In Every Life

Chapter 3: Safe and Sound

Set after Barry's father dies and Caitlin's kidnapping by Jay/Zoom. Neither are really coping with the recent events and after running into each other at the lab at 2am they become each other's support person. Barry does not create flashpoint in this, because we all know the shitstorm that brought

Barry couldn't sleep, every night he'd spend hours staring at the ceiling, barely drifting off before waking up, screaming because he thought he could still feel his father's blood on his hands. Part of him wanted to ask Caitlin if she had any advice since the lack of sleep was starting to really get to him but he knew she had enough to deal with at the moment. As much as she tried, he knew she wasn't as okay as she portrayed.

With a groaned he turned onto his side and looked to his alarm clock. It read 2:06am. He pulled himself out of bed and quickly got dressed before flashing over to the lab. If he wasn't going to sleep he might as well do something productive. He headed to where his suit was stored, intending on doing some training when he collided with something, no, someone, who fell back with a squeak.

Reaching out he quickly grabbed the person, steadying them. On his second glance, he recognised who it was.

"Caitlin?" he stared at the usually professionally dressed doctor, now in sweats and a jumper, her hair tied up messily and a bunch of folders in her arm. his eyes were immediately drawn to the shadows under her own, the almost fragile way she handled herself. "What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

"Uh, yeah… not really I guess? It's been hard to sleep lately, what about you? What brings you here at… 2am?" she says, looking at the clock on the wall.

"Same I guess, I thought I might as well do some training" he said with a shrug

"You should have come and told me you weren't sleeping, I could have helped" she said in a lightly scolding tone which Barry liked to call her 'doctor voice'.

He passively shrugged again, earning a disapproving look from Caitlin, one perfectly arched brow raised, "Barry you know you of all people need to be in good health"

"Not like that did my father any good" he mumbled low under his breath, Caitlin only just catching it. She sighed, gently placing a hand on his arm.

"Barry, it wasn't your fault" she says, he scoffs, looking down at the ground. "Barry, c'mon… look at me" she murmurs as she cups his face in her hands, forcing his head up "It wasn't your fault"

Tears begin to leak from the corners of his eyes, splashing against her thumbs, she quickly brushes them away as he silently cries.

"I let him in Cait, I was the one who chose to trust him. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me" he whispered, crying freely now

She shakes her head, tears now stinging her eyes "No Barry, you couldn't have known. Hell, I was dating the guy and I didn't"

"It hurts Cait, god it hurts so much" he whimpers, scrunching his eyes shut.

"I know, I know it does. I'm so sorry Barry. I wish I could say something to make this easier" she says "It's going to hurt, it might never stop. But you're not alone Barry, you have Joe and Iris and Cisco and me. We'll get you through this, I promise" she pulls his into his arms, feeling his body sag against hers as he began to sob.

She didn't try to hush him or pull away, she just let him cry until he couldn't anymore. She had a feeling he had been keeping it inside since the funeral. Eventually she moves them over to one of their couches, sitting down and pulling him next to her. She curls up on the couch, letting Barry lie his head on her lap as she absentmindedly strokes his hair.

"Go to sleep Barry, I'm not going anywhere"

He considers protesting but he's so comfortable and so tired. Before he knows it, he's drifting only to sleep, the feeling of her fingertips brushing through his hair the last thing he feels.

…..

Once his breathing evens out and she's sure he's asleep she slowly moves him off her lap and onto the couch, grabbing a blanket from one of the cupboards in the med bay. As she lays it down on top of him his hand shoots out, grabbing her wrist. She gently tries to pry his fingers away but he begins to groan in his sleep, as if he can tell she was planning on moving away.

It's impractical and the couch is probably not big enough for the both of them but his fingers are clenched tight and there's nothing she can do that won't wake him up. So, with a sigh she pulls the blanket up slightly, lying down on the couch with her back to Barry's chest. She freezes when he releases her wrist, winding his arms around her waist. She's about to question him when she hears him mumble, obviously still asleep.

