Hello there, dear readers! It is your evil overlord, returned with yet another batch of one-shots, fresh off the grill. Readers beware: in this chapter, things are going to get a little bit messy. How so? Well, you'll have to read to find out. Let me just say one thing. The shit will hit the fan in this one. Also, all of the one-shots' titles are based off of movie titles. See if you can spot the MLP reference in Stinky In Seattle.

Chapter 3: Stinky In Seattle, Night Of The Living Dad, Apocalypse Meow

Title: Stinky In Seattle

Rating: T (trust me on this)

Summary: The Doctor knows the logistics of changing a baby. He's just never done it himself before. The good news: the Doctor knows where Clara is. The bad news: Clara is stuck in a lift and the sonic is back in the TARDIS. The worse news: little John is starting to smell.

Takes place when John is 4 months old.

The Doctor adjusted the baby sling fastened to his torso as he swept his gaze across the vast shopping mall and at the crowd around him. His aggressive eyebrows furrowing, he asked the woman next to him, "Clara, why do you have to do this? The TARDIS can provide anything John needs."

The Time Lord indicated the brown-haired, brown-eyed infant strapped to his chest. Clara sighed and said, "Doctor, it's about the experience. Besides, all of the clothes that the TARDIS generates for him have alien writing on them. If my son is going to wear anything with writing on it, it's going to be written in an Earth language, preferably English."

"Okay, now you're just being picky." the Doctor huffed

"Quit complaining." Clara replied, rolling her eyes. "You get to carry John and his baby bag. I'll have to carry all of the shopping bags. You wanted to carry John this time. Consider it father-son bonding experience."

"He's four months old, Clara." the Doctor said with a frown. "He's probably not going to remember it a year from now."

"It'll be over in the blink of an eye for both of us." Clara sighed. "Kids grow up so fast, Doctor. He won't be a tiny little time tot forever. Before long he'll be walking. Then he'll go to school, then university..."

Clara's eyes misted up a little at the thought of her little boy growing up. The Doctor groaned. Clara glared at him for a second before he said, "I suppose that's one of the things we have to accept when this little accident happened to us and you chose to keep him and, to quote Jack, 'fill the TARDIS with the pitter-patter of little time-feet'."

Clara was silent for a while as they walked through the crowd. Finally, she asked, "Did you ever have second thoughts?"

"About what?" The Doctor asked absent-mindedly.

"About this." Clara replied. "About well, my decision to have John. Back when I told you, you didn't exactly make your feelings clear, whether you were happy or not."

The Doctor was silent for a few seconds before answering, "It was a bit of a shock. Actually, that was an understatement. It was a huge shock."

"You were afraid." Clara knew the Doctor a bit too well sometimes.

"Terrified." the Doctor admitted. "Then I was accepting. Then I was happy."

"And now?" Clara questioned.

"Still happy." the Doctor replied. "Wouldn't have changed a thing. Well, aside from you getting shot. I still have you and John, though."

"What about Jack?" Clara asked with a teasing smirk.

"That's still undecided." the Doctor replied.

"I suppose that means that he'll stay in the TARDIS as long as he makes you cake." Clara said with a chuckle. "You know, if you keep eating those desserts that he keeps making, it'll go straight to your thighs."

"Don't be ridiculous, Clara." the Doctor snorted. "I have a different metabolism than you."

"I suppose it explains why you're always hungry." Clara sighed.

The Doctor and Clara browsed the shops for a while before deciding to head to the second floor. Clara looked at the handsome glass lift before stepping in. Suddenly, she was surrounded. The lift was absolutely packed. "I'll meet you at the second floor!" Clara called out. "You can take the next lift up! I'll be picking out clothes for John!"

The Doctor let out a groan and sarcastically said, "I can't wait."

