Disclaimer: I own none of the concepts, characters, or locations in Naruto or Bleach. Any characters you dont recognize from either series probably belongs to me.

A/N: Well, this is it. Make or break time. This chapter will dictate whether this story is a success or a failure. Hopefully it's the former.

Unexpectations

Chapter 2: Something Wicked This Way Comes

I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species.

I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see.

I wanted to breathe smoke.

-Narrator, Fight Club

"Sir, there have been a series of odd deaths throughout the village."

"Really? Are there any correlations between them?" The old Hokage puffed on his pipe.

"Yes sir. On all of the bodies and in all the crime scenes there has been no sign of a struggle."

The wise man quirked an eyebrow. "Odd. Poison perhaps?"

"No, there was no signs generally associated with struggle. They all just... Dropped dead."

"Like Jiraiya?"

"Yes. Remarkably similar."

"How many deaths?" The old Hokage asked grimly.

"Well, that's the concerning part." The ANBU paused. "There have been 113 civilian casualties-"

"All with the same circumstances?" He cut in, quite shocked.

"Yes. And there have been 203 shinobi casualties."

The Hokage dropped his pipe. "Launch a full scale investigation and increase security within the village."

"Yes sir."

Yes... Things were moving quite smoothly in my little plan. Neither shinobi had noticed me. Of course they hadn't. I was dead after all. More shinobi around ment only one thing. More targets.

I bet they wished they hadn't fucked with me now.

I was formerly known as Naruto Uzumaki, Jinchuuriki to the Nine Tailed Demon Fox. Now, I was a nameless killer. Choosing and tormenting my targets. Speaking of target...

The ANBU was just about to leave the meeting when I struck. He had just placed his hand on the doorknob when I severed his soul and his body. He slumped to the ground. The Hokage ran over to the fallen ANBU and checked his pulse. No pulse. I knew there wouldn't be one. There never was. I devoured the ANBU's soul quickly and enjoyed the feeling in my stomach. Such fulfillment. The Hokage summoned another ANBU into his office. I killed that one too. In the same way. Just as he was leaving, with the other ANBU's corpse over his shoulder I quickly consumed his soul. I did that once more.

With every dead ANBU in his office, the Hokage's fear elevated. Damn, he smelled good.

Alright, I'll admit. This was a little cruel. But any vestige of Humanity I had, died with Jiraiya. For now, I left the Hokage's office. I had bigger fish to fry.

Hiashi Hyuuga was sitting in his private chambers silently drinking his tea. He always operated with such poise. All of the Hyuuga did. They followed him by example.

Let's see how long that lasts.

The Hyuuga clan was never particularly cruel to me. They just treated me with a cold disdain, as if I wasn't worth their time. And their stuck-up additude always bothered me. Despite their, not-so-bad treatment of me, they had to fall. They were the last truly powerful clan in Konoha. They had to burn.

And they would.

But before they could fall, I had to take Hiashi out of the picture. Now sure, I could have just killed him. And I could have just cannabalized them all, but that would be far too clean. I wanted something messier. Something more dramatic. Something told me I would have fun with this. Destroying this man's calm cool exterior. Stripping away the peaceful, almost zen-like feeling permeating through the clan. Call it the Nature of my former self manifesting in new interesting ways. Call it sadism. Call it anything you like. It was fun.

It began with little things. Like slowly opening the door to his office just as he settled himself in his chair. Or clipping a lock of his hair and placing it on whatever piece of mundane paperwork that had come to his attention. Then it escalated, like whispering little disturbing messages in his ears while he slept, mostly little paranoid warnings cautioning him and turning him against the rest of his clan. I did this over the course of a week, while simultaneously keeping up the continued string of deaths throughout Konoha. At my last count, I had killed 247 civilians and 405 shinobi. I even started killing any and all foreign shinobi entering the village. While a few deaths could be tolerated by other villages (Lest a war break out) I was gaining momentum. I killed as many foreign shinobi as I could, as quick as I could. Hopefully war would break out soon.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend, or so the saying goes.

