She laughed. She laughed the small, short, melancholy laugh of someone who is resigned to the ridiculous. She couldn't help it, it just happened, and now, she supposed, she had either to be honest or to try and think of lie to save herself the trouble. But she was exhausted with trying to save face "Of course it is. You won't love me, and I won't leave you." They both knew that she didn't stay only for him, but they both knew that if she left, he would be the hardest person for her to say goodbye to, she was sure that on some level that his humility refused to openly acknowledge that he knew that. She looked at his sad, handsome eyes, wondering how he would react.
"I do love you." He said, finally "I didn't say it before. I didn't say it that night in your sitting room, but I meant to."
She felt the hot sting of tears behind her eyes, and felt suddenly angry with him. "What's the point of saying it now?"
It seemed she'd opened the flood gates.
"I've wanted to say it to you more times than I can recall, but the truth is that I am a coward, Elsie." He opened and closed his mouth, looking lost, searching for words. "You see, the family, they need me. You don't. You don't need me."
She opened her mouth to say something but she found herself unable to put her frustration with his "reason" into words, and closed it again. In her silence he continued trying to explain himself. "What can I ever be to you?"
She felt so exhausted with his doubt and his riddles. "What do you mean?"
"I'm a butler" he stressed the word "my work has no value outside of the family I serve. They need me, I have something to give to them, but you… What can I ever give to you? What have you ever needed from another person? How can I possibly be of any value to you?"
She could hardly decide if she wanted more to slap him across the face or to kiss him. Was that all? Was that really all? Had he kept her in agony all these years because he could see no material value in what he had to give her? She was so relieved. She was so annoyed. She would actually have to spell it out for him. How could he be so wonderful and so very stupid at the same time? "Freedom" was the word that leapt to the forefront of her mind "from this binding loneliness that I feel living so close to you every day, but always being kept at arm's length." She watched the words sink in before she continued with a lighter tone "and a kiss once in a while wouldn't go amiss".