He decided to take his time. He made his way over to the food court before using what little money he had on him to buy a cheeseburger. As the Doctor stood, eating his burger, John began to fuss. The Doctor easily found out that his son was hungry. Setting the burger down on the table, the Time Lord detatched the hungry infant from himself and took a bottle filled with freshly-squeezed human breast milk, courtesy of a lactating Clara Oswald, out of the baby bag. Little John eagerly fastened onto the bottle's synthetic nipple and eagerly feasted upon its contents. Whether he took his meals from the bottle or straight from the source, it could definitely be said that John Smith Oswald had a hearty apetite. The infant still seemed to prefer Clara's breasts over the bottle, though. The Doctor ignored the looks from strangers, some of whom reacted in with an 'awww'. Once John was done eating, the Doctor expertly burped him. Well, seemingly-expertly. He hadn't been a father in a very, very long time.

When the Doctor was done attending to John, he returned the baby to his harness and headed to the lift. When he got there, he saw a crowd gathering around. He looked up to see that the lift was stuck and Clara was still inside. Whipping out his phone- Clara insisted that he have one- the Doctor sent Clara a text asking if she was okay. Clara's response was 'I'm stuck in the lift next to a man who smells like he hasn't bathed in a week. What do YOU think?'

The Doctor frowned and texted back, 'Give me a minute. I'll get you out of there.'

The Time Lord took the escalator up to the second level of the mall and headed over to the access panel. He reached into his pocket for his sonic screwdriver only to find that it wasn't there. He checked all of his other pockets. Not there, either. He even checked John's baby bag. Not there. Suddenly, a horriffic stench hit the Doctor's nose. It was the unmistakable odor of baby poo. The Doctor grimaced and texted Clara, 'I have good news, bad news, and worse news.'

'What?' Clara texted back

'The good news is that you'll get out of there eventually.' the Doctor texted. 'The bad news is that I left the sonic on the TARDIS. The worse news is that John soiled himself and it smells like a big one.'

There was a brief pause before Clara texted a reply. 'I'm not even going to ask. I'll be patient and try to survive the Human Garbage Truck's body odor. As for John, just change him. It's simple.'

The Doctor froze. Change John. Him. He had managed to go the four months of John's life without changing him. He knew the logistics, but he had never done it before. Still, the smell was getting worse and John was starting to get cranky. The Time Lord hurried over to the map of the mall to see that the nearest bathroom was completely on the other side of the mall and on the first floor. It was a horribly inefficient design. He had to start his way over. He tried to make his way across the mall, working his way through the thick crowd. At last he started to ride the escalator down when suddenly, the worst happened. John sprung a leak. Baby poo practically exploded out of John's nappy, oozing all over the Doctor's shirt, down the front of his trousers, and on the ground. A look of pure horror appeared on the Time Lord's face. Gripping the baby bag tightly, he made a mad dash towards the bathrooms once his feet hit the floor. All the while, John was leaking all over him more and more. The Doctor headed into the bathroom, unhooked John from his harness, removed he harness from himself, and plopped it on the ground. He removed John's soiled onesie and put it in one of the odor-proof bags that he had stashed in the baby bag. He took John to the sink and washed the feces off of him before taking him to the changing table and putting a fresh nappy on him, followed by a clean onesie. John was clean. The Doctor despaired, for he couldn't sonic the noxious substance off of him for lack of a sonic screwdriver to do it with. He heard someone clearing their throat behind him. He turned around to see who it was. Standing nearby were a pair of teen parents and their baby. The girl whispered to the boy a bit before the boy nodded and held out his shopping bag. "Here." the boy said. "You need these more than I do."

The Doctor tried to glare at them but he couldn't. He was equal parts desperate and grateful. He grabbed a larger odor-proof bag and headed into one of the stalls to change. When he emerged, he emerged in a pair of black skinny jeans, a black Slayer vest top, a studded wristband, a studded leather belt, and a spiked dog collar. He felt ridiculous. It caused him nearly enough embarrassment that he could have expired and regenerated. He didn't, of course, since it was impossible to die of embarrassment. He had the black beanie with a skull printed on the front in one hand and the odor-proof bag full of his soiled clothes in his other. He put the dirty clothes in the baby bag and put the beanie on John's head. The teenage girl held out a spare baby harness. The Doctor quickly put it on, making sure that John was securely strapped in. The Time Lord glanced at the teenage boy, having seen the boy's violet eyes- not contacts, he noted- and the tan speckles going up the side of his neck and temple. The teenage girl smiled at her boyfriend and said, "You're the best, Armand."