By the end of the week, I had him jittery and jumping at any little noise he heard. He would whip up out of his chair and activate his Byakuugan whenever he heard the slightest noise. It was quite fun to watch. Today, I would make my final strike against the Hyuuga clan. The night before, I had killed all the guards surrounding the Hyuuga estate. I also intercepted anyone trying to enter his room. By intercepted, I mean killed. When he emerged from his office, he would find the hallway full of dead Hyuuga. All this mayhem was getting tiresome. But I suppose you could call it a labor of love.

I had left him mostly alone that afternoon. Sure I rolled his pen off his desk a few times, and I pulled his hair whenever he would finish one document. But as I stated before, he was now sitting at his desk, calmly sipping away at tea. Well, I guess calm was the wrong word for it. He looked calm. He tried desperately to act calm. But I knew on the inside, his mind was raging. I could tell by his increased pulse and the way he clutched his pen. The whole clan had noticed his change in demeanor and they all reacted just as I thought they would. They all began jumping at every little sound. They all activated their Byakuugan at the slightest oddity. They were balancing on a fine edge. Ready to teeter into madness.

I was just going to give them that last little push in the right direction.

Deciding I would start the party now, I picked up the stapler on his desk with one of my tails and tossed it at his forehead. It impacted with a dull thud and fell into his lap. He, predictably stood up and activated his Byakuugan. Searching around for a moment, he decided to sit back down. I didn't let him. I yanked the chair out from under his ass and he fell to the floor. The look on his face was priceless. I crouched down low and whispered into his ear, "Run." He followed my command and hauled ass to the door. I flew to the other side of the door and held it shut for a moment before letting go and sending him flying inwards. He landed at the base of his desk in a heap. He leapt up and walked quite briskly towards through the door. I gave him a little push and he stumbled and fell face first, his eyes mere inches from those of a dead Hyuuga. His daughter actually. He righted himself quickly and ran, the girl in his arms. I never bothered to learn her name.

He ran right into the dining hall, where most of the Hyuuga were currently enjoying a quiet breakfast. Or they were trying to before a frantic clan head bust in carrying his daughter's dead body. I whispered in his ear. "They killed her. They killed your wife. They will kill your younger daughter." His eyes widened in shock and I saw him transform in front of me from a dignified man to a cornered animal. A Hyuuga approached him, obviously concerned.

"Hiashi-sama, is Hinata-sama alright?" The man reached out to touch the dead heiress in her father's arms.

"DON'T TOUCH HER!!" Hiashi lashed out with a Kaiten of epic proportions. Blasting away the concerned Hyuuga as well as any other Hyuuga in the immediate vicinity. I did my duty and killed any of the downed Hyuuga. I returned to Hiashi, who was watching everyone with the craziest look in his eyes. I whispered in his ear. "They will kill you." He charged forward and took out as many Hyuuga as he could. A branch member approached and tried to calm him down, the crazed clan head activated the Caged Bird Seal. Every branch member went down, howling in pain, clutching their foreheads in sheer agony. They were all dead in a manner of moments. Hiash managed to kill a good deal of the remaining members. Those he couldn't reach or those that were about to stop him, I killed. It was great fun.

Nothing quite like the smell of dead Hyuuga in the morning.

By the time the casualty reports came across the Hokage's desk that afternoon, all but 16 members of the once great Hyuuga clan were dead. Among them, was the crazed Hiashi. When I last saw him, he was kneeling in the middle of a sea of bodies, all Hyuuga, holding his daughter to his chest.

Konoha was close to collapse.

The old Hokage sat in his desk, his head resting in his palms. He obviously couldn't believe what was happening. Maybe he was still mourning the death of his student, Jiraiya. Maybe he was asking himself what was up with all the mysterious deaths. Maybe he was pondering all the deaths of these foreign shinobi that he hadn't authorized. Maybe he was thinking about the collapse of the Hyuuga clan. Maybe he was thinking about the foreign threats of war. Maybe he was thinking about me. Before I died. I had no idea where his thought lie.

