a/n: Vomit in this one again! And again, it's non-descriptive. Just thought to warn you!
"This Awesomeness"
Chapter 3: This Smell
Bombs.
They had a scent, didn't they?
Wasn't there a chance that this might be what the King's been smelling?
Link proudly yanked out a bomb and set it between them, quite cheerily, I might add.
"What about this?"
Ganondorf, genius that he was, leaned down and peered at it, as did Link, who was just as curious as to what it smelled like.
They both sniffed it carefully.
Neither was able to discern a scent, so the two of them leaned down even further until the tops of their heads were nearly touching. They sniffed in slowly.
How they failed to notice the fact that the red blinking of the bomb was increasing in speed remains a mystery. However, the moment their minds finally clicked in took a bit too long.
Simultaneously, their blue and gold eyes met, and one would swear they saw a spark of green flash between them as alarm lit their eyes a split second before the bomb went off.
The next thing they knew, they were sprawled several yards from where they had just been crouching.
Having had his back to the corner, Link first hit the wall before ricocheting out into the air and finally landing on the center platform.
Ganondorf flew straight to the opposite corner of the room.
The two warriors were blinking red just as the bomb had been moments ago. Groaning in pain, they looked up just in time to see the life meters suspended over their heads go down half a heart.
Ouch.
They sat there and stared at each other while they waited for the blinking to stop. Ganondorf was glaring, Link was looking sheepish.
When their color finally stayed normal and the smoke cleared, the uncomfortable silence remained.
Link felt that he had to break it.
"So..." he began, "I'm guessing that... wasn't it either?"
"HARDLY!" Ganondorf snapped. He swiftly stood up and began dusting himself off. Link cautiously followed suit.
After adding a final dainty brush to his flaming orange hair, the Gerudo turned to him and said in an almost business-like manner:
"Where were we?"
Link blinked. He wasn't sure he was at all that comfortable standing in the same room with a psychopath.
Better keep him happy.
Taking an extreme amount of caution for fear of repeating his last mistake, he began drawing out another item...
"WAIT just a moment, please."
Link looked up to see Ganondorf with his back pressed against the wall, his eyes squinted as if prepared for a blow.
"Why don't you just list them for now... for safety precautions?"
The Hero of Time opened his mouth as if he had one-hundred things he could say but did not know which to say first, so he settled for a stifled, "Sure..."
He bit his lip as he mentally scanned his inventory for items that 'smelled'.
"Uh... hookshot?" he finally asked.
"Considering how many times you used it earlier, do you not think I would have smelt it before?"
"Oh, good point."
Link squinted in concentration.
"Ice arrows?"
Ganondorf rolled his eyes.
"Oh, of course ice had such a strong scent!"
"Hey, don't you mock me! It was as good as guess as any!"
"Well, pardon me for insulting such a wise sage as yourself!"
"What's that supposed to mean!"
"What it means is—"
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"
"DON'T make me POKE you!"
Link shut up.
Ganondorf inhaled deeply before speaking again. His tone was heavy with long-suffering.
"Would you please get on with it?" he begged. "My nostrils are dying to find out what that scent is!"
Link looked at him for a moment before tapping his chin in 'mock' thought.
"Okay, how about light arrows?" His tone was smug.
Ganondorf's face darkened menacingly.
"No."
Feeling slightly satisfied, the Hylian began listing things.
"Lens of Truth?"
"No."
"Deku nuts?"
"No."
"Ocarina of Time?"
"Hardly."
"Megaton Hammer?"
"Yes!"
Link was thrilled.
"Really?"
"No."
The feeling was lost.
As he stared down at his boots, a thought occurred to him. It said, "Hey! Why not?" So he decided to try it.
"I know exactly what I'm pulling out, " he assured Ganondorf as the King of Evil's eyes widened.
It actually took Link a moment to pull it out, considering his blonde hair kept falling in his face, but he finally managed to bring them about.
"Tah-dah!" he exclaimed triumphantly with a strained grin. "Of course these have a scent!"
And indeed they did, for the item was none other than a gleaming pair of iron boots, boots designed to weigh you down, thus the strain in Link's smile.
He let them drop, and a loud CLANG reverberated throughout the room.