"Well, I try to be an honest man, Cadence, for you and little Twily." Armand replied.

"If you want to be honest, you should probably tell your girlfriend that you're an alien." the Doctor commented.

"Wait, what?" Cadence shot a surprised look at Armand.

"I have no idea what he's talking about." Armand defended himself.

"Oh, don't be stupid." the Doctor scoffed. "Exotic eye coloration, spots on the neck and temples- you're clearly Lithurgian."

Cadence placed her hands on her hips and glared at the Doctor. "Don't accuse my boyfriend of being an alien!" she snapped. "He hasn't lied to me yet. He said that only his dad was an alien! He was born on his planet. That makes him, like, an Earthican, right?"

The Doctor groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. "They're breeding a generation of idiots." he grumbled under his breath.

"What did you say?" Armand questioned.

"I said thank you for the harness and clothes." the Doctor said irritably. "However ridiculous I look."

Not giving the human or the human-Lithurgian a chance to respond, the Time Lord left them behind. John still stunk a little, but it was not nearly as bad as he was before. As the Doctor made his way through the mall, he ignored the stares that he was being given. One person even referred to him as 'wannabe metal grandpa'. The Doctor frowned. Not that it mattered, but he was more metal than the rest of them combined and he wasn't even all that into metal. When he returned to the lift, the doors were opening and the passengers were stepping out. Clara spotted him and ran over to him. When she got a good look at him, she snickered. "Don't you dare." the Doctor hissed.

Clara couldn't hold it. She burst into laughter. It was body-shaking laughter. After a short time, Clara clutched her side and laughed, "Oh god, I can't breathe!"

"Then stop laughing." the Doctor snapped.

After a while, Clara was able to get her laughter back under control. She chuckled once more before clearing her throat and asking, "So, Doctor, why are you dressed like a teenage metal-head?"

She started snickering again and the Doctor used Attack Eyebrows. It's not very effective. The Time Lord grumbled, "It's not my first choice. John's nappy suffered a catastrophic failure."

"You got baby poo all over your clothes." Clara said sympathetically.

"Yes." The Doctor snapped back. "Now can we get out of here before someone takes a picture of me?"

Clara chuckled and rolled her eyes. She looped her arm through the Doctor's free arm and the two walked to the mall's exit. Clara sniffed the air before commenting, "Doctor, you need to take a bath for an hour or two."

"I know." the Doctor grumbled.

"Good." Clara said cheekily. "Maybe we can share the shower."

"Well, it would be a more efficient manner of getting clean." the Doctor replied cluelessly.

"Showers can also be used for other things." Clara said with a sultry smile. After what the Doctor had clearly went through, he deserved a little reward.

Suddenly, it dawned on the Doctor. Clara chuckled when the Time Lord suddenly increased his pace. "Well, we'd best get back to the TARDIS, then." the Doctor said with a smirk. "I'm a very, very dirty Time Lord."

Clara chuckled and sped up a bit as well. Once they got back to the TARDIS, she'd hand John over to Jack for a while. Then it would be time to jump into the shower and clean her dirty, dirty Time Lord. Maybe today wouldn't be a total waste after all.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Title: Night Of The Living Dad

Rating: K+

Summary: After arriving in a small town in Minnesota in the middle of winter, the Doctor gets stuck in a Walmart during a blizzard with a teething John. Can he survive the night or will he be driven mad by other customers?