She relaxes, pulling the blanket over both of them now "Night Barry" she whispers, just before she feels herself drift off.

…..

They continue this routine for the few weeks, whenever Barry had trouble sleeping or was feeling particularly low she'd come over, staying with him until he fell asleep, most of the time falling asleep herself. She waved off Cisco's questioning looks ever since he found them asleep on the couch together. He'd want to know what this meant and she didn't know herself.

During the day she patched him up, sewed him up and put him back together. During the night, she slept next to him, she held him through his nightmares, comforted him when he woke up crying. She focused on him, never telling him about her own nightmares, how she constantly looked over her shoulder because she could still feel Jay's presence, his touch on her skin.

That is until the third week of their arrangement.

…..

Barry had been sleeping peacefully, his arms in their usual place around Caitlin's middle. He was woken from him sleep by Caitlin twisting in his arms and an ear-piercing scream. He quickly sat up to find Caitlin twisted in the sheets, weeping as she thrashed.

"Caitlin, Cait it's me! It's okay, you're having a nightmare" he said, trying to bring her out of it "It's not real Caitlin"

She continued to cry, her eyes squeezed shut as she sobbed out "please… please not him" reaching up to try and claw at her face.

He grabbed her arms, holding them down before pulling her against him, her back against his chest. He could feel her shaking in his arms, her heart racing so fast he thought it might burst from her chest. Tightening his grip on her he began to whisper in her ear "It's okay, it's okay Cait. I got you, it's not real"

She began to relax against his chest, still quietly weeping "It's okay Caitlin, you're safe, just wake up, come back to me"

When her eyes eventually opened, she turned her head, wide red eyes meeting his terrified ones. In the next second she turned, flinging herself against him as she cried.

"I…I thought….he said you were….I thought I'd lost you" she whimpered, clinging to him as if she was scared to let him go for fear of him disappearing.

He held onto her, rubbing her back as he comforted her "It's okay, I'm okay Cait. I'm not going anywhere"

"He told me you were dead… for hours I thought you were…. I keep picturing it in my head"

He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, holding her tighter. He wanted to go back in time and make Jay… Hunter, pay for what he had done to her, for every tear he made her shed. Instead he held her until her sobs died down into little sniffles and she pulled away, his hands wiping away any tears left on her face.

"I'm sorry Cait, all this time you've been helping me and I never even asked you how you're dealing with what happened"

She sniffed, wiping her eyes "It's okay Barry. I wanted to avoid it, if I didn't think about it then maybe it could be like it never happened" she says before exhaling heavily "I can still hear him, I keep thinking I'm going to wake up still shackled to that desk Barry. I can still feel where he grabbed me"

"He's gone Caitlin, you're safe now"

"I know that, I do. I know you'd never let anything happen to me but, I just feel so… scared, all the time. I don't know how to stop it" she says, running her hands through her hair

"You were kidnapped Cait, it's going to take time to get over it" he said, retaking her hands "You remember when you helped me through that night a few weeks back? You said I wasn't alone Caitlin and neither are you, this goes both ways" he says gesturing back and forth between them "If you need me I'll be there in a second"

She smiles gently glancing down at their intertwined hands, Barry's thumb brushing over the knuckle of her pointer finger "We're quite the pair Mr Allen" she says, echoing the words spoken from what seems like a lifetime ago.

He doesn't say his line, instead choosing to press his lips lightly to hers. She decides this change is better.

…..

They continue like this, each going to the other when in need of comfort or simply just because. They hold each other through their nightmare, comforting each other with their words, and eventually their lips. It's not complete fix, there are still nights where Barry wakes up screaming, his father's dead body flashing in front of his eyes, still times Barry has to hold Caitlin's hand over his chest, her palm over his heart, to convince her that he's there and he's alive after a nightmare.

They fit together, the broken pieces of their former selves fitting together like some sort of messed up jigsaw. The nights spent together become closer together before the gaps disappear completely. They both sleep better together anyways.

...