Chapter 3:
You ask me what time I'll return, but I cannot give a time,
The rain in the hills of Ba at night overflows the autumn pools.
When can we trim the candle together by the western window,
And talk together of the rain in the hills of Ba at night?
–
September 2077
The cyborg shut the monitor off, unable to move.
The memories of her flooded back into his brain, leaving him dizzy. How could he have forgotten her?
He behaved so aggressively towards her at first, bitter at his 'duty' to the organization to take down his family's criminal empire in exchange for another life. She was the one who made his body, gave him the tools of war at his fingertips. At first, he was subject to regular tune-ups and tests, to make him as efficient as possible. They were painful, and as much of an effort as he made to hide his discomfort, she always knew. She would hold his hand, tell him it would be over soon, talk with him to pass the time and distract him.
In time, he fully trusted her with his care. When she said a test on his blood would only take a minute, he knew she truly meant it would not be long; when she remarked on how much he improved on his speed or his climbing abilities, he knew she was not bullshitting him. They frequently spent their free afternoons and evenings sitting by each other, telling stories, going for walks in the nearby parks…
The walls he put up to protect himself melted with her healing touch, and where he would enjoy the company of one fine woman after another in quick succession before… he found his interests gravitating only to her. She returned his interest, and the two would playfully flirt with each other in between raids and repairs.
Angela made him feel truly human again, the mechanization of his body only augmenting what he already possessed. He could taste the food she snuck in for him, smell her perfume on her neck, feel the delicate skin on her hand…
Genji was wracked in thought, and his Master knew of his troubled nature.
"Come to me," Zenyatta called, "Come bask in the moonlight."
Genji snapped from deep in his thoughts, standing up and slowly walking toward his master in the center of the courtyard. He sat next to him, the marble slabs on the ground cool to the touch. The moonlight cast an eerie glaze over everything in the open yard, but Zenyatta knew that Genji was not paying much attention to the scene around him. They both stared forward, looking out into the deep sea of flowers in shadow below them.
"Master," he said, "I am deeply troubled."
"What have you uncovered?" the monk responded calmly.
"I have been taught that I must be at peace with myself and my actions in order to be free, to be complete in my contentment," he started, "But, I have rediscovered a great pain that I have inflicted upon another many years ago."
"Hmmm," the monk hummed, pausing, wondering if he should pry further. "Feel no shame in telling me what this pain was," he continued, "We have worked through everything with you together; what is one more shard of regret?"
Genji turned slightly away from his Master, shrinking into himself.
"I feel great shame for how it affects me still. It howls out into the night at me, as if it happened only yesterday."
"I cannot help you if you do not tell me what it is," Zenyatta responded, with concern.
The cyborg took a long breath in, the whirring of his lungs loud. Then release.
"When I abandoned Overwatch, I did not just leave their mistreatment of me behind. I left in my wake the destruction of another's heart-"
"An intimate connection with another!" the monk chirped. Genji grew quiet, shutting down. Zenyatta realized his remark was… not well timed, and turned towards him.
"Come now, my dearest Pupil," the monk said soothingly, "You have the heart of a man! This feeling you have I cannot understand, in the same way I cannot understand the love of festivals or fried foods or liquids other than oil. Let us use this to learn together, I have no judgement in my heart for you."
Genji turned back to the monk; his faceplate removed, the tears in his eyes evident in the glowing moonlight.
"She saved my life; she found me on the ground, nearly dead, and brought me back to where she knew that she could repair my body… give me another chance," Genji started again, holding his head in his hand, "I treated her so cruelly at first, as if the contract of service I was bound to was her fault… if she had her way, she would have given me my body and let me free."
"I cam to trust her, cared so very deeply for her. She fought for me, nursed my wounds, engaged me as if I was a man, not a weapon. We spent three years together in that city, day in and day out. I loved her, and she loved me back…"
"This must sound silly to you, Master, but we had a ritual, to remind each other that we were here, not going anywhere. Every evening she would need to return home, out of the hospital where I was required to stay. Before she left, she would come to my room in the far ward. No matter how tiring her day had been, how exhausted or frustrated or humiliated she was, she came. I would be hooked up to these machines, collecting all the data my muscles and nerves gathered during the day. She would sit by my side and put her hand to my chest. The machines, they made my body hurt and ache… her touch made that pain disappear. I eventually mustered up the courage to touch her, to hold her hand in mine. It was wordless, but a promise… that I would stay here, and that she would return, despite the pain I was going through there."
A long pause; the sounds of revellers in the valley floated up to their camp, the sound of them distorted in the wind. The monk turned to look forward again.
"When I left, I did not tell her that I was leaving. I even told her that I wanted to take her to the park the next day… we did not do our ritual, I was assigned to a raid for that evening. I just ran… angry and bitter and myself and them for how they treated me as nothing more than a weapon. I made my way through the countryside, until I found you."