Takes place when John is 5 months old

The Doctor wasn't happy. Clara was sick with Lithurgian Rhinovirus, a disease that many species were succeptable to. Thankfully, Time Lords were not one of them and John seemed to be Time Lord enough to resist it. Unfourtunately, there was no cure for Lithurgian Rhinovirus and there never would be. Clara would just have to wait it out while treating the symptoms. That was what led the Doctor to a Walmart in the small town of Dushvag, Minnesota. It was in the middle of winter, but the cold weather did not bother the Doctor. Because John was an infant, he was bundled up warmly just in case. That didn't help a certain problem, though. To make things from bad to worse, John was teething and he was utterly miserable about it. Sometimes he was in too much pain and crying too much to communicate with his father. With Clara indisposed, John's care was left in the hands of the Doctor. The TARDIS never had the right cough syrup for Clara and lacked baby-strength painkillers, so the Doctor was forced to go to the town's Walmart.

With an annoyed groan, the Time Lord placed his son's baby carrier in a shopping cart and headed into the store. When one of the obnoxiously cheerful greeters bid him welcome to Walmart, the Doctor was severely tempted to tell the human to go hug a Dalek. In the end, his restraint won out and he was able to resist the urge. He looked around the store before searching for the pharmacy. He refused to ask for help from an employee, so it would take him a while to find it. Once he located it, the Doctor searched for an appropriate bottle of cough syrup for Clara's symptoms. There were many options, but eventually he selected one. Now he just had to find some painkillers for the loudly crying John. The Doctor groaned and said, "Please, please stop crying!"

John, in too much pain and too irritable to communicate, continued to cry. Suddenly, an announcement came over the PA system, an alert that there was a major blizzard outside and the customers were advised to stay in the store until it was over. The Doctor groaned again and resumed his search for baby painkillers. Unfortunately, all he could find was baby asprin and he didn't want to take the risk of John having an adverse reaction to it. Finally, he decided that he needed to ask for help. He walked up to an employee and grumpily said, "My son is teething and I need to find painkillers that aren't asprin."

"Maybe you should try numbing gel." the female employee suggested. "I used that for my baby when he was teething."

An older female customer scoffed and said, "That stuff will wash right out of your baby's mouth. What you really need to do is put lavender oil on the bottoms of his feet."

The Doctor groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. Great. Unwanted advice from human parents. Between the idiots and his son's crying, he was starting to lose it. An elderly male customer spoke up, "What you really need to do is dip your finger in some whiskey and swish it around the baby's mouth."

"That doesn't work!" A young mother scoffed. "Give him a frozen banana!"

"That won't work!" A young male customer argued. "Give him a frozen bagel to gnaw on!"

All the while the customers were arguing, John continued to cry and the Doctor was getting very frustrated. The idiots were yammering and John was crying and miserable and the Doctor was about to lose his mind. At a loss for anything else to do, the Time Lord stuck a finger into John's mouth. The baby began to gnaw on his father's finger and that seemed to soothe him a bit. With his son finally quiet, the Doctor let out a sigh of relief.

The woman who had suggested the numbing gel frowned and said, "You know, you're going to make him sick by doing that."

"Yeah!" the customer who had suggested the bagel agreed. "When was the last time you washed your hands?"

The Doctor grimaced and attempted to walk away, but the other customers followed him, arguing about what methods were best for soothing a teething baby. He searched the pharmacy again before finding some children's-strength liquid acetaminophen. That should be safe for John. The Doctor hurried to the check-out area to purchase it. Once he had purchased it, he tried to ignore the squabbling customers as he gave John a dose of the medicine. When the woman who had suggested lavender oil scolded the Doctor for not using a holistic remedy, the Time Lord snapped. "Shut up!" He barked. "All of you, shut up!"

Even as the medicine was kicking in, John began to fuss again, upset by the other customers. The Doctor was made aware of this and he glared at the customers before grinding out, "Go away. You're upsetting my son. Can't you pudding brains find someone else to bother?"

The customers started squabbling again about whose fault it was. While this was happening, the Doctor snuck away. He quietly made his way over to the bathroom. Once he was sure that it was empty, he used the sonic to lock the door before crouching in the corner to wait the blizzard out. He made sure to tend to John and his pain and his regular needs as he waited patiently. It wasn't until dawn that the blizzard abated. The Doctor was made aware of this by a text from Clara. The Doctor, of course, texted back, 'Get back in the TARDIS. You're still sick.'