I remember, once upon a time when I used to call him Jiji. I remember him taking me out for ramen. I remember him ruffling my hair whenever I would say anything out of line. I remember the look on his face when I died.

And yet, he was Konoha's defender. He was the embodiement of the Will of Fire. He was the Hokage. He was my Jiji.

He needed to die.

He would die.

I wish he didn't have to.

Time spent wishing is time spent wasted.

Maybe I was being overly sentimental. Maybe not. But as I stood there, preparing to rip his soul from his body and end his life, I briefly considered letting him live. I considered leaving Konoha once and for all and putting their sins behind me. I considered being forgiving, because surely I had sufficiently wreaked my vengeance. I considered it. Then I decided against it. He would not leave this office alive. That, I swear from the depths of my empty heart. Even as I prepared the killing blow, I couldn't help but notice how old he looked. How very frail he was. Never had I thought him weakly. Now, I saw him for what he truly was. An old man. And he was tired. So very tired.

I prepared to rend his soul from his body. I raised my hand and brought it closer and closer to his stomach. Closer and closer my hand fell. Inching it's way towards him in this moment turned into eternity. I hesitated. I was interrupted.

I met my first Shinigami.

He would not be the last.

He was a moderately tall man. With jet black hair and green eyes. He had a non-descript zanpakuto that he wore on his hip. He was a promising young shinigami and I killed him. The fight began with him taunting me and calling me a Hollow. I, having never heard the term before inquired as to what it meant. He laughed and made a ridiculous joke about me being a baby hollow. I later learned that Hollows were creatures like me. Creatures that cannabalized other souls in order to fulfill our own endless appetite. I did not like being called a hollow. I lashed out at him with a tail. He dodged it quite easily. I had others. He dodged those too. He managed to slice me across the chest when he could just as easily have cut through my mask and skull therefore ending the fight and ending my life.

That arrogant mistake would cost him dearly.

A rage I had never felt before overtook me. The armor on my ankles grew and turned into a skeleton-like full pair of greaves. The armor on my shoulders became a chestplate. The armor on my wrist became gauntlets. My tails also became covered in armor. He nearly pissed himself. The battle raged on. He stabbed me quite brutally in the abdomen. I took a hold of his sword with my gauntlets and pushed him wrist deep through my stomach. I stabbed him through the chest with a tail. He stumbled back and lashed out with his sword which had changed shape into a sickle, catching me in the arm. He cut through my arm to the bone. I stabbed him through the throat. He went limp. I devoured him. All the armor I had grown during the battle fell away. The adrenaline and the rush of power that I felt faded away. The whole fight went by and the Hokage hadn't even noticed us. He had just finished his paperwork and was about to leave work for the day. I reached out to him as I felt my strength rapidly fading. A few more inches and I could rip his soul out of his body. I crawled to him desperate to lay my hand on him in order to forcefully eject his soul from his body. He took off his Hokage hat and placed it on the hat rack near the door to his office. Just an inch more!

He sighed as I layed my hand on his stomach and gently pushed. His soul left his body which slumped to the floor. He turned and looked at me. Our eyes met. "Naruto?"

"Yes... Hello Jiji."

"Hello Naruto."

"Goodbye Jiji."

"Goodbye Naru-" My name died on his lips as my tail punctured his ribcage and stabbed through his heart. I devoured him too.

Sometimes, Life is a bitch.

My life, I decided was always a bitch.

About halfway through my rampage in Konoha. A strange feeling settled in the back of my mind. A feeling to just get away from it all. A need to go somewhere.

I had to leave. Something was calling me home.

Where my home was?

I didn't know. I guess I had to follow my gut. I had to leave.

I said goodbye to Konoha. I said goodbye to the few people who tormented me who didn't catch my revenge. I said goodbye to my dreams of being Hokage, now so very far away. I said goodbye to the old man lying dead at my feet.

I had to leave.