A Small Town in Colorado
by Rob Morris
( We see a poorly drawn Duncan entering a town with the initials 'SP' )
DM: Excuse me, Officer. I seek Kenny McCormick. Have you seen him?
Barbrady : Gee, that's a toughie...I'll have to get back to you on that one.
( In his police car is most of the McCormick family, minus Kenny; Barbrady drives off; stops down the road )
Barbrady : Hey, pal...are you following that other guy?
Joe D : Yeah, I'm his Watcher.
Barbrady : Oh, Yeah!? Well, mister, we don't put up with that sort of thing around here, unless we have to.
Joe : You have to.
Barbrady : Ok, then. ( Drives off )
( In his wanderings, DM runs into someone familiar )
DM : Methos, you followed me?
Methos : Yes, Macleod. Once again, I am here to save you from your own naiveté . You are the most naive person on Earth.
Kyle's Mom : I still say that I did moy Kyle a favor by deliberately infecting him with the mumps. Some mothers would allow their boys a healthy childhood, only to be ravaged later by disease and cartoons.
Mayor : Well, yes. We are seriously thinking about inviting Barbara Streisand back. Granted, she nearly destroyed our town. But then, heck, she IS that Funny Lady!
Mackey : Swords are baaadd. You shouldn't use swords, Mmkaayy? Cause swords cut people's heads off, and that's bad, MMkay?
Methos : Where the HELL are we, Macleod?
DM: We'll be gone soon enough. I'm seeking Kenny.
Meth : Its about time! And--why does this background look so cheesy?
Doctor Mephistopheles : Excuse me, Gentlemen. May I borrow massive amounts of your DNA?
DM : How much?
Doctor : Hmmm, we're probably talking just enough to destroy you forever.
DM : Um, no then.
Doc : Fine! Be that way!
( Up walks Jesus )
JC : Hiya, Methos.
Methos : Hey, Josh.
DM : I'm not even going to ask.
( Their wanderings continue )
Mister Garrison : Get those long, powerful, lustrous swords out of my classroom! Mr. Hat, should we call the Police?
Methos : I think not.
( Chops off Mr. Hat, then Mr. Garrison's head )
Mister Garrison : Don't you boys use this as an excuse to slack off in your homewo.........
Methos : I suppose you'll lecture me now, Macleod.
DM : Nope. Actually, I wanted to see him die.
Methos : Oh. Well, could you lecture me anyway? I've rather come to expect it.
DM : Er, maybe later.
Cartman : Are you two guys butt-buddies? Ah know em when ah see em!
Kyle : Yeah, Cartman's Mom is her own butt-buddy! Haaahhah
Cartman : Screw you guys! Hey, can I have one of your swords?
DM+Meth : No
Cartman : Well, then! I don't want your swords, anyhow! I'll just use inverse psychotics til you give them to me.
Stan : Cartman, do you mean Reverse Psychology?
Cartman : That's what I just said, dumbass!
Stan : No way, lardass! You said inverse psychotics.
Cartman : AH didn't say it--YEW just did, cause you're so stupid! Yew guys are so ignorant, I do't know why I put up with yew.
( Just then, Kenny enters--and so does Kenny )
Imm-Kenny : So, you found me, Macleod. Ah, but which Kenny is which?
Kenny-M : I'm th eal un!
Imm-K : No--I am. Choose, Macleod!
Stan : Dude! Which Kenny is our Kenny?
Kyle : Dude! I--I just can't tell!
Cartman : It ees jus like looking at a mirror reflected back at another mirror!
( Methos grabs Kenny-M, and Mac slices at Imm-Kenny---to no effect! )
Imm-Kenny : I don't know how you saw through my disguise, Macleod---but I wield the Methuselah Stone! With it, I am Invincible!
Methos : But that shattered!
Imm-Kenny : It ducked.
Kenny-M : but I can negate ur powr!
( Kenny-M punches Imm-Kenny in the stomach; The Crystal goes flying, and lands in Kenny's mouth; He dies from swallowing it, then comes back )
Kenny-M : kick ss, ude!
Methos : Now, no matter what, that boy will never die a permanent death. Damned shame about my girlfriend, though.
Imm-Kenny : Nooo!!! And I never even had a chance to kill the McCormicks!
Kyle : Dude! Why would you want to kill Kenny's parents?
Imm-Kenny : They're Immortals--I felt the buzz.
Cartman : Ha-Ha! Yew are sooo stoopid! That buzz came from the power lines in their living room!
DM : Its all the Buzz, Kenny.
( Lowers sword, takes him )
Kyle : Oh, My God!
Stan : He killed Kenny!
Cartman : Kick-Ass!!
( They stare at him )
Cartman : Siiggh. Yew Bastards.
( DM and Methos leave )
Kyle : Hey, what did those dudes say about Kenny and death?
Cartman : Since it was about Kenny, ah wasn't paying attention.
Stan : Doesn't matter, anyway. The lightning from that other Kenny fried ours. Oh, well. Lets go eat dinner.
( Kenny M revives, no one notices, ad infinitum )
DM : Am I ever glad to be out of that town.
Methos : You said it. Say-where are we headed next?
DM : Someplace safe. Just a little town called Springfield.
( They hit a bump in the road, and hit their heads against the roof )
DM+Meth : D'Oh!!