'When are you going to be back?' Clara texted.

'Heading out now. May take longer. Trying to avoid idiots.' the Doctor replied

Once he finished that text, he unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. He tried to make his way to the store's exit quietly, but the customers spotted him and rushed in his direction, intent on telling him what he was doing wrong as a father once again. The Doctor fled, dashing towards the exit. Once he reached the exit, he continued running until he could see the TARDIS off in the distance. The customers were slowed down a bit by how much snow there was after the blizzard, but the Doctor was able to escape. He flung the door to the TARDIS open, stepped in, and slammed the door behind him. He spotted Clara and tossed the bottle of cough syrup to her. The moment she caught it, the Doctor started pulling levers and pressing buttons, sending the ship into the vortex and away from the people of Dushvag, Minnesota. The Doctor absent-mindedly stroked John's soft, curling hair as he asked, "Why can't there be at least moderately intelligent humans in that store?"

"Did you meat the Walmartians?" Clara croaked.

"Walmartians and Dushvags." the Doctor replied. "A horrible combination."

"It can't have been that bad." Clara said.

"You weren't there." the Doctor argued.

"Whatever." Clara sighed. "Did you learn anything, Doctor?"

"Yes." the Doctor replied. "I am never going to Minnesota again."

Clara facepalmed.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Title: TARDIS On Haunted Hill

Rating: T

Summary: The Doctor and Clara are lost again, this time deep in the woods of Pennsylvania, and the Doctor has accidentally locked himself out of the TARDIS. They are miles away from civilization and will have to travel on foot in the dark of the night. Unfortunately, they are about to meet one of America's darkest legends.

Takes place in Week 33 of Unplanned

I've been trying to finish this chapter for the longest time. I had another concept, but I couldn't get it down. Thankfully, I have a pretty diverse pool of friends. I probably would not have been able to come up with this concept without them. So big thanks to my pal Joel, who told me about Melon Heads. He's originally from Pennsylvania and told me that there were supposedly Melon Heads in southern Pennsylvania.

It had been a week since the Doctor and Clara had reconciled and they were back to adventuring again. The Doctor was practically obsessed with keeping Clara safe. She was extremely pregnant and rather fragile, though she hated being treated like she was made of glass. This time, the Doctor was taking Clara to meet an old friend of his. It was someone who whose first meeting with the Doctor had been awkward.

Having taken the TARDIS out of the vortex, the Doctor exclaimed, "Welcome to Portugal!"

"What are we doing in Portugal?" Clara asked.

"Meeting an old friend, Brian Torres." The Doctor replied.

"Heavyset Portuguese woman who loves chips but is allergic to fish sauce?" Clara inquired. "Ran into her while she was visiting Amsterdam when you were in your last body and accidentally got stoned with her?"

"I did not get stoned." the Doctor huffed.

"You thought that I was a talking lollipop and licked my face. You ate the TARDIS' entire supply of cheese puffs afterwards." Clara deadpanned.

"Time Lords don't get stoned, Clara." The Doctor said insistantly.

"Whatever." Clara sighed. "Let's just visit your friend."

With himself and Clara in agreement, the Doctor and his companion left the TARDIS. When they were outside, they saw that it was nighttime and the only light was the crescent moon and the stars. They were deep in a dense, unfamiliar forest. The Doctor paused, an awkward expression on his face. Clara noticed this and frowned. "Doctor, what's wrong this time?" she asked.

"You're not going to like it." the Doctor replied.

"Just tell me, Doctor." Clara said with a frown.

"We're not in Portugal." the Doctor said hesitantly. "Judging from the local plant life, we're in Pennsylvania."

Clara groaned and said, "Doctor, you didn't even land the TARDIS on the correct continent!"

"Even I am not infallable." the Doctor admitted.

"Let's just get out of here and go to Portugal." Clara sighed.