Ganondorf failed to notice, though, he was so focused on those boots. His eyes were bright, and he appeared to be floating on air (literally) as he levitated across the chasm to Link.
"Could this be it?" the King of Evil wondered aloud. "Could this be what I've been smelling?"
In a movement almost too quick for Link to discern, Ganondorf snatched up the iron boots (he's quite strong) and shoved his stately nose inside of one. His shoulders heaved upward as he filled his lungs with whatever scent the boot provided.
Link was horrified when the Gerudo's face emerged from the depths of his sole.
Ganondorf's eyes were two huge, pulsing red hearts, and the expression of content on his face was so gooey, it was sickening.
"That's it!" Ganondorf boomed, "that's the scent I've been searching for! Oh, so many memories resurface! So many wonderful memories . . ."
He turned to Link, hugging the boots to his broad chest.
"Where did you find these?"
Link, eyes fully dilated, had been praying feverishly that he wouldn't notice him; Someone must hate him.
"Uh... um... I, uh... that is..."
"WHERE!"
"GAAH! In the ice cavern in the Zora's fountain!"
Ganondorf spun around so his back was to Link and gazed down dreamily at the iron boots.
"Ahhh... I remember putting them there for safe keeping so long ago. Then I got carried away with taking over Hyrule and forgot about them!" His lip began quivering. "Daddy's so sowwy for negwecting you!"
Link began backing away slowly.
"But now I have found you again!" the King of Evil continued, "and my joy is so great, I can hardly contain it!"
He whirled around at the retreating Hylian. "You must share my joy!"
He grabbed the unsuspecting Link by the collar and yanked him toward him, catching the Hero so completely by surprise that he naturally gasped as the iron boot was shoved in his face.
As you should know, a gasp is a sound made when one is breathing in quickly. In other words, Link took in the scent fully through both his nose and mouth.
A regretful move.
Ganondorf beamed down at him.
"See? Isn't it lovely? Aren't the most wonderful memories going through your head?"
His smile faded when he saw Link's shoulders stiffen.
And every time thereafter that Ganondorf lifted the iron boots to smell them, the image that had been forever branded into his memory of the Hero of Time throwing up, his profile silhouetted by the abyss, would pop up like unwanted Dodongo droppings.
The next moment found the two of them sitting on the edge of the platform, legs dangling and Ganondorf's feet delicately encased in his newly found iron boots, with Ganondorf patting a pale and shaking Link on the back.
The Gerudo was talking.
"Oh, how I've missed these boots! We went so many places together: the Haunted Wastelands, the Fortress, the Desert Colossus... I'd say Hyrule field, but then I rode a horse, so I suppose it doesn't count, now does it? Or does it? Well, no matter. Where have you been in them, Hero? Probably everywhere, considering all of the dungeons I left out there for you. You better not have gone anywhere dirty! I don't want my bootie wooties to have been scarred! Oh, they have such a lovely smell! Oh, so lovely a scent, just a magnificent scent—"
He jerked his legs away just as Link vomited again.
The Hero wiped his mouth and looked up at Ganondorf. Then he said with a groan: "Will you excuse me a second?"
There was a glint in his eye the King did not like.
Next thing he knew, Link had whipped out a bottle of strong-smelling red potion and was downing half the bottle.
That smell! That sme—
Ganondorf's cheeks filled and he was puking over the side.
Link dutifully started patting him on the back and picked up the pace.
"You know, once I was wounded so badly, I had to drink two bottles of red potion and two bottles of green potion. It's true! I didn't have any of that delightfully oozy, bubbly blue potion on me, so I had to do with the oozy, bubbly red and green instead. It was saddening. Anyways, it left the most interesting slimy feeling in my throat after drinking that much. And you know, it got me thinking: 'What color would the red and green make together? What would it taste like?' So I mixed the two together and got the most disgusting brownish—glurg!"
Ganondorf's hand closed around Link's throat before he even finished puking.
He reached down with his other hand and yanked off one of his iron boots.
Then, standing to his feet and dragging Link to his, he growled, "Smell this!" and shoved the boot under Link's nose just as Link gasped, "Smell this!" and shoved an open bottle of blue potion under Ganondorf's nose.
Both couldn't help thinking, 'Not again!' before scrambling away from each other to get to a side.
Neither one made it.