and he burst into laughter, making me stare further at his many freckles. Today it seemed they were more.

"I didn't do anything, it's all their fault" he said grinning and the waiter came so he ordered tea and something to eat, leaving me to order my share. "Anyway, how was your weekend?" I shrugged and told him it was nothing much before asking him about his. "It was okay, I played cards a lot with my brother but I don't think I will go home next weekend" I nodded, feeling happy but not showing it. "You're moody"

"The weather" I muttered impassive, biting from a slice of my pizza while looking at it. Holy pizza, melting my insides.

"You're like that grumpy cat on the internet" He chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

"Fuck off"

"Nope" I raised a brow and he burst into a fit of laughter, making me smile at his crisis - it was obvious he was tired but it was still amusing. "I think I know what I will get you for Christmas"

"Don't you dare, Freckles!" I half-shouted, making him laugh harder and then suddenly widen his eyes.

"How did you call me?"

"Freckles" I replied. "You know, those little things on your face" he wrinkled his face, telling me with his eyes "no-shit-Sherlock"

"I needed you to reveal this to me" he said sarcastic and I chuckled. "And they're not only my face" He said showing me his hands that were also covered with tiny brown spots on the back of them. He had them on his torso too because I have seen them whenever he got out of the shower and he came to look for clothes in our room. "Too many"

"I like them" I blurted and had to look away because I was feeling very very uncomfortable with what I just said. When I returned my eyes to him I have seen his cheeks were a little more colored than usual but I couldn't evade again. "They're your thing"

"My thing?" he repeated and I nodded smirking. "Like bad attitude is your thing?" We both burst into laughter and I had to roll my eyes. I was feeling like if I kept rolling them they would end in the back of my skull.

"You little shit" I muttered and took a bite of his pizza. "Who the fuck eats pizza with corn on?" He pointed to himself and I groaned because he was frustrating.

"Who eats pizza with all types of meat?" He asked sarcastic and I pointed to myself. "Dork" I don't know why but when he said that I remembered I had an essay to write at history for tomorrow and I've asked him if he could help me with it. Of course he could.

"Then let's watch Fight club" I added.

"What does that have to do with history?"

"Nothing, it's my favorite movie" I said and wrinkled my face at some horrifying memories of my sister forcing me to watch The Notebook and her bawling all over it. "Have you seen it?" He shook his head. "Perfect, and I also have a new album I want you to listen to"

"You act like I'm your disciple or something" he muttered while sipping on his iced-tea. It was not that, I wasn't feeling necessarily the need to show him things, I just wanted him to share the experiences I have been through, to know me better, as lame as that would sound. I've never had such a close friend so maybe that's why I was acting this weird.

"Sorry, it's okay if you don't want to" I said slightly ashamed, pushing the crusts of my pizza in the centre of my plate with my fork. "I don't know shit about this friendship bullshit" I added and looked to see he had an amused but kind look on. His brows were arched in curiosity and his smile was wide, like he was asking me to explain further. "I can't remember the last time I've had a good friend"

"You're already my best friend" he smiled and I felt my heart skipping a beat - how could a guy say something like that so easily? I stared at him, my face heated and he grinned, nodding to confirm. I wasn't exactly best friend material, especially near his Jesus attitude. I couldn't understand how he could put up with me. I nodded shortly, too nervous to reply and felt my hands getting all sweaty under the pressure. "So what about this album?"

"Shit" I looked beside me incredulous, wondering if my ears betrayed me. I was too young to hear things, wasn't I? I looked at the desk to see Marco angrily staring at the screen of his laptop, the documents obviously giving him a hard time ever since we started, two hours ago. I felt sorry for the kid so I had to ask.

"Is there anything I could do to help?" He turned around on his chair and raised a brow. Well, no wonder I was offering to help, after all it was the first time I heard him saying such a bad word. He pushed his glasses further on his nose and studied me - I was reading about mechanics, not that I got anything. His hands fell on his lap.

"You know anything about Paroxysmal Oscillopsia?"