The Doctor nodded and turned to open the TARDIS' door. It was locked. The Doctor frowned and began to search his pocket for his key. After a minute or so, an awkward expression appeared on his face. He then said, "You're not going to like this, Clara."

"What is it?" Clara asked.

"My key is inside the TARDIS. I've locked myself out." the Doctor said awkwardly.

Clara groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Great." she sighed. "Can't you just ask her to let us in?"

The Doctor attempted to open the door again. He frowned and said, "She doesn't want to let us in."

"Great!" Clara groaned. "Just great! I'm stuck outside the TARDIS in the woods in the middle of the night. Maybe I should just wait for a bear to come along and eat us."

"I speak bear." the Doctor said calmly.

"Are bears willing to listen?" Clara asked.

"Generally speaking, no." the Doctor replied awkwardly.

"I am not spending the night in these woods!" Clara said angrily.

"Well, if I'm correct, we're about eight kilometers from the nearest town." the Doctor said, trying to be positive.

"3.2 kilometers per hour is the average walking speed for a human." Clara speculated. "It'd probably be less for me, maybe 2.4 kilometers per hour since I'm pregnant. That means that It'll take..."

She paused to count in her mind before groaning, "four hours! We'll be walking for four hours in the middle of the night."

"It's only eight kilometers." The Doctor said with a scoff. "We've gone that distance before easily."

"Yes, but that was before I was pregnant!" Clara snapped.

"Well, we don't have a choice if we're not going to spend the night in the woods." the Doctor said tersely.

"Great." Clara sighed. "Just great."

"We'd better get moving." the Doctor said. He then added somewhat teasingly. "Before we run into Melon Heads."

"Melon Heads?" Clara questioned.

"It's an urban legend." the Doctor explained. "Supposedly, a cruel and mad doctor experimented on children, turning them into aggressive, feral creatures with giant heads. According to the story, they escaped and killed the doctor. It is said that they lurk in the woods, killing and eating anyone who gets lost."

"Right." Clara said with a smirk. "We'd better be careful, then. We don't want the Melon Heads to get us."

The Doctor smirked at Clara before beginning his trek, Clara following behind. They travelled for the next hour and a half, making their way through the woods as they headed for the nearest road. "We should reach the next road within a half an hour." the Doctor anounced.

"Maybe we can flag down a car." Clara suggested. She then groaned and said, "My feet are killing me."

"It can't be that bad." the Doctor scoffed. "We've only been walking for an hour and a half."

"Well, you've never been pregnant." Clara groused. "This much walking is murder on my feet."

Suddenly, there was the sound of rustling in the foliage. Clara and the Doctor both froze. A few seconds later a raccoon emerged from the bushes. Clara let out a sigh of relief before joking, "For a second, I thought it might have been a Melon Head."

"Indeed." the Doctor said with a smirk. "We could have been eaten."

Clara laughed before continuing her walking. The Doctor, of course, walked by her side. Ten minutes later, there was another sound in the woods. It was probably another raccoon or some other noctournal creature. Clara glanced around and thought she saw a humanoid form stalking through the bushes out of the corner of her eyes. She grabbed the Doctor's arm and asked, "Doctor, did you see that?"

"See what?" the Doctor questioned.

"I thought I saw someone following us." Clara said quietly.

"If there was someone following us, I'd be aware of it." The Doctor said brusquely. "It was probably your overactive human imagination and paranoia."

"Maybe it was nothing." Clara admitted. "It's really dark out here."

Still feeling a bit nervous, Clara took the Doctor's hand in hers. The Time Lord tensed for a moment, but he did not protest. The two of them continued their trek through the woods. Five minutes later, there was that sound of footsteps through the foliage off in the distance again. It sounded closer than before. The Doctor tensed up and Clara asked, "Did you hear that?"

"I did." the Doctor replied quietly.

"I think it's following us." Clara whispered.

The Doctor said nothing and increased the speed of his walking. Clara, equally nervous, increased her pace as well. Three minutes later, there was the sound again. It sounded even closer. Clara held the Doctor's hand a bit more tightly and whispered, "It definitely sounds like it's following us."