"I was not aware of the damage I had caused her until now, her messages to me…", he gestured to his eye, "I witnessed her defending me when the organization sent their forces after me, wanting to tear me apart. I saw her wailing in anguish as she realized I had abandoned her… I had broken our promise…" Genji let out a soft sob, swallowing down what would have been a scream into the night.
"Her Captain begged me to tell her that I was at least alive, but that message went unanswered. She continued to call out to me, wishing me well, hoping I was safe and taken care of. As far as she knew, I was dead… but she felt compelled to keep reaching out to me."
"The last one… from this year, she told me that Overwatch is being recalled. She destroyed the documents binding me to the organization, the warrants that would have me killed if I was ever captured by them. She told me I was free… then apologized to me. For what? She never did any harm to me. She gave me another chance, and now I am here, drinking up the night air, listening to the people in the valley dance amongst the flowers… completely free."
The monk nodded, then gave the cyborg a pat on his shoulder. Genji was in tears, unable to speak any more, letting out soft whimpers.
"You did nothing wrong for leaving, for wishing to find peace with yourself. Do not forget this , my Pupil," Zenyatta started, "What is it that you wish to do, with this knowledge you have unearthed?"
Genji's words slurred together, his hands over his face, crumpled up to make himself as small as possible. "I do not know, Master."
"I see many options before you," the monk responded, "But first, you must forgive yourself. Look at the valley, your potential, in the face… not hiding. To not hide your tears, your sadness and regret."
At his urging, Genji lifted his head, his eyes puffy and red. Zenyatta gave him another stroke on his back.
"That's the strong-willed Genji I know," Zenyatta beamed, "Now, what does your gut tell you?"
Genji sniffled, then thought for a moment; "Your teachings would have me moving on-"
"No no no!" Zenyatta interrupted, "Never mind me and my teachings; they need not apply to matters of the heart."
The cyborg paused in shock, sitting back. He was accustomed to being scolded for not sticking to his Master's teachings… so for the Master to respond in such a way was bizarre, to say in the least. He struggled with what to say, Zenyatta waiting patiently for his response.
His gut was a machine now, pumping and compressing… but he figured that he did not mean that gut. He meant the one in his heart, in his memories, in his desires…
"I want to return to her," Genji said quietly, "I want to call back to her… hold her hand, let her know that I am coming back, that I am not leaving again. I want to attempt to heal the wounds I have inflicted on her… with no expectations or doubt."
"I will not stop you," Zenyatta responded plainly, looking Genji in the eye, " This mission is of the utmost importance to you and your self-actualization now… your soul is clearly in turmoil. If this quest is what brings you to stillness, I shall support you."
"Thank you, Master," Genji said in gratitude, taking Zenyatta's hands and holding them for a moment. He gave him a deep bow before standing up abruptly.
"I am still able to contact her," he said, some fear in his voice, "I will tell her I am here."
Zenyatta gave him a nod before floating slowly to the center of the courtyard again. He folded his hands, then settled into his meditative pose with the relaxing of his pneumatic system.
"This is under the assumption that I can come along for the journey," Zenyatta chuckled, "Not for your happy reunion, but from here to Geneva. So many people to meet!" He was excited for this new journey, and was not about to be butted out because of its romantic nature.
"Of course, Master," Genji responded with a laugh, feeling nervous but relieved as well. He had his plan locked down; find Angela, return back to her.
He sat down on his blanket again, bringing up the green-hued screen in front of his eyes.
-click-
Angela's face was on the screen from the last message, frozen in time. A shot of pain in his chest, but he urged himself to press on.
-click-
He clicked the 'record' button, grey and red, and saw himself. His weather-worn face, scars streaked down from his hairline to his chin. He was framed by the ghostly-green moonlight, the faded red pillars of his room, his Master in the courtyard humming to himself about the flowers in autumn.
Genji swallowed hard, then began to speak:
"Angela."
A pause… what else to say? He could fill a novel with all that he wished to impart to her, but he wanted to keep this message short. He did not want to overwhelm her, with seven years between their last meeting and now.
"I am alive… I am warm and safe," he said, his voice wavering, "I am with people who quelled my rage… I am a changed man, but this all started with you. You gave me the chance to redeem myself, to live anew, to be free."
"Please do not apologize to me," he continued with urgency, "I am sorry, so deeply sorry… I broke our promise, I left you without any notice. I meant no harm to you, but I know now that I caused you terrible pain."
He reached to where the screen floated, touched where she would be, mirroring what she did in her messages to him.
"I am coming back to you, if it is what you desire; I wish to mend the wounds I inflicted upon you so carelessly," he said, tears trailing down his face where scars had left lines on his skin, "Please respond as soon as you are able to with your answer, and where I can meet you." He let out a shaky breath… what else to say?
"… I loved you then, and love you still," he said softly, "Be well, wherever you are. I await your response."
-click-