"Oh, yeah" I smirked. "I pretty much wrote the book on Pear... Oxygen Clear... Osmosis Jonathan" I continued smugly and in one second he burst into a loud laughter, making me grin like an idiot. The stress washed off his face for a few seconds, before the miserable expression came back and he turned his eyes to the document he was previously reading. He was having it hard because of the upcoming exam session and I was worried so I stretched my back and got up to go to the fridge and bring back two cans of soda, placing one on the desk, next to his laptop. I bent to see what he was staring out and it was some weird scheme I couldn't figure out, well, I was the dumb one between the two of us. "You should take a break, mate" I said and he looked at me weirdly, squinting his eyes but taking the can and opening it.

"I don't like fizzy drinks" he muttered and I sighed; someone was pretentious as fuck.

"Let's play Legend of Zelda" I said like the devil on his shoulder and he shook his head, radiating good intention. My phone was annoyingly buzzing on the floor but I ignored it, knowing who it was and instead I poked his shoulder. "Come on, Freckles" I said and I saw he could barely keep his smile so I grinned, poking harder. "To clear your mind"

"The little break we took yesterday lasted four hours"

"Come on, I think we can do better" I said and he sighed, probably thinking I was unbelievably annoying. "I think we can last five hours today"

"Jean!" I burst into laughter and he chuckled before turning around and staring at the floor. He pointed with his index. "You better pick up, someone is desperate" I rolled my eyes, mood gone and sipped from my can. "Who is it?" Shoulders shrugged. "Who is it, Jean?" It was a girl that was bugging me because I went second base with her at some random party and I was suspecting she got my number from Jaeger so I was going to kill the damn fucker. Marco got up and went to pick my phone, gasping when he unlocked it (my password was really easy) and saw what was on the screen. "I don't think she would send the pics of her boobs to just anyone" He mumbled and I enjoyed the red skin on his face and neck. His uncomfortable expression was rather cute.

"Just some chick" I said. "She insists on meeting me but I don't want to"

"Why?"

"I don't know, I don't feel like it" Sure, it was the dream come true to have a girl wanting to fuck and do whatever I wanted but there was one thing I couldn't let anyone know: Jean Kirschtein, the so-called troublemaker and heartbreaker was a virgin and wasn't about to change that anytime soon because he was feeling awkward about it. I mean, I wanted to meet someone who I could trust and whom I know wouldn't laugh about this or tell me I am not good at it or whatever. He looked surprised, as expected and stared at the screen again. "What did she say?"

"We could get to know each other better if you want" He said on a seductive voice and I burst into laughter at his atempt, making him laugh too. "Can I text her back?" Sure, if he wanted to, why not? I went closer and the little shit wrote: "Sure, babe, what do you wanna know?" I didn't know he got it in him so I gasped.

"Fucking shit" I muttered and she replied with a winky face. "Everything, hun" was the reply at which Marco typed. "You need to deserve knowing me, babe"

"Oh my God, I am good at this"

"Like fuck you are, that doesn't sounds like me at all" He wrinkled his face, laughing his ass off.

"Yes you do"

"I fucking don't" I said half angry half amused. He was having a blast so I lt him be, chuckling from time to time and we concluded that she wasn't worth it. We lost an hour like that and then we got messaged that there was a pajama party at Sasha's. So the next hour of my life was spent making him accept the idea, that until he heard the pajama part and he hurried to get the top of it. I never realized he wore actual pajama pants so I burst into laughter when I saw the top and just had to educate him. "Dude, don't" His brown eyes widened and he actually pouted.

"What's wrong with my pjs?" He was looking like a 5-year old and I don't know why but I felt bad to see him like that and to know it is my fault. "I like them"

"Not in public, buddy" I said on a softer voice and he nodded, picking something else from his closet. We went to the dorm where they were staying and I was surprised there were so many people, it was the whole "squad" and they were all enthusiastic seeing Marco which was pretty funny because I was their older friend, I guess they never liked me all that much. We played some video-games, drank some wine and I don't know why but my mood dropped considerably so at midnight I announced I was going out for a little walk. No one reacted, but Marco that peeked his head from the game of cards. He said nothing so I put my shoes on and got out with only a coat on top of my pajamas. I couldn't help but feel left out whenever I was in such a group and the fact that Marco, who was new, was already integrated and I wasn't was bringing me down. Fuck, I hated life so far. No one liked me, maybe it was something wrong with me. I sat on the stairs that had snow on - it began snowing, it seems, and I lit a cigarette, enjoying the silence. I was feeling the need to listen some music but I couldn't. Maybe that's why I felt connected to Morrissey - because we were both lonely and nobody liked us. I was at my sixth cigarette when someone sat next to me and I jumped startled because I was deep in thought.