"This time, I agree with you." the Doctor whispered back.

"We have to get out of here." Clara hissed.

"I know your feet are hurting, Clara, but we need to hurry a bit more." the Doctor said quietly.

"I'll try." Clara replied softly, placing her free hand protectively over her swollen abdomen.

The Time Lord and his human companion increased their pace, attempting to evade whoever was stalking them. Unfortunately, it kept getting closer. When they were about ten minutes from the road, the Clara glanced back. Stalking through the foliage was a small figure with a massive head. She swallowed audibly and said with great alarm, "Doctor!"

"What?" the Doctor asked.

"I think we're being followed by a Melon Head." Clara said with fear in her voice.

"There's no such thing as Melon Heads, Clara." the Doctor replied, rolling his eyes.

"Look!" Clara hissed, pointing at the bushes. "It's going to get us and it's going to eat us!"

"Clara, for the last time, there's no such thing as Melon Hea-" the Doctor said, but he was interrupted by a raspy wail. He tensed up and glanced over his shoulder.

Off in the distance, he could see the small figure with a massive head, moving towards them. He swallowed audibly and whispered, "Run!"

Gripping Clara's hand tightly, the Doctor bolted. The pregnant woman tried her best to keep up with him. They could hear the creature moving quickly behind them, breathing loudly as it went. Clara was having trouble keeping up, so the Doctor scooped her up and began to carry her. He still tried to run, but it was difficult with Clara's weight. "Hurry up!" Clara cried.

"I'm trying!" The Doctor snapped. "You're not exactly feather-light, you know!"

"If we weren't in mortal danger, I'd hit you." Clara growled.

After a few minutes, they seemed to have evaded the creature. Clara and the Doctor let out twin sighs of relief before the teacher was set back down. They continued to head in the direction of the road. When they were fifty feet away from it, there was the sound of footsteps moving swiftly through the foliage once more. The Doctor seized Clara's hand and began running again. They were almost there! Finally, when they reached the road, the Doctor spotted a parked car on the side of the road. Inside, a man was taking pictures of the night sky. The Doctor wrenched the passenger side door open, flung Clara in, and slammed the door shut. He then went to the back seat of the car. "What the hell?" the driver exclaimed.

"Get us out of here!" the Doctor bellowed.

"There's a Melon Head following us!" Clara cried.

The driver groaned and said, "For god's sake, there is no such thing as-"

Something darted onto the road, revealing itself in the moonlight. It was the size of a child, its head massive and its limbs twisted. Its rotten teeth were in a parody of a sneer. Within seconds, other Melon Heads joined it. "Melon Heads!" the driver cried.

The driver then floored the gas pedal, sending the car zooming forward. The vehicle nearly hit one Melon Head, but it moved out of the way quickly. As the car flew down the road, the Melon Heads disappeared back into the woods. Clara let out an audible sigh of relief. "Let's avoid Pennsylvania next time." Clara sighed.

"Agreed." the Doctor replied.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Clara. "We're going to have to go back to the TARDIS in the morning."

The Doctor nodded before saying, "They wont' be out during the daytime."

"Good." Clara replied. "I'm in no mood to repeat this."

A few hours later, the car arrived in the nearest town. The Doctor and Clara stayed at the local motel overnight. In the morning, the driver took the pair back to the place where he had picked them up. Clara waved goodbye to the driver and headed back into the woods with the Doctor. They made their way back to the TARDIS without any sort of disturbance. The Doctor attempted to open the TARDIS door. He was very pleased whent he machine let he and Clara in. As the machine was dematerializing, the Doctor and Clara were unaware of the large-headed figure that had watched them enter. After watching the machine disappear, the Melon Head let out a chilling howl before running off and disappearing deeper into the woods.

I love writing, but sometimes I have trouble coming up with ideas. That is why I welcome idea suggestions for this fic. If anyone wants to send me an idea for a segment, do not hesitate to send it to me in a message. I might even write it.