I turned around to see Marco that immediately put my red beanie on my head, fixing it with both hands. He had his coat on and was looking very cold. Dumbass. Don't come here and be cold just because you're a freckled fairy.

"You should quit that" He pointed at my cigarette and I grinned, keeping on with the smoking. "What happened? You were fine when we left home"

"Home is a big word for a dorm room" I said and saw the hurt look on his face so I got up, ready to go in for his sake. "It has nothing to do with you" I muttered and he grasped my sleeve, pulling me downwards, making me almost fall over.

"You can tell me" His eyes were big and curious and he put a strand of hair behind his ear, making me gulp. I knew I could but I would have felt lame if I did so I mumbled a whatever and got back inside where they were playing beer pong. I went to the kitchen and I would be damned if that wasn't Jaeger who was drinking milk. We've been friends in middle school but things have fallen apart ever since he turned out to be an asshole and everyone stood on his side and not on mine. He came closer and closed the door, making me suspicious.

"Marco's a good kid" I rolled my eyes. No shit, no one could see that, for sure. "Don't corrupt him, 'kay?" That's the last thing I needed now.

"Fuck off, Jaeger, no one asked for your opinion. Marco's a big boy, he can choose his friends for himself" I was trying very hard not to spit him in the face and when he continued I wanted to crack his head open because a douche like him couldn't tell what I could and couldn't do. Fuck him.

"I know how you looked at guys during gym, don't try anything with him" I was seeing red. Was this guy suggesting I was interested in men? Oh my fucking God, I was livid with anger when my fist made contact with his ugly face and his head hit the counter, blood running from his nose. I looked shocked at the image but in the heat of the moment I was not sorry, I was proud to see him like that.

"Mind your bussiness, asshole" I said and got out, picking my coat and things and leaving without saying that to anyone. My phone began to ring and I hung up when I saw it was Marco, wandering mindlessly on the streets, looking around confused, like I was just born and I didn't know anything. I got inside a non-stop and bought another pack of cigarettes and a Lion and spent the rest few hours in a park, my phone turned off. I was feeling sick, physically sick because I had a shitty feeling and then someone picked on me randomly and it all went back to high school and bullies. At least now I could protect myself which was funny because I didn't know how I got in this position. I got home at five when I couldn't stand the cold anymore and found the light on in our room and Marco sitting on his bed, his back against the wall.

"Where were you?" He asked and got up, looking me straight in the face. I didn't need this so I simply stared back. "Jean, I was worried sick"

"You should have remained at the party" I said and saw his eyes were glistening, he was cracking under pressure and it was because I was an asshole.

"Don't fucking cry" I said and my voice broke. "Come on, Marco, spare me" He ran his fingers under his eyes, probably wiping his tears off and nodded, making a weird sound with his nose. I went closer and sighed, not knowing what to do.

"I'm sorry" he said and smiled, tears still pooling. "I am a crybaby"

"It's okay, it's my fault" I was feeling uncomfortable just looking at him so I pulled him in an awkward hug, surprised when he grasped the back of my shirt, holding tight on me. He probably was really worried, he was left, after all, with the mess I made. His body was trembling slightly and I felt my pulse increasing at his touch so I buried my face in his shoulder, enjoying his fresh smell. He was smelling of green lemon and maybe apple too. He was taller so it was easier for me to reach his shoulder than it was for him to reach mine. "I had a long walk" I said and he nodded, getting up to smile at me.

"What happened with Eren?" I tensed.

"Don't wanna talk about it" I whispered and began undressing my pants, remaining only in boxers and getting between the covers. I looked over to see he was wearing his pajamas - top and pants, both with little pandas patern. He had the air of a little kid and the clothing inspired... cuddles so I turned to face him. "Your pajamas are fine" I said and he smiled slightly, from his side of room.

"Will you tell me tomorrow?" I sighed. "Everything?" Damn, why was I so sensible when it came to him?

"Fine" My tone was petulant.

"I'll hold you to that"